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lazercats @lzzcat On a boat

whomp whomp

356 Following   855 Followers   35,631 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/14/09

@CocoDavies Yeah I gave each like less than $5 and it’s nonstops email and texts like calm down @CocoDavies They’re all so bad. I’ve unsubbed from Bernie, Warren and yang
snape: how will we protect the stone dumbledore: obstacles that only a powerful wizard could beat snape: so like…
Retweeted by lazercats
Retweeted by lazercatsICYMI: we just uploaded THE PEOPLE’S PHILADELPHIA COOKBOOK (1976), made in cooperation with the Black Panther Party…
Retweeted by lazercats @Denver_dan Er, may. @Denver_dan I’m going to get like fifty shipments of baby yoda toys that I’ve preordered in March @Jason_Bower You gotta eat!!!!I’m really glad that no matter what time of day I’m supposed to be ready by I always give myself an hour to just li… @TheeAnnaMaria I love you @bivocado I don’t like ten people that much. @bivocado This tracks @CocoDavies That’s not 12!
I just offered up Esperanto as a solution to one of our language problems and only one person knew what Esperanto i… you’ve got eight sisters, why on earth would you ever have TWELVE bridesmaidsI also introduced every one of my coworkers that I’m on this trip with to Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell by Da… @Deeebluhd Why is guns bleeped I have so many questionsI drank too much rum, reread this tweet, and couldn’t remember if Phantom Planet was a real band or a figment of my imaginationEvery time I land in California I get Phantom Planet stick in my head for at least a couple days
When I am supreme overlord it will be illegal to stand on airport escalators and if you do, you will be sucked into… @bugfrog You and Jason have this in common! @TheeAnnaMaria At least when it comes to this lolol @TheeAnnaMaria You never doI think I’m allergic to living and would like to just @giraffesnax TrueI just got hives on my face from taking a shower so catch me looking like this by like next week @Denver_dan Hahaha if there are 8750 hours in a year and I spent 16 of them drunk, i guess it’s more like *technically* 99.81% for me hahahProbably cause all I want to do is sleep and eat. was a lot easier to handle a full-time job, school full-time , and partying like a maniac when I was 21 and abso…
@Deeebluhd who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom or who don’t vaccinate their kids freaking out that they… just think that prudence- #CAOS3
Retweeted by lazercats @Deeebluhd It is, especially in a chi-chiPeanut butter whiskey doesn’t even taste like whiskey???Hi my name is Lizzie and I am addicted to Cheetos Puffcorn, and I blame this solely on @beatrice21 @JackiNicole Yeah I ordered a sink drain cleaning kit and was like “someone would be so upset if they went through…
@JackiNicole All the time.I need y’all to promise me that if I ever start actually posting on LinkedIn that you’ll put me out of my misery, quick.No but I can try $lzcata @Denver_dan @CocoDavies I got yelled at and called a dumb bitch for crossing a street like a month ago. @robofear It’s the implicationI made this soup with the beyond meat hot Italian sausages and it was the best thing I’ve eaten all year so far
@inthewhale Who @Greeblehaus @itsmaddiecasey @ogdentheatre The more I hear about this the grosser it is. I’m so eternally sorryOroornoko, in case you are unfamiliar, was written by a white English lady in what is supposedly English, early 200… internet posts from like 2002-2007 must feel to younger people like I felt when I was in my 17th century l… am on some people I have never met’s close friend lists on Instagram for whatever reason (pretty sure just to mak… @giraffesnax THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME @CocoDavies For your viewing pleasure: then I messaged him on AIM to say that the demos were 🔥, and I still have the demos on a mix cd in my car if yo… I’m down a livejournal memory hole I’m AGAIN reminded of the fact that Ryan Ross used to post in the tightpan… @sosarasaid It’s so old I can’t even find a screenshot that works but it was a screenshot of an email Rich Cronin s… @sosarasaid Hahah it was a reference to a letter a now deceased member of LFO wrote where he said things like “it’s just a fact” @chanceftw That is also fairI don’t think anyone truly gives any thought to how badass the word “windbreaker” is for some reason. @Greeblehaus What in the fuck is wrong with this personIconic. @sosarasaid I do! HahahahahaIn case you’re wondering what it’s like to be me (you’re not) I tried to reference something that happened in a li… @TheeAnnaMaria Come to MEEEE @keianicakes It just sticking straight out at this point bahaha hopefully in a month I can just tie it up!Very annoyed at my miniature mullet rnI’m at the Alamo Drafthouse Top Brass celebration, aka a collection of all the people who see way too many movies…
My life motto should be: “this could’ve been simple but you decided to clusterfuckerize it instead”I don’t know why whenever I find something completely boring my solution is just to turn it into an overwhelming dumpster fire instead. @GovofColorado I always say this and just had this conversation with @chanceftw . MySpace didn’t teach you to code… best part about not having one is that people intentionally invite me to things. I’m sure I miss out on a bunch… deactivated my Facebook in March last year and have logged in/deactivated occasionally to make sure I wasn’t miss… @ADDcrafter Someone once told me I just shouldn’t have hair and after thinking about it I was like “you know, you’re probably right”There’s something wrong with my brain, I wear my hair up every single day because I hate it being in my face and ye… @ProfessorPeyton I cried at the trailer so I hope she’s heavily invested in tissuesVery excited to watch this with @TheeAnnaMaria in a little over a week ya hear don’t know if I am ready spiritually or emotionally for Hayley Williams solo music but I suppose I have no choice
Retweeted by lazercatsAs an autodidact, the format of the class I’m attending where you do the learning work outside class and then use… @sosarasaid Cover me in bread dough @JinDenver A track, I believeBury me in risotto
There is a difference between being assertive when standing up for yourself and being an asshole who just wants to… @wyinjody I’m trying to not eat ten of them, that’s the issue.I made it 10:38 before stress eating it out of frustration at something I think that’s pretty good.Practicing delayed gratification with this jelly donut on my desk. I’ve made it an hour, I’m trying to make it anot… @clawdaddy666 Yes. Haha.I just heard about #brighteyes2020 and I’m 15 and sobbing in my basement alone again.Forget the 1920s or 1950s, the only time period I yearn for is 2710, so I can finally escape all other people in wh…
My internal monologue: ohhhh I shouldn’t spend $10 on lunch today, that seems like a lot. Also my internal monologu… tweets in my draft folder like 74th birthday to the GOAT.
Retweeted by lazercatsJust buy a fake butt and be like “yeah I bought my butt it’s cool”Eat what makes you feel good, move around sometimes, don’t buy a fake butt and say you got it doing squats. @beatrice21 @spaceruben I haven’t. Adding it to my listI hate “fitness” Instagramalso instant pot aficionados are a subculture do not @ meIn conclusion, my boss is awesome and I am now some sort of subculture expert to her.Weathering with You made me cry, and when I told my boss I was seeing it she made me explain what a weeb was to her…
@ProfessorPeyton I get all excited when they say they have fits for everyone and then they don’t carry my size. Haha
“Self-selecting stable geniuses” is really my new favorite insult and describes so many people holy shit @TheeAnnaMaria What’s the frequency, Kenneth?