Sign in with Twitter

Username:

Matt Starr @matthewsstarr New York City

My hands are wet because I just washed them. @aboveaverage @ucbtny @caveatnyc

1,017 Following   3,654 Followers   5,140 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/29/08


Is your New Year's Resolution to write a pilot? Take my class at @thepitnyc! Start off 2019 by writing that TV show… https://t.co/5Elz7we1Kn
1/17
2019
@CTScienceCenter I'm bringing my nerdy science-comedy show to @SeaTeaImprov this Saturday! I hope to see you there! https://t.co/cgZbd6NRykHere's the link to the workshop: https://t.co/RlfoPYu4Wl @ScienceMarchCT I'm bringing my nerdy science-comedy show to @SeaTeaImprov this Saturday! https://t.co/cgZbd6NRyk. I hope to see you there! @CTImprov I'm teaching a workshop this weekend at @SeaTeaImprov on making game easy. You'll leave with a bunch of d… https://t.co/sRlD94AgLWVery excited to bring my show Dark Matter to @SeaTeaImprov this Saturday! If you're a nerd in Hartford, CT come che… https://t.co/wcAFelROY4
1/9
2018
@chelseabfrei This is too real.
12/26
2018
This Kay Jewelers commercial absolutely does not work if your TV is on mute. https://t.co/qKSjvn1JoS
Retweeted by Matt Starr @DanSpenser Nah that’s different. More like this? https://t.co/vTQ1QFsy8C @DanSpenser I love this ghost buddy comedy you're pitching. Can we write this?
12/7
2018
Shout-out to @DanSpenser who I feel like might be the entire audience for this.I think @peta was more reasonable with their first draft: https://t.co/wng8vybbshCome to @caveatnyc to watch @alex3nglish, @markvigeant, and @holisox/@mrsdowjones take a Sex Ed class! Me and… https://t.co/fUjSNIQY7G
12/5
2018
SEX ED UNTEACHABLES TOMORROW NIGHT. Come watch me learn the stuff my public school didn’t want me to know. https://t.co/Gt6qaWo00X
12/4
2018
Frank, Kelso, and Nora are maybe the best people in the entire world. If they aren't the best, they are definitely… https://t.co/tJquzbbdR2
11/9
2018
TOMORROW 6:30pm | Phobias can make you anxious, sweaty and jumpy - so do I have an election phobia? @matthewsstarrhttps://t.co/v5KB7h0tu8
Retweeted by Matt Starr
11/6
2018
No excuse not to get there. #VoteBlue #SaturdayMorning https://t.co/xcwNiq997V
Retweeted by Matt Starr
11/3
2018
If you want your show to be at an awesome place, do it @caveatnyc. If you want the audience to have a wonderful t… https://t.co/5CgNStu3Qx
10/26
2018
Tonight is the night! Dark Matter, the show about space and relationships, comes home to @caveatnyc. Feat.… https://t.co/k6YaexFF1K
10/25
2018
I highly recommend this show for any folks interested in combining #scicomm and comedy. Astrophysics, astronomy and… https://t.co/IzSKNMPnFh
Retweeted by Matt StarrThis is a real-life picture of me getting stuff for the show tomorrow. Dark Matter is 10.25 @caveatnyc! Feat.… https://t.co/ZtFEDj8TS0
10/24
2018
Go see this show! It will be very fun! https://t.co/klv1O8CzXnME: 19 years ago today “Smooth” by Santana ft. Rob Thomas was number 1 on the charts. THERAPIST: I asked, “When w… https://t.co/bEbieNgasX
10/23
2018
Hi! I helped put together this show on Thursday at @caveatnyc! Come see @alexenglish, @joshgondelman and then… https://t.co/A98TdIFgSb
Retweeted by Matt StarrTHURSDAY 6:30PM | @alex3nglish hosts DARK MATTER, the show where @matthewsstarr looks at the universe and wonders ‘… https://t.co/Y52z30oYW3
Retweeted by Matt Starr
10/22
2018
[PSYCHING MYSELF UP IN MIRROR] ME: You aren’t going to be awkward today. MIRROR ME: Are you talking to...me...or… https://t.co/2UspsicotL
10/19
2018
One week from today, Dark Matter returns to @caveatnyc! This show questions our significance in the universe and wh… https://t.co/b7hQ1NCq64
10/18
2018
@TheMarkDowling I honestly would be floored if this was my legacy. Absolutely floored. @semironic I’ve been doing improv for 12 years. Trust me. It is impossible to do improv with a manner of supreme coolness. @semironic And then when they say yes, do you say, “are they cheap?”When you’re at a bar, what’s the cool way to ask, “what’s cheap?”Have you ever looked at the universe and wondered, "How can I make this about me?" Then @matthewsstarr 's Dark Matt… https://t.co/bH5v6VNU0N
Retweeted by Matt Starr
10/17
2018
When you bring a fan club to @caveatnyc and they play You Bingo #Unteachables https://t.co/fPRW1Tj9Z9
Retweeted by Matt Starr
10/4
2018
Action is definitely needed. https://t.co/cgv0iElR83
10/3
2018
Headed to Comic Con? Pregame w/ us on Oct 3 at Unteachables: Movie Magic 101! VFX artist @ncrist faces professional… https://t.co/eU3U7dKZRs
Retweeted by Matt Starr
10/2
2018
Tonight at PHIT: Oculum, Improvised Seinfeld, and Dark Matter! https://t.co/CVewz42Lnv https://t.co/ROSTlSboHw
Retweeted by Matt Starr
9/29
2018
Hey Philadelphia! Bringing Dark Matter to @phitcomedy tomorrow night! This is a show about true love and hypothetic… https://t.co/bHRE28bLyW
9/28
2018
THIS IS GOING TO BE DECIDED TONIGHT. If you ever wanted to call a Senator but were too scared, now is the time. Eve… https://t.co/6JK5hCYPLR
Retweeted by Matt Starr
9/27
2018
This week! We welcome Dark Matter: A Comedy Show by @matthewstarr https://t.co/oTFhpBOaqm
Retweeted by Matt Starr
9/25
2018
@DanSpenser Uhhhhh check please! @DanSpenser I have called "Avocados" "Abocabos" every single time since the two kids in a coat sketch. We are all Nostalgic Boy.
9/24
2018
NEW CLASS ALERT: @matthewsstarr will sit you down and get you to (finally) finish your pilot! Learn more: https://t.co/ukkCGS3s6l
Retweeted by Matt Starr
9/12
2018
We still have a few spots available for the @matthewsstarr workshop this Thursday! You don't want to miss this or h… https://t.co/oMtFJtBcth
Retweeted by Matt Starr
9/11
2018
TONIGHT 7PM | Can @rznagle teach a class full of clowns about trash? Find out at Unteachables! Hosted by… https://t.co/3f4rWfoUMr
Retweeted by Matt StarrSo excited for Trash Class tonight at Caveat! Don’t miss it! https://t.co/vwj1dU5mQf
9/5
2018
Live with Cory! #livewithcory https://t.co/OLmuS0dZNKDon’t miss Unteachables: Trash Class on 9/6 at 6:30pm @caveatnyc! @rznagle is NYC Dept of Sanitation’s anthropologi… https://t.co/o4saFWbTxS
8/30
2018
SEPTEMBER 5th 7PM | Can anthropologist and trash expert @rznagle teach @matthewsstarr, @nutellacartel and their cla… https://t.co/2n26S5RHS2
Retweeted by Matt Starr
8/29
2018
RECIPE FOR PLAYING AN ACOUSTIC COVER: STEP 1: Pick a song everyone loves. STEP 2: Ruin it.
8/21
2018
@DanSpenser Dan has thought more about big batteries than I ever thought possible. This book made me appreciate big… https://t.co/Rhj0F5SL47
8/19
2018
FRIDAY- Two straights— one Queen. @CarmChristopher and @matthewsstarr face off with lifelines @DewaynePerkins and… https://t.co/QpUdUhg5Iy
Retweeted by Matt Starr
8/15
2018
ME, OUTSIDE STARBUCKS BATHROOM: What is taking this guy so long??? ME, INSIDE STARBUCKS BATHROOM: I live here now.
8/8
2018
@chelseaclarke @bradyocallahan @BrandonJGardner @cartoonsbyhil @LizNoth Would never have gotten this. Ever.
8/4
2018
Obviously excited to be performing in Columbus but ALSO THAT YOU'RE COMING TO THE SHOW! https://t.co/OjB4xIZsUD
8/3
2018
You: How’s your morning? Me: https://t.co/tThLjkABNmCan’t wait to be “Buys candy at the movie theatre and not the CVS” rich.
7/26
2018
[Goes out on balcony. Looks at the moon] Some day, I’ll be dropped off first in an Uber Pool...some day.
7/20
2018
Find out the origins of the ANCIENT rivalry between Michigan/Ohio State with hosts @jeterpohnston and @_Villafiedhttps://t.co/SEK1jq4k0v
Retweeted by Matt Starr
7/14
2018
Quick Dish NY: It's Teachers Vs Comedians at The UNTEACHABLES 6.23 @caveatnyc hosted by @matthewsstarr &… https://t.co/vVw4RSJ9Fz
Retweeted by Matt Starr
6/13
2018
TONIGHT 9pm | Don't miss @matthewsstarr's new comedy special Dark Matter - A show for anyone who looks at 80% of in… https://t.co/zTq0BBqF6o
Retweeted by Matt Starr
6/7
2018
Unteachables returns tomorrow, 7pm. Teacher: @analog_ashley Class clowns: #MikeBrown @CaseyJost @AshleyBRoberts Hos… https://t.co/cMK4T9aXEI
Retweeted by Matt Starr
5/25
2018
@QuadrupleOT Hmmmm, I am very torn about this trailer. But yeah, I'm always down for beer pong.
3/23
2018
I got to tell some embarrassing sports stories on this podcast! Check it out! Thanks for having me @QuadrupleOT! https://t.co/2SLAiQY8tu
3/16
2018
Tomorrow 6:30pm | How much can we teach comedians about proteins in one night? Come find out at Raise Your Hand - w… https://t.co/3Qc7AmKDBs
Retweeted by Matt Starr
3/9
2018
This show will be so fun! https://t.co/36tN2Tc7of
3/5
2018
@spotastic @nguersh @ohhijackie @jamesbdwyer Very clever! Hey @blueapron, @spotastic has some menu recommendations!Omg Arya got jacked! #bigarya #fogta #gotspoilers @nguersh @ohhijackie @jamesbdwyer⚡️ “People Are Tweeting About The Trailer for "From One Guy To Another"” https://t.co/51N0G0cH9s
Retweeted by Matt Starr#FOGTA is lit as hell. @jamesbdwyer @ohhijackie very daaaaaamn Daniel.
2/20
2018
TONIGHT 6:30pm | We're going back to Comp Sci class for Raise Your Hand. With @Justsydnyc @aparnapkin @MJCkaynehttps://t.co/RwdCAg0ftR
Retweeted by Matt Starr#NYCStandups @aparnapkin, @MJCKayne & @Justsydnyc are schooled in #ComputerScience by @Columbia professor… https://t.co/fMl9enbu0q
Retweeted by Matt Starr
2/17
2018
TOMORROW 7PM | Raise Your Hand: Astronomy with @GoAstroMo @nsilverberg @CarmChristopher @marybethbarone. Hosted by… https://t.co/9LHihHiJ6l
Retweeted by Matt Starr
1/22
2018
@GoAstroMo @caveatnyc @nsilverberg @CarmChristopher @PileOfTears @nutellacartel I’m sure @caveatnyc meant Anatomy..… https://t.co/lcto3dDcyx
1/21
2018
Growing up raised by TV, I'm very disappointed in my lack of friends named Dawson and Pacey.
1/16
2018
It’s 61 degrees in January. Anyone who uses the, “it’s cold so global warming isn’t real” argument, you’re freaking… https://t.co/2ChYhtvZ8y
1/12
2017
Everybody better be there with their #FINSUP! https://t.co/rQuRCWGHa3
12/29
2017
@SpikeMal I’m drunk on democracy. Alabama should start democracy at QB.I’ve changed my mind. Alabama now deserves to win the college football playoff.
12/13
2017
[WASHINGTON DC] MUELLER: Never have I ever lied under oath. [SESSIONS lowers a finger.] MUELLER: Works every time.
11/15
2017
[DINNER PARTY] ME: I'm feeling confident. YOU: We need you to cook this raw chicken. ME: I'm going to kill us all.
11/14
2017
@brian_faas @TheJohnMurray @PokerCentral Lesson learned. It’s hard to find out like this but I️ will work harder to #sharethehair. @brian_faas @PokerCentral @TheJohnMurray Wow, this feels like a very personal character assassination. @TheJohnMurray, we cool?
11/10
2017
SAT (late) | 🤓+🍻+📈= Crabhands! w/@Andy_Bustillo @matthewsstarr Tix: https://t.co/ECVd2mkHmf https://t.co/z07PrNr1yO
Retweeted by Matt StarrThe only certainties in life are death, taxes, and that I'm going to try to answer a trivia question if one presents itself.
11/8
2017
@dominicknero Not before covering the bag with a kerchief though. Yes, that makes sense.ETIQUETTE QUESTION: After eating Doritos, a gentleman licks his fingers thumb-to-pinky or the inverse?[Law And Order Spec Script] COP: The victims have been named Monica, Erica, Rita, & Tina. What's the pattern? DET: Get me Lou Bega.
10/11
2017
A St. Bernard set the world record for longest tongue for a dog. "He's very talented," said his butthole.
10/6
2017
Hi, text RESIST to 504-09 and it'll set you up to fax your reps and urge them to oppose the SHARE Act. It's easy! We can do this!
Retweeted by Matt Starr.@SenatorLankford took $11K+ from @NRA. He'll send thoughts, but won't vote to reduce gun violence Urge him to… https://t.co/kwgEqRmyb2
Retweeted by Matt Starr.@SenTomCotton got $1,968,714 from @NRA. He'll do #thoughtsandprayers. Won't act to prevent gun violence Urge him… https://t.co/LbV4lJQ43O
Retweeted by Matt Starr.@SenatorEnzi took in $17,900 from @NRA. So he'll tweet about gun violence, but wont *act* to reduce it Urge him… https://t.co/ifnMADsIhB
Retweeted by Matt Starr
10/2
2017
IT is the story of an evil figure preying on the weakest in our society while a group of straight white men say "Let me enjoy my summer."
9/9
2017
HEARTBREAKING! My parents told me Old Taylor was living on a farm upstate.
8/25
2017
@AlisonLeiby Oof. This image is going to stick with me for a while.This is how an elected official should use Twitter. https://t.co/H6h5Y9sNUCSteve Bannon for sure is going to chant "You cannot replace me" into some Hardee's tonight.Thanks liquor store playing "Friend Like Me" from Aladdin, you get me.
8/18
2017
Heroes. These students were surrounded by torch-bearing neo-Nazis, beaten, & unhelped by the police on scene.… https://t.co/5cmrePdNBl
Retweeted by Matt Starr
8/12
2017
GENTRIFY @Ucbtny EAST VILLAGE TONIGHT 10:30 Tix: https://t.co/Mr5lQfzYpo TASTE THE RAINBOW https://t.co/Se8hcUN5vo
Retweeted by Matt Starr
8/11
2017

0