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Please please buy my books so we can buy this haunted clown motel. IG: https://t.co/t3TOu0RECm She/her/the presence in the air vents.

1,586 Following   150,192 Followers   137,802 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/14/08


@dansinker @danarkans 100% yes @Foywonder @maureenjohnson Maureen, I sent this to you because of obvious reasons. But what I still don’t understan… https://t.co/6YdOvRZPJq
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonOnce upon a time children would wake up early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons. One such toon from 1984 was T… https://t.co/nF5ZuPbJYo
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @haszombiesinit @wigu kelllyyyyyy be safeeeee
8/3
2020
As my friend @dansinker says over and over: if people on sports teams are testing positive, with the amount of mone… https://t.co/eEKGQhTsD0Curb your activities and wear a mask. Save someone else's loved one. Save your own. https://t.co/6RbYt1xvSy @daveanthony if it makes you feel any better, a lot of us are listening. you aren't screaming into the void. @daveanthony you only get more correct as time goes on @PaulaSimone bigby my fren @nicolacoughlan They are served with apple sauce and sour cream and the combination is magic. @nicolacoughlan Your love of potatoes is so pure. @RosiannaRojas Rosi it is so hot in NYC I die @nicolacoughlan They are spectacular. When you come to NYC I can show you where to eat them.Ah, August. The grossest month.On the drive home from Mass on Thursday, we got stuck in a storm for a while. I had to stop for the restroom. I wen… https://t.co/FcJYS0dcFhKat just updated with: "20 now. And I just found out that mother will likely soon join that number. I am sad, confu… https://t.co/S7w6FVu8md @kittenwithawhip oh kat. I am so sorry.https://t.co/3kZzSNw8iY
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @dftbaDarling https://t.co/YrlCIaNP8ZJoin us. We're real stupid. https://t.co/kgbQfzduuv @kebert2thumbsup omfgIt's another Sunday in quarantine so @maureenjohnson and I have a special episode for our Patreon supporters. This… https://t.co/hTDGWrmttv
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonThis is heartbreaking and enraging and incredible -- https://t.co/LrJoa3KMPN
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @PolarBearSarah Do you know he isn’t?This might actually be Nickelback. https://t.co/eyWQIgpmsJWe Johnsons are a rough bunch. https://t.co/ZDyAhkBxRA @robinwasserman https://t.co/eqd8MD182y
8/2
2020
Many parents rely on schools to feed their kids. Without a full belly, learning is nearly impossible. Watch… https://t.co/OhvmbU2dsI
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonI feel like we are two tweets away from Trump claiming he invented the question mark. @angiecthomas https://t.co/ymybGxUHeO @ParkerMolloy omfg tater totIncredibly weird fact: my father knew this guy well. They were in the same Marine unit. We went to the tower when I… https://t.co/aFwVcTjn5N @robinwasserman It just is, Robin. *creeps back into rocks* @Kristen_Arnett You would marry that woman I bet. @Kristen_Arnett Kristen one time in college I was tossed out of a party during a police raid and I met a girl with… https://t.co/oLIxu7UNEuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh https://t.co/UN3vdPKGWh @YoungIskander *slips Alexander an envelope of mixed currency*It’s August? https://t.co/HYZ6BUdQC9Stay tuned for my new country and Western song entitled Homewrecker about the legendary suburban household destroyer the Kool-Aid Guy.
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonI can’t quite get over how gorgeous and perfect @billieeilish’s quarantine song and video are. https://t.co/g52XMfIbs9ME: *accidentally eats a piece of raw garlic* ME: garlic tastes like blood MY BRAIN: blood/garlic √a f (x) ∑ π (c,… https://t.co/iDzPqb3WYL
8/1
2020
Jalen looking sharp in one of our exclusive new #ReadWriteResist masks. They're available now in-store or online:… https://t.co/ghlLtUbNEX
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson
7/31
2020
Returning to NYC https://t.co/Nf8ZAzWmEaGenuinely clutches my heart when u saw Kate Bush trending. Happy birthday, Lionheart. https://t.co/2XTPPKXxvW @TunafishTiger @sarahreesbrenna https://t.co/93mi6Isy3eWhoa. He literally paid for going to that Trump rally with his life. My god. https://t.co/58zO4lPCFh @Tim_Batt @guy_mont *hands apple box*
7/30
2020
@sarahw oh no @dansinker oh no @TunafishTiger how did you knowIt's true. https://t.co/1wOnUM2hLY @jessie__bond @sayswhopodcast omfgThere's just a point in this episode where @maureenjohnson and I just keep yelling "BALLS" back and forth. So thing… https://t.co/nPbMreX1H3
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @tentaclemade @sayswhopodcast I love him.So we're disappearing people in NYC as well? Good to know. https://t.co/4HWPc1aETL
7/29
2020
@cassieclare *drills*My son's Elementary School's reopening plan has a clause about how they'll manage social distancing in the event of… https://t.co/3QxezpAIUF
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonYour occasional reminder that these are the men who created pop culture's most enduring and influential texts and w… https://t.co/eGWFroc4NL
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonWhat if I never leave @cassieclare's barn? What if I become a permanent Barn Weirdo and live in the eaves?IT'S ON THE LIST. https://t.co/CcvYdeFfyK @drunkhistory you magnificent bastards. well deserved!Swimming in a pond, walking in the woods, letting the pup roll and run in the dirt, buying food out the back of the… https://t.co/OmW76c6SHFThe three little words that thrill me most: house made sauerkraut.Going to be hard pressed to return to New York City after this socially isolated break in the woods. https://t.co/VVZUyOItlk @SarahKeelerB Where is this tell mrHow do I New York after this? https://t.co/oFGhC7Qmnj
7/28
2020
Regular reminder that if Kindle Unlimited is a thing you have, you can get yourself TRULY DEVIOUS for free now. It… https://t.co/Ba2RQZrtCzWhat a travesty. I mean, no surprise, it’s just so shameful. https://t.co/xsIkGQAIZ3Are there places in the US with indoor dining right now?Summer 2020 looks. https://t.co/9AZ0dgZGod @MarkGags @KenPlume okay now this one https://t.co/SWdzynhLRV @MarkGags @KenPlume nailed itNew York Times staff members put their heads together with disability advocates to recommend movies, books, TV show… https://t.co/jyV4zoJJkj
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @MarkGags @KenPlume come on buddy you can do itThe sight of my dog sleeping contently outside on a porch makes me so happy. This is not something she's ever exper… https://t.co/Vz18HB242A @MarkGags @KenPlume what's this one https://t.co/Xsk2WO4NxK @sarahw is there a THING this morning?I can't explain what this sitting outside in the morning thing has done for my mental health. Or the walking in the… https://t.co/CgE3A9Fa7a
7/27
2020
@jarry he flattI contributed to Shane's fund and he sent me this photo of half a dozen blowers going into service tonight, fuck ye… https://t.co/TStru6Mjag
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonIncredible image: John Lewis crossing the bridge in Selma, where he nearly died marching for voting rights 55 years… https://t.co/GdTSuZaUln
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @junodawson https://t.co/buLMZmGVYQ"What if we did a bonus episode every week of quarantine?" I said to @maureenjohnson back in March when it seemed l… https://t.co/QUJrbr8XP1
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @MukkavilliSubr1 Stevie’s timeline is in the present day.
7/26
2020
Just walked Dexy down a soft wooded path past a stream. Nature...have you heard about it? IT'S SOOTHING. @TunafishTiger @RobynHitchcock I've already bid. @RobynHitchcock I couldn't click fast enough.And today, I guess, is the day that JKR merged TERFdom and some kind of anti-vaxx mentality into the disgusting slu… https://t.co/F9XIMFGtQE @jpbrammer @ChrisDStedman I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️If Kindle Unlimited is a thing you have, Truly Devious remains FREE TO READ there. And it's always FREE at the libr… https://t.co/iPes4jh2pyTHANK YOU, TRAVIS. https://t.co/P7hxEwnmvM @T_LaRue THEY ARE THE SAME!
7/25
2020
No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonShouty cocaine man makes a good point. Children stink and deserve to die https://t.co/eeftkzRTX1
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonWhen you find a good spot to nap: https://t.co/12Eats4AQl @TerriIrwin Irwin love is strong and wide enough to wrap around the earth.*stumbles in* https://t.co/0PSSrdxvPDTHERE IS NOTHING TO FORGIVE THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME INT YOUR EARHOLES. https://t.co/Uy510awNUZWhat I've seen here in Amherst has been really impressive. This town is NOT PLAYING AROUND with Covid. Measures are… https://t.co/s3RBpDQbwqTONIGHT! https://t.co/6CDm2MCqXD
7/24
2020

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