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Please please buy my books so we can buy this haunted clown motel. IG: She/her/the presence in the air vents.

1,586 Following   150,192 Followers   137,802 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/14/08

@dansinker @danarkans 100% yes @Foywonder @maureenjohnson Maureen, I sent this to you because of obvious reasons. But what I still don’t understan…
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonOnce upon a time children would wake up early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons. One such toon from 1984 was T…
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @haszombiesinit @wigu kelllyyyyyy be safeeeee
As my friend @dansinker says over and over: if people on sports teams are testing positive, with the amount of mone… your activities and wear a mask. Save someone else's loved one. Save your own. @daveanthony if it makes you feel any better, a lot of us are listening. you aren't screaming into the void. @daveanthony you only get more correct as time goes on @PaulaSimone bigby my fren @nicolacoughlan They are served with apple sauce and sour cream and the combination is magic. @nicolacoughlan Your love of potatoes is so pure. @RosiannaRojas Rosi it is so hot in NYC I die @nicolacoughlan They are spectacular. When you come to NYC I can show you where to eat them.Ah, August. The grossest month.On the drive home from Mass on Thursday, we got stuck in a storm for a while. I had to stop for the restroom. I wen… just updated with: "20 now. And I just found out that mother will likely soon join that number. I am sad, confu… @kittenwithawhip oh kat. I am so sorry.
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @dftbaDarling us. We're real stupid. @kebert2thumbsup omfgIt's another Sunday in quarantine so @maureenjohnson and I have a special episode for our Patreon supporters. This…
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonThis is heartbreaking and enraging and incredible --
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @PolarBearSarah Do you know he isn’t?This might actually be Nickelback. Johnsons are a rough bunch. @robinwasserman
Many parents rely on schools to feed their kids. Without a full belly, learning is nearly impossible. Watch…
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonI feel like we are two tweets away from Trump claiming he invented the question mark. @angiecthomas @ParkerMolloy omfg tater totIncredibly weird fact: my father knew this guy well. They were in the same Marine unit. We went to the tower when I… @robinwasserman It just is, Robin. *creeps back into rocks* @Kristen_Arnett You would marry that woman I bet. @Kristen_Arnett Kristen one time in college I was tossed out of a party during a police raid and I met a girl with… oh @YoungIskander *slips Alexander an envelope of mixed currency*It’s August? tuned for my new country and Western song entitled Homewrecker about the legendary suburban household destroyer the Kool-Aid Guy.
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonI can’t quite get over how gorgeous and perfect @billieeilish’s quarantine song and video are. *accidentally eats a piece of raw garlic* ME: garlic tastes like blood MY BRAIN: blood/garlic √a f (x) ∑ π (c,…
Jalen looking sharp in one of our exclusive new #ReadWriteResist masks. They're available now in-store or online:…
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson
Returning to NYC clutches my heart when u saw Kate Bush trending. Happy birthday, Lionheart. @TunafishTiger @sarahreesbrenna He literally paid for going to that Trump rally with his life. My god. @Tim_Batt @guy_mont *hands apple box*
@sarahw oh no @dansinker oh no @TunafishTiger how did you knowIt's true. @jessie__bond @sayswhopodcast omfgThere's just a point in this episode where @maureenjohnson and I just keep yelling "BALLS" back and forth. So thing…
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @tentaclemade @sayswhopodcast I love him.So we're disappearing people in NYC as well? Good to know.
@cassieclare *drills*My son's Elementary School's reopening plan has a clause about how they'll manage social distancing in the event of…
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonYour occasional reminder that these are the men who created pop culture's most enduring and influential texts and w…
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonWhat if I never leave @cassieclare's barn? What if I become a permanent Barn Weirdo and live in the eaves?IT'S ON THE LIST. @drunkhistory you magnificent bastards. well deserved!Swimming in a pond, walking in the woods, letting the pup roll and run in the dirt, buying food out the back of the… three little words that thrill me most: house made sauerkraut.Going to be hard pressed to return to New York City after this socially isolated break in the woods. @SarahKeelerB Where is this tell mrHow do I New York after this?
Regular reminder that if Kindle Unlimited is a thing you have, you can get yourself TRULY DEVIOUS for free now. It… a travesty. I mean, no surprise, it’s just so shameful. there places in the US with indoor dining right now?Summer 2020 looks. @MarkGags @KenPlume okay now this one @MarkGags @KenPlume nailed itNew York Times staff members put their heads together with disability advocates to recommend movies, books, TV show…
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @MarkGags @KenPlume come on buddy you can do itThe sight of my dog sleeping contently outside on a porch makes me so happy. This is not something she's ever exper… @MarkGags @KenPlume what's this one @sarahw is there a THING this morning?I can't explain what this sitting outside in the morning thing has done for my mental health. Or the walking in the…
@jarry he flattI contributed to Shane's fund and he sent me this photo of half a dozen blowers going into service tonight, fuck ye…
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonIncredible image: John Lewis crossing the bridge in Selma, where he nearly died marching for voting rights 55 years…
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @junodawson"What if we did a bonus episode every week of quarantine?" I said to @maureenjohnson back in March when it seemed l…
Retweeted by Maureen Johnson @MukkavilliSubr1 Stevie’s timeline is in the present day.
Just walked Dexy down a soft wooded path past a stream. Nature...have you heard about it? IT'S SOOTHING. @TunafishTiger @RobynHitchcock I've already bid. @RobynHitchcock I couldn't click fast enough.And today, I guess, is the day that JKR merged TERFdom and some kind of anti-vaxx mentality into the disgusting slu… @jpbrammer @ChrisDStedman I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️If Kindle Unlimited is a thing you have, Truly Devious remains FREE TO READ there. And it's always FREE at the libr… YOU, TRAVIS. @T_LaRue THEY ARE THE SAME!
No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonShouty cocaine man makes a good point. Children stink and deserve to die
Retweeted by Maureen JohnsonWhen you find a good spot to nap: @TerriIrwin Irwin love is strong and wide enough to wrap around the earth.*stumbles in* IS NOTHING TO FORGIVE THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME INT YOUR EARHOLES. I've seen here in Amherst has been really impressive. This town is NOT PLAYING AROUND with Covid. Measures are…!