Sign in with Twitter


Maxou @maxoupial Chicago, IL

Aspiring comedian. Follow me for jokes. Profile pic by @sour_nilk

2,154 Following   1,962 Followers   11,017 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/22/20

When you say “may I use the restroom?” instead of “can I use the bathroom?”
Retweeted by Maxou @paminski Lol I might be a bit messed up still @ChrisThayerSays If that's true, I'm a woman in my 30s deep down @paminski This made no sense last night?, I get it now lolI did not, I'm proud of myself lolwhy is everyone faking screenshots this is just like 1984
Retweeted by Maxou @memetazaa Hahah @LoSucks LolDrunk/high Maxou dancing is just him touching parts of his body he doesn't know about.There is so much wine in my blood right now, I could be the new JesusJust drank so much wine, a vampire would get drunk right now. @zziak22 Lol hahahsloalUsually I have 2 brain cells left for the night shift when I'm drunk. They took the day off for the long weekend. rIP my tweets.Fish are dumb, they bite baits all the tim, over and over. It wouldn't be a crazy guess to believe they are just drunk on water 24/7.Alright, fellas. i'm now fully trashed but I can still type. Let's see what I can do lolSober Maxou at the moment trying ti write something Sober Maxou can be prouf of. - Drunk MaxouMonkeys like bananas. Bananas look like dicks. How do monkeys still exist?If you catch me at 3am in front of my laptop with a mug in hand, yes, I'm cleaning spilled booze and drunk af. @Amester222 Me too, but ...well , you'll seeDrunk Max is about to show up, y'all get ready. a religious strip club called Thots n’ Prayers
Retweeted by Maxou @justky1018 Ky looking 👌 👌 like alwaysA herd of cows singing is mooooosic. @peyotegroce Yeah this stuff is too much @EmSchwegy I was going to do that but got lazy and picked a random gif lol @EmSchwegy Ya dms 😏 @EmSchwegy HeyI usually talk trash about parents. I regret everything I've said. Y'all are soldiersI just spent 10 min playing with a 3 year old. I'll need 50 years to rest.Death every time I start the car spend a lot of time doing the robot so when the robots take over they will know I'm on their side
Retweeted by MaxouWomen will really give their pets middle and last names instead of going to therapy
Retweeted by Maxou @charbroil_chew That's a glorious moustache, brother$600 stimulus $2000 stimulus
Retweeted by Maxou @Ietmeshine Lmaoooo, so many Pink Panther memes to grab, thanks y'all @CrockettForReal Damn, that's geniusMy kids asked me how to spell desert and dessert so I told them to type it both ways and see what emojis pop up
Retweeted by MaxouForgets password. Enters new one* New password can not be the same as old one Fuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk
Retweeted by Maxou
The usa ain’t #1 in anything but embarrassment
Retweeted by Maxou @justky1018 Better than nothing lolIf a monkey tries to give you a hand, just take a single banana. @GarryMarshall95 Lolwhen life gives you a banana, awkwardly buy the whole bunch
Retweeted by MaxouFalling asleep to every dragon ball episode: call it DBZzzzzzzzzsecurity guard: as you can see sir, our numbers are climbing. [points to prisoners scaling the fence] warden:
Retweeted by Maxou @dancingchimera SadGet to know me, I’m fun
Retweeted by Maxou @roastmalone_ Hmmmm. Every stripper is dressed as a nun?It’s Friday, so why not follow @MorticiaKate for that whole #ff thing, or is it #followfriday, either way. Follow n…
Retweeted by MaxouSo the Premier League is asking footballers not to celebrate goals anymore. I thought VAR might have achieved that…
Retweeted by Maxou @itsmebeegee07 There is no bad time for ice cream so i'll ask you every 5sDon’t ask me how vanilla I am. I will think you’re talking about ice cream and we’ll end up at the ice cream shop
Retweeted by Maxou @chinesegon Lmaooo ty @chinesegon True true trueall my bangers are from the dome and all my flops are because i was hacked
Retweeted by MaxouHeaven as soon as I die
Retweeted by MaxouKinda rude for white people to appropriate noise
Retweeted by Maxou @adamgreattweet Still waiting for my peakIf you ever feel inadequate, just remember that some people peak in high school
Retweeted by MaxouNothing I love more on a cold winter evening than a hot cup of spaghettea☕️
Retweeted by Maxou @dadpickupline For real, we'd still be dumbasses but in heavenjust watched a girl tuck her iphone into her ugg boot so 2021 is definitely just a continuation of 2020
Retweeted by Maxoui think my cat might be a communist, she keeps saying mao
Retweeted by Maxou[amazon dropping off my order] Me: yes! my new recliner arrived! Cat: yes! my new scratch pad arrived! Me: Cat: Tomato Tomahto
Retweeted by MaxouInspired from this good one is literally born "ready to rock" in their mama's arms.don't think I've ever been "ready to rock."
Retweeted by Maxou @fckboyseatpizza You know what? He was dumb but smart loldate: so how have things been with you? me: everything fucking sucks dick [remembering girls like a positive atti…
Retweeted by Maxou @IndecisiveJones @MorticiaKate Ty!!Day 16 of self quarantine: A man in a hazmat suit approaches my door. I unbolt the lock and slowly open the door.…
Retweeted by Maxou @alexsearcy True trueSo what if I just spent the past half hour googling ‘Celebrity Refrigerators’? Only God can judge me
Retweeted by Maxouamazon prime be like: free one-day delivery* *except canada, or the rest of the world, excluding the US, except h…
Retweeted by MaxouI bet melania’s glad that her business arrangement will be over in five days
Retweeted by Maxoubitches be like "are you scorpio or leo" i am whatever gets my dick sucked
Retweeted by Maxousurely every line of dialogue uttered in jail is a prison sentence?
Retweeted by MaxouCanadian porn is never in the most popular category because not many people want to hear “sorry aboot that” when someone climaxes
Retweeted by Maxoulove yourself
Retweeted by MaxouIntroducing my Sugar Daddy Workout Plan: Where I find a man to pay for a pool membership and kickboxing classes. H…
Retweeted by Maxou @EmSchwegy Ohh i was kidding lmao @EmSchwegy At what age lmaoooo?Love the fact that my husband remembers our school's alma mater but not a conversation we had yesterday.
Retweeted by MaxouI love seeing how discreetly my FBI agent looks out for me. For example, when I start looking up open mics to atten…
Retweeted by MaxouI’m going to assume anytime I lose followers it’s because your girlfriend got jealous.
Retweeted by Maxou @krvon27 😆 😆the original himbo
Retweeted by Maxoumario and princess peach are yet another example of a beautiful woman settling for an average looking dude simply because he’s not awful
Retweeted by MaxouI don't know who needs to hear this, but a listening aid has just been handed into lost property.
Retweeted by Maxou @roastmalone_ Lmaoooo @realfunghi That hair was fabulous @memetazaa Lmaooowipe your tears queen you're crying over someone who won't even let you peg him
Retweeted by MaxouAn idea lightbulb but it appears over your penis every time you get an erection
Retweeted by MaxouCan't, having a philosophical discussion with my 2yo on why I need to poop right now
Retweeted by MaxouImagine millennial pilgrims coming over here on the Baeflower
Retweeted by MaxouI once sold a picture of my feet just so I could add entrepreneur to my resumé
Retweeted by Maxou @roastmalone_ Curriculum feetae