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Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack The wilds of Connecticut

I wear a very thin gold bracelet.

721 Following   1,903,075 Followers   10,317 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/16/09


@KristerJohnson I saw your thirst trap pix.Does being in shape make you happier than the misery required to get in shape? @dansaltzstein For me, ginger.
1/17
2021
Trump is going to be the first ex president who has his name on fewer buildings than he did before he was president.
Retweeted by Michael Ian BlackNot me. Starting Inauguration Day, I’ll be kicking it in Connecticut eating money. https://t.co/N0Vn28gTWr @Braunger He doesn't seem like a guy who beats himself up about too much.Probably for something he did that was totally smart and helpful. https://t.co/kyFR62YkLo @ParkerMolloy Tiffany 2024!Raccoons getting vaccinated. https://t.co/PextzNr9RvAvail Feb 1st. Pre-order on Vimeo 👉 https://t.co/rNIVZFqDAL Yes I do #standup #comedy #marylynnrajskub #livehttps://t.co/ALAIsv7BgQ
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @EthanTBerlin I didn't understand this tweet at all. @richsommer @erockappel GunsStarting Tuesday, I'm going to ignore the fuck out of my president. @Chris_Meloni @benshapiro I wish - that guy's cool.Remembering my 2017 HOW TO BE AMAZING interview with @alfranken in which he described the survival of American demo… https://t.co/Ao6l5c90mk @BloatimusLex Yeah, Hoover might've been worse.Weird to think that Richard Nixon is only the 3rd worst president of the last 100 years.No rush, guys. https://t.co/f5RLzzlSio
1/16
2021
Excited for everybody to see what me and Gaga have cooked up for the big Inaug.Get ready for a new president on Wednesday & live comedy on Thursday! Grab your tickets now for my show with… https://t.co/jztudvx1BG
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @BrianLynch He had a bunch of needles so I assumed he also had a medical license. Not my fault.How did that end up working out? https://t.co/8zIk9JPHzO @BrianLynch And I know I still you a thank you card. 😬😬😬 @BrianLynch Legally it's my kidney now but doing great and, believe me, I've been putting it through its paces. LOT… https://t.co/F3IrK00KoxIn a series of events, I am now on @BookCameo! So if you want me to say hi or happy birthday or congrats on making… https://t.co/0oBiSKJEfO
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black"You can have my gun when you repossess it from my cold, dead hands" https://t.co/ACeqyDkZhv
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @BrianLynch Acquaintance is kind of a strong word. @BrianLynch Looking forward to ignoring.The NRA is a bankrupt terrorist organization. https://t.co/k1oB37p2bD @BrianLynch It was great. @BrianLynch Disgraced journalist Lara Logan? She was there. @BrianLynch Both, plus hand-written letters and follow-up calls. @BrianLynch Yes every single one @BrianLynch Yes I’m at a restaurant with all of my friends @BrianLynch What happened?Yeah, and it worked out fine for him so everybody calm down https://t.co/qaNdTzWdtiGiven the subject of your most recent book, thought you might find this interesting, @michaelianblack. https://t.co/9oLisG1Zet
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @SteveHuff This is excellent.The events of the last week have severely reduced the amount of time we've spent discussing Hilaria Baldwin's fake… https://t.co/zSFciywdrBIt’s quite simple: Without Trump’s lie about a “stolen election,” we have none of this chaos. With the lie, more p… https://t.co/XZe0wMKHsW
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @JenKirkman Both of my kids are allergic to plant-based food of any kind. @AuntyDonnaBoys YES! And New York City is almost like a character! @JenKirkman The kids called social welfare but the worker said it’s not illegal or anything to give them soup for dinner just depressing @jeanniegaffigan @JenaFriedman But what if they do funny dances? @JeffLowell @TheAdamGoldberg Is it a joke???Holy shit, it’s @TheAdamGoldberg! https://t.co/63aNtuASvHI wonder if anybody knows this guy? If you do please contact the @fbi https://t.co/fo5soEf53g
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @JenKirkman No bread. Just soup. FMLYes. https://t.co/BrPRzwQTgc @DearBubbie Yes @BQQuinn @MarianoRivera Mo and I were happy to make this happen.It’s not easy to be a Christian in America today but luckily there are people like Franklin Graham to make it virtu… https://t.co/N5iIJnfcrN
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @ACNewman To me, it's the country emo rap version of Rebecca Black's "Friday." @ACNewman It's bad. Carl, I listened and it's bad.We had soup for dinner. True AND depressing. @AuntyDonnaBoys Check out "They Came Together," a rom where it's almost like New York City itself is a character. @jesswalker111 @AlgonquinBooks @JCCofCentralNJ Thanks - I hope you enjoy!I believe this might be the best explanation of Q and its adherents I’ve read https://t.co/g1zhYicAYc
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
1/15
2021
@MaryKoCo @toddbarry Both great investments!Since there’s nothing else going on I thought I would post this funny clip from my New Year’s Eve virtual show! Joi… https://t.co/HBXwEtP4Th
Retweeted by Michael Ian BlackWhen people look back on the last four years I think they’ll mostly focus on how effective the #BeBest campaign was.
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @RufusHound https://t.co/03aGAKvvr7 @MaryKoCo What you do is, you add a counter melody with strings and then repeat the chorus but with a different last line. Done.TONIGHT: Join @michaelianblack for an insightful (and undoubtedly funny) discussion of his book #ABetterMan: A (Mos… https://t.co/VyUY79wJja
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @HarlanCoben Take it backI'm almost done reading this book, which is, as they say, a ROLLER COASTER THRILL RIDE. (It's very fun) https://t.co/o2TB1Fiw5bIn the last year, I've eaten in a restaurant fewer times than the president has been impeached. @DebbieB92441972 Yes, I do. Welcome to Twitter! @Travon I only watched the first 30 seconds.Anything for used children? https://t.co/mE3mk6Yh1K @robkleckner Agree.Ok, but this is absolutely the LAST TIME I am going to believe his New Tone. https://t.co/BBI0hXsFEG
1/14
2021
@cmclymer Black: 9 years 2 rings.“Having a daughter does not make a man decent. Having a wife does not make a decent man. Treating people with digni… https://t.co/oCAMg5kavi
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black @MeghanMcCain lolFuck it. Let’s go for three.One upside of having a second impeachment trial so soon after the first is that the news networks don't have to spe… https://t.co/VF9pVM9PT9 @BrianLynch @KenMarino Trust me, my Dell is pristine.If I ripped you off, it's because BLM made me do it. https://t.co/SqbBwbjReC @BrianLynch @KenMarino Top half of the photo you can see top half of guy's butt!"Forget about impeachment to let the country heal" is a little like an oncologist arguing to ignore the tumor. @KenMarino You can totally see that one guy's butt crack in the photo! @AndyRichter I got one of these!We don't need today to know. https://t.co/T1Vlf2p4FB @OhNoSheTwitnt dad needed a time out @OhNoSheTwitnt Why is everyone so mean to my group? We're not all Nazis. Just some.Was insurrection always this much of a headache?!? Yeesh!Year of the woman! Great to see. https://t.co/t7Ew2PXOImHave fun tomorrow, Congress. You know what they say - second time's a charm! @jeanniegaffigan He's a good and godly man.News to me. https://t.co/QvwCk8R0J2
1/13
2021
Your entire career has been spent peddling violence. It was literally your job. https://t.co/Zm9v58fNq1GIVE HIM A CHANCE!!! https://t.co/i1SB3IXiYcPence would have done what Trump wanted if he'd had any legal ability to do so.It’s not every day a Cheney calls for regime change
Retweeted by Michael Ian Blackat some point we decided to let mad libs write the news https://t.co/ffQwxsIzQK https://t.co/BMRzZgf8p4
Retweeted by Michael Ian BlackEt tu, Bruno? https://t.co/RRBUWbuSuY
Retweeted by Michael Ian BlackHow are you going to own your dithering inertia towards Trump’s fascistic if you insist that you were half right? Y… https://t.co/X1X6Lz8SKzWho exactly on the left is he equating with Trump? Who is the leftist nihilist hellbent on destroying the governmen… https://t.co/Yep7DFOm6V“It can be true that the Trump side has become extremist in crazy, destructive ways, and also be true that the Left… https://t.co/YJ6raQiTaj
1/12
2021

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