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current four-time emmy losing writer for television, video games, and comic books. stand-up comedian. thousand island dressing.

4,541 Following   175,660 Followers   55,433 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/4/08


@CaseyExplosion I liked the demo!
9/20
2019
@LaFamHernandez No I need to @Zae51 So far so good. It’s about the same quality as the Nintendo ones - although I haven’t done any in depth chec… https://t.co/OKp6gglU3c @rejectedjokes You can’t have all the duck things, Ben🎶hello darkness my old friend🎶 https://t.co/awfd8ptunt @garywhitta Whoa this sounds great!NEW YORK: In two weeks, "My Obituary Show" is back at @QEDAstoria with guest host @kathbarbadoro! with: Ismael L… https://t.co/92ygvdc8kbRacists on Halloween are like, “Anyone with a camera? Camera? Looking for a camera. I need everyone to take my phot… https://t.co/EOWhKk4BFNA two-hour art game about simple tasks with melodramatic emotional weight is exactly my shit https://t.co/AeZyYweSry @shoemakermike @karencheee @sethmeyers This segment is so greatALADDIN: 🎶you ain’t never had a friend like me!🎶 THE LION KING: 🎶It’s the circle of life!🎶 THE LITTLE MERMAID: 🎶W… https://t.co/g5WIbJS6RL @robdelaney Belay that order @rhythmicalexile I wish that were true @pixelatedboat Damn @bransonreese Someone had to say itMore like Justin Tru-dont! good night everyone, have a good weekendhttps://t.co/qH2QVsqMOz
Retweeted by Mike DruckerThis isn't helping https://t.co/lbka612bPZ
Retweeted by Mike Drucker
9/19
2019
@MattRogersTho I just want to discuss theme parks with you all the time now @MattNegrin @ronnychieng Totally @MattNegrin @ronnychieng Matt, i can genuinely get this running for you easy @pciurleo @TimRunsHisMouth @AOC Oh, man. You’re gonna be mad when you find out how all of language has evolved over… https://t.co/yyHvLytCr9 @EoinHiggins_ @cjane87 @benshapiro That’s not fair. Ben is always focused on who he thinks the biggest victim is in any scenario: Ben. @benshapiro Thank you, sir. If only mainstream news organizations like CNN were covering this, you wouldn’t have to… https://t.co/5Gd7kcnmA8 @brockwilbur Happy birthdayExactly one year ago, the internet collectively had the biggest nut of all time https://t.co/ok3uS6ZAPL
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @sammynickalls *rustles kid’s hair, looks back to mom* I’ll text you sometime this weekWhy does this Pokémon look like it just walked out of your mom’s bedroom https://t.co/ZGUoBf1zE6 @eatingfood13 @OhNoSheTwitnt @clapifyoulikeme @_celia_bedelia_ You seem to be singling out a Jewish woman for criti… https://t.co/4GxGpoaGkJ @OhNoSheTwitnt @eatingfood13 @_celia_bedelia_ They’re going to say you’re the actual bigot because they are mad at… https://t.co/R5jbZ5oR9N @eatingfood13 @_celia_bedelia_ You’re right. Subconscious bias sounds like someone immediately jumping to my herita… https://t.co/OI6nTcLUt9 @eatingfood13 @_celia_bedelia_ If they’re not making it about Judaism, you are. And like I said, it would be nice i… https://t.co/r5upoO4XSl @eatingfood13 @_celia_bedelia_ Who are you even talking to? I organized for Bernie in 2016. I’ve never been a Harri… https://t.co/msI4BayeMc @eatingfood13 @_celia_bedelia_ Nobody is gaslighting you. And I’d love it if you didn’t use my heritage as an excus… https://t.co/NcrwM9bCRx @eatingfood13 @_celia_bedelia_ Hi, I also get angry and confused for no apparent reasoncongrats everyone we made the worst fucking thing https://t.co/mD1rwwvoAU @RealChrisCal @edenthecat We’re not all millionaires @RealChrisCal Wait I can get paid in shirts @gamespite *sitcom parent voice* Jeremyyyyy @TimRunsHisMouth @AOC Also “they” has been used as a neutral pronoun for hundreds of years, you big dummy. @TimRunsHisMouth @AOC I can help you out here, my man. Language is always being changed and redefined. Words, phras… https://t.co/D8XqB6duyFI can’t believe this needs to be said, but comedians should be allowed to make fun of anything except the time in s… https://t.co/DkcadHUa5p
9/18
2019
Beginning to think that our health insurance system might not be the best. https://t.co/4piiGUIN1L https://t.co/9101o9GQ3p
Retweeted by Mike DruckerWe’ll see https://t.co/szjQT6yuJi @DanCrenshawTX Thank you for bravely saying this, sir. Few veterans ever come out in favor of hurting other veteran… https://t.co/PhdTc3sw7EStill laughing at the fire chief being like, "Folks, we just got a call and I know I've asked a lot of you in the past, but" @MikeDrucker A huge blow you say? https://t.co/2w9HFwlWTj
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @StevenEdeSouza SirYou had me at “massive semen explosion” https://t.co/60BzmeTIv5 @briangaar SAMEI wrote about getting into multiplayer games when you have no friends and it sort of spiraled into a cry for help https://t.co/kBfXHLqsSuHell yes https://t.co/OMjFrq1ArO @MckKirk Thank you!.@MikeDrucker's latest column takes on reviews of multiplayer games from a person who has no friends… https://t.co/hU6HgvAl73
Retweeted by Mike DruckerThe colors of Sierra https://t.co/iFMtk7PgAr
Retweeted by Mike Druckerhttps://t.co/LG4QsmIBbPGod: Ahhh, sorry I let 9/11 happen, I was on my lunch break. 18 years later here’s some clouds to make up for it https://t.co/j3h2uWLsp6
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @luisadieznuts Oh my fucking godDamn https://t.co/sfi8btFldY
9/17
2019
Great but I bet when I open this box, hooks shoot out and tear my body apart. Fucking typical https://t.co/irwVkSpdEm @joshgondelman You rascal! @joshgondelman TOO LATE, FUCKER https://t.co/jKG72J2IND @benmekler @joshgondelman Ben, I’ve got you on the money but Josh needs to bring it personally to LA @joshgondelman I will buy your book if you personally bring it to meGod lit himself on fire and then made a list of ten rules about how people can be canceled for eternity, so I am so… https://t.co/ewC1kXThFy @seanoconnz @latewithlilly @Lilly Congrats, dude! Very excitedTONIGHT IS THE NIGHT! @latewithlilly premieres tonight on NBC at 1:35 am. It's rare for me to be this hyped about a… https://t.co/hxkhmsMNFl
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @hasanminhaj @patriotact Congrats! @GovMikeHuckabee Look, this fighting is ridiculous. Let’s come to a compromise: We ban whatever your son used to murder that dog. @dianelyssa @LibyaLiberty Also imagine being that guy and your weird roommate from like 20 years ago was like, “Hey… https://t.co/kZGIGWEMjd @LibyaLiberty @dianelyssa She’s still tweeting through it. She claims that being mean to Kavanaugh is what made her… https://t.co/Gxl4HuKqFLyou absolutely love to see it https://t.co/ny7h4X56Ky
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @meganamram This is bullshit
9/16
2019
@kobunheat You bought them, right? @wkamaubell @TelevisionAcad @CNNOriginals @theblacktux Yessssshttps://t.co/gBhI9CyhLm
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @nsilverberg This is the absolute best cartoon @Racheldoesstuff Congrats!
9/15
2019
@garfep Oh my fucking godJesus fucking Christ Jesus Christ fuck oh god Jesus fucking Christ https://t.co/W7XAFaJ65YI wish comedians would stop hating each other and get back to what they should be doing: hating themselvesHalf of Pokémon are like, “This cuddly fellow just wants to nap and hug!” and the other half are like, “This ghost… https://t.co/bOsmywCvODhere are my top selling Liquor Store prints, hanging on walls from Van Nuys to New Zealand. I'm telling you this be… https://t.co/CFGEKBj7dA
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @BrianStack153 As. You. Should. Be.I’m not sure most Americans understand that this USPexit is bad news https://t.co/JfQ16JH3z2
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @pattymo That cupYou like cancel culture so much well I am canceling my subscription to your @jimtews You could also be in a band @jimtews I don’t believe you @red0herring https://t.co/yKSZBlwvjdI wish I was as brave in all facets of my life as I am when a car thinks it’s gonna fucking turn before I cross and I’ve got the signalanyway comedy is greatYou finally talk about Kevin like you’ve been needing to https://t.co/nZPHkjM3jgmy parents when the restaurant is out of the one thing they ever order https://t.co/gmE6oz8ubzTanya McDowell serving 12 years for sending her child to school in a better district and Felicity Huffman getting 1… https://t.co/UOSKqxUZ7Z
Retweeted by Mike Drucker
9/14
2019
If you put "Triggered" over any stock photo of a smug man on a plain background it actually looks like a genuine ne… https://t.co/k7Yx8Qum08
Retweeted by Mike Drucker @hammlet82 It doesn’t have to be me or anyone I know. Comedies all have different styles. If you want more edgy / g… https://t.co/ZkT9g9WJtn @astronomeara @MMaRsu Portal / Portal 2 had Erik Wolpaw (among others), who ran a VERY good video game comedy site.… https://t.co/amRF6CR4cw @MckKirk I can’t imagine how many typos there are in pieces I send you @MckKirk It had typos and I’m too tired to type it again
9/13
2019

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