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Punk-ass Book Jockey, bad cinema enthusiast, Technicolor summer dream. Delightful but crass. Black Lives Matter. She/Her/Hers. Header art by @WolfSkullJack

394 Following   45 Followers   610 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/12/20

@seananmcguire Ah, yes, the Rehoming Hour™.
@StckedLibrarian I do have quite a knack for sing-narrating my chores and my actions when I play video games, yes. 🎶My bank account: Mom, please. I'm hungry and it's Thanksgiving 😭HR, last week: Rejoice, plebs! In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we're paying you earlier than usual next week! HR, t… @StckedLibrarian Guilty AGAIN ☠️
@BennyKenobi Oh, do. That part wasn't exaggerated at all. Mariachi only adds to the mood. 🎺🎶🎉 @BennyKenobi It's an only slightly exaggerated account of this morning's nonsense. 😂And when the old man finally stormed off, the Youth Desk played Mariachi music quite pettily.And the old man paced in front of the library and loudly resented that he, a motherfucking tax payer, was locked ou… the signage said, "Curbside only," among other pertinent details. But the old man only had enough literacy for… Tuesday morning, one such impatient and unkind old man approached the library, his horrible heart set on obtain… public lamented this closure, despite having mostly lived through a similar closure just earlier that very same… upon a plague year, when the plague had spread disparagingly across the land, the library closed its doors to… dong, that is wrong. I'd watch that shit with popcorn. Twice, even, if it turns into a Big Dramatic Production… me for being a broken record... I really miss movie theaters and making the stupid, juvenile decision to h… @NoodleRama YESSSSS @peculiarityshop Do you have any more of these adorable axes? I'd love to commission a special one with some labradorite, pleeeeease. 💙 @StckedLibrarian Virgo, guilty. ☠️
@netflix, please. Please make more killer space klownery. P L E A S E. @UrsulaV Please tell His Longness that I love him. :)A bottle washes up on shore. Inside is a promise you once made. The glass is darkly lit. Like rain lacquered asphal…
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥you’re gonna like the way you look, you fuckin bitch
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @AnUncivilPhD 🔥🎉☠️❤️💔It will cost you $0 to RT my work.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @joelansdale Ted Cruz is a disease.
me choosing female characters in every video game
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @StckedLibrarian -I- certainly think it's funny. Management won't let me be the one to make the "THE LIBRARY IS CLO…"The Thing," a movie about a group of people who don't even really like each other stuck together in a single, snow…
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @madsferal What's that? You need a to-scale cardboard cutout of yourself for Christmas? And maybe also a soundboard… @StckedLibrarian Trapping patrons who come in five minutes 'til closing time in the basement and hunting them for s… celebrating Thanksgiving by spreading disease is actually an incredibly accurate way to honor the holiday.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥My love language is a freshly-baked croissant.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @paraVestibulum Ohh, that can be so tough! Congrats on your baby steps - that's more luck than I've ever had in that regard. 🎉 @paraVestibulum Thoroughly weeding our graphic novels and ordering better selections to fill collection holes.
Library Quote of the Day: "We can't all have fancy nibs."But what if instead of concluding my lunch break by going to back to work, I just drove into the horizon, never to… Boston Globe front page.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @lis_grievances Malevolent glowworm. @u0zachan Please tell your beautiful parents that I love them. ❤️The face // The favorite Pokemon (Art by @Koolaid_Girl23! 💜) @ComicsintheGA Tell them I love them.Idk why the government thinks it’s a big deal to pay us to not work. We pay them to not work all the time
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @EdwardLorn "Meatloaf was talking about words" is the best sentence I've encountered today. 💯
@Dominic__Noble Kill them. @GailSimone You know what I really didn't need to read with own two eyes? The phrase "Giuliani cranial slurry." ☠️Wow, tonight's sinus headache really came out of fucking nowhere...unlike Trump losing Georgia for the 489th time. 🙃Hallmark should have one Christmas movie a year that suddenly ends in a horrific bloodbath. Just one, but you don't know WHICH one.
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@HauntedMeg I recommend him to my patrons as much as I can.
@madsferal It me....Nevermind. There is no stopping me. I just taped two pieces of scrap paper together to make a longer bit of scr… stop me. My handwriting is rapidly deteriorating into a comically illegible scrawl. Someone stop me or I… happily announces that we have a new project: Book Bundles. She sends an email with the link to Harris Count… spent the last two ish hours filming a Christmas skit in our toasty boardroom. What have you been up to today? @NoodleRama I MEAN I GUESS I'LL WAIT A WEEK TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR DULCET VOICE AGAIN It'll be a Thanksgiving mira…"Aww, but Mattie," you say, "There's always OTHER cult docuseries' to watch with Jess." I mean YEAH, but...the del… feeling when you're about to go to sleep but then suddenly realize you're all out of cult docuseries to watch… of the Night (year?) - "Stop doing weird shit." @TheGodDamnDM WORLD OF HORROR Old school rogue-like that's equal parts Lovecraft and Junji Ito. It won't break the…
@DrunkLibPodcast Yardstick.FYI: reading levels are bullshit.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥There's no pain like when one of your piercings snags. ☠️ @Jinx1981 I have never been more jealous in my entire liiiiiiiiife. 🤩To be fair, black and sparkly is pretty distinctive...but not enough to find her The One Book her heart desires.… patron calls the library. "I'm looking for this book I read," she starts, "I really liked it, and the cover is b… black-clad stranger glides up to the reference desk. "Excuse me. Does this library have on its shelves a copy of…
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @belvedia TROOOOOOGDOOOOOOOORRR"Nip loves his mustard." - Jesstaurant, aka @NoodleRama, who is the best person to watch cult documentaries with.Remember to scream at the moon tonight! It's not a holiday or anything, it just feels right.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥Someone in my Norwegian class didn't know the word for cowboys so called them 'American horse pirates' and I've bee…
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥
I then tell him how curbside works, and what he needs to do, and that the service begins at 10 a.m. and not earlier… expects this all to be pulled and ready to go soon, but no rush, "'cause I haven't even left home yet." I tell… we ask for movies, four random-ass movies, and all the while he's assuring me he's not trying to argue with me… entire time, he will not let me get a word in edgewise. Every time I do manage to ask him a question, he wait… tells me his kids' teacher has given him marching orders to get books for them. Any books for them. These kids n… guy on the other end of the line is calling me from either that one supremely fucked up subway tunnel in Fallou… phone rings.A patron calls the library. Gets circ. From my desk, I can hear Coworker B of circ struggling with this call. "Sir… Made. ⚡🐢 sent this to me on TikTok and I am delighted.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @peculiarityshop I'm in love with this piece, funyun dust and all. 💙 Do y'all happen to offer any natural alternati… @Dominic__Noble Hello stranger on the internet. Please tell Sir Terry that I love him. :)
@StckedLibrarian Hurt by Johnny Cash, amirite? @peripateticmeg Car selfies, y'know? @OhMyMithrandir "For Gondor!!!" Most frequently, but every now and again a "taking the hobbits to Isengard" is necessary, too.This dog is both a good dog and a bad dog at the same time.
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @ksonney @UrsulaV Tell Shaw I love them. ❤️
thinking again about how we have lost so many things this year while going to extraordinary lengths to preserve work and work alone
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @PNWWonderWoman I'm great at copy editing and bar trivia.Without downloading any new images, where are you mentally? @Kariodude It's because their hiring qualifications are 1) Do you go ham for the Orange Idiot? and 2) Did you flunk out of basic math? @EricVBailey Shadow Hearts Shadow Hearts Shadow Hearts then later, my arms died.)Trainer Bailey: Okay, tonight we're gonna start with 45 seconds of--Ohhhh no you're gonna die! Me: TB: TB: My wa…
Library twitter, why is the answer to any concern always "More Signage!" No one reads the 10 gersquillion signs we already have. 🙃 @IlhanMN And a disease. ☠️Look at her in her jumper🥺
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Wish that I could get away with responding to frivolous messages/emails with "Hey thanks for the update but I don't… Stine gets all the love but today on his birthday let's remember that Christopher Pike gave us ancient Egyptian…
Retweeted by Mattie Mayhem🔥 @Kariodude My mom once texted me to tell me one of my cousins had had a kid and forwarded me the photo. My cousin h…