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Staff writer, @theathletic. Covering the game of soccer in North America, particularly its oddities. Photographer: @abandonedstates. Washed-up mechanic. 🇪🇸

875 Following   25,220 Followers   73,347 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/12/11


@grahamparkerfc call whenever you like, Graham. I've always enjoyed our chats.90% of the stress in my life comes from either this screen or the self-checkout screaming “PLEASE REMOVE ITEM FROM… https://t.co/g1aIN6yu9n
8/6
2021
@brucemurrayHOF i mean, you have some experience in that department: https://t.co/KYLr7Tk1OSNew notebook: ✔️Exclusive with new Orlando owner Mark Wilf ✔️How Atlanta's DP chase illustrates the need for more… https://t.co/6kEVbjwQQW
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias Maurer @jeffrueter ugh, fine, espn+ it is @jeffrueter what the actual fuckLosada’s style has been a bit kick and run at times this year but it has *never* been boring. Fun one.#Crew96 has earned one point in club history after falling behind 3-0. (June 2, 2018 vs. Toronto, 3-3.) They are… https://t.co/Jyn7ofAHxu
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias Maurerwell this escalated quicklyfound a graphic i made that night. yes. anyways, inexplicably 3-0 now. https://t.co/51czL9drxc @The_habs_fan94 found a graphic i made back then. incredible. https://t.co/8kDXi1KqIlman, remember that game when dc got outshot i want to say 24-1 and won 1-0? Montreal I think? Incredible stuff.Fantastic stuff from #DCU thus far - absorbing pressure, picking their spots, swinging dangerous balls in. Shrewd &… https://t.co/wXFVwH4SFDand if he goes down there against birnbaum, he gets a PK! smart guyEtienne w/a potential dive of the year candidate there. Incredible.
8/5
2021
@timorland @cedhoang i… wrote the story! @CCupo @everydaydude yeah but one of these messages is admirablesomehow worse than a MAGA sticker https://t.co/t13aMfqiCRThe Philadelphia Union player development pipeline is one of the best in #MLS , and another academy talent is headi… https://t.co/Eg2GVuGYLj
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias MaurerI mean, I think I’ve already handled the Landon Donovan monument properly. https://t.co/FFSkzziazDThe Galaxy are giving Landon Donovan a statue. I think we all know what needs to happen. https://t.co/yOLc90Rm8B @itsmeglinehan meg i'm scared even just thinking about itHad a convo w/Jim Curtin today for an upcoming piece where we ended up reflecting on how fucked up that medical roo… https://t.co/dZluIUrb9B
8/4
2021
Jesus this is an elite fit from Andy Najar (sorry to cut you out @ClaudiaMPagan) https://t.co/PVKLD7zjG8 @_Zeets @nathenmcvittie just popping in uninvited to say that i hate the way these look
8/3
2021
@cboehm (check mark) only coach in MLS history to say that Cuauthemoc Blanco has "the quality of a princesses buttocks"✅ MLS experience ✅ Cosmopolitan overseas resume ✅ Speaks Spanish, understands Latin American locker-room culture ✅… https://t.co/7S89UIiRNP
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias Maureri would pay actual money, like maybe $1000 of my actual-ass salary, to see Chelís get hired by ATLLet’s be real. There’s only one option for #ATLUTD. https://t.co/FyfIdexqmLLots of #ATLUTD fans out there pining for Tata right now. It's like they're watching their ex get dumped by their n… https://t.co/XAKLGVDkNLI've got nothing linking him to #ATLUTD, but I still think Man City assistant Rodolfo Borrell would be an interesti… https://t.co/YFdNFOHel8Should have known there's a definitive long read by the always brilliant @MLSist https://t.co/ZJUiKuPJNM
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias MaurerAnd just like that: Paulo Fonseca has rebuffed #ATLUTD’s multi-year head coaching offer. Many had viewed him as a s… https://t.co/Oc6IbkFj5QTruly an exceptional performance by the #USMNT. Shrewd, gutsy, composed - use all of the hackneyed adjectives on th… https://t.co/HpY9qe0mn1.@JohnStrong with the Aldo “Buff” Donelli shoutout. Did not think we’d be hearing about the play-in game to the 1934 World Cup tonight.
8/2
2021
I’ve been burned out on sports since the pandemic begin. Just incredibly cynical - it’s hard to even take an intere… https://t.co/wEHbYmzhD5POV: you are Efra Álvarez https://t.co/6Y7t4tUpRQHope the NWSL’s mental health coverage is robust because this defender is gonna require years of therapy to compart… https://t.co/BVX2e34HlQ
8/1
2021
Breaking: #ATLUTD are zeroing in on a new head coach. Former AS Roma boss Paulo Fonseca has met with the club and… https://t.co/aIdKaYZZn8
7/31
2021
A pair of notable front office departures for #DCU today: Dave Sanford, the club’s academy director, is departing,… https://t.co/kPU3VqojFdThis week on BAM!, I gloat about the fact that I went 3/3 with my picks last week and celebrate by making three hor… https://t.co/THiD6msBCtoh weird, me too https://t.co/Dt3cwZS423Cold comfort for the Canadians but they have much to be proud of - and they’ve rapidly become one of the most enter… https://t.co/JvEh3tzBDSSoccer should be like hockey where when there’s some dust-up like this the goalies find each other and just brawlInter Miami watching that Pizarro goal https://t.co/LWL8LpVXD3does it do any good to put someone like that on blast publicly? probably not. does it make me feel better about myself? marginally.love to have “go change a tire” hurled at me as an insult by a racist follower. eat shit. https://t.co/jCwYiIdvwDlove to see mexico getting a hydration break because of the discriminatory chant
7/30
2021
ok whatever maybe mlssoccer dot com was right about matt turner @_Zeets funny to see this; just finished “Final del Juego” last week. So good.*clicks on voice recorder* “it’s time to start the world’s most unsafe summer camp for children”Spent tonight teaching @cboehm’s seven-year-old how to change the oil in her dad’s car. For me, it was an opportuni… https://t.co/s7VStZHHgQ
7/29
2021
Suppose... your house, at this time, happens to not be on fire. But you're paying taxes to fund the fire department… https://t.co/u0ihCoBKKO
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias MaurerSo for 15 years Columbus hosts USMNT-Mexico with such distinction that everyone all the way up to the federation pr… https://t.co/gpEwcfA2zb
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias MaurerMust read from @ThompsonScribe. https://t.co/E2Pmy62Eje
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias Maurerwhen the joke writes itself https://t.co/uFaFmy4Bmh @tiltapint @BrianStraus what is it with rapids and plagues @BrianStraus huge fan of events that require the large-scale construction of massive courses that will be abandoned someday
7/28
2021
@Tater_Murray @americanrails hotttSomething I think a lot about is this free kick from Matt Reis. https://t.co/oCJAXG9rmL
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias Maurer @WeberKing @TheAthleticSCCR @itsmeglinehan @samstejskal @PaulTenorio @MidnightRiders DMs are opendc united, 2013 https://t.co/t70832kMWXMe praying for a #USMNT goal because without that goal we won’t be able to watch the United States somehow lose to… https://t.co/zqH7OtUQrETaking a moment here to commend Lauren Milliet on even trying this s**t and also taking a moment to post just an al… https://t.co/NY5My531ldPossibly Julian Gressel’s best game in a #DCU kit. There have been many, many contributing factors to DC being a mu… https://t.co/xcF0kcbPS2In this era of extreme European emulation there is something oddly soothing about listening to Dave Johnson talk ab… https://t.co/xHF0rCB0tE
7/26
2021
if Puerto Rico and Guam get their own Olympic teams, why can't DC?
Retweeted by Pablo Iglesias MaurerDrove from DC to Boston and back today. In one shot. 0/10 would not recommend.
7/25
2021
looks like ATLUTD have their new head coach https://t.co/u5upFYdj4T
7/24
2021
Look, I didn’t *need* a new tool cart, per se, but… thanks, @matcotools https://t.co/gOaIdQg0Iu @ariellec este maldito recibo, ¿por qué es tan largo? @AlexiLalas i think i just heard bruce arena scream @rcatanese look at the red and blue line and imagine jeff and i holding hands across that divide as we both plunge… https://t.co/yt5a1hOUPJit’s not going well, guys https://t.co/RvcS39hXXpOh, I see we’re pearl-clutching again at a player taking a dive. Hate to tell you this but shithousery isn’t goin… https://t.co/Kpcrb5sHhnJeff and I have failed so miserably at making nuanced, intelligent MLS bets that we’re now attempting to make incre… https://t.co/pWkoFxYqxe
7/23
2021
Never hesitate to mute people. It’s helped me a lot to remember that social media is maybe the only thing in my lif… https://t.co/EY4eamuiuaLucho Acosta is slowly starting to thrive at Cincy. You love to see it, you really do.
7/22
2021
imo the govt should be paying me to *not* reproduce https://t.co/WVAp7s7kzT @The_Kingpin28 @stujames75 thanks for reading!"If you're truly an agent of chaos, someone who celebrates it, you are rooting for Qatar to win the Gold Cup." -@cboehmMore exclusive insight & information into Heinze's dismissal and his tenure at #ATLUTD at large. Excellent work her… https://t.co/9e1LnkJ1Yk
7/21
2021
Peter Nowak when he hears about Gabriel Heinze depriving #ATLUTD players of water https://t.co/l3n6RXxwfeGot something Nagel-inspired by my guy John Rippey at Key City Tattoo in Frederick. Always kills it. Look him up. https://t.co/yox9lOVp9V
7/20
2021
one of the nice things about MLS finally having one or two truly ambitious, big clubs is that they’re capable of ta… https://t.co/LsyB6omIzPATLUTD should hire Klinsmann https://t.co/Elh2XusgqBI’m about three years late to this but I finally listened to “Dr. Death” and my god, man, just….🤯attn @PulitzerPrizes https://t.co/UCTXC5zp5s @clintonyates my buddy @E_Nuggets_ has always said his walk up music would be Pump it Up, the Joe Budden classic of… https://t.co/k0NpHuve84Was looking for the skinny today on Heinze’s dismissal at #ATLUTD and realized I could just pick the phone up and c… https://t.co/wMBbEMSp27
7/19
2021
When the CGI tarps disappear and it’s just vancouver at a completely empty rio tinto stadium https://t.co/V8BM2fkCZcman, they really called it “mls is back” @DanDuckw you don’t have to do it. it’s just that responses like that, for example, are why i just… don’t tweet… this year @DanDuckw sorry man, just feels like you’re trying to imply some sort of insensitivity on my part. i have watched m… https://t.co/5AZcvs59vu @DanDuckw really man? why even point it out if it’s not intentional? what’s the implication here?
7/18
2021
tHe CaLm BeFoRe tHE sTOrM https://t.co/Epq2RuaQDTTrue story: I worked on Biz’ Range Rover regularly for a few years back in the early 2010s. Had a satellite dish on… https://t.co/kTvEuTrUaJ
7/17
2021
Was a real treat to have @itsmeglinehan fill in for me last week in @jeffrueter & I's BAM! MLS (&NWSL?) betting col… https://t.co/DmXmLddHQaThis is finally gonna happen this August. Excited to have a few days in the city & meet a few of you, too. https://t.co/lLGdVvmaPz @ryanhunn saving my life on this friday AM
7/16
2021

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