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QA Lead @ Rockstar Lincoln. Insufferable games man. My opinions are my own and not of R*. He/him

675 Following   1,214 Followers   54,162 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/6/09

the shrek babies are such vile little thingsmicah richards is such a tonicck3 total conversation mod for the Shrek cinematic universei wish i had the power to make the bhaji go away @dorkusmalorkus_ p sure i saw chips cheese and bolognese as a thing in south shieldstonight a kind of big beer in the bath kind of night - this stuff’s like fucking syrup BEING SAID: hello I am Sian Elder, a trained actor looking for work 👉🥺👈
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠snagged another dangler football
this isn't my first rodeo, and by rodeo i mean doing the john barnes rap to my cat @DBradford92 @mac_shirk I think there were a really small number in hr at one point, i snagged one from north like a stationery goblinHello! Do I have any kind mutuals on here who are programmers working in the games industry? I have a friend who…
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠 @poppyingham why does he look like he wants to glass me with an ashtray👀 We're looking for mentors to inspire underrepresented developers across the globe. Let's change the world of…
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠 @mac_shirk she has the right idea @mac_shirk their scarcity is genuinely a 'thing' at lincoln, it's kind of funny. the t-shirts are also really good… @mac_shirk those notepads are like star dust, treat em well @ValarMyghulis this is too wholesome @Thene_tho boneless wings sound endlessly cursed, but ooooft what an order @Thene_tho gamechanger @Thene_tho driven past it so many times and always wondered who the fuck is it for? not even central, just vaguely…, nothing @Viboxing you know it @philippawarr the element of creation, but it feels so much more satisfying when it's some sort of batch cook as it… gall on this horrible nerd for using football manager regens for phrenology, and calling it science @MckKirk gamescom bratwurst and those massive soft pretzels @tha_rami an evergreen tweet - hook that soundtrack directly up to my nervous systemmight go get a pumpkin spice latte just to feel something @ebro__ really want a horrible little mince man plush nowif ur not livid ur on the wrong side
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠
@MostUnfurrowed chill hip hop beats to be nervous and suspicious to
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠lighting courtesy of Madina Food Storecourtesy of @distortartesukiwave am so ready for fat bear week
@lucyofrivia i love stuff like this so much. games are held together with nothing more than hope and selotapeBreonna Taylor’s life mattered. This result is a disgrace and an abdication of justice. Our criminal justice system…
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠 @AllegedlyMiri the answer is usually both @AllegedlyMiri my favourite game is trying to work out if my current headache is from too much or too little coffee @MckKirk stabbed to ribbons in the hartsholme carpark @MckKirk i'm just resigned to my fate at this point. the last thing i see when i die will be you @yurureri "Forbidden Sandwiches" is so right, I'd eat every single one of them @KaeyiDream getting unsettlingly Tony Hawk vibes from this graph @dorkusmalorkus_ did your dad grow up working the Baltimore docks @lucyofrivia it’s just this fella @BeyondTopSecret mine's when al gore says "i have ridden the mighty moon worm" in futurama @designCaitlin such a good theme! SwSh has some of the best Pokemon tracks in yearsi beg of ye, please fuck off with this you ride the no mans sky spaceworms?at least with latestage getting plugged into my brain i get tricked into not realising i'm being advertised atthe downside to turning off targeted adverts is my twitter ads are just relentlessly boring clickbait bullshit
@dorkusmalorkus_ back on topHi, been a while but I have ~F R E E L A N C E B U D G E T~ so if you have ideas for great features about interest…
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠 @Thene_tho @samwrite looking at me with a blank expression, like me asking about fibre optic is a question no human… @Thene_tho @samwrite my favourite is when they know significantly less than the listing - absolute chancers @samwrite weird application cutoff date cos the scheme's changing early next year + new build with a ??? completion… @samwrite aye yeah, too far gone now to swap everything about - but appreciated! having an absolutely nightmare wit… dealing with House Things, are solicitors universally completely fucking useless, or is it just mine?every single time i cook with a scotch bonnet, i immediately touch my eye afterwards - i simply will not learndon’t make me tap the sign
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠not sharing that spitting image bollocks, but satire's only funny when you punch up? else it's at best elaborate bullyingimagine if pavement were from doncaster and all of their songs were about being from doncaster
@frennimgz @Fobwashed @KazHiraiCEO I have no idea what’s real anymore @KelseYouLater where’s my mindmaze hd remaster at @MostUnfurrowed Yeah the minute we saw one of these guys we put it in our (horror) game, didn't know he had a son t…
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠 @DrWayward hahaha holy shit that’s phenomenali reckon chip cone man would absolutely batter hot dog man @iistalrii as well as @higgyC they do a baby version of him toodon't talk to me or my horrible hotdog man son ever again @philsinclair91 money is such bullshitthis has swung me towards buying the black games box and i fucking hate myself for ithurtling towards the grave, a cursory glance out the window to see one multibillion dollar corp swallow another. "cool", i think to myself @dorkusmalorkus_ i bounced off pretty hard, but i wasn't actively playing at the time and feels like it kinda needs that sort of momentum
good horror, v surprising, lovecraft but not too tentacle heavy, but my boi nic cage is miscast, and v out of placewanted a quiet chill one tonight, so watched color out of space, which is neither quiet nor chill @keiththorburn81 awwww ye @beccenstein_ we have a lot to answer for @cerseieatmyass poor little bugger @Spac3Gh0s7_ president of the turbovirgins
i see @charmada we might be shite, but at least it’ll be a ride @LiToast is that barista one worth it? Judging by that massive case, I assume yeah @FarleyWrites all these nerds crying for razor, roadblock was the og, never matched.You: Who are your 3 British sporting heroes? Me:
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠putting out feelers, does anyone in the north east (ideally) know anyone nice who would be looking to adopt two wee…
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠I love the reduced section, it’s like food tombola @DistortBot @frennimgz fucking hell @frennimgz @MostUnfurrowed
Retweeted by Jordan 'Kettle Egg-Boiler' Garland 🤠i'm going big tesco @_camwba aye yeah, spicy counter attackwhat the fuck @Thrungus team talk is just him telling dara o’shea to snap him in half, cantona styleexactly the same energy as me getting kicked out of sixth form two weeks before examsthat slaven bilic thumbs up to mike dean the second after he got sent off - poetry @charmada I love that mad bastardabsolutely diarrhetic capitulation from my baggies. phenomenally pointless shithouserybilic sent off certain martin keown just said “hamas Rodriguez”