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@AfterLifesUber Omfg it was like a movieWatching a man hurl a bobcat across his yard was everything I needed today.*Adds bad mother fucker to resumeHer: Squirt is pee y'know. Me: Ahah! I thought it tasted familiar. Her: ...
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @KaRaRacn75 https://t.co/OQQ6lY4mUMI don’t know how to use Tik Tok but I can write in cursive and do long division and can tell time on a clock that h… https://t.co/NYWWuW3tOy
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻dont bring me out of a medically induced coma
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Using bing just to feel something
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I think that bitch took one of my puzzle pieces.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Because I want to be the kind of person who stands back up [spits teeth] when he gets knocked down
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I lost track of time. Where did it go? It was just here! https://t.co/ezt31IR8LI
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻

My car smells like a hoagie and that is the definition of hot guy shit
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Feelings at the speed of sound
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻A QR code, for your inner thigh...
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻You might not see that first punch coming... It might leave you bruised and bloody... But then, You're in the fi… https://t.co/M8F29k622z
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻

Me, trapped in a murderer's chest freezer: I'm bored
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Sorry I threw penicillin instead of rice at your wedding
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻People are nothing but a bunch of germs.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Unplug when you need to. Take a break. Eat. Drink water. Love yourself. You’re amazing.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻#Caturday https://t.co/BKgRPYSAKZ
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Rando pic cuz I just got up & now Im busy. https://t.co/RJLlWFi8AC
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Remember kids, today is ssd reinstallation day, so if I disappear for over a day, its because Im an idiot and screwed something up.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Quokkas move around by hopping or moving around with their hands, just like a Kangaroo https://t.co/2zutqKcmta
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻If the world could just be dusk all the time I’d be a lot more comfortable
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I talk a lot of shit for someone who gets excited about antique malls.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻People: [avoiding therapy] I’m good
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Well, SOMEBODY has to eat all the croissants.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I have an uncanny ability to divert one crisis into another crisis and create a super duper turbo crisis.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @KaRaRacn75 I try to eat smaller portions and I know I should lay off caffeine.Anyone know a natural way to reduce the acid in your throat?
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Gummy vitamins pair nicely with cheddar, tell your sommelier
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @s_bobbit You should @ redbull 🤣🤣🤣Random thought. What if pussy tasted like watermelon Red Bull? This is in no way me saying I don’t like the multipl… https://t.co/H0nQWWJAV2
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻

https://t.co/tAwSPMP2C7
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Glow Rod
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I’m going to fake a serious penis injury so my favorite porn star visits me in the hospital
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻[eating a handful of ticks] one of these a day keeps everyone away
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Can’t wait for classic rock stations to include BTS in their rotation in 15 years
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I don't know about "rain" dances or if they work, but I've evidently mastered the "make my life a living hell* danc… https://t.co/6sCTk2L8De
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @AfterLifesUber https://t.co/IknL6ql0EaSeductively plunges your toilet!
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @brokenthrottlex Huh?Gonna drunk this granola bar huh? What? Who is thisI think we should go back to living in small, extended family groups in thatched huts or caves with nothing but sto… https://t.co/wyE2r9jFHM
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Lots of music today!
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻And ya dick is small and we don’t play that game around here. Never have.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Emptiness is lonesome and cleanliness is godliness and God is empty just like me.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I'm an athlete. https://t.co/mFekgi2IzFMen want one thing and it's chili's
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Daddy left to buy Bitcoin
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I could go for a roundhouse kick to the face right about now
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻during a pandemic you can eat whatever you want to eat
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻you drink too much.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Once broke up with a woman because she had flea market hands
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @LikeRez12 That's right girl keep that shit neat 🤣her: how big is it him: 10 inches her: why would you buy a ten inch tv
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @redeyed_penguin https://t.co/7PqgOv6qTe

@LikeRez12 Its full and luxurious 🤣 @redeyed_penguin Because I watched it on hulu fool @redeyed_penguin Hellz yea hulu @Serialchiller1 Yea 🤣 @AfterLifesUber 🤣 @LikeRez12 https://t.co/GovmKhbvsF @LikeRez12 ❤I got you satan 🔥 @LikeRez12 🤣🤣🤣 @LikeRez12 🤣🤣🤣👊Remember that time I said ol girl looked like a cabbage patch kid and I got mass blocked..good timesMy hell is hearing someone pick their toenails for eternity.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Eagle carrying a large stick for a nest https://t.co/Xv425BSkM7
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Pleasure Utensil
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻what are you
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻If they're everything you want Don't. Fuck. It. Up.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Kinda want to break your Hootie and the Blowfish CD in half rn
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻What’s it called when you have swamp ass, but like on your entire body
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻How many clicks of the mechanical pencil were you, my child? If you were three, know that's too much and you're gon… https://t.co/eHKoZVyrZD
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻You aren't allowed to talk, you're made entirely out of hummus like some tahini golem and I shall erase one letter to put you on my chips
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @bluecollardeath https://t.co/DriGyC5XchStick a straw in some nacho cheese lets party. @BossaNovaaa Mmmhmmhttps://t.co/P7yuty43hT*Telephone Rings* Advice Nurse: Hello, how can I assist you today? Werewolf: *sweating* CAN I EAT CHOCOLATE?
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻*Alien ship with a large dent in the side and purple vapor escaping from a cracked windshield lands at Johnson Spac… https://t.co/WrHfG5Qfwn
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻Best line in a documentary: "My brain coach said I needed to check out Flat Earth." - Behind the Curve
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻When the phrase, "WHAT THE FUCK?" was born. https://t.co/Y4VaHXx1R9
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻https://t.co/INM7k25WvJ
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻The 5 genders https://t.co/IKZdf9vBPA
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @LikeRez12 Love young Pacino ❤I live less than a mile and a half from a Jaguar dealership and I lick all the door handles at night to get poor all over their cars
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻it's really great you have an opinion.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I broke too many hearts at prayer group
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻

What about big fupa energy?El halfwito over there has a grin on his face that says one thing: I just jizzed in the hand sanitiser bottle...
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻ @bluecollardeath That's a plan 🤣 @Dugger1M Chick fla is a well oiled machineWhy do those double line drive thrus at McDonald's feel like a fight waiting to happen?So long and thanks for all the fish. https://t.co/t9eWstB43N"The call's coming from inside the house!" - who cares, I haven't answered the phone in 8 years. -bashes ceiling… https://t.co/D43Kz2KDf7
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻soul of a woman was created below, yeah
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻I’d totally use my superpowers for evil.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻If i need to put pants on for it today.... it's not happening.
Retweeted by ༺൩Ⴝᑡᚱ៩คŤᥩᏒ∈༻