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A dog wearing glasses? Improbable!

416 Following   474 Followers   16,644 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/17/09


@KirkWK I would watch that so many timesI don’t want to see Doctor Sleep because it might ruin my theory that Rebecca Ferguson spends the whole movie singi… https://t.co/49Q13pMAuL @spiritnght Boom roasted @wingingitmotown Plexiglass sales reps @demeatloaf I liked Calvin Krime and Sean Na Na before he did HMS and then the only thing I remember about the Ben… https://t.co/dwhx65r9EQ @afternoondelete Lettuce and sour cream were the other contenders. Hot sauce would be a good prank one.I skimmed the Angry Burrito Rant (yawn) and recalled my internal debate over which single ingredient would be the m… https://t.co/DYCLI9RI2O
1/25
2020
I would respect the notes in every recipe review like "I substituted a pile of dog hair for one cup of flour and ad… https://t.co/XIO4FKWFcm(Also I didn't make their frosting because fuck dealing with egg whites and a candy thermometer, I used my regular… https://t.co/W3uTa0r3jNI made this cake for my wife’s birthday and it’s very good (even though the toffee didn’t set right and I did half… https://t.co/G6TNvnPqMT @KevinPHaley This article about the making of the record was a real eye-opener. Didn't really make me want to pull… https://t.co/ZnNuzpyGiE @afternoondelete What have I done to deserve thisTrader Joe’s shopper of the week is a tie between a girl who was strangling every last pizza dough while her mom st… https://t.co/Rb3pVtR1Yt @sctttnnnt I think they’re taking more chances than they did on the last few (Silver/Lead in particular is post-pun… https://t.co/OgKIisZAop @maura At long last, my family has encountered other survivors during our harrowing journey through this post-apoca… https://t.co/G3e7qQaG4O @maura Imagine https://t.co/kgf4smeHsP ad stepping on a human face foreverListening to the original EP version of Mogwai’s “Xmas Steps” and the guitar tone when it kicks in is the fucking b… https://t.co/WqV0LWHWm6This album is the exception to the pro-vinyl “The artwork is bigger and better” argument (Numero Group do a Seam bo… https://t.co/lVS9L8XIVe @nkozyra @TheSlyStallone Does it fart a lot? My guess is that it farts a lot.The new Wire record is mostly very good, as the last however-many Wire records have been. I could do without the bi… https://t.co/HztuJ5MTGs @afternoondelete I’ve mostly spent time in Downers Grove and Oak Park, on rare occasions I venture north of the city and have no bearings. @afternoondelete Extreme Buffalo Grove vibes @rjgianfortune Yeah I need to buy tickets to their Detroit show, a statement that reminds me that I have (at least)… https://t.co/yGCWfg4tJyI am seen https://t.co/4B9BWEAFsH
1/24
2020
@thebookhooker Hope you make some new friendos @babystew When I clicked on it my first thought was “Oh no that little dog is an ingredient”If we can’t abolish gender reveal parties, we should at least limit them to a spin of Don Caballero’s “Fire Back Ab… https://t.co/Q2MJOuCxSXHere’s my billion-dollar idea for Silicon Valley investors: a coffee-delivery drone that doesn’t bring cups but str… https://t.co/GAJQGzVvWi @david_j_roth Wow their next hire will be Adrian Pasdar’s character Jim Profit from the short-lived show Profit https://t.co/zGoTbFpmYk @aeolianharps @ruhee_ @SimonWBloom Wow, your baby already has a full grasp on what Eugene Melnyk has done
1/23
2020
@_space_plans Both he and his supporters expect him to be totally coddled during the primary because he is/was the… https://t.co/G3IGI4cOo6 @_space_plans If only there were other bands that could get coverage, but The Great Band Shortage has put us in this horrible spotWow what could have possibly happened to diminish their charm? https://t.co/diQisord3tI couldn't stop myself from reading a few IMDB user reviews, presumably because I thought too much of humanity, and… https://t.co/GKrNgyyANxI worked out to Terminator: Dark Fate and I'll say this much: it's not incoherently unwatchable like Genisys was. I… https://t.co/mzmVqoWzK5 @falsebinary Drag them, Roman“You Can’t Spell ‘Systemic Change’ Without ‘Me’” https://t.co/DHqPlmvWbh @rjgianfortune There was an article in The Athletic about redoing the NHL schedule to minimize travel and thereby t… https://t.co/hGP8fuXaJ5 @rjgianfortune At least Toews seems to be a genuinely good person. @daisy55 Listening to Greet Death now and it reminds me of a somewhat more up-tempo / grittier Cloakroom
1/22
2020
What if Godspeed You Black Emperor stylized their name with the clapping hands emoji between each word? @spiritnght Marilyn Manson will cover it @david_j_roth @davidbix As a wrestling-oblivious kid I only knew him as a real guy who somehow also had a GI Joe figure. @rjgianfortune @wireframebb 1917 was Sam Mendes's warmup for it @wireframebb Oh shit he'd do it all in one take @wireframebb "Get my agent on the phone!" - Johnny Knoxville @Mobute She’s accumulating bodies for her fan-shot remake of the Bad Boys 2 chase and I have to admit, I respect itI have a great plot idea for this movie: Leave them in prison and go film something else https://t.co/fOXXV8gko9 @thebookhooker I haven't watched that but I did read the plot summary after seeing the trailer approximately five times and noooooopeActors with bit parts in Gremlins 2: Raymond Cruz (Tulo from Breaking Bad) Isiah Whitlock Jr. (Clay Davis from The… https://t.co/vnBLBSVLrHThe constant “smart functionality going awry” gags remind me of dealing with the Smart Faucet in this house, which… https://t.co/amuf1Ega5eGremlins 2: The New Batch is the future we deserved, all that’s missing are the gremlins. @pookeye They put all the old music on a CD / Bandcamp and did a couple of shows, I saw them in St. Louis in Februa… https://t.co/BpoYPE5rBg @pookeye I saw that Garber's working on a new mix/master of Tracking Sounds Alone, presumably with way less reverb… https://t.co/vAlw3GdW0s @_space_plans I had such a hard cutoff with SP, pretty much exactly when "Thirty-Three" was released as a single. A… https://t.co/C49Ng9WD7c @_space_plans I generally went from big alternative (Smashing Pumpkins, Nine Inch Nails, more embarrassing artists)… https://t.co/ZLePwJocC1 @_space_plans I want details on what constitutes bad music taste in that era, really hoping for ska fandom. @_space_plans I had to take a break from it for a while because I’d listened to it so much (I ran a Hum fan site in… https://t.co/knuljy0wXl @spiritnght [Beck voice]The vinyl sounds great and all but my true relation to this album was via a worn-out cassette dub, played to death… https://t.co/INjcMjmIz9
1/21
2020
A couple at this restaurant were watching YouTube videos at full volume but they’re in jail now so it’s fine @wingingitmotown @wingingitmotown If you leave Adam Erne behind, you’re going to hurt his feelings @craftpug Glad you had him for a couple of years at least. @david_j_roth “I’m taking my talents to Moose Jaw” followed by end of Don Hertzfeldt’s Rejected @rjgianfortune I’m sure that also came up but suits were the primary focus.This Tarentel EP is one of my all-time favorite records https://t.co/NvJnDPuP88 @rjgianfortune One thing I remember about watching hockey games on ESPN in the 90s was my mom criticizing Barry Mel… https://t.co/Q3oj4By9i3
1/20
2020
@spiritnght I watch the ripples change their size But never leave the stream Of warm impermanence @spiritnght Cha-cha-cha Wait, is David Bowie’s “Changes” about diarrhea? @sad13 Picturing a lot of [REDACTED], good times @sad13 If you had to pick one thing to replace the snakes, what would it be? @iyer_prashanth Yeah but is he a Good [Alberta] Boy?
1/19
2020
The worst part of bowling remains when a Very Serious Bowler is in the next lane and you have to walk on eggshells… https://t.co/NS4VnxmIlJI’m bowling for the first time in a decade and fondly recalling the two insanely bad modes of bowling I used in col… https://t.co/tpZBl643xs @craftpug The only time I saw them was very close to the end. They played one of those "free" promoted shows from a… https://t.co/IagUWD6owTOne of the great post-rock records from the 1990s, I had to turn up the volume for the last few minutes of “Capo (S… https://t.co/IbdVyj19M3 @mentally_eel Look it’s a hypothetical but I wouldn’t put it past him to use a #twisted scheme like a SICK shell companyJared Leto runs a hotel and guess what, that’s a chocolate laxative on the pillow and there’s plastic wrap on every toilet @craftpug Yeah no matter what I did the cats didn’t improve, at best I slowed the process. @craftpug Kidney disease is rough on cats. Both of my previous cats got it. One gradually wasted away, the other ha… https://t.co/l3YN0EqVmW @maura Currently imagining this scene being focus-grouped into every motion picture @craftpug Sorry about the cat, man. @iyer_prashanth I know this season has been dire but Osgood’s made major strides as a broadcaster and I appreciate it. @spiritnght Barron Trump dunk tape
1/18
2020
Plenty of bands I like transitioned from “raw and energetic” to “mature and confident (and potentially boring)” but… https://t.co/NYjgHDmj3S @grmartin I saw a comment on that tweet, looked at his profile, and went "OH -that- fucking guy"I’m pretty bummed that I wasn’t able to take a transitional picture of “THE FUTURE HOME OF [Redacted] JEWELERS” whe… https://t.co/SLbUFYJ5sT @Mobute Wow, we're getting a third season of Mindhunter after all!"Knock" is an excellent lead single and I enjoy ordering direct from @EISRecords, just like I enjoy ordering direct… https://t.co/IgRCo7F2bZ(Star Alan Ladd was uncomfortable around guns [same] and holding out the gunplay for the final act was very effecti… https://t.co/dUO6llBJDuIn the last few weeks I've watched a lot of Westerns (to make up for having previously seen relatively few of them)… https://t.co/2XrPa1Jqdp @spiritnight_ Whoa man it appears I'm following Jim Carrey in The Mask @malfc Congrats!
1/17
2020
@PatPadua @Marcissist Supposedly the image was taken from a Jehovah's Witness mailer. They gave credit to the artis… https://t.co/BQHyrx8b24 @Marcissist That one might be my fault, I remember thinking a few years ago that "after having to get rid of the bi… https://t.co/gAsxxlfdX31. My senior year of HS I had mono and Lyme and went in once a week to keep up. I was half-awake in computer scienc… https://t.co/N6RFDgHaUM @jonsolomon @hoagiehaven I have fond memories of eating there in 2012 @jfagone My actual guess would’ve been Nothing Feels Good, but I suspect VE holds up reasonably well. Pivoting to p… https://t.co/Nk602gIL8X @jfagone $50 says it’s not Wood/Water @_space_plans Today I realized that both Beauty Pill's "Drapetomania!" and White Zombie's "More Human Than Human" q… https://t.co/PLbVzsVqFR
1/16
2020

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