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my cat’s favorite person

929 Following   785 Followers   16,188 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/21/09

@MavenOfMayhem know there’s a lot going on but I really can’t believe Trump hasn’t tweet-bashed Family Guy yet. I was kind of l… @yashar $100 million. Wow. Ok. Yea, I’ll do it. Whatever they want.Sue is Mood. I miss @VeepHBO @DavidHMandel @VeepHBO I want Veep back now! was weird that they added Alex Jones after he got dropped from everywhere else, but at least they listened to re… @Roku Thank you. @meakoopa @girlsreallyrule Here. This will compound the issue. @dog_rates @DB_Grimwalker Sorry for the crunchy cold chomp snack! @lurie_john you are a man who is upset about the Gillette commercial, you should smile more. You are so much prettier when you smile.
Retweeted by Peri @girlsreallyrule IN 🤯 SANEOk, so who *isn’t* familiar with the Presidential Records Act at this point in time? This is almost 101. Regardless…
Ummm read the room @RokuSupport @Roku @jaredlholt @Roku WTF @Roku @RokuSupport? You real into hate speech, racists, and bigots now? @shaunking Because he was trying to use them to make a point about the shutdown and he failed miserably. @WhiteHouse @realDonaldTrump Mmm cold and soggy fast food @billyeichner @BachelorABC Do you want a rose for a dollar? *confused* Will you accept this rose for a dollar? -w… @KPIXtv @BettyKPIX @realDonaldTrump Aww, look who’s starting to figure out his own shutdown? @aoc was asking these questions a month a… times. Another big loud truck dumping or pumping something at midtown north precinct #nypd - is this some kind…
If you want to smell all day like a half embalmed grandma holding a big bouquet of wilted flowers, I recommend Clai… week while exiting a coffee shop with cup in hand, I smacked my shin into the door frame and it is now an insa… @OhNoSheTwitnt She’s smarter than all of them but she also bangs her twin brother which somehow is even worse than regular old incest. @marcrebillet @ThatEricAlper Ma! The Meatloaf! @ThatEricAlper My son works?! @AOC ... and it’s even grosser under here than we thought. @GailSimone The Goonies. @BBW_BFF How classic is classic? Regardless, the answer is always The Goonies.Even Homer uses that GIF. #TheSimpsons
Retweeted by Peri
@Aaron661David @TalibKweli @ArmchairExpPod @daxshepard @joerogan @billburr @bryancallen Really loved that episode. @AlexJamesFitz EDIT: *roku needed micro SD. @AlexJamesFitz I have a drawer plus a bin of cables, hard drives, old RAM, promo USB drives, blackberries (that sti…
So enjoyable. @BuzzFeedNews party, who dis?
Retweeted by Peri @TheRickWilson If you buy this and the bucket of Nutella, it should come with a free burial plot. @Infantry0300 @PaulLeeTicks @patkiernan @mschaeffer27 Ffs @HayesBrown I just want you all to know that cheezit now makes toasted cheezits. A whole box of the burnt ones. K bye @HoarseWisperer @Nicole_Cliffe Omg it’s like a standing time out wall @TalkThirty @kevin @mikeyk @instagram I find it interesting that the reply is “I will not” instead of “we will not”… @TalkThirty Totally creeped out and kinda impressed?Yea so I’m still allergic to my cat @ezraklein While I wholeheartedly agree, I am sure he he will definitely be getting some sort of huge payout or kic… @doggymama8 @ArielDumas Haha well I meant the little ones. My nana used to pull one out of her purse at the movies.… @girlsreallyrule How dare you infringe on a man’s right to have you look the way he likes? @dlaw51 Yikes @Twitter It’s not working @TalibKweli @realDonaldTrump @Nicole_Cliffe Sooooooooo happy @ArielDumas Toblerone. @ArielDumas Sitting together at the dining room table for dinner. Ok, that sounds really sad. Sorry.
Why don’t Trump’s people care when he lies to their faces? Seriously, I really want to understand. @feministabulous @Dudeitsemily @OatlyUS This is 💯 true. @feministabulous It tastes like band aids smell. @focusonbreathin Life of the party 🎉 @jehorowitz
@kylegriffin1 @GirlieGirlArmy I hope everyone in the White House gets salmonella and ecoli from the FDA being shutdown. @safiyajn Omgggg why didn’t you buy the mini versions? Also, this would give me the most ginormous migraine, the whiny, cry baby, temper-tantrum throwing poster boy of the @GOP is going to get us all killed without FD… @TheSciBabe @soylent @netflix You could probably cancel that crystal skull one. @HydroHaacker Whatever is after Millenials: oh we all died because the FDA can’t check our lemons anymoreAP FACT CHECK: Between the TSA and the FDA, the #TrumpShutdown is literally going to kill us. (Oh wait, this is a… buzzer goes off at Melt Shop. My food isn’t ready. They say, right, we did that so we could tell you it wasn’t r… @OhNoSheTwitnt This is also funny because white chocolate contains zero chocolate.“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depress… @ParkerMolloy I could only make it to 0.25. Congratulations 🎉 @MikeIsaac, I was watching #Tidelands instead of Trump because I like my fantasy to be at least entertaining... so tell me…
@motherboard @VICE huge truck parked halfway into the street, idling crazy loud engine, hooked up to a hose @NYPDMTN from 1-2a… @dog_rates @robbrennan23 How many times do you think he wants to hear me sing, “Louie Louie”? @TalkThirty @instagram So someone reported you for that?
@emilynussbaum The whole swearing in thing is odd to me, as is the mixing of religion into government. If anything,… do women go on The Bachelor? Follow up: Why does anyone watch The Bachelor? @voxdotcom Make it stop 🤦🏻‍♀️ @Nicole_Cliffe Warm take- but in regards to actresses who everyone is always surprised by with her amazing performa… @Nicole_Cliffe What if the baby is in a really nice basket that you do want to keep tho @girlsreallyrule Jenny McCarthy? Bad, yes. Worse than Trump? I don’t know. @Oatmeal @MaxTemkin This is what I expect out of Alabama.“And whenever I make a mistake, I say, "OK, this was clumsy." and then I restate what my point was. But it's— it's…
Retweeted by Peri @OnePerfectShot @everydaycormack @Buzz_dont_tweet @BumblebeeTrust @bwars2000 I guess I need to learn more about bees. I always thou… needs the dinosaurs, art and spaceships of the Smithsonian when you can take the kids to the clock tower at the…
Retweeted by Peri @gatewaypundit @AOC @barstoolsports She’s actually real wacky and funny as hell. They probably will have a lot of fun together. @Lhlodder This is how I feel about socks. @NYMag Zamnnnn zaddy @NBCPolitics The ratings will be so low @mindykaling AbsolutelyChris Pine is totally Goodfellas Ray Liotta woah @mattwhitlockPM Low key banger @kurteichenwald Well. Duh.