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my cat’s favorite person

929 Following   785 Followers   16,188 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/21/09


@MavenOfMayhem https://t.co/CHeaucHxVGI know there’s a lot going on but I really can’t believe Trump hasn’t tweet-bashed Family Guy yet. I was kind of l… https://t.co/7WPvdVo2wA @yashar $100 million. Wow. Ok. Yea, I’ll do it. Whatever they want.Sue is Mood. I miss @VeepHBO https://t.co/4cZSn9V17c @DavidHMandel @VeepHBO I want Veep back now! https://t.co/OA7NZVLLX2It was weird that they added Alex Jones after he got dropped from everywhere else, but at least they listened to re… https://t.co/6ie8MPKCMq @Roku Thank you. @meakoopa https://t.co/N2BNfnLwXs @girlsreallyrule Here. This will compound the issue. https://t.co/nFzuPO3ORJ @dog_rates @DB_Grimwalker Sorry for the crunchy cold chomp snack! @lurie_john https://t.co/75fqLMS8vSIf you are a man who is upset about the Gillette commercial, you should smile more. You are so much prettier when you smile.
Retweeted by Peri @girlsreallyrule IN 🤯 SANEOk, so who *isn’t* familiar with the Presidential Records Act at this point in time? This is almost 101. Regardless… https://t.co/YuzxHbrV81
1/16
2019
Ummm read the room @RokuSupport @Roku https://t.co/kmJ4kX6L45 @jaredlholt @Roku WTF @Roku @RokuSupport? You real into hate speech, racists, and bigots now? @shaunking Because he was trying to use them to make a point about the shutdown and he failed miserably. @WhiteHouse @realDonaldTrump Mmm cold and soggy fast food https://t.co/TWrpUyVmiP @billyeichner @BachelorABC Do you want a rose for a dollar? *confused* Will you accept this rose for a dollar? -w… https://t.co/GQwJVaaQJo @KPIXtv @BettyKPIX https://t.co/spvCyeB95q @realDonaldTrump Aww, look who’s starting to figure out his own shutdown? @aoc was asking these questions a month a… https://t.co/ouFwq1AzuUGood times. Another big loud truck dumping or pumping something at midtown north precinct #nypd - is this some kind… https://t.co/8UnbUlESLR
1/15
2019
If you want to smell all day like a half embalmed grandma holding a big bouquet of wilted flowers, I recommend Clai… https://t.co/oIKDDV7WxNLast week while exiting a coffee shop with cup in hand, I smacked my shin into the door frame and it is now an insa… https://t.co/cRzeUqJTZf @OhNoSheTwitnt She’s smarter than all of them but she also bangs her twin brother which somehow is even worse than regular old incest. @marcrebillet https://t.co/TVNJEZW0Xn @ThatEricAlper Ma! The Meatloaf! @ThatEricAlper My son works?! @AOC ... and it’s even grosser under here than we thought. @GailSimone The Goonies. @BBW_BFF How classic is classic? Regardless, the answer is always The Goonies.Even Homer uses that GIF. #TheSimpsons https://t.co/Gw7V6mbxID
Retweeted by Peri
1/14
2019
@Aaron661David @TalibKweli @ArmchairExpPod @daxshepard @joerogan @billburr @bryancallen Really loved that episode. @AlexJamesFitz EDIT: *roku needed micro SD. https://t.co/P7vcbCZ2CA @AlexJamesFitz I have a drawer plus a bin of cables, hard drives, old RAM, promo USB drives, blackberries (that sti… https://t.co/8rZe3wJlww
1/12
2019
So enjoyable. https://t.co/mQP1Pvk6G1 @BuzzFeedNews https://t.co/vUFpvnMkOcNew party, who dis? https://t.co/2cznisv8tB
Retweeted by Peri @TheRickWilson If you buy this and the bucket of Nutella, it should come with a free burial plot. @Infantry0300 @PaulLeeTicks https://t.co/kRnoYTXfAf @patkiernan https://t.co/cudW3VMkq6 @mschaeffer27 Ffs @HayesBrown I just want you all to know that cheezit now makes toasted cheezits. A whole box of the burnt ones. K bye @HoarseWisperer https://t.co/jili6El9wj @Nicole_Cliffe Omg it’s like a standing time out wall @TalkThirty @kevin @mikeyk @instagram I find it interesting that the reply is “I will not” instead of “we will not”… https://t.co/Mm7k2Z5Ucl @TalkThirty Totally creeped out and kinda impressed?Yea so I’m still allergic to my cat https://t.co/LC5vWeyNaf @ezraklein While I wholeheartedly agree, I am sure he he will definitely be getting some sort of huge payout or kic… https://t.co/axrmGPL3Fn @doggymama8 @ArielDumas Haha well I meant the little ones. My nana used to pull one out of her purse at the movies.… https://t.co/tLXsc7sMQM @girlsreallyrule How dare you infringe on a man’s right to have you look the way he likes? @dlaw51 Yikes @Twitter It’s not working @TalibKweli @realDonaldTrump https://t.co/K71jIs8KYT @Nicole_Cliffe Sooooooooo happy @ArielDumas Toblerone. @ArielDumas Sitting together at the dining room table for dinner. Ok, that sounds really sad. Sorry.
1/11
2019
Why don’t Trump’s people care when he lies to their faces? Seriously, I really want to understand. @feministabulous @Dudeitsemily @OatlyUS This is 💯 true. @feministabulous It tastes like band aids smell. @focusonbreathin Life of the party 🎉 https://t.co/Clw3I0lxlm @jehorowitz https://t.co/YzSreJftrj
1/10
2019
@kylegriffin1 @GirlieGirlArmy I hope everyone in the White House gets salmonella and ecoli from the FDA being shutdown. @safiyajn Omgggg why didn’t you buy the mini versions? Also, this would give me the most ginormous migraine https://t.co/F9LRTb0cxVTrump, the whiny, cry baby, temper-tantrum throwing poster boy of the @GOP is going to get us all killed without FD… https://t.co/J5NtlSWiVE @TheSciBabe @soylent https://t.co/qLkbJhKHIY @netflix You could probably cancel that crystal skull one. @HydroHaacker Whatever is after Millenials: oh we all died because the FDA can’t check our lemons anymoreAP FACT CHECK: Between the TSA and the FDA, the #TrumpShutdown is literally going to kill us. (Oh wait, this is a… https://t.co/0Gxps7RM7g#thankstrump https://t.co/luTLPIiAxtMy buzzer goes off at Melt Shop. My food isn’t ready. They say, right, we did that so we could tell you it wasn’t r… https://t.co/7jEgPLbSn8 @OhNoSheTwitnt This is also funny because white chocolate contains zero chocolate.“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depress… https://t.co/3ZleIIxZ9E @ParkerMolloy I could only make it to 0.25. Congratulations 🎉 @MikeIsaac https://t.co/eJp8ezUaBEHi, I was watching #Tidelands instead of Trump because I like my fantasy to be at least entertaining... so tell me… https://t.co/GpPmpKrzK1
1/9
2019
@motherboard @VICE https://t.co/fJihvQ3oWiAnother huge truck parked halfway into the street, idling crazy loud engine, hooked up to a hose @NYPDMTN from 1-2a… https://t.co/64TUjIBAJr @dog_rates @robbrennan23 How many times do you think he wants to hear me sing, “Louie Louie”? @TalkThirty @instagram So someone reported you for that?
1/8
2019
@emilynussbaum The whole swearing in thing is odd to me, as is the mixing of religion into government. If anything,… https://t.co/TML33nKULPWhy do women go on The Bachelor? Follow up: Why does anyone watch The Bachelor? @voxdotcom Make it stop 🤦🏻‍♀️ @Nicole_Cliffe Warm take- but in regards to actresses who everyone is always surprised by with her amazing performa… https://t.co/UuHum0pczO @Nicole_Cliffe What if the baby is in a really nice basket that you do want to keep tho @girlsreallyrule Jenny McCarthy? Bad, yes. Worse than Trump? I don’t know. @Oatmeal @MaxTemkin This is what I expect out of Alabama.“And whenever I make a mistake, I say, "OK, this was clumsy." and then I restate what my point was. But it's— it's… https://t.co/C7ORSlD8ub
Retweeted by Peri @OnePerfectShot https://t.co/pLBi6zjVLK @everydaycormack @Buzz_dont_tweet @BumblebeeTrust @bwars2000 I guess I need to learn more about bees. I always thou… https://t.co/ooFXgdhPXaWho needs the dinosaurs, art and spaceships of the Smithsonian when you can take the kids to the clock tower at the… https://t.co/Ewn4KFpEQj
Retweeted by Peri @gatewaypundit @AOC https://t.co/9q28PWfFBe @barstoolsports She’s actually real wacky and funny as hell. They probably will have a lot of fun together. @Lhlodder This is how I feel about socks. @NYMag Zamnnnn zaddy @NBCPolitics The ratings will be so low @mindykaling AbsolutelyChris Pine is totally Goodfellas Ray Liotta woah https://t.co/OTlbrHnVfU @mattwhitlockPM Low key banger @kurteichenwald Well. Duh.
1/7
2019

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