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Portia Pan @NotLikeTheCar Wales, United Kingdom

I am your (circle appropriate): sister, daughter, acquaintance, friend, son-in-law, friendly neighbourhood Spiderman, favourite item of knitwear.

1,691 Following   1,566 Followers   94,627 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/29/08

Has anyone seen non alcoholic egg nog in any of the major shops/supermarkets? @FOREVERamon @Ahmedxjean Why is her torso narrower than her leg!? She looks like an arm with a head-shaped hand!
Who wore it better? @ashpernpapers @DeanDobbs disgusting breakfast of the last one to turn up at the Christmas party. Who also woke up in a Tory society. @CuppaRJ Really? That’s exactly what they’re called over here. @CuppaRJ She also didn’t call them pants, Uncle Sam! @PriestConal 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 @NotLikeTheCar Johnson Voorhees
Retweeted by Portia Pan @eartht0talia And only South Welsh, at that 😒 @YouMustBeAnna Your new picture is so pretty! You look like a fairy!Isn’t this just the Friday 13thiest of Friday 13ths. @YouMustBeAnna SHIT! You win this one, Royal Mail... @RuhBuhJuh 3 words: Drive. By. Shooting.Hi, don’t tell my postman dad I’m trying to pirate the Royal Mail, but if I write “return to sender” on my Christma… you can see, I’m coping really well! I’m gonna have a hangover on work Christmas party day, thanks BORIS, the first of your many fuck ups over the next few years. @Dr_Dreps I will take a silver lining wherever I can get one, tonight!LISTEN. I’m drunk now okay? SORRY about it!Why is 0 Seats Farage on here, the humanoid fucking frog. @DuncanBannatyne How do you think things will get better when the party who caused the problems are the party you’ve voted in to fix them!? @adamaganza @CuppaRJ No one really talks like this in real life! @adamaganza @CuppaRJ Imagine if I was a massive Tory and I was just infiltrating all of you lot to try and turn you… @adamaganza @CuppaRJ Cracking! Come to me my children mwahaha. @adamaganza @CuppaRJ To be fair, the only rich places I know in Cardiff are Roath and Whitchurch so that means noth… @LightbulbXCIV Thrilled that it lived up to your expectations! @LightbulbXCIV Enjoy, pasta perv. @danstkes NOT THE CHEESEMAKER FROM BLUR!!?Don’t know what you freaks are into, but I can also offer a photo of me holding a massive bag of pasta if that’s more up your street.
@TheAverageDr Enjoy. also available in cat flavour!If anyone needs dog pics, btw, hit me up. I can hook you up with some Stan photos. I might even chuck in some Cooki… fuck everyone who didn’t vote by the way. Hope you urgently need the NHS after it’s collapsed 😘 @CuppaRJ Jeeeesus. Who knew CN were so fucking boujie/racist!This whole Brexit cluster -fuck is really about 1 thing. Immigration ! Like it or not turns out we’re a country of…
Retweeted by Portia Pan @TheHazelHayes I want just want to cwtch him and sob together! @TheHazelHayes @benjamin_cook If it helps, Stan’s a massive socialist. never find a clean shoe when I need one. you so much Richard Bradley 💚💚💚Omg has he got a “Proud Dad” T-shirt on!? 😭😭😭 @PhilHollywood Woahh don’t jinx us Phil, these are only the Exit Polls and the fuckers let me down big time when it…, Portia will not be reading the papers for 4 years, so this is bullshit. @DamnItsChloe :)Shoutout to my people ✊🏻 @notcorry You’re alright ta, I’m not getting fined for those fuckers.BTDubz, if anyone wants to punish themselves by watching the results come in, and you haven’t got a TV license, you… the Tories will still be in power and I will have to go to my office party and get pissed with a load of T… @princessgleek Central. @princessgleek Ah I’m not going to that one, I’m going to the library. @princessgleek Which polling station are you going to?Putting more make up on to vote than I ever had for a date. Got a date with destiny bitch! 😎I fancy rewatching Years And Years, but I’m pretty sure watching it on Election Day will single handedly turn my soul to dust.
You’ve changed. You used to care so much about what actors said that the paper you edited hacked Nigel Havers phon…
Retweeted by Portia Pan @annietisshaw Jesus Christ, the hits just kept coming. I’m so sorry. You’ve seen a hell of a lot more punishment than that fucker has.Listen, I know you’ve seen a million tweets about how to vote, but when you‘re at that booth tomorrow, there’s only… @AlexVakili @CuppaRJ @HistoryIDK Is it the book of the film or a totally different story? I love the film. Are both… @CuppaRJ @HistoryIDK Have you written a book already?My little sisters really interested in the history of the Holocaust at the moment. She’s just devoured The Tattoois… @YouMustBeAnna Ya welcome bruv! @conorbrn What do you mean white people? Scarlett Johanson’s playing an Asian tree in this, isn’t she?Straight up ready to beat the shit out of anyone picking on Greta Thunberg. She’s a little girl. Just because you d… many school kids did he snatch that off? you're not sure who to vote for, watch this.
Retweeted by Portia Pan @shaghikg Omg these are all so nice! I think all the last 3 are probably the nicest though. Love that shade of gree… @eartht0talia And she’s not much better, demonstrating his name by backhanding his junk when she says “Hancock”! @Tonygardner @MartynSLD Always knew he was the bomb! @hayles1804 Are there 2 better things to be tho? ♥️♥️♥️remember!! do NOT take photos of your ballot paper/inside the polling booth. get a sick selfie outside with a dog x 🐕
Retweeted by Portia Pan
@samwrite Unless you can vote tactically then ignore what you think of him. An entire party who is “sort of just cr… @YouMustBeAnna @BensHoops That would be an automatic “get out of my murder list free card” for me! Adorable!Imagine being this defensive of corporations who massively inflate their profits in order to brand something which… @AllianceLGB @MartynSLD Will you please stop corrupting the bloody children mun!!
@TheAverageDr Awww! As you can see in my last tweets, my cat’s all about snogging 😂 @TheAverageDr Ahhh I see haha. He’s gonna be so stressed, bless him. I’ve never known such a worried dog in my life!Here’s one where I look slightly less like I’m necking her. The reason I’m filming myself having a make out sesh wi… Its illegal to laugh at my makeup-less face and terrible haircut, and Santa’s my best friend and he’ll beat yo… she’s been taking smooching tips from rom coms! ALL MY NHS WORKERS/IF YOU KNOW ANYONE THAT DOES 😍😘
Retweeted by Portia Pan @TheAverageDr He’s not in danger... do you know something I don’t? Is there a hit out on my big fat toddler dog?? @SimonMagus ✋🏻 Here’s a hands up for all the people who don’t have internet access, and used them for school/work/j… @benjamin_cook I sort of feel like almost any other film I’ve seen is as related to the Shining as Doctor Sleep is.By “watch” I mean “stream”, of course. I ain’t got MONEY to be BUYING stuff like a TORY.Where can I watch Portlandia in the UK, nerds?HOLD the fuck up. I think my sisters are having a puppy for Christmas. Stan is a very old puppy, he will not enjoy… @FandtheLCC Performer. Arianna Grande: get out! Justin Bieber: shoo! @hayles1804 Can’t help but wonder whether those kids fucking hate peace, or if that’s just a visceral reaction to being near Yoko Ono...Listen up, musicians of the world: if you aren’t older than 30, or you’re Chris Martin, get tf out of my Christmas playlist!My favourite bit about Christmas is the bit where the kid choir goes "War is over, aaaaAAAAaAaAAaaRGHHHH 😱😫😤". @YouMustBeAnna So kind of you, but it absolutely is and you know it😄Nooooo is this for anyone? Why didn't know about this!? The one day in my life i'm not in Cardiff Museum!! That haircut's terrible. 21. Oooooh you've nearly got it! Sort that fringe out and you're golden! 25. Ah you fu… @lesley_snell @joepike @BorisJohnson @itvcalendar If the kid was in there with a splinter and he had to lie on the… of these clips are so frightening. @RosesBranwen It always freaks me out that there are decent quality colour photos of him. I feel like he should've been around the 20's!Hello Portia, would you like to watch this clip of Amy Schumer doing an exaggerated mime of the act of eating popco… there anything in the world less funny than physical demonstrations in a standup routine? Like the concept of t… how many people replied to this article saying food costs less than energy drinks. We’re so privileged that we…
Retweeted by Portia Pan @ReadAirPodcast Portia has instead opted for a “I asked for layers but I got a mullet” depression hoodie.Been laughing at this all morning. @MartynSLD Sorry you’re wrong. Quality St then Roses.