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Sitcom Writer • Former Letterman Monologue Writer • Featured in @Mic, @AVClub and @Time • Buy My Book RE: THE WASPS on Amazon!

2,526 Following   4,142 Followers   33,829 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/4/08

the look of abject horror on my bf’s face at the end of chernobyl episode 2.... you love to see itthis was a cultural reset @procornholer Cum Framed Roger Rabbit @MykeCole I won’t say because I have this script outlined already. Producers - slide into my DMs for an Argo style…
@charles_jensen i love the shirt @mfbenji cc @lornemichaels @mvddm his knee is right on his balls @TheAdamSass zzzzzzapgood morning. @ANTFERNY now send his nudes to his employer @RyanCannot @BryanHawnItunes @BernieSanders @AOC thank you @RoyalBluePhoto thanks but he's being willfully ignorant. because he can profit off selling that to rubesDoes Bernie have speedos as merch yet? I have to replace my itsy bitsy teeny weeny Amy Klobuchar bikini ASAP
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brien @djm742 @BryanHawnItunes @BernieSanders @AOC bahahahahathanks for all your messages and support. i have to withdraw. but i want to see that bitches head on a spike. @BryanHawnItunes @awards_watch @BernieSanders @AOC Looking forward to when you drop dead of a brain aneurysm and I… @BryanHawnItunes @awards_watch @BernieSanders @AOC I don’t want your money or your pathetic list. I don’t want anyt…
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brien @BryanHawnItunes @awards_watch @BernieSanders @AOC I don’t want your money or your pathetic list. I don’t want anyt… @dtrombino thank you. it’s my own fault for being vulnerable.Existentially disgusted and enraged. I can’t believe someone like that a platform to reach 38 million followers. He… am disgusted.Even though I typically think that deleting is a sign of weakness, I have to do it to protect my mom from this insidiously stupid vampire. @exadyto I don’t know what to say. I really regret subjecting my mother’s medical problems to this vile filth. @BryanHawnItunes @BernieSanders @AOC Wow, the ignorance is staggering. Tell me who you’re voting for so that I can…
@idgajon hmm that’s a lot of stars @zachheltzel Not Meatus @airuhgo i’ve quit two and am considering joining a third to quit that as wellI've got news for the Republican establishment. I've got news for the Democratic establishment. But my messages are… you seriously are considering voting for Bernie but would NEVER vote for Warren, you might want to consider the…
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brien @SkylerQueen91 wow that’s insane @SkylerQueen91 is there a giant spider in one of them @SkylerQueen91 I HAVENT SEEN THIS IN 25 YEARSfun Mad Libs game to play while free and fair elections are being lowered into the grave: ___(country)___ is ___(v… @DerekSykes17 i just watched that today too! so good.You can be a gay man and: — Not have a collection of wigs — Not do poppers on Christmas — Not fight for control… @chrtucci hinting** @chrtucci christian is hunting that he wants to go to centurynurse said my shorts were “very 90s” 😒 @nickysloggedon when are we going to the track Nicky
why does this sandwich have nipples growing on it going through my drafts folder writing the words “with a beard” after everything @mikesuszek the Last of Us directed by Bong Joon-ho @cameronscheetz it always feels like everyone’s staring at me. like they all know @noasackz this is tense @ANTFERNY what the absolute fuck this country is doomed @catmancatman864 i thought 6 was average @gay_flop this could be referring to like thirty different twitter things going on right now. @GummyFredo “attacks” it’s a signnow that i gave my friend back his sunglasses (so now i have no sunglasses) i have to remember that the men can see… @ParkerMolloy @MavisGary yes, the person i’m disagreeing with is correct. but i am SACRIFICING my VEHICLE for berni…
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brien @galaxyhoya cjust found out Elizabeth Warren used to be a speech therapist. Maybe that’s why I like her so much. or as i would… of way is a dangerous thing for a pedestrian like me to have - but I have it
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brien2091: I turn off the holoscreen report on the Water Wars. "Facebook, do I have any memories today?" "Yes," my and…
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brien @bnowalk this post has reminded me of the books DESPERATE NETWORKS by Bill Carter. about Lost, Desperate Houswives,… @MeganBitchell and then she sold it ☹️if there was any justice in the world we’d all wake up tomorrow and twitter would be deleted. @bnowalk what in the world @bnowalk @insopherable @cinematrans put us out of our misery @bnowalk West Wing?I think I could be a really good flight attendant. @Maggie81488250 I don't believe you for a second. @Maggie81488250 why dont you show your face and we can talk some more. or are you too embarrassed to reveal yourself to your nine followers @Maggie81488250 jeez all I said was that Mayor Pete looked like somebody tried to photocopy an egg. It really got you mad.#PeteHiveBAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ParkerMolloy @MavisGary yes, the person i’m disagreeing with is correct. but i am SACRIFICING my VEHICLE for berni… @DanaSchwartzzz it’s easier if you can picture timmy in it @TheAdvocateMag he looks like somebody tried to photocopy an egg
@RonnieLauth the ring 4 @jgownder oh good. that was a wild ride @jgownder I don't know what this gif means, JP!Tried to make calls for Warren but couldn't figure out the calling app! Am I old? Maybe I'll just go to a phone bank.the original daddy #hotboysforbloomberg @theodoremfox good job! Gertrude Stein will not haunt you tonight. but only tonight. you have one night off from be… @MarcSnetiker I've felt betrayed like this. @aaronhoff @PeteButtigieg can’t wait to see this debate that you speak of2091: I turn off the holoscreen report on the Water Wars. "Facebook, do I have any memories today?" "Yes," my and… @chrtucci hate that I heard this in my head @doublescorpihoe that face @Neil_McNeil what happened while it was playing Neil @theodoremfox but what about cats @theodoremfox yes mic drop @theodoremfox you’re gonna do great theo! @HistoryAtDisney stupid mission spaceI’ve done over 2,000 shows in my life, plenty of them sucked, but I’ve never told a joke so bad someone had to sign an NDA
Retweeted by John Jack O'BrienWarren vs Bloomberg @BenLaBolt we love to see a good ratioI wish I could Inception the neighbor’s dog (Pebbles) to tell him the mailman is a Friend, not an Enemy.constantly discovering new ways in which to feel unfulfilledwatching the debate now and Pete and Klobuchar have big Theater Kids energy over there in the corner being all catty @bot_me_daddy this tweet is loudtake me for granted daddy
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brienwatching MA with the air conditioner on but the air conditioner is very loud so we turn the air conditioner off every time MA is on screen
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brienevery time Ma is on screen during MA
Retweeted by John Jack O'BrienRight in front of your fucking face.
Retweeted by John Jack O'Brienasked my bernie bro brother how liz did will be watching clips later and donating one dollar to warren for every time i am gooped and two dollars to warr…