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Comedian & Writer. Assistant Comedy Editor for Paste. I'm fine.

546 Following   600 Followers   1,628 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/16/11


@jake_brannon Oh Jacob
1/24
2020
The most American thing about Bake Off is when they make everyone pick a favorite in the finale.
1/23
2020
@damonjr OCP, easy
1/21
2020
@justinclementsS THANK YOU SIR I AGREEHire me as the new Bake Off presenter, you cowards. I’VE MADE A POVITICIA!!!
1/16
2020
THE MOVIES OF 2019 AS "JOHN MULANEY & THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH" MEMES: A THREAD
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
1/10
2020
@CherithFuller thank you! Great photos, right?Be great if @MARTASERVICE would prioritize fixing the long overdue Reynoldstown bridge over replacing ceiling tiles… https://t.co/8SsD3gFfIV
1/9
2020
Graduated from tumblr https://t.co/oWyvlezvKr
1/4
2020
For the record, I have carpal tunnel
1/3
2019
@emilynussbaum New in Town. Fave special of his and in general
12/27
2019
“Hey, did you hear [comedian] moved to NY? “Oh so they’ll only be here every other week then.” “Yea”
12/26
2019
My sister explaining Juliette Lewis’ acting career to my dad: “She’s perpetually chewing gum and has an attitude problem.”Paste's Ultimate Last Second 2019 Gift Guide https://t.co/xn4UAiMzHv via @pastemagazine
12/25
2019
I'm noticing a weird thing in stand-up where comics confuse interactions with super famous people as jokes. Like no… https://t.co/ckGrUyCLeJ
12/17
2019
My favorite thing that happens on a cooking show is when a contestant says “these flavors are my wife’s favorite, s… https://t.co/ieXT4ehetk
12/14
2019
here's our assistant comedy editor @OhhCathcart with a great piece on some of the top photographers specializing in… https://t.co/3fcehLyNnk
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
12/11
2019
Boston Scott is a real player for the Eagles and not what I assumed we were calling Tom Brady now
12/10
2019
@grmartin Haven’t seen it and yet immediately knew what movie https://t.co/ZC48LJNek2
12/7
2019
Haven’t had cable in a while and finally watching Detroiters. Everyone was right, this deserved a third season. I love Tim Robinson
12/6
2019
Office holiday parties don’t need a theme. They already are themed. The theme is... holiday.
12/4
2019
It's hard to still be a good comedian when you're also a rich celebrity. Just look at Jerry Seinfeld.… https://t.co/j4mTeyS54W
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
12/3
2019
@plentyofalcoves You also didn’t really see the grandchildren act out these characteristics which doesn’t help. @plentyofalcoves Saw tonight and had same thought. It felt like hamfisted string of buzzwords. Reminded me of the “… https://t.co/EUyTjyNC9l
12/2
2019
Kamala Harris is that comic who is amazing at themed shows but still doesn’t have a tight 5TITUS ANDRONICUS DOESN’T USUALLY SPEAK ON THIS KIND OF THING BUT ENOUGH WITH THIS GUY ALREADY {+@} https://t.co/AsQODCzioJ
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
11/21
2019
In 36hrs I’ve had a temporary crown put in, cracked and lost half of said crown, and got my period. https://t.co/kcxWw4BeYaYou should be allowed to do anything you want to anyone named Mason and they know it.
11/16
2019
@BondJohnBond @CanonUSA @CanonUSAimaging Gimme your garbage
11/15
2019
How haven't I been cast as Jimmy Dugan in the new "A League of Their Own Series" yet @SheaSerrano @arcade_1up Mikey, of course
11/8
2019
There’s no bigger red flag than labeling yourself as a “Christian” or “clean” comic.
11/7
2019
@piperruhmkorff Woo! https://t.co/MPWYlTWddX @piperruhmkorff Oof, welcome to my garbage club
10/31
2019
I know everyone is excited but...... Matt Smith as The Riddler. Imagine
10/19
2019
I don’t know if it’s because nobody is trying or because I can’t filter out republicans, but everyone’s tinder profile pic is terrible @MeJaneYouShutUp That name, that face, dem sweaters @MeJaneYouShutUp JAMES!!
10/14
2019
@joelwruiz So sorry, Joel
10/12
2019
Doctor: literally all your problems can be solved by just drinking water Me: ... can I take it in pill form?
10/11
2019
There’s nothing worse in an office setting than seeming “approachable.”
10/8
2019
Men on Tinder: https://t.co/CJuJsIF28K
10/5
2019
@daverichard C. Godwin or C. Samuel?
9/29
2019
As someone who is enemies with one particular dickhead goose at my office, Glen, I have mixed feelings about this goose game.
9/25
2019
I’m bisexual and asexual which means I’m indifferent towards everything.JODIE FUCKING COMER!!!!!!!!!i screamed https://t.co/PtkOU4n2Ci
Retweeted by Olivia CathcartYES, PHOEBE WALLER-BRIDGE !!!!!!!
9/23
2019
Love being the only one drinking a Coors Light at a pop concert.
9/22
2019
How, in 2019, your comedy festival has multiple all-male lineups is................................................................. a dumb
9/19
2019
Day 1 of a new job should just be teaching new employees how not to reply all to emails.
9/18
2019
@megh_wright “Comedy critics are the worse, except for the ones I quote in my bio”
9/14
2019
Comedy bloggers are not waiting to cancel people, they’re waiting on a check for a piece they wrote 8 months ago.Also THIS PHOTO! Amazing“Trying to get someone fired just cause you didn’t like something they said?” Lol like people dislike racist slurs… https://t.co/WGu4Uy9ay8me watching this SNL oopsie: *lipsyncs* why is no one reaaaaady?
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
9/13
2019
OH @bowenyang YES, HONEY!!!! https://t.co/8NYLW82ZG7
9/12
2019
@MikeVmos YES PLEASE GODAll I want for my birthday is attention https://t.co/ieXdupoqLa
9/5
2019
Got my thumb caught in my front door. I turn 30 in 26hrs.
9/4
2019
Why are people surprised a man doesn’t want to spend his 30’s in Indiana? #AndrewLuck
8/26
2019
The BA test kitchen is the closest thing America has to the Bake Off tent.
8/25
2019
I should have never gotten into baking. I just watched a 30min video of a pro chef spend 4 days making gourmet Pock… https://t.co/BA7fPOPGpY
8/24
2019
The first thing they teach you in comedy class is to move the mic stand behind you, but it should really be move th… https://t.co/FGrzMU12jv
8/23
2019
@KillAndBeCool https://t.co/ONhQD67Xfhhot girl summer is over, make way for crab boy winter. scuttle about sideways. wave that one terrible big claw around. disgusting
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
8/22
2019
@AndySandford @PopeyesChicken ATL airport def sells them, have had them, but it is not thought out (tiny flat biscu… https://t.co/p21000OCnJ
8/21
2019
@IanKarmel Oh yes. Me @BondJohnBond I wish a ghost would have told me to not idolize my teens. @BondJohnBond You seeing a youth pastor in your 30s?
8/16
2019
Had a great time in Asheville this weekend at @AVLRenaissance. Amazing location, would definitely go back!… https://t.co/Gk7tn95gFP
8/12
2019
The fact that the phrase “do something” is trending higher than the city or the actual crime is crazy telling of ho… https://t.co/jKRz6ryxLT
8/4
2019
@talk2cheybell @SFSketchfest @bridgetown @THENACA @HighlandBrews @Andrew_Orolfo @stltoday @iamRafeWilliamshttps://t.co/9b2nHiuvJp
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
8/2
2019
If you can’t handle me at my worst then — hey — good for you for knowing your limits
7/29
2019
@silkyjumbo @MattRogersTho @LasCulturistas thank you thank you!
7/28
2019
@MattRogersTho @LasCulturistas ( oh and ATL stand-up btw) @MattRogersTho @LasCulturistas Hello!! Team Oatmel Raisin here!My work wife resigned so now I’m an office widow.
7/27
2019
You don’t hate brunch, you hate the versatility of eggs.
7/20
2019
How many times can I listen to Ariana’s “One Last Time” in a day before my phone legally has to report me?
7/17
2019
Wow, everyone using the aging app is really confident they’ll never have to fake their own death and start a new li… https://t.co/KeX0g2GQAu
7/15
2019
RA - PEE - NO. Like Pinot Grigio. PleaseOh good fuck - IT’S 2019 LEARN HOW TO PRONOUNCE RAPINOE! #WNTParade
7/10
2019
American men don’t have hand towels and you expecting them to bring home World Cup trophies?
7/9
2019
Camera cutting to all these little kids in the stands NOT losing their minds HOW DARE THEY! THEY DONT DESERVE A FRA… https://t.co/pPTzge0pe3ALEXA PLAY “BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY” #FIFAWWCFinal #USWNT #FIFAWWC19ALEXA PLAY “GOD IS A WOMAN” AGAIN I ONLY KNOW SO MANY SONGS #Lavelle #FIFAWWC19 #WorldCupfinal #USWNTALEXA PLAY “GOD IS A WOMAN” #Rapinoe #FIFAWWWC #USAvNEDYOU BASTARDS BETTER BE WATCHING THE WOMENS WORLD CUP OR ILL KICK YOUR ASS OFF! NO CUP. NO ASS. #USAvsNED #FIFAWWC2019
7/7
2019
BLEW A THIRTEEN COLONY LEAD.
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcartme: America doesn't deserve to celebrate the Fourth of July this year also me: I would die for the entire U.S. women's national soccer team
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
7/3
2019
@MikeVmos It would be battle of the teams with the two best fan bases @MikeVmos Yea a team who’s never been going to the finals is always great @MikeVmos Yea they’ve not been great when challenged. They barely had the ball in 2nd half. England has D issues, a… https://t.co/FoFP3GdSwT @MikeVmos And yet had 60% possession. Still think Germany is the better euro team, so US needs to step it up cause… https://t.co/Ha5X4QPtzE
6/29
2019
MY GIRL!!!! https://t.co/ND2gIxjPQj
6/25
2019
@Carlo_Magliocco WARREN! https://t.co/VxF9Yhilo1
6/19
2019
The @USWNT just scored more goals in ONE GAME (13) than the men's team did in their last three World Cups COMBINED.… https://t.co/Iv4DbfMFkC
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
6/12
2019
For someone so repeatedly and sycophantically praised for his intellect, this plan is mindbogglingly wrong-headed.… https://t.co/cAwalGMHZZ
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
6/3
2019
Question: who is READY to be a BITCH to their CLOSEST FRIENDS this PRIDE?!?! #anthem #pride @bowenyang #Changing in… https://t.co/I41Q6T67Mp
Retweeted by Olivia Cathcart
5/31
2019

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