Sign in with Twitter

Username:

Jewish American Disney Princess. @DriverMinnie once said that I’m like if Jiminy Cricket were a hot cheerleader.

1,255 Following   344,890 Followers   108,546 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/28/10


@tarastrong @DollyParton @JonLeeBrody Twitter https://t.co/wTvuJwyJtuFYI @tarastrong wins https://t.co/Vy5etQfS0GIt's my friend & bandmate @daneferguson birthday & I've set up a surprise GoFundMe to help him with his recent surg… https://t.co/q8H12nFkhe
Retweeted by The Volatile Mermaid @So_SoCaL @DrJenGunter That was obviously my initial response but I thought it was too graphic and gross even for me @DrJenGunter Is there a GOOP equivalent created by a man? Who like advises throwing jade eggs at your dick or something?
1/25
2020
@cristela9 It’s best not to encourage me but thank you 😘😘 @HowardCamerik 280The president of the United States who conspired to have an American ambassador killed just spoke at a rally called the March For Life. @AuthorKimberley Ilu @politelyviolent Yup that’s why they say I’m not white because I’m a Jew despite the fact that I’m white as fuck.These are the same people who said Obama wasn’t Christian because (checks notes) he’s black.Maybe if we start calling our body parts gun-sounding names like “revulva” or “shooterus” the GOP will stop trying to regulate them.
Retweeted by The Volatile MermaidNothing says “Christian” like a man who cages refugee babies speaking at an anti-choice march while married to his… https://t.co/ipzPVNHexU @cristela9 Q: What do you call a car who doesn’t mind when the president says its wife is ugly and it’s dad killed… https://t.co/QkdZoAwm16Ah yes, that famous phrase Trump would always say when he fired someone on The Apprentice, “Take her out.”“Take her out.” - definitely not what a guy whose catch phrase is “You’re fired” says when he wants someone firedOh god I didn’t even notice this https://t.co/VodFUsz6JC https://t.co/QRAOoAajuoGOP: But if we let women have abortions how will they ever lose a child in a school shooting?
Retweeted by The Volatile Mermaid @IMJackRudd You could argue Cinderella would too because she worked. Except she wasn’t paid for the work she did.LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder https://t.co/YzGtRlGKaULinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder https://t.co/MSFGmWlNPsLinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder https://t.co/aNSEFM9idMLinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder https://t.co/JApDtJ2AUOLinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder https://t.co/lF8mYti9aILinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder https://t.co/onCIuvK8LP @TheMattFowler I love that movie (and book) but steamy isn’t a word I would use to describe it. Unless you mean shi… https://t.co/Era3WzZmDi @TheMattFowler Steamy???? The movie about child rape? @HarlanCoben @markhoppus Does unfunny mean $ because in that case yes you’re right @abbygov Guy Brodude and Chad Whiteman. @DevonESawa Leave the jokes to the professionals, Junior Floyd. @HarlanCoben No joke this is also similar to something I once tweeted and deleted bc it was so bad. No wonder you a… https://t.co/61UUmBFGPLPeople who defend Trump because he threatened them even though they know he’s guilty are called Moscowards. @KevinMKruse @espiers Dude. Look at the date. I don’t want to be psychic. https://t.co/9TGDNO7jhC https://t.co/CF7FEgSdWBWelp #HeadOnAPikeIt’s times like this I like to address the people who said we were “exaggerating” when we said we were one step awa… https://t.co/9gtQyca6wB @ilyseh Also rich for Republicans whose pockets are lined with NRA blood money. @jess_mc @KamalaHarris @SignalBoostShow OMG HI KAMALATrans people: Oh a campaign putting out a video featuring a rampant transphobe is kinda not cozy Assholes: CANCEL… https://t.co/Szs93Kpn84
Retweeted by The Volatile MermaidNancy Drew and the Motherfucking Patriarchy @alicewetterlund @PrimeVideo This is great and so is your hairThe only way this could be more of a metaphor for society is if the Hardy Boys are the ones who murdered her. https://t.co/3NKCU6KZRhReminder that I have a great stand up special streaming on @PrimeVideo that some of my boyfriends friends haven’t w… https://t.co/GejkQjNUmK
Retweeted by The Volatile Mermaid @spdustin @AngryBlackLady Old but helpful guide https://t.co/F5ERwfmzpN https://t.co/EJi9aJXPax @AngryBlackLady Plus I’m white so I’m also a race traitor. Truly I am the worst. @AngryBlackLady That’s called an actually. The collective noun for a group of white dudes in your mentions is an actually of white dudes.After 11 seasons, this week I shoot the last Modern Family episode I will ever write. The title says it all. 😢 https://t.co/15RzZM87jW
Retweeted by The Volatile Mermaidhttps://t.co/Kek0RWOe9g
Retweeted by The Volatile Mermaid
1/24
2020
@FattMernandez I would but I’m married. @DannyZuker YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY REAL FATHER @FattMernandez Can I assuage your fear by telling you that females are the aggressors and typically kill males afte… https://t.co/G2PeoTi6plGoBro. Like GoPro but it counts every unsolicited opinion from a man you get each day. @EternalMLcrisis Then there was no need for him to reply was there @AlexandraErin @goldengateblond @shastabarbell As someone born in 1982 I prefer the term Oregon Trail Generation. A… https://t.co/ODHcC5OMM4 @goldengateblond @AlexandraErin @shastabarbell Hey look, man, would you rather be saddled with the MILLENNIAL title… https://t.co/Z6s5qdza9H @joeyalison Same https://t.co/UPEuWf4lSa @casaclark @HearnStephen And it gets you blocked in here bc she’s my friend. @AlexandraErin @goldengateblond @shastabarbell Well Shauna’s older so she gets Clinton because I was in high school… https://t.co/je53plflDz @KnaveRupe @shastabarbell @goldengateblond Right? Like oh no shauna will never see this “stolen” joke I only talk to her every single day @goldengateblond @shastabarbell I literally just saw what she’s talking about like oh shit my bad we mentioned the… https://t.co/MhUC34f6Bu @akbrujo No the b is for boner @shastabarbell @goldengateblond She’s one of my best friends what’s your issueRepublicans: We’ve heard nothing new. Democrats: Can we show you something new? Republicans: Lol no.Holy shit is THAT why that toothpaste is called ORAL B?“Greta Thunberg has no business giving economic advice until she finishes college” says a guy who supports a presid… https://t.co/QtkHggdQGx @GailSimone The V-Wing is what the girls in Star Wars fly right? @Rschooley If anyone knows how to do coverups it’s this guy https://t.co/N465pq44Ad @ColinHanks @johnmoe How would I know if men I’ve never met think I’m a an unfunny bitch if I wasn’t on Twitter? @RachelHeine Boehner is pronounced Bayner but that doesn’t stop me from pronouncing it boner. @quinncy As if he even believes it exists @RachelHeine Thanks also your last name is hiney lolIf Pence becomes president his first order of business will be to change the name of the Oval Office because it makes him uncomfortable. @karengeier @WeatherKnower Begging for those likes https://t.co/WLqTy3oSMR @marchimark Allow me to present to you the greatest gif ever https://t.co/S8HQzhV8eL @nicoleaimee Cool story bros, and eating pussy will give you eternal life.Did a penis write this https://t.co/kcHQ25xVmSTrump’s sons murder endangered animals, Huckabee’s son murdered a dog, Mitt Romney drove with his his dog on the ro… https://t.co/IFjhTB3yZv @LEBassett He saves the animal killing for his sons.https://t.co/md868pjlUeNow that Trump is at war with Earth, Wind, and Water, all that’s left is Fire and Heart before he completes his tra… https://t.co/dqlPlbkiUk @Almost_ironic Dudes got mad when Brie Larson asked for top billing in a movie called Captain Marvel in which she played... Captain Marvel.Captain Marvel 2? You ladies already got a Captain Marvel movie and now you want another?! So needy. Now if you’ll… https://t.co/wHfk3tW86vIn addition to “hysterical” Fox News called Dems “shrill” and said they “would be prettier if they smiled more.” https://t.co/ciaa4bkoutSean Hannity praising the pathetic loser who wouldn’t defend his own wife against Trump as a hero is pretty much al… https://t.co/VgIu0aQelIIf you were watching Fox News yesterday, you heard the same stuff you heard the day before, which you heard the wee… https://t.co/lJcJXF7Q2aThe presidents daughter is in davos to talk about whatever it is she does. https://t.co/J8LZZsJni6
Retweeted by The Volatile MermaidWhat’s the game in these stories about Republican Senators claiming they’re never heard all the evidence before. Fe… https://t.co/atG2VGs0e3
Retweeted by The Volatile MermaidI learned so much from @ewarren's book, This Fight Is Our Fight, that I'm giving away 5 copies! I want more people… https://t.co/FFrp7DX649
Retweeted by The Volatile MermaidLook all I’m saying is there’s no way we’re going to get pockets in every dress with a male president.
Retweeted by The Volatile MermaidNobody replied “nice” to this yet. Nobody noticed the 69. I am very disappointed in all of you. @s_foucault Don’t snitch tag wtfI don’t know who needs to hear this but Baby Groot and Baby Yoda in a dual stroller pushed by Keanu Reeves.
Retweeted by The Volatile MermaidI deposited a 53 cent residuals check at the ATM and then heard little footsteps from inside. A tiny ATM elf opened… https://t.co/8FBG5gm09m
Retweeted by The Volatile Mermaidwhen people say I swear too much I’m like “well in my defense I read the news”
Retweeted by The Volatile Mermaid @JennyJohnsonHi5 @Travon I went on a cruise once. There’s a reason it was only once.Conservatives aren’t funny part 2,745,351,069 https://t.co/8sqvDKAg22
1/23
2020
Adam Schiff bringing the visual aids and audio clips like a well prepared student meanwhile Republicans are coming… https://t.co/5iHFsJlBsz @rob_sheridan @tobinhoward I don’t doubt it. I was basically season 1 Max from Stranger Things except instead of 2… https://t.co/abC5VBfw3x @rob_sheridan @tobinhoward Yes! So was pausing Chun Li’s high kick so it looked like you could almost see her vag.… https://t.co/Cpp8IGTZSb @tobinhoward @rob_sheridan Semi related: I still remember when I beat Metroid and my cousin (boy, 2 years older) wa… https://t.co/QxD8RQNvTU @rob_sheridan I just googled it and you’re 3 years older. Damn I’m good at this game.
1/22
2020

0