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Host of @NPRAskMeAnother, Standup Comic, frequent @MothStories host, author of "Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy." 🇨🇦 I don't cut my own bangs 💇‍♀️

1,936 Following   16,989 Followers   9,044 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/21/11


I’m in an Uber on my way to the airport. I had two hours of sleep. My neck is killing me. I’m resentful towards ele… https://t.co/uxwZnyFI2g
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergI just told my husband that what I really want for Christmas is a decent shower cap so that’s a fun new phase of life right there.
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
12/12
2019
Comedian Maria Bamford is BACK on our stage THIS FRIDAY 12/13 w/ special guest Ophira Eisenberg, don't miss it! Gr… https://t.co/HjS7QMtUmA
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg @annakgustafson Wowowowow! Congratulations!Friendo!! https://t.co/zgFHgKXqAf
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
12/11
2019
When someone says “all the feelings” I think ‘Amateur. That’s my baseline.’
12/10
2019
@jack_jackson I love this. perfect.My nativity scene features baby yoda #happyholidays #jedi #Mandalorian #womandalorian
12/9
2019
Lovely Sunday morning reading @alansilberberg’s hilarious and informative Chanukah kid’s book Meet the Latkes! https://t.co/cz9AqlKUt2
12/8
2019
🎟️Only a few tickets left! Better hurry if you wanna catch one of our great shows w @ophirae @aaronbergcomedyhttps://t.co/rFyuKqnGOn
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergMinneapolis! Twin Cities! Do what’s right and have a blast- go see @jackiekashian @AcmeComedyCo https://t.co/KhcVExXLMh
12/7
2019
@hokispoetry A book and a podcast have now been suggested -this idea has legs! @KButsch I’m so glad it arrived! Happy holidays ;) @BradyDale Yes! I’m inA Good way to scare the shit out of people is to take them up on their offer to come by and talk to them anytime @skipc17 Haha yes totally!! @DanKennedy_NYC I’d believe it (a crack - ha)I’m pretty sure at this point every one has done, is doing, or is about to try standup
12/5
2019
The best show, the only show, @witchhuntcomedy is this Wednesday 12/4. Link in bio for tickets Poster by @briespiel https://t.co/PmBb0zVdsJ
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
12/3
2019
@fancynancynyc I have a friend whose name rhymes with lofearah bisonburg @fancynancynyc I’m coming byI think the Brooklyn version of @portlandia’s Put A Bird On It is “Add An Egg for $4”
12/2
2019
This is what we call A VERY GOOD LINEUP 😍 join us for a special Saturday show tonight 8pm @friendsloversbk!!! https://t.co/axmPyE64nK
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergWho wants more comedy?!!? Don't answer that. Tonight. Sat. Nov 30. Friends and Lovers. Side Ponytail. 8 PM. Free. w… https://t.co/Zf4hzLjRpD
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
11/30
2019
Getting psyched! (And regard my clean bathroom) https://t.co/UTr9OhFMdhWow, so many stores have gotten in touch to wish me a happy thanksgiving.You don’t know how many Canadian comics are living in New York until you do a bunch of shows on the eve of Thanksgi… https://t.co/eyddSDlJl9
11/28
2019
Tomorrow: be thankful for everything you have. Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon: furiously buy everything you don’t haveLooking forward to some pre-turkey comedy https://t.co/HawdTFpLKn
11/27
2019
Just in a few Friday’s from now people! https://t.co/WkiSJ5NHOW @saraivry Right -false sense of security with the apps and allI had no idea that some parents shove their little kids in an Uber alone, basically saying -get in that strangers car, he might have candy.
11/26
2019
We are so excited to share this episode of @NPRAskMeAnother with @RobertEarlKeen talking about his Christmas Tour a… https://t.co/taDyVuFIbG
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg#SweetSupporter @robertearlkeen joins @NPRAskMeAnother host @OphiraE to chat about how his love for music started,… https://t.co/aSymrm9SWP
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
11/23
2019
From last night with the one and only @whoisLukejames https://t.co/alCI3C77G4 @jono_hayward @NPRAskMeAnother @BellHouseNY @whoisLukejames @NPRextra I like that
11/21
2019
I’m looking forward - Plus who looks this good in a bucket hat??? That’s a talent in itself https://t.co/smoBoFRxrK
11/18
2019
@JCCraves I mean it inspires crying. I love this @joshgondelman @FatuousTwaddle Awwww! We should do it again !
11/17
2019
RT @NewYorkComedy: 😂 Put down that BEC right now and get your tickets for 8pm before they're gone! Ft @ophiraehttps://t.co/LJjoljdzaZ
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg😂 Put down that BEC right now and get your tickets for 8pm before they're gone! Ft @ophirae @ChristFinneganhttps://t.co/oPnVNto04J
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergIt’s Saturday! Time to get your laugh groove on at #westsayeed under @playabettys ! Tonight at 9pm it’s MVP Comedy… https://t.co/RT7GLGrhxa
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
11/16
2019
@joshgondelman This is fantastic!!! @JRadimus @jonathancoulton I love this so much. I'm rooting for Jonathan Coulton's team!
11/15
2019
@KennethWReid I weirdly started it before my mom died... sigh. But anyhow - I do feel more voices - like yours, esp… https://t.co/8PBHvs70Sj @KennethWReid I have been a half written piece on empathy- what I think it is and isn’t that I was hoping would be… https://t.co/pimfnIlRqE @KennethWReid I kinda needed to read this today so .. thanks and love to you
11/14
2019
@NewMurphyLaw @joshgondelman Oh I could not handle old yeller...good one @joshgondelman Here’s my quiz: what Disney movie scarred you the most as a kid? Me: Bambi!!!Oh no! We’re down to a booth???!! https://t.co/4to1cMQGeC @TJSimpson @jonathancoulton I truly love anything with the word vomit in it
11/13
2019
This was one of my favorite recent interviews @npraskmeanother: Alejandro Escovedo: Punk Rock Roots In Texas https://t.co/arsS735d2y
11/12
2019
@svaneksmith This is the beginning to a horror movieMy show is closing out the festival today! 2pm Kraine Theater. Good news: some subways are running today. If you c… https://t.co/iCGMPpyTus
11/10
2019
@KennethWReid 2 trays !This is tomorrow SUNDAY 2pm- a show about SCARS and finally: How to Get Rid of Them. Get liquored up, slam down an… https://t.co/tKsbSNjLnU @RVENGEOfTheNERD You made my morning... and probably week! Thank you. @erinfoleycomic Omg!!! @CalebSchadeck @CogswellCoggie I have heard that - on the subway where there are rats on the tracks, it felt a little odd...
11/9
2019
@mblei AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!I was telling a friend I saw a guy on the subway with a pet rat on his shoulder, and she said “oh yeah I’ve seen th… https://t.co/CE4JAtsSoMI choose these 10 but there are so many more worthy of my gratitude @stereostories @mandystadt @margaretchohttps://t.co/Fvgs8wGn7f
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergSo many guys say they got into comedy/music “to get laid”. sigh. I guess I got into comedy to make it harder to get laid.As part of @FRIGIDNewYork I’ll be talking about my scars in How To Get Rid of Scars that also features guest storyt… https://t.co/SwEDL4xlAr
11/8
2019
Comedian @MariaBamfoo ('Lady Dynamite,' 'Arrested Development') returns to #NewHaven on Friday Dec 13th with specia… https://t.co/mi1MozaBL8
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergJust because it’s a shame to miss a chance to share embarrassing photos- this is me at my computer support job… https://t.co/3C4erNvHquThank you so so much! I love crying in public myself. https://t.co/sRb8rWfELs
11/7
2019
@paulacolemusic I hope to come to your next show- thank you so so SO much for being and incredible part of mine.From talking to the amazing @paulacolemusic last night, I’m struck once again by the fact that artists who defy lab… https://t.co/hDIPZDSe28
11/6
2019
@jiggyjaguar @iHeartRadio @TalkShoe I would love that! @bmiles33 @NPRAskMeAnother @BellHouseNY @jonathancoulton Always advisable
11/5
2019
@eMLo81 Ha! I love how powerful it sounds
11/3
2019
Are you an @NPRAskMeAnother fan? We are too! @OphiraE stopped by WYPR this week for an interview with… https://t.co/sxs5GrPBeX
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
11/2
2019
We've extended the deadline to apply for The Moth's Spring 2020 internship class to November 8! We're seeking inte… https://t.co/spSyG2Nd2D
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergSpooky announcement: I'm part of the 2019 @FRIGIDNewYork festival! Come see my show "How To Get Rid of Scars" NEXT… https://t.co/U21oIhkwlb
11/1
2019
@EmilyFlake Aw sweet!I’m thrilled to be opening for @mariabamfoo in CT. Dec 13 https://t.co/lMpsqnn2N3
10/31
2019
@SweetSpotRD Our thumbs are smarter then our brains maybe @BradLoekle I’m with you 100% @mikefinoia Hahaha! Yes @mikefinoia Truth is - 3 weather apps and they are always all wrong. They say it’s not raining while I stare at a downpourI took all the games off my phone to try to be more production so my idle phone moments are now a cycle of instagra… https://t.co/nHuEN7DZruLIVE NOW: @tomhallwypr is talking with stand-up comedian, storyteller + host of @NPRAskMeAnother @OphiraE. Head to… https://t.co/5XwASorsTq
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergI’m about to do some live radio @MiddayWYPR ! And this is just one of the reasons I know this is a great public rad… https://t.co/aobPLJck8F @KennethWReid HahahaThis hit me hard https://t.co/0DWVX7u6Mm @DanKennedy_NYC I can’t stop thinking about this tweet - you voiced a frustration I have, hadn’t articulated, and now I feel less alone
10/30
2019
The laugh of realizing you’re hanging with a Doobie Brother, Steely Dan, and father of Yacht Rock. aka Michael McDo… https://t.co/YPi7wCYevu
10/25
2019
There are still some tickets left for tonight's new variety show Next Best Thing. @OphiraE and @adiraamram host wit… https://t.co/2hJ80perdr
Retweeted by Ophira EisenbergIs anyone else’s life a endless cycle of I forgot my password oh I guess I don’t know my username I forgot my passw… https://t.co/d8cIJgCE8x @BradLoekle What? Excited to find out. You are the one @DanKennedy_NYC I only am familiar with the ones waiting with me for the subway
10/24
2019
hello people - want to be a @NPRAskMeAnother intern? We need you. I need you. The Winter/Spring 2020 application is… https://t.co/GZvQboYzbsMy husband and I are so emotional. A lot of people my age when reflecting on their parents say something like “That… https://t.co/aq8lg1oQPw
10/23
2019
@EmilyMcWinter I know daily ends up working against youOne of my many parenting fails is introducing my 4 year old to the concept of "a bonus minute"One more show for this year’s Speak Up Rise Up festival! And it’s going to be a big blow out. Folks from… https://t.co/kr1aRVG2PE
Retweeted by Ophira Eisenberg
10/22
2019
@DanKennedy_NYC I never could to begin with so for me it’s just the feeling of being right, again.
10/21
2019
@fancynancynyc You mean a napping dress or a different one? @joshgondelman We play a game called “why is my sock wet?”
10/17
2019

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