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writer for Lovett or Leave It (@crookedmedia), @impostorbear, and @depressedgraph. Exec Dir @respiraworks. Free tutoring for Black students (DM).

1,706 Following   43,886 Followers   22,713 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/20/10


@donni no!me on a walk: i think i’ll have a healthy breakfast smoothie when i get home! me at home: taco bell it is u disgusting freakeveryone handles grief differently and yours is the worst wayYou said watch WandaVision but I don’t WannaVision my life without you https://t.co/0wyxnj555s
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pali am posting in solidarity with amazon workers in chicago who are being forced to do an inhumane megacycle shift. t… https://t.co/6rXhNn2DjE
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @RealMrHooper goodwhy are you, as a man?"Enjoy this gift of a very normal large wooden horse" https://t.co/4HSUDEuoTK
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @memetazaa @DrakeGatsby @smithsara79 @GooseEscaped @MILFWEEED @abbygov @NILES100 @MNateShyamalan @sahana_srinihttps://t.co/Af5kYcQUPE @sza and also money thogn https://t.co/ubNtlYmzRs
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palJoe Biden Me on stage 🤝 Bombing while people wait for their checks
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palit’s been an emotionally draining week just gonna open my dms to check-dicks yep just dicks in there @donni no what’s that like
2/27
2021
imagine being roommates with cruella de vil... @PallaviGunalan & i discuss the potential drama on the latest episo… https://t.co/6v4INtmSNV
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @davehelem congratulations!!Life is just choosing your subway sandwich when you're 9 and ordering the same one until you die
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @showmetheyamz same friend ❤️ @showmetheyamz friend breakups are way more painful than romantic ones. i love you so much. ❤️
2/26
2021
2/2) please look up and watch his comedy, his gift to us. i'm sad i'll never get to be in a room while he's perform… https://t.co/e9WUDVSLZV1/2) erik myers was one of the funniest people i've ever seen perform. whether it was a dead open mic or a big show… https://t.co/q7eYz6cDe4 @alovelikelia dreams @official_saiki nowhen i get out of quarantine i’m sucking dick like it’s the first dose @lindawg_ my love 🥺❤️❤️❤️PSA https://t.co/do8mzOae4p
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palperforming standup on this virtual show tomorrow night!! get your tickets here: https://t.co/WpTgXTBS8E https://t.co/xB8HilTfTD @memetazaa @GooseEscaped @smithsara79 @MILFWEEED @DrakeGatsby @abbygov @NILES100 @MNateShyamalan @sahana_srinihttps://t.co/UMr3JeSiuJ @ElyKreimendahl 🔥🔥🔥 @ElyKreimendahl @therealkingwack @TheirMaddesty @mabbylmao @taylorgarron @ashleyn1cole @shiraisinspired @mesallyannhttps://t.co/GIC5dmNeninever be afraid to ask for help <3 https://t.co/7qYkBExS67swimming is so embarrassing everyone can see you want to be alive
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @SusanBallentine susan! ❤️tired: crying after sex wired: crying after everything @SydneyBattle happy birthday!!Okay https://t.co/IndGCRQI5K @MichaelGahley i'll do what i want with white womenparallel lines be like https://t.co/APbf3SgUdg @RobDenBleyker rob this is misinformation. i’m sure there are more than two johnsons.dating = fucking around getting married = finding out
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palEverybody Hates Me, All My Work is Bad, I Will Never Find True Lasting Intimacy, Even My Friends Will Leave Me Beca… https://t.co/Xw81PdNU7cthe last guy i made out with before the pandemic just told me he’s “proud of me” in case you’re wondering how long… https://t.co/09fEx6WWjw @TheHyyyype oh hi @TheHyyyype 👀👀👀We don't talk enough about how "integration" historically meant placing Black and Brown people in white supremacist… https://t.co/035ei7nKjL
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal“omg i bet your hair would look so pretty straight!!” https://t.co/tn3TyQRPz2
2/25
2021
@____VIVA____ “just” @FredTaming we are all babythose month-by-month pictures of babies on blankets tracking their growth but of me in quarantine slowly detaching… https://t.co/NjZQhhAK5S @pillowfightpod @ashhhhhhole ^ this!!! @susanisrad do it @romy9480 “just” @baddanadanabad when you get to your thirties that man is in his sixties @qayratwedding @c0rv0s hope u passed!! @wapplehouse i’m so sorry! hoping for the best case scenario! ❤️ @AnyaVolz okay but like...no one will date ME??? in THIS life??? @onesongglcry i said just @capodetuttcapi i said just @AnyaVolz no what no @peacevinyl me. i'll tell them. pls send them this tweet. @chrisrichards50 no. @Bec_Murph_ no @sachikodesilva vaccine 🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾 @fka_zigs the only good argument but still doesn’t mean it should be all they do. let them pay far above minimum wa… https://t.co/9eJnfuImrS @TygrHawk okay but you are about my gender @lindawg_ same 🥰💗💗 @lindawg_ every rt counts 🥺❤️ @femaleredhead no, ty @sahana_srini @smithsara79 @ElyKreimendahl @showmetheyamz @itskristofer @irene_tu @NILES100 @MILFWEEED @yedoye_https://t.co/rMoIF77Z6E @Dobrenkz @smithsara79 @ElyKreimendahl @showmetheyamz @itskristofer @sahana_srini @irene_tu @NILES100 @MILFWEEEDhttps://t.co/Ldk93XO1vM @xybergay no worries! @xybergay (that’s why i said “just”) @xybergay at live events they’re used as an excuse @smithsara79 @ElyKreimendahl @showmetheyamz @itskristofer @sahana_srini @irene_tu @NILES100 @MILFWEEED @yedoye_https://t.co/bqR8ayJv0W @xybergay my point is they’re not used that way @smithsara79 @ElyKreimendahl @itskristofer @showmetheyamz @AndieIsOnline @RebeccaTKaplan @saggiesplinters @Dobrenkzhttps://t.co/eZ8t6TpBs6 @emma_murph14 @wnrvlvt do it. whatever that is.
2/24
2021
@ElyKreimendahl @smithsara79 @showmetheyamz @itskristofer @sahana_srini @irene_tu @NILES100 @MILFWEEED @yedoye_https://t.co/KX1fd4sZZu @MILFWEEED @smithsara79 @ElyKreimendahl @showmetheyamz @itskristofer @sahana_srini @irene_tu @NILES100 @yedoye_https://t.co/qHKXGRI2Vrfollow me for a solid plan and follow these funny smart folks too: @smithsara79 @ElyKreimendahl @showmetheyamzhttps://t.co/we7IQm8dq7this adulting shit is stupid can i go back to eating dirt and thinking i could be in the olympics
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palmen be like “i can’t commit” and then stay friends with the worst people their whole lives
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @ElyKreimendahl @itskristofer @showmetheyamz @AndieIsOnline @RebeccaTKaplan @saggiesplinters @Dobrenkz @smithsara79https://t.co/4N2tqYt4Extimothee chalamet is the tom cruise of michael ceras
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @lilithsquared @zmann @word_geek @CollectedVoices that’s why i said justpolice academy written test https://t.co/a6GGUewyk2
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pali asked my guy if he thought my ass was fat and he said “medium” i said i must be one because i'm talking to a dead man
Retweeted by i can be your long lost paly'all should follow me i got my shit handled https://t.co/jJ77N6bFjH @jackie_of_arc me too ❤️❤️❤️ @jackie_of_arc it MATTERS!!i hated the gay penguins. here's the real reason i came around on gay *people*... newest episode ft.… https://t.co/qHGxnhWWQQ
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palaight imma do crimes on grass tf? https://t.co/ma4j2T5f9d
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal @boingloinhitter @yedoye_ right??The books @yedoye_ referenced throughout the episode here: Pedagogy of the Oppressed - Paulo Freire How Europe Und… https://t.co/hHNqMtxMJvApple Podcast https://t.co/Pcm7DhtKLl Spotify https://t.co/Sop6JCbOBB Stitcher https://t.co/ivMloOc5Dh SoundCloud… https://t.co/2GyocnADbxI sat down with the hilarious and intelligent @yedoye_ to learn more about the history of economic structures and h… https://t.co/AcholzlLJ6he was a boy, she was his mom can i make it anymore oedipus
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palthis man hasn't texted me back for a week i can only assume he's dead (because i'm going to k*** him)Remember how in school someone would run for class president and promise everyone pizza parties but then there were… https://t.co/Q7VqtKi3PY
Retweeted by i can be your long lost palDo NOT do this 🙄🙄 https://t.co/w9Um9ww2UW
Retweeted by i can be your long lost pal
2/23
2021

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