Sign in with Twitter

Username:

The magician's assistant in their dreams.

587 Following   235 Followers   5,657 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/10/11


I'm absolutely dying laughing at this... he looks like @patsharp https://t.co/ANdmgprTVl
9/17
2020
Insta v Reality https://t.co/gcbmOR5Cfq
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
9/11
2020
@_dreamer_ Oh, duh now I see it has the location, sorry. Enjoy yourselves! @_dreamer_ Where have you gone on holiday?
8/24
2020
@DaleAnthony where do you say "BLENDED"? https://t.co/9JQ5bwSMl9
8/20
2020
“It’s a bloody nightmare” Meaning: Something is proving a mild inconvenience; typically used to describe slightly… https://t.co/czkPwmnz4a
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
8/17
2020
@Alessaof2evils *hugs* fuck em! x
7/29
2020
@Alessaof2evils I had a call last week with somone who pronounced Uber "Youber"
7/20
2020
@Alessaof2evils Well, that's not terrifying AT ALL @Alessaof2evils Someone who enjoys staring at themselves for an hour. I'm taken aback sometimes when I start one an… https://t.co/yD9hBE5CxF @Alessaof2evils Pfft, you look gorgeous 😍 I had a video call with my mam the other week where she talked about driv… https://t.co/IQhod0ES7G @Alessaof2evils Also now i'm absolutely dying to know what totally didn't happen! 😆 @Alessaof2evils I'd say adopt the Father Ted approach when he had to kick Bishop Brennan up the arse... Totally den… https://t.co/fjtz7uK0FT
7/9
2020
Much like the pandemic, this vintage store warning sign escalated quickly https://t.co/wm9LMVw7Dx
Retweeted by Pamela Smith @_dreamer_ @Hermesparcels @LoveWilko haha good point... I'm not expecting anything useful to come from contacting t… https://t.co/gF4msnpQMQ @maidorevolution @Hermesparcels @LoveWilko Nope... I called and got cut off, sent a message via their contact form… https://t.co/4QRNa6pCU3
6/30
2020
Nice delivery by @Hermesparcels on behalf of @LoveWilko - 2 items missing too :( https://t.co/8ooHHz0TSe
6/29
2020
Hey friends, I just launched @theDesignVault 🎉 🔗 https://t.co/pQWnOIy3JZ Design Vault is a curated collection of… https://t.co/uyp0ZbD0Lg
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
6/9
2020
Ways to say "I have no idea what you just said": I see Leave it with me Haha, yes Okay great Interesting Right... C… https://t.co/4f3sc8rtTp
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
6/5
2020
This bit between New Year and Christmas is really dragging now.
Retweeted by Pamela Smith @Unrealalexsmith Congrats and happy birthday! :)
6/4
2020
@DaleAnthony I'm ready for autumn now, thanksLol @DaleAnthony me for a year about Parks and Rec. So wrong. https://t.co/6Ce7NsUWHI
6/1
2020
me, five times a day, making any exorbitant purchase: ah sure look it’s what I’d be spending at the pub
Retweeted by Pamela SmithBit passive aggressive https://t.co/b3M0Pg84ko
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/22
2020
Troubling thought: What if these are the good old days?
Retweeted by Pamela SmithLockdown appears to have taken its toll on Optimus Prime. https://t.co/FJEUdCcTYM
Retweeted by Pamela SmithUnfortunate typo in this email about London’s best parks... https://t.co/SqB5ApTshm
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/20
2020
@hayley Aaaahahahahahhaaaaa agreed!!! "was it set in space?!"Northerners when they go to the shop https://t.co/KzJODaYeBv
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/15
2020
I can't stop laughing at this https://t.co/EzjMSLyqtd
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/13
2020
@5tevieM Great thinking. I'm in need of easily expanding clothes due to some totally unrelated over-snacking. Hones… https://t.co/tPOWxJj4s6 @5tevieM Similar thing happened to me, I walked in the road while a guy rolled his eyes & laughed at me. Was all I… https://t.co/rpOwsO4MsCDelivery guy: Is this really your name? Me: yeah... It's not that uncommon...? DG: okay here's your package... T… https://t.co/CFNVSVEpZH
Retweeted by Pamela SmithFamous brand slogans as written by the Government comms team NIKE : 'Absolutely Try To Carry Out The Thing You're… https://t.co/tCdapVBBX2
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/10
2020
2020 in a single headline https://t.co/p01ouoMen5
Retweeted by Pamela Smith @hayley Hahaha everyday is naked day now!*Watches video* *Closes tab* *Burns computer* https://t.co/P5JU9MozTf
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/7
2020
Loving this absolute roast of babies https://t.co/ztrJ5QNfFV
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/6
2020
Absolutely intrigued by the stamps on my eBay parcel today. Some are in 1/2p https://t.co/eIBbEvB4kyMy neighbors are bored as FUCK!!! https://t.co/lh1TR29xMJ
Retweeted by Pamela SmithLet us pause briefly and consider the sheer unadulterated fucking horror of being Kara https://t.co/rmjeBNh7oA
Retweeted by Pamela SmithWhen the govt extends the stay at home order another month https://t.co/8DdFQ3RgOS
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/4
2020
Wondering if the jogger striding towards you is expecting to pass through your body or for you to simply disappear into the air
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
5/3
2020
I have questions. Quite a few questions. https://t.co/EzNfvmk0HV
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/30
2020
I ... I am crying. https://t.co/A8UL4SQEbA
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/28
2020
Someone brought my bin in for me. Usually I'd be very grateful for that, but it was the one thing I had planned to… https://t.co/iuBlYzXEkU @_dreamer_ 😍❤️😍❤️😍
4/27
2020
@ejosafat 🐧 https://t.co/L5cZ0Qtu3THolding your breath for so long while passing someone in a tight spot that you start to black out
Retweeted by Pamela Smith“No no, you keep in the middle of the path, it makes more sense that I fold myself into this hedge”
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/26
2020
Actual thought: Should I take the recycling out? Hmm no, I'll save it for something to do tomorrow. #lockdown
4/24
2020
@hellomarkhere She couldn't tell me what Hula Hoops were, she could only tell me that crisps are just WalkersFeeling certain you give off a “don’t worry, I’m definitely the one who crosses the road” vibe, each time someone s… https://t.co/iObQNWqDrX
Retweeted by Pamela SmithI think a lot about the time the lady in the Co-Op on Church Road told me that Hula Hoops aren't crisps so I couldn… https://t.co/b6TKuvLoea🔻+🔋=💊 https://t.co/42a9YqJiR2
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/23
2020
Ah amazing, lockdown has ended and everyone decided to mark the occasion by going to St George's Park to sunbathe..… https://t.co/VQH62zCTDcHey couples who walk side by side on paths so everyone else has to move onto the road to get the 2 metre gap i hope… https://t.co/09jQAYt0GG
Retweeted by Pamela SmithStraight couples and their children when they go out on their daily walk https://t.co/kbNaiLf2Zq
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/22
2020
Are they not allowed to speak without Brandon's permission? #universitychallengeDid McMeel's button electrocute him? #universitychallengeBrandon looks livid already and he's said nowt #universitychallengeI don't really understand why he has to say so many other words before he gets to the actual point but I must ask,… https://t.co/IuBqCLAWjM
4/20
2020
Inspired by #Quiz and due to having nothing better to do... here are some of my favourite ‘waves’ from hopeful cont… https://t.co/Pid51g9Y6G
Retweeted by Pamela SmithIn the last week I've said both Des O'Connor and Roy Walker are dead. Neither are dead. Terribly sorry.Following Pluto’s demotion to a dwarf planet, the mnemonic ‘My Very Easy Method Just Speeds Up Naming Planets’ can… https://t.co/BBtUFcJOLs
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/15
2020
Simple pleasures that WILL come again: - Meeting for coffee - Dressing up for a night out and saying “right, shall… https://t.co/rcCroqChfJ
Retweeted by Pamela SmithWe're all having a bad enough time without adding All Saints covering Message in a Bottle to the list
4/14
2020
I couldn't love @DollyParton more https://t.co/WH8InO1zEGWhy does Brandon look like he's giving birth to every answer? #universitychallenge
4/13
2020
couples out running: I promise you your relationship is still valid if you run in single file
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/12
2020
“What are you doing?” “Yoga” “You’re just lying on the sofa” “That’s one of the moves”
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/11
2020
Some woman just had a go at me from her car window about either the length of my shorts or my leg tattoos, was hard… https://t.co/kQSS0TGCgYHave I been isolating too long or are these bananas being super forward with me...? https://t.co/dedHFcxauu
4/9
2020
“Oh dear, two people walking towards me on the pavement, surely they’ll go single file and we can all... Nope, off into the busy road I go!”
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/8
2020
Alright ffs, Wang. This isn't your GCSEs, you don't need to show us all your working out. Ssshhh now #UniversityChallengeI've shouted "Come on!" several times... How come Paxman hasn't? #UniversityChallenge"Corpus Christi Wang" will never not be funny #UniversityChallenge
4/6
2020
My home council 😂😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/tKVFnMYYQu
Retweeted by Pamela SmithMore WebCam chats with bae x https://t.co/vX0t9vgipP
Retweeted by Pamela SmithThe Masked Singer but Jason Derulo is a contestant and immediately sings his name
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/4
2020
When your grandkids ask you about 2020 https://t.co/IQmyCc75Dw
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/2
2020
Juggling practice is going well! ...can someone edit this for me? https://t.co/krSWUXWrzh
Retweeted by Pamela SmithMarch 1 / April 1 https://t.co/iA5MSpoLzV
Retweeted by Pamela SmithThis is Ruby. She likes to pet the other dogs at daycare. 14/10 extremely relatable https://t.co/5KgOnL5kwW
Retweeted by Pamela SmithThis is Toby he is now working from home... https://t.co/RB6na9bUsT
Retweeted by Pamela SmithThis is just a bear... being a good citizen. https://t.co/OCqnUwioFZ
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
4/1
2020
https://t.co/8cO9qCkFjG
Retweeted by Pamela SmithPssst. It's March 31. Who knows how many meetings Ron Swanson had on this day in history? https://t.co/bbCm55LCkb
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
3/31
2020
😂😂😂 https://t.co/PnM1e4zqVz
Retweeted by Pamela SmithLooks more like Homeless Under the Hammer https://t.co/mDnvXTPQNF
3/29
2020
I've never heard more swearing during a game of tennis as when I play the Wii. And I've played real life tennis with @microdollarofthttps://t.co/gyVhE94hp8
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
3/28
2020
just a reminder that if your fellow self quarantining neighbors are being too loud you might be able to connect to… https://t.co/O5jyUlfymz
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
3/25
2020
Very British Problems with compliments... (https://t.co/uSfthZA1PM / @Telegraph) https://t.co/Z5Gu4xfLHz
Retweeted by Pamela SmithRest In Peace to the legendary Kenny Rogers. Thank you for always lifting us up ❤️ https://t.co/iYlcMaBAEd
Retweeted by Pamela SmithAt last! https://t.co/rCDIrihXa9 @ecomBenjamin https://t.co/xjGQFO3xi9
3/21
2020
When this is all over, I'm going on a quest to find the barber and tattoo artist who made the word "most" necessary… https://t.co/TOIzbh1Rry
Retweeted by Pamela Smith
3/20
2020

0