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New Netflix special I LOVE EVERYTHING premieres May 19th!!! IG: pattonoswalt

3,800 Following   4,681,447 Followers   47,187 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/1/10


jfc https://t.co/qeb5CoChXfHow...does ANYONE watch this and think this is a good leader? How many gears do you need to strip in your brain to… https://t.co/X894e8sAn0Damn right 👇👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/XdXT4yRYUW😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/cSB9yCp5CTWhat an interesting article for Europeans to read at a restaurant on vacation https://t.co/8QF492b62q
Retweeted by Patton OswaltYeah! Exactly ONE MONTH from today the all-new Season Three of ⁦@APBioPeacock⁩ premieres! Thursday, September 3rd o… https://t.co/9AZyiQcgTU
8/4
2020
Just got done shopping at the @USPS online store. Got a cool stamp coil, a coil of stamps, a sheet of “Year of the… https://t.co/VTJXfKaqQ8👇👇👇Yeah Liz!!!!!! https://t.co/lU6MkrbKxMan actually fantastic idea. https://t.co/q3rKCJGySl
Retweeted by Patton OswaltI totally bought that coil dispenser! Love those! @USPS https://t.co/7VPabSAqsdI’m at the @USPS online store. Gonna buy a bunch of cool stamps and a Mr. Zip T-shirt. Probably spend around $50. A… https://t.co/dkN6hywbR8Are you kidding? That looks great. I will always Blrbk the Blub https://t.co/pukqEmpBqS👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/bidSJvnzkSI reached out to @aimeemann — there was no one else that cane near to her voice — and of course she stepped up. A t… https://t.co/QEnChh7qU6❤️❤️❤️ https://t.co/INzklMnwJ5Just watched the finale of #IllBeGoneintheDark, a truly masterful documentary raising the bar for how stories of… https://t.co/i215iCxyPs
Retweeted by Patton OswaltTonight’s the last episode of #IllBeGoneInTheDark. I’ve studied the true crime genre going back to Capote and it’s… https://t.co/pe88nGRRX9
Retweeted by Patton OswaltIf you haven't yet watched #IllBeGoneInTheDark on HBO, I thought it was amazing. RIveting and very moving. Everyt… https://t.co/v0PbE53HWI
Retweeted by Patton Oswaltthank you @LizGarbus for your tribute to my late sister-in-law in the brilliant and terrifying #IllBeGoneInTheDarkhttps://t.co/OwHdkFzzAU
Retweeted by Patton OswaltDan Clowes https://t.co/Y9vpXHDze9
8/3
2020
Now that @jimmykimmel has challenged me, I have decided to #VOTE in November. I challenge an all-comic book creator… https://t.co/qPZrZKXCBLOur daughter is a voracious reader. But sometimes we get her a book that she blazes through in a day. This was one… https://t.co/yP7j3sP8NW
8/2
2020
Comedian and diehard metalhead @thebrianposehn talks Judas Priest, Manowar, Limp Bizkit and Udo Dirkschneider, a.k.… https://t.co/PsIHhdvrnF
Retweeted by Patton OswaltThis is quite literally Trump’s America https://t.co/VkKjHiH4oC
Retweeted by Patton OswaltJust imagine seeing this image with no context in 2014 https://t.co/wI80vLabNV
Retweeted by Patton OswaltDear @PeabodyAwards, @PulitzerPrizes and @TelevisionAcad : create a lip sync category. Thank you. https://t.co/BKasrWI57L👇👇👇 x1,000,000,000,000 https://t.co/6UkCbCP5pFI mean.... I MEAN... https://t.co/ZQGJNtTh4Vdonald you beat obama for president and yr gonna beet him again you got a good brain yay donald MAGGA https://t.co/O4GS3c9LCxjfc the fuck is WRONG with people godDAMN https://t.co/qxB2F4NoOj
8/1
2020
Oh MAN the look on your face as you take the leap. Summon the Furiosa! https://t.co/jusTKkWOg7❤️❤️❤️ Michelle would have LOVED that answer https://t.co/rvVDThjSzSThis Sunday is the finale of #IllBeGoneInTheDark. Thank you to everyone who’s watched this show. If you can, visit… https://t.co/3TqoZLMzS4🙏🙏🙏 https://t.co/mzbCEyZr23
Retweeted by Patton OswaltOn behalf of every crew member, actor, scribe, producer and executive involved in WHEN THEY SEE US, I thank @BAFTAhttps://t.co/voaIRUQ7Uu
Retweeted by Patton OswaltI'm not as big a "Trump guy" as a lot of my friends on here but the one thing I do like about him is his smile
Retweeted by Patton OswaltYo Alan Dershowitz, remember how I kept asking you over and over again what the fuck was wrong with you when you ke… https://t.co/y0GKEGwSsb
Retweeted by Patton OswaltLiz, THANK YOU for making this happen, and seeing it through. I will never be able to repay you. #IllBeGoneInTheDark https://t.co/4Rx65DM5aQ👇👇👇She’s right. 😂😂 https://t.co/KowKLhl2RxWOW!!! Love love love https://t.co/WgeuHCwXsL👇👇👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/oVkC2p1s0uYou won't have to worry about my tweets when I'm president.
Retweeted by Patton OswaltDonald, I think we’ll know the results that night. Just have a feeling we will, don’t know why. https://t.co/BucfW71S1FThe left isn’t “dancing on Herman Cain’s grave” we’re just hoping that this might finally convince the right to sto… https://t.co/9b9EPJANcP
Retweeted by Patton Oswalt
7/31
2020
be john lewis, and not the other guy https://t.co/M4saAN8eVC
Retweeted by Patton Oswalthttps://t.co/FfFTIBiuxs
Retweeted by Patton Oswalt👇👇👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/edNA6aMoGfSteven Calabresi. https://t.co/Vf99LoiRi9 https://t.co/F8OqFI0Ky3
Retweeted by Patton Oswalt*sigh* https://t.co/V94B7ld02o👇👇👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/45DNKcYJLtMy God https://t.co/lQa1OICgnQ
Retweeted by Patton OswaltThis is so on the nose it's surreal. https://t.co/eT5cW5LkiI
Retweeted by Patton OswaltBy the way, ⁦@realDonaldTrump⁩, I did the whole “inappropriate split Tweet” bit years ago... https://t.co/GEPQGSM6LpPERFECT place to split the Tweet, Donald. As always, grace and finesse! https://t.co/GgpSxBIq9hDear @Doritos — I am handing preparedness command over to my wife. Please acknowledge. https://t.co/MOoh3Bk8RhI reported this Tweet and so should you. This is blatant misinformation. Twitter even had a category now about “spr… https://t.co/fNHVh7fkF7(tips sunglasses) I got this (saxophone sting) https://t.co/hNlWk0qeKv👇👇👇👇👇👇 EVERYBODY https://t.co/dyHa25IEFUTRUMP: Most people with Covid just have the sniffles. We need to reopen schools ASAP. ALSO TRUMP: Perhaps we shoul… https://t.co/vpUUGREfLA
Retweeted by Patton OswaltNo, Donald. https://t.co/HhG4YKkNIT👇👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/kpRg85Ca13Just realized my “earthquake kit” is a bag of Doritos and one snow boot.This sad, sick death cult. #DieForDonald https://t.co/9laMJapvLu👇👇👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/0g32kXd2dw
7/30
2020
this i would understand, at least https://t.co/KxRT2GnQAV
Retweeted by Patton OswaltSHUT UP JUSTIN https://t.co/iOOVvrYK16In her defense, I had sex with Voldegath, Lord of the Cobwebbed Lands at Bumbershoot in '02 and had THE WORST gas t… https://t.co/0uoiRRuYrMI mean you COULD make this shit up but you'd be laughed out of the writer's room at THE HEART, SHE HOLLER https://t.co/EDmARgOx9JJust now — at the last sunset of the last day that Congressman John Lewis will lie in state here — an honest to God… https://t.co/Djly3zKiuv
Retweeted by Patton Oswaltblaine https://t.co/QNdKXr2R9dthe aspirin gave me a headache https://t.co/vObGrBwxBhCool ink. Vote for Hegar. https://t.co/jQacCRKmiidude... https://t.co/KR5BABOPNT😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/RZk94uoeG8The Golden State Killer is 74 https://t.co/BJM9meaT1Z
Retweeted by Patton OswaltMatrix moment: we’re all living in a version of “We Didn’t Start The Fire” AS it’s being written after Billy Joel t… https://t.co/wjFigTsoA5 @MeredthSalenger Yeah, they barfed up their thanks for such a perfect Tweet.“STAR WARS is for little boys also here are three characters I wish had their OWN movies Darth Plagueis has the coo… https://t.co/3xSVB0psOyThis special was such comfort food for me this year and I’m not ashamed to say it. @sethmeyers delivered pure, unfi… https://t.co/t3udL6DuCtThanks for getting me off the rollercoaster. Gonna just stay in the Tunnel of Love with you, baby. https://t.co/xnl5c5di6f
7/29
2020
I'm OK with sending 67-yr-old men to jail for their first offenses. https://t.co/Ol1kZx4VzL
Retweeted by Patton OswaltThis and me laugh! Watch ‘til the end! And donate if you can!!! #Scholten #IA4 https://t.co/DDj50MEVDBSeason 4, Episode 25 of THE KING OF QUEENS guest stars William Hurt as a shrink who takes Doug, Carrie & Arthur bac… https://t.co/dGnQ7pEWmpI know for a FACT Lynn Shelton would be thrilled with her Emmy nomination for directing for LFE! Deserved. She was… https://t.co/o4JoOJRege
Retweeted by Patton Oswaltcongrats on yet another Emmy nomination though try as you might it'll never equal the greatness of my 1988 Northern… https://t.co/1UXYPKoyGE
Retweeted by Patton OswaltEmmy voters, get in that bathroom. @j_smithcameron deserved a nom. Purely for that wordless scene where she express… https://t.co/06uYu0dgEiHey @JoeBiden -- you still looking for a VP? https://t.co/xBvfheKunfRhea Seehorn. Kim Wexler. What do you need, a roadmap?
Retweeted by Patton OswaltI know it was a long shot but yeah I was hoping for nominations for @BrentMJennings and @LindaEmondNYC for their qu… https://t.co/NWLp6oxos0❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ https://t.co/wymGaQeeLYYou assembled such an amazing group of talent for #IllBeGoneInTheDark and it was a thrill watching a great director… https://t.co/9olNgAE1ni❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ https://t.co/kfslIDX8pHJust blown away by this honor. What a group of purely creative, brilliant, game-changing minds to be associated wit… https://t.co/aOOU0cDlxX👇👇👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/xieFEUJvF1I never realized that until now. Oh man... https://t.co/pNQ40sjjf9uh oh guys heather’s sooo mad right now https://t.co/a3q0ZKmxCGI’m starting to wonder if Portland has oil https://t.co/3xS64RhBXI
Retweeted by Patton Oswalt
7/28
2020
This is hilarious and amazing and I hope you enjoy it! Thanks @StandUp4Amer https://t.co/1iPgPNIDeIOh WOW https://t.co/VVg1Dd5FgqIf you're watching I'll Be Gone in the Dark on @HBO, check out the supplementary podcast! On this week's episode,… https://t.co/Q5gU9qnGA3
Retweeted by Patton Oswalt
7/27
2020

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