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Thanks, I get that a lot. Black Lives Matter. He/Him

6,398 Following   9,147 Followers   60,365 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/6/08


A legit ass chupacabra could make itself visible right now and we’d prolly all just be like “cool.”
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️'I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @hacks4pancakes honestly a well-crafted message that convinces boomers to get off of facebook might be worth the moneyWhen someone is talking on their cell phone in a public restroom, I flush repeatedly to shame them.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @wumother 👀😲😳the whole age group went on facebook to upload horrible pictures of their adult children and ended up believing the… https://t.co/ZaWjVLFv2T
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️boomers flat out cannot handle being online. the whole generation needs to go back to landline phones and handwritten letters. i'm serious
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @cellapaz https://t.co/KQrBLy1qAISchitt’s Creek gifs are my preferred method of communication
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️She was sad, like cauliflower pizza crust.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️me: Hey, I gotta go, what’s your address so we can talk about this later? jehovah’s witness:
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @CCRuns oh heyThe twitter algorithm feeds on love and excitement It kills and eats anything you’re genuinely pleased with tweeting
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Not to brag or anything but I bought spinach today and instead of forgetting about it in my fridge for 3 weeks and… https://t.co/kfDFGHYsv3
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @R_2_PEE_2 hopefully no skidmarks are involvedwould be cool if the second time you get impeached you get like, a special jacket
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @R_2_PEE_2 he brought rubbers tho rightI once banged the Michelin Man...it was tiresome
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Women will really give their pets middle and last names instead of going to therapy
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @Kateness8 @adamgreattweet memes were fuckin wild, you had to draw themTweeting in the 1800s meant attaching a humorous couplet to a pigeon and sending it to your neighbors
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️NOW is the winter of our discontent?? Bill, I got started last spring.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Time to solve all my problems with carbonara.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️but who looks for you when you’re feeling lost
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️GIRLS NIGHT I scream to my puppy as she falls asleep on my lap while I drink my third glass of boxed wine
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️I act pretty tough for a guy who spent his entire sophomore year of high school afraid the cops would find an empty… https://t.co/bBRHMsQf3c
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Charcuterie: because eating Lunchables in your 40’s isn’t sexy.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @colleen_eileen it was only a matter of time before the Dorito decided it was better OFF tedRoses are red, I like mojitos... https://t.co/pR5lS4lji8
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Even a Dominatrix has to submit to her sub.... prime mortgage
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️My kids asked me how to spell desert and dessert so I told them to type it both ways and see what emojis pop up
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️
1/16
2021
@damnfinetweet @Emotionalcheese tysm :) In your honor I will be making chicken parm with 3 kinds of cheeses, for my emotions @hacks4pancakes i looked into this for uh.. other reasons, and they are v.expensive .. from 0.50->2.00 USD/impressi… https://t.co/aFMTmAPquiWhat if we all went in on a promoted Twitter account, and just shared a lot of unfortunate and bitter truths about cybersecurity, daily?
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @BigJDubz most people only get 8 per year -- far less than the recommended annual allowance of 34Spiders are sleep snacks
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @_stylr it led me to believe Ludacris would be a far more regular sight in many citiesThe Fast and the Furious led me to believe that NOS would have played a much greater role in my life
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️A documentary about Creed’s lead singer recovering from back surgery “This Is Spinal Stapp”
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @PhilipJFried kickass, congrats! https://t.co/CFFL7X8RpV1500 TWEET CALL! Drop a funny tweet for ♥️s, RTs and a !!!🏆!!! - one each - no theme - ends at midnight Here's o… https://t.co/UUtyZtUNtM
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Me: What does 'pourquoi' mean? Pierre: Why Me: Because I'm trying to learn, Pierre. Jeez
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Tonight my wife is making us watermelon mojitos and if you don’t think you can find true love on the Internet well… https://t.co/xaZanvYrY8
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Get to know me, I’m fun https://t.co/vgqNIxPd3Y
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️I hope this email finds you someone who gives a fuck about about the baby shower, Vicki
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Any hour can be a happy hour when you don’t say stupid shit like, “it’s five o’clock somewhere”
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Me: I’m going to be productive today and get out of the house! Also me: *sits in car for unknown amount of time*
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Hey shoe, are you a horcrux because your sole is splitting
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @DaniePrecisa haha yep probablyif someone you don't know steals your tweet, maybe it was just some common thotI'm combining my two great loves - whiskey and cheese. Gonna call it “Colby Jack Daniels”
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Dostoyevsky novels would have 40% fewer pages if the characters just had shorter names
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️I'll never understand why "Ginger Ale" comes from Canada and not Ireland
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Fight Club, but it's a Sewing Co-op, and still called Project May Hem
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Sitting in a room full of milquetoast men. A veritable loaf of jellyfish.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @filmswithcora @_stylr @itmegreggy @AtRichieK @Conchvegas1 @DrakeGatsby @itsdannyneary @fozzie4prez @JasonNotEvil… https://t.co/0EGzJEbE2OIf stabbing your penis with elaborate sex contraptions is crazy then my therapist was right
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Current mood: The world is still ending but I’m a little bit drunk so I’m kinda ok with it
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️don't think I've ever been "ready to rock."
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @drnelk @Tobi_Is_Fab there's a "full moon rising" joke in here somewhere but you gotta wait for it I guessI like saying hilarious things like, “when this is all over” as if it is ever gonna end.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️I hope this email finds Jimmy Hoffa
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️amazon prime be like: free one-day delivery* *except canada, or the rest of the world, excluding the US, except h… https://t.co/jFW22mWNBd
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Pleasure Pain 🥖 Baguette up
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Do you like delightful humans? Do you like unique voices? You should probably check out @t45hi who checks both bo… https://t.co/zb5MxUoD0V
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @Tobi_Is_Fab yea AND yayhttps://t.co/0k0zLgytsj
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️In case you were wondering, Alabama hummus is just mashed boiled peanuts
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️[amazon dropping off my order] Me: yes! my new recliner arrived! Cat: yes! my new scratch pad arrived! Me: Cat: Tomato Tomahto
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Reviews of Wonka's Chocolate Factory ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Beyond my wildest dreams!" ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Incredible. The man is a genius!"… https://t.co/YS90V249Xb
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Trump has requested a "big send-off" next week on Inauguration Day. Quick, we need a circus cannon and some tar and feathers stat.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Hera with Ares Hera with Hercules https://t.co/hjTRPqq25g
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Hephaestus implies the existence of Shephaestus.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @canadaslady is this toes-t?Welcome to parenthood, your knowledge of hit songs comes from kids bop.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @canadaslady https://t.co/HYEi1UN9AOImagine millennial pilgrims coming over here on the Baeflower
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @canadaslady 👀👀👀 https://t.co/6F2yYoqbmr @canadaslady 👀 @redcurlymama @UncleDuke1969 maybe we can get it trending :DCan a ballistic missile that eats other missiles be called a cannibalistic missile?
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️BY THE HAMMER OF THOR https://t.co/Yp5Y7Wttx6
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @laplandian I'd love to visit there someday, it's a beautiful cityThe real takeaway from 345 months of hell, I mean kindergarten zoom, is that now I know how to tell someone to fuck off in a teacher voice.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️If I knew I was going to have to homeschool my kids, I would have made sure my husband used a condom.
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @laplandian :-0 that's fantastic actually @PoodleSnarf @BBFTC1 perfect gifYou never think it will happen to you. Outstanding! @perlhack named @filmswithcora's tweet the best of the day. Isn… https://t.co/YuUi6GBwqg
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @laplandian Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart, and also if you are… https://t.co/TP9yDC4YeX @browofjustice Hurricane Shandy Brass Monkey's Paw Scotch and Soda PressingMy husband's great at complimenting me by stating the obvious, like "You're looking kinda pregnant today," and "You… https://t.co/SNSTA5sEhg
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️A guy I work with thought I was vegetarian because, and I quote: "saw you eating an apple or some shit and just figured."
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Her: I can’t see you anymore Me: why not? Her: because you’re depressing the hell out of me Me: but you’re my therapist
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️I once got offered $800 to sleep with a married couple... The government gave me $600 to go fuck myself
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @browofjustice Uncle Tom Collins Amaretto Sour Grapes Dark n Stormy Daniels? Bloody Hail Marya Lifetime movie about a con woman juggling 6 different engagements concurrently, called .. Mary Go Roundthem: hi, how are you today? me: bless me father it has been over a year since my last visit them: sir this is an… https://t.co/v0mKt44wu2
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️Pirate: BOOTY!!! HR: NO
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️ @BBFTC1 what's the first rule of Bad Bitches Club? https://t.co/CFFL7X8RpV🔪HAPPY FRIDAY BAD BITCHES🔪 It's time for your favorite tweet call, #BBFTC! Drop your best tweet from last week an… https://t.co/wyEyKwNITj
Retweeted by Mellon Collie and the Infi Nate Zadness ⛰☕️ 🧙‍♂️
1/15
2021

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