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Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins HOLLYWOOD, U.S.A.

Comedian/Actorian: BoJack Horseman - Threedom - Superego - Instagram: https://t.co/dB8CtPrY0c

2,654 Following   1,224,033 Followers   69,629 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/29/08


@raesanni Same @debenham @LadyKateBond This doesn’t make you sound less insane @debenham I take no pleasure in telling you that you are clinically insane.This event is hosted by local mascot Ayukoro-chan, a pig with a fish on her head. https://t.co/7JHuSB5AGs
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @Stalltt That was 2012, all the jokes have been made, let’s move onNote: I can do absolutely nothing about this pizza from this gymnasium I am speaking at.
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsHe'll never do that again 😂 https://t.co/s93rGFoEgE
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsJust shopping for some secondhand barstools and I guess the end is definitely here https://t.co/0s3f2wJBbF
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @TrondyNewman We refused The Stools Now we see our mistake forever https://t.co/Y0n9zaD5Rm @winnerbowzer @kwmurphy 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆IF LIZZO’S “HEAVEN HELP ME” HAD BEEN IN SUZUKI FLUTE SCHOOL BOOKS I WOULD NOT HAVE QUIT https://t.co/g8W0mYBjqE
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsOh my fucking god SO SORRY to get it wrong, your majesty https://t.co/QUtyoYHPOc
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsRemember the old days when you had to use a real severed foot? https://t.co/MIRwNdEwHv
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsI’m a chill wife https://t.co/pGE4nMVg2B
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @Stalltt It’s not a musicalThis looks like they wanted Leo out as leader so they all ganged up and murdered him. https://t.co/znuXIBDxYh
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @jimmyshi03 It does notThis adaptation is really good, by the way @ElizabethEThorp It had to be donehttps://t.co/MqdMuG8exvI mean, if I were Jean Valjean? I’d like my chances. https://t.co/oyuF7yDKvi @DavidHi67646764 And dull pedantry wouldn’t be truly tedious if it didn’t from an account with a string of numbers… https://t.co/Vy8Kpxm1B1OK, Last One... NEW VIDEO: #STARWARS Episode 9: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER Cantina Band @ScottAukerman @PFTompkins MASHUP https://t.co/ynQwVHkKLI
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsMan, sure would be embarrassing for someone following this election even slightly to try to imply that Warren was d… https://t.co/kACFtoV4i6
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins
4/20
2019
@ColleenSmi YOU eat baNAnas???? @FernieCommaAlex This replaces the old system of swiping a card/keyring card that never ever workedThe nice part of my thread is being shadowbanned https://t.co/1ApBF7H2kKThe heart hates what it hates.Now okay. Here’s what I know, logically, intellectually, in my brain: they are being FRIENDLY. It would feel weird… https://t.co/greCMRbkabHEY. Do you think I don’t understand the specific words the scanner is saying and that paraphrasing it will help? A… https://t.co/FPsCW1pnzFWhoever is behind the desk— and there are several different people in rotation— feels the need to act as “translat… https://t.co/jmU27dey0dSo this is all between you and the scanner. It tells you what to do and you do it. NEVERTHELESSIf you don’t place your finger JUST SO the scanner is displeased and says, in its dumb little robot voice, “PLEASE… https://t.co/gdBylUT7XRThe gym I go to (“We get it, you go to the gym” “YOU go to the gym?” Other tedious responses) has a fingerprint sca… https://t.co/5fsBjoxu8EWhat’s a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine? COMIN’ RIGHT UP! @pattymo Officially added to the rotation https://t.co/LRTDHgxeE9LOS ANGELES: #WorkJuiceWednesday fast approaches! Get your life together and go see this show! Tix:… https://t.co/jHemyj7FOzLeague has suspended Tim Anderson who got plunked by Brad Keller because Anderson batflipped after a homer. Apparen… https://t.co/tGfUxSHAVa
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins—we already spend that money, just privately; it would cost less overall —for vast majority taxes would be offset b… https://t.co/KZiHHBRro2
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @BrandyLJensen Absolutelyit has been a very long time since donald glover last wore a shirt
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsPlease put me on the record as being very much against the GOT/Elmo video, good night @magicmikecastle LOOK AROUNDExcuse me @jack the old man who lives off Family Guy residuals has posted his daily mass murder incitement https://t.co/rAW0WpkC8v
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @tree_hug_r Imagine if you could, then we’d be able to swap jobs @Carpo_31 @Wil_Anderson It actually works either way, but you are probably the comedy expert hereA screen cap for all my greenbubble friendz https://t.co/x4ceNQdUBV(I am not identifying the friend so as to spare said friend from being tagged in all the incorrect replies)Okay I just ran this past a friend but I need to take it to the world: It is my view that the 🥰 emoji is the swe… https://t.co/p2TqniQo7GEh this is like the easiest but I’m leaving it up because WHO. REALLY. CARES. I also genuinely think DTJr is not that smart.https://t.co/bOmlHQhM0QMy mother once had a cat “put to sleep” at the vets and brought it back to the house in a trash bag to bury it and… https://t.co/CHIqylEmxa
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @twittels https://t.co/QhrUN9eD3gI write about complicated females (comedy, drama, supernatural YA). Mid-level. Written pilots for FX, TVLand, MTV,… https://t.co/NkYeoT3Wai
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsI hope this is the start of an almost year-long setup to another CLASSIC Comey “April Fools” https://t.co/CJGEmcfrn9Oh no the Mueller report got scooped a while ago by eyeballs https://t.co/dTGhF4FQE1 @bennietheblade Great chime in @nachosforyou No @mojoagogo NoWait this one’s closer https://t.co/YkmCAKggFH @Randazzoj I think he was the prototype for you, to see if you were viable. And you were! @Randazzoj I love that guy’s whole look and I love him and his cat so muchIt reminds me of this https://t.co/zp4eDOGY2VPhriendship https://t.co/Jng250SEtLGood news, online retailers! I feel bad and bored!
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @DKinMN @threedomusa YESSS somebody caught it!
4/19
2019
IT’S THREEDOM THRURSDAY! This week Lauren, Scott & I talk about allergies! We listen to some Tom Waits! And we pla… https://t.co/4ImK4NtMS1if I had a high deductible, I would simply not get sick. (this guy works at a financial services company) https://t.co/RvdeoTktp4
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsSometimes changing minds is surprisingly easy. https://t.co/Lbh1ptFqaw
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsOh, Canada! Paul F. Tompkins and I are bringing Mr. Jackson & Mr. Tompkins to you for @JustForLaughs! Thursday, J… https://t.co/lqcwxrDc1F
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsMONTREAL! Monsieur Jackson & Monsieur Tompkins are coming to be seen by you! Thursday, July 25th! Tickets are avail… https://t.co/0phJgOKSAzLOS ANGELES: Don’t miss my friends doing their thing even though they are cruelly doing it without me! I still love… https://t.co/x2CDOZe2nLbabies are thots. whose WHOLE wardrobe is jumpsuits? smh
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @JustCodi Any guesses? https://t.co/QQAsEDjXhYSon of Guy Who Created The Hamburglar: “Dad, I got a promotion at work.” Guy Who Created The Hamburglar: Son of G… https://t.co/VBmywGm1o6
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @MembersSupreme I think you tweeted the wrong person, lemme mute you real quick so there’s no chance of this happen… https://t.co/Syl4IiSdwZSOON MY ARMY OF 100 SANDRA OHs WILL CONQUER THE WORLD https://t.co/k7DnrVtJKPNew potbellied pig and friend. https://t.co/PULAktxs9I
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsChardonnay tastes like I took a vodka shot but my bra was too tight so it came up a bit but I managed to keep the mini vomit in my mouth
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @djkrisholiday The topics where an exchange of ideas could be helpful do not include “Are white people superior to… https://t.co/LpPCGU4I5W @djkrisholiday I’m happy to let you do your own research on Richard Spencer. As to conversations with white suprema… https://t.co/OHOn84FhVc @yayforzig @FernieCommaAlex @DammitCARL @laurenlapkus @Gabrus https://t.co/SwnuTrh1ey @yayforzig @DammitCARL @laurenlapkus @Gabrus Zig I’m embarrassed that I saw thisYou’re legally allowed to draw on pictures in Las Vegas all day long and it drives them CRRRAAAAZY https://t.co/I0of0bj5lfAccording to most health insurance companies, teeth are luxury bones that I must pay more to continue enjoying
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsGonna leave this on my metro seat tomorrow. https://t.co/au5C6GsU2X
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsSame except I'm not sorry https://t.co/SQPJ0UP3eq
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @nanglish This is so sweet!!"there should be a 72 hour work week because if we dont our country will fall behind" - guy who is a billionaire be… https://t.co/iar0tcaijf
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsWhen a black athlete posts a political opinion https://t.co/1aizsNZASQ
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsGod help us if AI ever figures out how to identify a crosswalk
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsFinally: the first good meme https://t.co/T8rqeT0x1a
Retweeted by Paul F. TompkinsThe vet told my dad on the phone (??) that his dog had to be put down and he’d come to his house and do it. My dad… https://t.co/VLLLWXuJoi
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkinsanybody got a tl;dr on this so i can be ready for twitter tomorrow https://t.co/iATMWdcuYg
Retweeted by Paul F. Tompkins @bnacker They sound like they drink BOTTLED WATER! @RheaButcher @TimBarnes451 Gross. @djkrisholiday He’s been interviewed “in good faith” many times. He’s a white supremacist. There’s no conversation… https://t.co/Yvkzxit3F9 @djkrisholiday Okay, well if this is the only tweet you’ve ever seen from this guy, and/or you had no idea who he w… https://t.co/TKJNG7iFi7 @a_p_wilson It stopped being funny for me by the “t” in alert @reasereaser Hm no translate option for this tweet, hope it’s not a cuss word
4/18
2019

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