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help me cancel my student debt here answering dms through fanhouse (link below)

2,034 Following   80,331 Followers   44,928 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/11/17

@MoviesAtTheMatt matt gets it @difficultpatty culture hasn't gone far enough. why stop with people. cancel christmas. cancel capitalism. cancel all my res…
Retweeted by slate @iMcMahan you’re a fucking good ian @aotakeo an ween?It's official, this is the most attacked I've ever felt on Twitter.
Retweeted by slate @cartermnyc wordi should not have used Elliot’s dead name in this. i could’ve redacted and people would understand based on context… got my excel wrapped
Retweeted by slate @FredTaming 😬There’s no such thing as monsters I tell my 5 year old as I turn out his light and run the fuck down the dark hall
Retweeted by slate @gwynisthebest 🥺 @gwynisthebest thank you, you’re right 💖 a dead name is dead, no reason to use it @xomys_45 💖 @yjustinkomswer “false” comparisons aren’t a thing, just ones you don’t agree with. we know Elliot’s name now. if w…
@yjustinkomswer so i can say the earth used to be flat because that’s all we knew before @damnfinetweet @dudenicetweet thank you @dudenicetweet 🥺So help me God if you’re dashing through the snow in a two-horse open sleigh I will fuck your shit up
Retweeted by slateOh man, you kill one mythological multi-headed dog and all hell breaks loose
Retweeted by slatepornhub wrapped just asked me why i never watch a video for longer than 78 seconds
Retweeted by slateAnd the McRib that the McLord God had taken from the McMan he made into a McWoman and brought her to the McMan. -McGenesis 2:22
Retweeted by slate know a joke is good when it almost makes you punch your screen
Retweeted by slate @jazz_inmypants any time Eli ❤️just got my excel wrapped spotify wrapped: girl, you are DEPRESSED
Retweeted by slateidk how i'm feeling about my LinkedIn Wrapped...
Retweeted by slate @ianpauldukes but you can’t 🥰 @FredTaming ᵃ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵖʳᵒᵍʳᵃᵐit’s my first day of acting school. i have derailed the lecture with an argument because i don’t know what “charact…
Retweeted by slateme: save as word: file name already exists me: i know, i want to replace it word: file is being used by a progra… are we on the 3rd week of december 2nddoctor: whats the problem? me: my right leg is missing doctor: no problemo [later] doctor: we’ve attached your…
Retweeted by slate @Its_Just_Reese 😬
Retweeted by slateMe: *stocking the almond milk* They say if you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life. Trader Joe's…
Retweeted by slateME: i need to talk to you about something kind of awkward GENE: what is it ME: hygiene GENE: hi kev
Retweeted by slateyeah got a spotify wrapped s ome p ody o nce t old i me f he y w orld is gonna r oll me. i a int the shar p est p ool in the sh e d
Retweeted by slate[My first day as a detective] Me: It's one way glass he can't see you. Just point at the killer. Witness: All I ca…
Retweeted by slate @southsidezero :DYOU WANT THE MESSIAH?! YOU CAN'T
Retweeted by slateUghh so frustrating you guys I keep misplacing my monolith
Retweeted by slateThis one is my favorite.
Retweeted by slate @Home_Halfway oh right @Home_Halfway i thought it was from ratatouilleThunder can happen without rain !⃝ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗸𝘀
Retweeted by slateToothpaste is shampoo for your bones
Retweeted by slatemy mom when 8yo me asked if she knows Santa
Retweeted by slatedamn twitter wrapped went hard this year
Retweeted by slateHey Britney, remember when we were in 6th grade and you laughed so hard you shot a load of snot across the room in…
Retweeted by slate @silversj :) @emaddeaux is it? @NoName4MePls ❤️ @PatsATweetin you’re an all-staryeah got a spotify wrapped s ome p ody o nce t old i me f he y w orld is gonna r oll me. i a int the shar p est p ool in the sh e dMe The Stock Market 🤝 Occasionally plu…
Retweeted by slateis today technically christmas? _____|____ | | yes no…
Retweeted by slate @janaya_avery never @devlinfarrnv22 mmhm @titsmcjew 🥚👀 @nickwhoward @nickwhoward ok yolksterwhat @centaurpodcast :OCentaurs have 6 limbs, 4 lungs and 2 stomachs. They are, in fact, messed up
Retweeted by slateAsking the important questions.
Retweeted by slatedo centaurs wear their karate belt like this or this
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First, because it would be incredibly difficult for the arms to wrap the belt around the horse waist, let alone tie…
Retweeted by slate @jazz_inmypants doug (nickelodeon version) freaks and geeks rocko’s modern lifejesus: and take this foot, for it is my lasagna peter: ok let’s get you home
Retweeted by slatedon’t follow me unless you’re ready for the important questions. responding to messages at depends on whether the ground is muddy or not.
Retweeted by slateQuestions only the collective knowledge and wisdom of humanity can answer
Retweeted by slate @Skoog i forgot about your ted talk on this subject @ThreeDEF man 😂 @JackWilliamRtF i think this is actually factNo but imagine a centaur knowing karate? Overpowered as fuckkkkkk
Retweeted by slate @JackWilliamRtF octopusdo centaurs wear their karate belt like this or this see you later alligator crocodile: [frustrated sigh]
Retweeted by slateI’ve burned so many calories this year
Retweeted by slatecarolers: now bring us some figgy pudding me: what’s figgy pudding? carolers: bring us some figgy pudding me: i…
Retweeted by slate @MajimeKoala jesus: p-purgatoryme: *hiding from a murderer* murderer: where are u me: *sneezes* oh no murderer: there u ar– u have a cute sne…
Retweeted by slatehis blood alcohol levels must be through the roof oh wait
Retweeted by slateFollowing this account is the only good decision anyone’s made this year
Retweeted by slate @signalborder lmao oh noSanta: what do you want for Christmas? Me: to be happy, and a jet pack Santa: keep it realistic Me: a jet pack Santa: ok
Retweeted by slateLaughed hard enough that my husband came to investigate
Retweeted by slate
Retweeted by slatejesus: and take this foot, for it is my lasagna peter: ok let’s get you homeI actually wanna know wtf they put in fragrances aimed at men cos... All the ones aimed at women at least sound lik…
Retweeted by slate @Roy_oh_Roy @CrockettForReal @PickleRudd @difficultpatty @DrakeGatsby @momtribevibe @Kryzazy @aotakeo @dave_cactus men’s playgrounds body wash… how do you get out of situations like this? houdini: it’s all about misdirection. watch cop: you hit…
Retweeted by slate[ first time having sex ] me: ok what do i do with this her: put it on the floor with your other sock
Retweeted by slate