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matt: @poastsbymatt chicago | he/him

halo theme song @postsbymatt alt

1,085 Following   7,572 Followers   8,277 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/17/10

@JackWilliamRtF honestly, work @JackWilliamRtF rawr :)My wife has the gift of premonition. Last night she dreamed that Federal squads were in our home seizing guns, k…
Retweeted by matt:*italian american takes a long drag from a cigarette* it was the spiciest meatball that’s ever been
@PatrickLoller this is normal behaviorthat’s enough of thatpresident trump and vice president biden 2 minutes each what are your thoughts on the natural disaster that is the… @andycarges worked on it for a week or soi can’t believe i get paid to do thismore like donald chump lolWhen ever you’re feelin down.. Just look up my guy @marcrebillet He’ll tell you how you should be doing it.. 🔥
Retweeted by matt:neoliberals will watch a 2 minute high production commercial for fracking and commend them for their marketing skills
Don’t put me in front of a mirror, I’ll be in it all day! I love Mirrorsssssss
Retweeted by matt:it’s a doggy dog world @BigTucsonDad @gothjackieburk stopanyway read theory *kpop fan cam*things only keep happening bc you guys keep doing stuffif you have ever wanted this hoodie (or in black) it’s available again for a limited time
Retweeted by matt: @BigTucsonDad longest nae nae ever @TylerIAm turning down both n having dinner w jay z @XanderhalTV hall monitor behavior @naninizhoni @agraybee there is resale value in designer bags it’s an investment just say you hate poor peoplei think astrology is ok @28_sex_location nofor all your group chat needs
Retweeted by matt:
they cooked that ugly duckling for like 95% of the bookboo tomatoyou so icy im baby @ar1e11e holesale
Lmao this new
Retweeted by matt:
2020 how did they know how to get all that moon in the background of every shot @5gboobs ok the painting hard dummy @jsanch2s @besf0rt zapatalism
HOLY SHIT we just wandered into this random shipwreck museum in Charlestown and they’ve got the ACTUAL TITANIC HEAR…
Retweeted by matt:NO STOP THAT @rudy_betrayed you don’t have to sign you’re tweets 😂 @BeefedUpStud aly and aj
@cwydysh i can see that but man intent vs impact i feel like this missed the markidk weird behavior from this side of twitter. thousands of things to make fun of beto for and they pick "he's a tea… is a story about a prince that was tryin to see some feet
Retweeted by matt: @kenklippenstein you arent above criticism buddy this is a shitty take @kenklippenstein what?again thinking about how they just sprinkled this into the movie FUCK ratatouille. put a rat in my hat and he made me rob a liquor store. the cop do NOT believe me.
Retweeted by matt: @Flora__Flora little dude is scared for his life why are people laughingi need to let the people know that i am listening to music on my way to the store to buy a beverage
how the democrats begin each hearing:
Retweeted by matt:.@theblacktux how come nobody is responding to my emails or calling me back, i was supposed to have my suit 5 days ago @rudy_betrayed so does you’re face @toot__sex @jbfan911 you know youre bullying a child right @rudy_betrayed hepis
@iWearEdHardy libs gonna lib @itsmattfred @BBHblacksheep vouch 👆 @_GXM @mcmansionhell designed to look like a bottle of champagne
@BigTucsonDad i expect totally normal tweets until the @iWearEdHardy his bank doesn’t like me 🥺👉👈you are NEVER supposed to pursue a relationship with someone you’ve ever had authority over. they become UNABLE to…
Retweeted by matt:and i would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for me tweeting out the entire process in real time
lee and beanshype in a couple months
Retweeted by matt: @ipa_guy12 you said you wanted to pay the guy to do his profession and people got legit offended loltheir first dance was to the six flags song 🥺🥰
thinking about this rn @SweetBabyTayz oh he’ll yeah @dorsalstream even 3 had good moments but yeah definitely seemed a little downhill after 2
@daemonic3 @PaperWash if you like pina colada something something flavored bang @rudy_betrayed @CaucasianJames how many times are you gonna do thisclearly the government didnt consider how much my wife spends on misc
listening to some linking park🗣VERSACE call in sick for work i need to think about this why are you talking like an #undercovercop
@doyalikebaileys i catch something new every watch thru i love it Carey for V Magazine: (2020) "We’ve been socialized to believe that poverty is a personal failure rather th…
Retweeted by matt: @aubviouslynot there was a fly on mike pences head during debat am i the only one that sawdid anyone see that fly on mike pences head lol @poastsbymatt Mike Pence more like bike fence
Retweeted by matt: @ajbabyboi holy shitmike pence more like poop pantsall they gotta do is say “i’ll shoot poastsbymatt in the fucking face” and they get my votei vote for which candidate i want to murder mei just hope both candidates have fun :)
Retweeted by matt: LMAOOO
Retweeted by matt: @goodbeanaltalt monky mode @TheEpicDept neal brennan could never write a joke this good @nealbrennan @dylanbprice @mannyfidel IM NOT BEING DEFENSIVE, YOU ARE @theb0tfather brb getting some grass
@JackWilliamRtF listen here friendcall me kiddo and we’re gonna have a problem @JackWilliamRtF oh brother..