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matt: @poastsbymatt chicago | he/him

halo theme song @postsbymatt alt

1,085 Following   7,572 Followers   8,277 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/17/10


@JackWilliamRtF honestly, work @JackWilliamRtF rawr :)My wife has the gift of premonition. Last night she dreamed that Federal squads were in our home seizing guns, k… https://t.co/zbUOxoEmvH
Retweeted by matt:*italian american takes a long drag from a cigarette* it was the spiciest meatball that’s ever been
10/24
2020
@PatrickLoller this is normal behaviorthat’s enough of thatpresident trump and vice president biden 2 minutes each what are your thoughts on the natural disaster that is the… https://t.co/Vje3Kzdh88 @andycarges worked on it for a week or soi can’t believe i get paid to do thismore like donald chump lolWhen ever you’re feelin down.. Just look up my guy @marcrebillet He’ll tell you how you should be doing it.. 🔥 https://t.co/onnpIkkoQm
Retweeted by matt:neoliberals will watch a 2 minute high production commercial for fracking and commend them for their marketing skills
10/23
2020
Don’t put me in front of a mirror, I’ll be in it all day! I love Mirrorsssssss
Retweeted by matt:it’s a doggy dog world https://t.co/BxABL8VO47 @BigTucsonDad @gothjackieburk stopanyway read theory *kpop fan cam*things only keep happening bc you guys keep doing stuffif you have ever wanted this hoodie (or in black) it’s available again for a limited time https://t.co/sfCkmn0IEBhttps://t.co/R8UGBJDqQM
Retweeted by matt: @BigTucsonDad longest nae nae ever @TylerIAm turning down both n having dinner w jay z @XanderhalTV hall monitor behavior @naninizhoni @agraybee there is resale value in designer bags it’s an investment just say you hate poor peoplei think astrology is okhttps://t.co/0H7bkXxYKi @28_sex_location nofor all your group chat needs https://t.co/as56GetvKN
Retweeted by matt:
10/22
2020
they cooked that ugly duckling for like 95% of the bookboo tomatoyou so icy im baby @ar1e11e holesalehttps://t.co/IRQlsv3I6r https://t.co/pLfwHJyD06
10/21
2020
Lmao this new https://t.co/GVTiuG6Bkq
Retweeted by matt:
10/20
2020
https://t.co/3sG2wagwDDhttps://t.co/43UDuOkE69https://t.co/089H73vNAu https://t.co/Us04UYW8D6yeah how did they know how to get all that moon in the background of every shot https://t.co/tQX0NrNHHq @5gboobs ok the painting hard dummy @jsanch2s @besf0rt zapatalism
10/19
2020
HOLY SHIT we just wandered into this random shipwreck museum in Charlestown and they’ve got the ACTUAL TITANIC HEAR… https://t.co/l4zTbrswZa
Retweeted by matt:NO STOP THAT https://t.co/1WDtBVJFAL https://t.co/DQVK9Z6p08 @rudy_betrayed you don’t have to sign you’re tweets 😂 @BeefedUpStud aly and aj
10/17
2020
@cwydysh i can see that but man intent vs impact i feel like this missed the markidk weird behavior from this side of twitter. thousands of things to make fun of beto for and they pick "he's a tea… https://t.co/9W7LVD5y2Vcinderella is a story about a prince that was tryin to see some feet
Retweeted by matt: @kenklippenstein you arent above criticism buddy this is a shitty take @kenklippenstein what?again thinking about how they just sprinkled this into the movie https://t.co/0ip9wXmWlRyo FUCK ratatouille. put a rat in my hat and he made me rob a liquor store. the cop do NOT believe me.
Retweeted by matt: @Flora__Flora little dude is scared for his life why are people laughingi need to let the people know that i am listening to music on my way to the store to buy a beverage
10/16
2020
how the democrats begin each hearing: https://t.co/0U8uA8UzkF
Retweeted by matt:.@theblacktux how come nobody is responding to my emails or calling me back, i was supposed to have my suit 5 days ago @rudy_betrayed so does you’re face @toot__sex @jbfan911 you know youre bullying a child right @rudy_betrayed hepis
10/15
2020
@iWearEdHardy libs gonna lib @itsmattfred @BBHblacksheep vouch 👆 @_GXM @mcmansionhell designed to look like a bottle of champagne https://t.co/vr7vDJkRKl
10/14
2020
@BigTucsonDad i expect totally normal tweets until the @iWearEdHardy his bank doesn’t like me 🥺👉👈you are NEVER supposed to pursue a relationship with someone you’ve ever had authority over. they become UNABLE to… https://t.co/SmB6ZkeztV
Retweeted by matt:and i would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for me tweeting out the entire process in real time
10/13
2020
lee and beanshype in a couple months https://t.co/5sLb9wv7yv
Retweeted by matt: @ipa_guy12 you said you wanted to pay the guy to do his profession and people got legit offended loltheir first dance was to the six flags song 🥺🥰 https://t.co/drD2b4JzHY
10/12
2020
thinking about this rn https://t.co/ndOdq6yVea @SweetBabyTayz oh he’ll yeah @dorsalstream even 3 had good moments but yeah definitely seemed a little downhill after 2
10/11
2020
@daemonic3 @PaperWash if you like pina colada something something flavored bang @rudy_betrayed @CaucasianJames how many times are you gonna do thisclearly the government didnt consider how much my wife spends on misc https://t.co/W7skQ35zo6
10/10
2020
listening to some linking park🗣VERSACE https://t.co/tbwASzD1Z8might call in sick for work i need to think about this https://t.co/woypF6OPzLbernie why are you talking like an #undercovercop https://t.co/o4nCapNDsAhttps://t.co/xIxO8OL75N
10/9
2020
@doyalikebaileys i catch something new every watch thru i love ithttps://t.co/M6tOeDkAFEMariah Carey for V Magazine: (2020) "We’ve been socialized to believe that poverty is a personal failure rather th… https://t.co/5XF58R2151
Retweeted by matt: @aubviouslynot there was a fly on mike pences head during debat am i the only one that sawdid anyone see that fly on mike pences head lolhttps://t.co/VEPLrmH2kn @poastsbymatt Mike Pence more like bike fence
Retweeted by matt: @ajbabyboi holy shitmike pence more like poop pantsall they gotta do is say “i’ll shoot poastsbymatt in the fucking face” and they get my votei vote for which candidate i want to murder mei just hope both candidates have fun :)
10/8
2020
https://t.co/2ZEfUpcfPW
Retweeted by matt:https://t.co/YGQuw1ADughttps://t.co/mAk6WLs9xdbro... LMAOOO https://t.co/Ic3hNe254L
Retweeted by matt: @goodbeanaltalt monky mode @TheEpicDept neal brennan could never write a joke this good @nealbrennan @dylanbprice @mannyfidel IM NOT BEING DEFENSIVE, YOU ARE @theb0tfather brb getting some grass
10/7
2020
@JackWilliamRtF listen here friendcall me kiddo and we’re gonna have a problem https://t.co/ATmajyw1XM @JackWilliamRtF oh brother..
10/6
2020

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