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HELP! (this helmet is fusing with my skull)

662 Following   3,939 Followers   36,226 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/2/12

@hexprax i miss having to choose between whatever shows are on at any given momentgrapes are fucking insane right now @stavvybaby a jokefew things are hotter to me than a hot nerd getting a boner and being so flustered that his glasses fog up and he k… @rachelmillman when i spent a long weekend in the loony bin the unlimited apple juice was the only thing that broug… @rachelmillman i love apple juice @rachelmillman huge respect for having a crate of martinelli’s juice on there
Say what you will about Quibi, but while many media companies stagnate, they innovated the bold strategy of acting…
Retweeted by rplast night i got ripshit and wrote this down in a notebook like it was the magna carta @tupacdurex what the hell kind of a question is thiswe now go live to fort bragg
Retweeted by rp @ashleyfeinberg they'll have to take my horny away from me over my dead body. molon labestarting to raise money for my longform podcast startup, Labia (large bites, audio)420 blaze it have seen the borat/ giuliani clip. here's the relevant bits, i feel deeply unclean
Retweeted by rp @theblucasthe @atothe_d @MilesKlee you think grilled cheese sandwiches are disgusting?the boyfriend experience is when you ask him to come over in a tank top and basketball shorts, shave his beard in y… with muscular thighs needs to paint the rest of my apartment for me in a tiny pair of shorts @atothe_d @MilesKlee why.....why did this tweet make me kind of horny @MilesKlee if they're not actively being idiots they're clamping down so hard to suppress it that i worry about hemorrhage @MilesKlee i mean, yes. but No. @MilesKlee miles.....noi got an AYasujiro Ozu's Peter Pan thought i couldn’t be surprised anymore by how desperate the “create a bad faith argument just to have a thing to… talk about how pop music is often Black art performed by white artists. Not as much about what pop even is (bc t…
Retweeted by rpi just bought groceries this weekend and a bunch of them are gone now???? i have to buy more i guess??? you guys ev… of this is thanks to the hard work of Kristin Corry, who is wisely off twitter but deserves all the public props 💫we'll be rolling them out over the next week or so but here is the page where all the stories are live we're launching a package of stories we're calling Unpaid Royalties, about the historic exploitation of Black… and Diet QAnonIs that good's my little sister's birthday today. she's a nurse. thinking about the time a man walked up to the rear emergenc… you. FUCK. you. Burn forever we're all on board with talking about how bad manipulated image-based abuse is this week, here's a newly rele…
Retweeted by rp @BAKKOOONN love himoctober 2020
Retweeted by rp @simpscreens Nelson and i have the same assyo that one streamer guy is hot what the heckI don’t want a nicer body for men I want a nicer body so I can sit in my room and look at it.
Retweeted by rpi am the distraught heroine of a Gothic novel and i have lost my fortune due to the machinations of a dastardly sec… @fart Damn that sucks @fart was $8.50 an hour enough to buy some t-shirts that fit @bethbourdon lolNot what a pen is for bro @HarronWawker but Harron didn’t you hear being mean is so yesterday my bullies seemed so far away/now it looks as though they're here to stay/being mean, so yesterday!Being mean is so yesterday @BAKKOOONN i just blocked a guy who used the phrase “show pink” in a reply to me. it wasn’t a request, but still, Shut the fuck up feels really lame to limit replies to tweets but i’m so tired of people replying with stuff that is creepy or gr… you instagram maybe i will imagine being on trump’s staff and watching him do a one on one taped sit-down interview feels the same as it wou… @i_zzzzzz Chris Pratt @MilesKlee that was supposed to be indignant. like, Hey! @MilesKlee Hey
BREAKING: The man who suspended himself from the side of Trump Tower in a 14-hour standoff with @Chicago_Police SWA…
Retweeted by rp else think the dude who plays Austin Powers looks strangely like the Dr. Evil guy
Retweeted by rp"We are in possession of all your information....You are currently registered as a Democrat, and we know this becau…
Retweeted by rpjust do it from six feet away the heck are so many people who deal with me on a daily basis who need to be paid extra for having to do sojust a hog at my small round trough, eating some kind of bean-based slop, dreaming of a rare steak and a guy in a b… you took me to peter luger’s right now i’d blow in my pantsthis morning i had granola and banana in some milk. Bowl. for lunch i had tuna salad with celery and onion. Bowl. d… like i only eat bowl food anymore, miss eating plate foodby guaranteeing that overworked reporters get lots of easy engagement, this one company has puffed itself into the…
Retweeted by rpJust spent 15 minutes of my public relations class explaining to students how PornHub press releases exploit the aw…
Retweeted by rp @StickyBM she says thanks is more perfect than a cat in a window? @caitschneider did george clooney die?few things are as satisfying as identifying the cause of a problem, deciding on a course of action, and having that… @SaraQDavid i wish people said this about me @derektmead i know, that's just a pornhub comment i read once that stuck with methis world and everyone in it is going to hellwhen something in the mediaverse explodes like it did yesterday it's fun for a while but then all the takes come ou… @MilesKlee relatable damnforbidden cum wish i loved anything the way men love asses
Retweeted by rpi like to imagine that when my elderly neighbors hear me doing shit like singing “wind beneath my wings” but changi… @333333333433333 @nypost i’d wipe my ass with the new york post but my gorgeous ass deserves far bettereveryone who’s left media suddenly wants to talk to you when your newsroom has a big story about a penis @BatEveryHour hey this is the only good twitter account. jsyk @aaronshapiro that’s what i’m saying! god hasn’t made a dick good enough to make me behave like a lady onlineevery time a man i’m interested in finds my twitter account i think: i should really straighten up and fly right on here. But i wont
Retweeted by rp @atothe_d i saw that too, i’m sorry
@taylorjwofford full of ghosts that can’t be exorcisedadd extra lime juice, soy sauce, and a little extra maple syrup. you’re worth it champyou guys wanna talk about the soup i made instead? weird-ass recipe and not super pretty to look at but it was deli… would it be like to work for a company with a FUNCTIONING FUCKING CMS???
Retweeted by rpNew details on Toobin #ZoomDick: The event was an election simulation featuring New Yorker all-stars. Toobin was ma…
Retweeted by rp @kthorjensen @Dangerkenny oh my god