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I write. Repped by @LauraLGLA. Email me at

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Joined Twitter 6/18/09

EVERY pitcher has a weird motion. @MichaelRWear impossible to forgetMine were Ali and Missy. And the grade above THEM was Jenny and Laurie. And THREE grades above me was Kathy and Stephie. @funnyonceaday Perfect.Anyone else still remember the full names of the one blonde/one brunette best friend pair in the grade above you wh… does it work? Literally NO ONE KNOWS!fwiw I have a paragard and it’s great! no hormones!Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is QUAKING @tcarmody I won’t have their starch on my hands! @carmgale1 👀👀👀 @lizchar The penguins from Shedd Aquarium can tell them.I CAN’T FUCKING HANDLE THIS STRESS SO CLOSE TO THE ELECTION! @amycookuws @ginnyhogan_ That's right. @ginnyhogan_ I'm a HUGE Logan apologist so I think this is GREAT!If you are an empathetic, progressive Orthodox Jew who feels surrounded by fellow Jews who have abandoned the ethic…
If you are an observant Jew who is planning to vote for Trump on or has already cast your vote for him in this elec… the filibuster and expand the Supreme Court.
Retweeted by Rachel KleinAND IT SHALL BE AS RED, WHITE, AND ROYAL BLUE FORETOLD! @AdamB1438 @avitalrachel Ahahahahaha @annielkozak 😂😂😂😂😂I miss my bangs.Proud of my friend @DrKlapperich who’s been running the covid testing at BU to the highest possible standard. Furio… @abrahamjoseph Anecdotally, I have found a pattern of a lot of adult women (me included) who were NOT diagnosed wit… known fact: turtle hell is actually, interestingly, MUCH more punishing than person hellMcConnell, soon, on his death bed: “I’m just glad I’m leaving this mortal coil knowing I’ve robbed the absolute MOS… else somehow start to get SLIGHTLY convinced we might win this thing only to IMMEDIATELY emotionally pivot t…*very ruben rabasa voice* She is doing the best at this.! mean, I’m kidding (???) but I DO think the “mystique” and shock of being called what they are actually arouses th…“And have to ILLEGALLY MONITOR POLLING SITES? On TOP of all the rallies? Oh my gosh! That’ It’s a… if, when I encountered a Trumper in the wild, I just referred to them as fascist, but like, not angrily, just… fucks thinking of all the ways that Black folks’ time is stolen. - longer waits to vote in majority-Black districts…
Retweeted by Rachel Klein @BCDreyer A lighthearted one: Took my kids to an amateur production of The Nutcracker & the kid playing the Nutcrac… @BCDreyer @svershbow holy shit @lilyburana @KateHarding That’s exactly what I was thinking! LololI hate to say “Imagine voting for the dipshits who can’t even keep their own staff safe from outbreaks by following… fine! @KateHarding 🙋🏻‍♀️Four!oopsie! socializing thresholds have gotten so out of whack I just hung out on a nice quiet deck with three other people…
@MrPope Yessssssss @hannanimal HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! would die for Mandy Patinkin
Retweeted by Rachel Klein @annielkozak hahaha I know better than to have ANY opinions about online dating except that it a LOTHim: Not even “cancel”????? Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯We have had this toaster for...possibly our whole marriage? So...20 years maybe? And my husband JUST pointed out th… replies to this tweet are the perfect simulation of rabbit-holing on a friend-of-a-friend’s facebook post president of the united states stayed up past his bed time keyword searching “who won,” voting for himself in a…
Retweeted by Rachel Klein hope Becca doesn’t have another bad dream tonight!Like I would have Veronica Falcón for breakfast, lunch AND dinner, thank you so much. @paigecasey Oh word? She hasn’t even shown up yet! Damn!I can’t tell if I LIKE this new Perry Mason show or if I just find the supporting cast so compelling that I can’t stop watching it.
Something I recently thought to myself is this: What if Sleep No More had opened in February of 2020? That’s all. @annehelen We only have the one large common living space and the bedrooms, and I already had an “office corner” (m… McConnell will be fine as soon as he drains the life-essence of one gelfling and drinks it. Podling essence w…
Retweeted by Rachel KleinI, for one, controversially, have sort of enjoyed how this year's Spooky Season has sort of just become a nice big… @behindyourback I LOVE YOU AND I AM WITH YOU IN YOUR PAIN @behindyourback me every time someone I like qRTs y*shar @ItsEmilySavage Nice! @ItsEmilySavage Anyway there’s lots of fun discussions among different Jewish authorities on this and you should DE… @ItsEmilySavage Not sure if it’s treyf (tho plant-based pork alternatives with a hechsher have existed for a while)…’all need to get a DIFFERENT line cuz centuries’ old antisemitic tropes are TOO predictable. Then again, they do i… didn’t even know who this bitch was when I saw this tweet but I HAD A FEELING so I GOOGLED it and IMAGINE MY SURP… saw a woman walking down the street with a stamped envelope, no mailbox in sight, then a mail carrier walked b… @kvanaren ❤️❤️❤️ @j_zimms @drmistercody need a “fwiw” guy for the buttonLook I’m not saying I know what’s gonna HAPPEN, I’m just saying these GOP weirdos are tweeting like THEY think they’re gonna lose.I can’t stop laughing at this. “Becca awoke crying.” I shan’t recover.Your wife...dreams in YA dystopia novels????? @behindyourback AHAHAHAHAHA @gabrielroth This sounds correct.absolutely perfect, zero notes @gabrielroth My husband and I were pretty sure he would have either not cared or texted him “nice one, man, do what you gotta do”Of course I will now spend the next hour worried I caught covid from Granny Death Wish. I guess what I'm saying is… latter gets in the elevator w/me going up (I try to ride alone but ppl can be weird about it; I try not to frea… heard the end of an elevator convo between two older women who live in my building as I was standing in the lo… @senatorjohn DEFINITELY raspberry. Some fancy donuts have, like, actual jam in there and it has seeds and such. @jeremymeyers oh yes, foam rolling is in there too!Basically all I'm good for in the afternoon is mindless chores (laundry, dishes, MAYBE pay a bill or two) or brisk… @jeremymeyers just like a modified yoga routine, whatever feels tight, but also really concentrating on breath and holding my stretchesTakeaways from new schedule at the end of Week 1: * poetry w/my morning coffee>doomscrolling * a 43-yr old really S… @androidqueen NO idea! But probably fun to watch it knowing how his career ends up unfolding. @androidqueen I respect that! Have you watched the Ali G show?It's like being stuck in a crowd of people leaving a live stand up show who all suddenly think they themselves are…'m torn about the new Borat because on the one hand, Sacha Baron Cohen is a singular performance artist & even his… @pronounced_ing 😮😮😮If someone told me 3 years ago, while I was waitressing to help my family stay afloat, that in a few short years an…
Retweeted by Rachel Kleinexclusive footage of the first night in the club post-covid
Retweeted by Rachel Klein“Coming up, our undecided voter panel takes a huge wet dump directly into your eyeballs!”Just had my first talk cancelled because of our current President's Exec. Order which says you can't do critical ra…
Retweeted by Rachel KleinMy thoughts: #GOTV #Debates2020
Retweeted by Rachel Klein @WenzlerPowers Thank you for your service. @WenzlerPowers um EXCUSE ME???Poor Rick Santorum, forced against his will to go on live tv and defend Donald Trump’s inhumane policies and *taps… @maggiesmithpoet @OneSignalPub Maggie! Congrats!!! @joshgondelman Whenever he talks about all the people with whom he has a “great relationship,” I am just AMAZED by… is why I reject ANY arguments that Trump is, “whatever else you think of him, pretty funny”. He is ACCIDENTALL…