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I write. Repped by @LauraLGLA. Email me at racheleklein@gmail.com.

1,056 Following   5,671 Followers   73,019 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/18/09


EVERY pitcher has a weird motion. @MichaelRWear impossible to forgetMine were Ali and Missy. And the grade above THEM was Jenny and Laurie. And THREE grades above me was Kathy and Stephie. @funnyonceaday Perfect.Anyone else still remember the full names of the one blonde/one brunette best friend pair in the grade above you wh… https://t.co/U7KN4Q12Yvhow does it work? Literally NO ONE KNOWS!fwiw I have a paragard and it’s great! no hormones!Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is QUAKING https://t.co/KKU0wzPYXW @tcarmody I won’t have their starch on my hands! @carmgale1 👀👀👀 @lizchar The penguins from Shedd Aquarium can tell them.I CAN’T FUCKING HANDLE THIS STRESS SO CLOSE TO THE ELECTION! https://t.co/lzAGctmJlX @amycookuws @ginnyhogan_ That's right. @ginnyhogan_ I'm a HUGE Logan apologist so I think this is GREAT!If you are an empathetic, progressive Orthodox Jew who feels surrounded by fellow Jews who have abandoned the ethic… https://t.co/RFQYdyUmjI
10/26
2020
If you are an observant Jew who is planning to vote for Trump on or has already cast your vote for him in this elec… https://t.co/yDHyicP2MhEnd the filibuster and expand the Supreme Court. https://t.co/iC3VPygfkQ
Retweeted by Rachel KleinAND IT SHALL BE AS RED, WHITE, AND ROYAL BLUE FORETOLD! https://t.co/GPUTHao2sH @AdamB1438 @avitalrachel Ahahahahaha @annielkozak 😂😂😂😂😂I miss my bangs.Proud of my friend @DrKlapperich who’s been running the covid testing at BU to the highest possible standard. Furio… https://t.co/vJmG78W2ad @abrahamjoseph Anecdotally, I have found a pattern of a lot of adult women (me included) who were NOT diagnosed wit… https://t.co/Yo5GBSpVwFLittle known fact: turtle hell is actually, interestingly, MUCH more punishing than person hellMcConnell, soon, on his death bed: “I’m just glad I’m leaving this mortal coil knowing I’ve robbed the absolute MOS… https://t.co/2mqMIzCzxJAnyone else somehow start to get SLIGHTLY convinced we might win this thing only to IMMEDIATELY emotionally pivot t… https://t.co/FXIpWaMAuQ*very ruben rabasa voice* She is doing the best at this. https://t.co/Cs0bvqCaKZOkay! https://t.co/AX0NG2iRe6I mean, I’m kidding (???) but I DO think the “mystique” and shock of being called what they are actually arouses th… https://t.co/u9X2BWpIgi“And you...you have to ILLEGALLY MONITOR POLLING SITES? On TOP of all the rallies? Oh my gosh! That’s...wow. It’s a… https://t.co/wmMxD7TCBPWhat if, when I encountered a Trumper in the wild, I just referred to them as fascist, but like, not angrily, just… https://t.co/ZKYLnTz3aSFascist fucks https://t.co/RaBDKSnVN4Been thinking of all the ways that Black folks’ time is stolen. - longer waits to vote in majority-Black districts… https://t.co/yUw3gMujwP
Retweeted by Rachel Klein @BCDreyer A lighthearted one: Took my kids to an amateur production of The Nutcracker & the kid playing the Nutcrac… https://t.co/BO6RvkvA49 @BCDreyer @svershbow holy shit @lilyburana @KateHarding That’s exactly what I was thinking! LololI hate to say “Imagine voting for the dipshits who can’t even keep their own staff safe from outbreaks by following… https://t.co/9f7TJa9m4Esounds fine! https://t.co/027KWzAYzh @KateHarding 🙋🏻‍♀️Four!oopsie! https://t.co/Df4AS87lnSMy socializing thresholds have gotten so out of whack I just hung out on a nice quiet deck with three other people… https://t.co/TnepTZnp7C
10/25
2020
@MrPope Yessssssss @hannanimal HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!https://t.co/ASvi758psk https://t.co/qs1u1wXAqtI would die for Mandy Patinkin https://t.co/DNbjBPoo9u
Retweeted by Rachel Klein @annielkozak hahaha I know better than to have ANY opinions about online dating except that it seems...like a LOTHim: Not even “cancel”????? Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯We have had this toaster for...possibly our whole marriage? So...20 years maybe? And my husband JUST pointed out th… https://t.co/5sH272dIBtthe replies to this tweet are the perfect simulation of rabbit-holing on a friend-of-a-friend’s facebook post https://t.co/Of9mgytHn3the president of the united states stayed up past his bed time keyword searching “who won,” voting for himself in a… https://t.co/99CMHhocMA
Retweeted by Rachel Kleinhttps://t.co/bXYnJ8DSOF https://t.co/pp1rPoIQIBI hope Becca doesn’t have another bad dream tonight!Like I would have Veronica Falcón for breakfast, lunch AND dinner, thank you so much. @paigecasey Oh word? She hasn’t even shown up yet! Damn!I can’t tell if I LIKE this new Perry Mason show or if I just find the supporting cast so compelling that I can’t stop watching it.
10/24
2020
Something I recently thought to myself is this: What if Sleep No More had opened in February of 2020? That’s all. @annehelen We only have the one large common living space and the bedrooms, and I already had an “office corner” (m… https://t.co/UuzbX2H3NNMitch McConnell will be fine as soon as he drains the life-essence of one gelfling and drinks it. Podling essence w… https://t.co/9gAvIn9XKz
Retweeted by Rachel KleinI, for one, controversially, have sort of enjoyed how this year's Spooky Season has sort of just become a nice big… https://t.co/pc6B2e5c9k @behindyourback I LOVE YOU AND I AM WITH YOU IN YOUR PAIN @behindyourback me every time someone I like qRTs y*shar @ItsEmilySavage Nice! @ItsEmilySavage Anyway there’s lots of fun discussions among different Jewish authorities on this and you should DE… https://t.co/jCOwHDtjB3 @ItsEmilySavage Not sure if it’s treyf (tho plant-based pork alternatives with a hechsher have existed for a while)… https://t.co/V4AXlwlXu2Y’all need to get a DIFFERENT line cuz centuries’ old antisemitic tropes are TOO predictable. Then again, they do i… https://t.co/lGjMAFQn8tI didn’t even know who this bitch was when I saw this tweet but I HAD A FEELING so I GOOGLED it and IMAGINE MY SURP… https://t.co/XbrZ5jHAraJust saw a woman walking down the street with a stamped envelope, no mailbox in sight, then a mail carrier walked b… https://t.co/E0J7uXktmU @kvanaren ❤️❤️❤️ @j_zimms @drmistercody need a “fwiw” guy for the buttonLook I’m not saying I know what’s gonna HAPPEN, I’m just saying these GOP weirdos are tweeting like THEY think they’re gonna lose.I can’t stop laughing at this. “Becca awoke crying.” I shan’t recover.Your wife...dreams in YA dystopia novels????? https://t.co/4ALAkuQbdG @behindyourback AHAHAHAHAHA @gabrielroth This sounds correct.absolutely perfect, zero notes https://t.co/GagLbBQ41y @gabrielroth My husband and I were pretty sure he would have either not cared or texted him “nice one, man, do what you gotta do”Of course I will now spend the next hour worried I caught covid from Granny Death Wish. I guess what I'm saying is… https://t.co/miGnEtXwilThe latter gets in the elevator w/me going up (I try to ride alone but ppl can be weird about it; I try not to frea… https://t.co/rXgKXCpyh9Just heard the end of an elevator convo between two older women who live in my building as I was standing in the lo… https://t.co/Lx3seHVdXB @senatorjohn DEFINITELY raspberry. Some fancy donuts have, like, actual jam in there and it has seeds and such. @jeremymeyers oh yes, foam rolling is in there too!Basically all I'm good for in the afternoon is mindless chores (laundry, dishes, MAYBE pay a bill or two) or brisk… https://t.co/qmbvcxWuaB @jeremymeyers just like a modified yoga routine, whatever feels tight, but also really concentrating on breath and holding my stretchesTakeaways from new schedule at the end of Week 1: * poetry w/my morning coffee>doomscrolling * a 43-yr old really S… https://t.co/CqkrzJZ6Ag @androidqueen NO idea! But probably fun to watch it knowing how his career ends up unfolding. @androidqueen I respect that! Have you watched the Ali G show?It's like being stuck in a crowd of people leaving a live stand up show who all suddenly think they themselves are… https://t.co/KwCz82jrvHI'm torn about the new Borat because on the one hand, Sacha Baron Cohen is a singular performance artist & even his… https://t.co/8IjdqjmWIg @pronounced_ing 😮😮😮If someone told me 3 years ago, while I was waitressing to help my family stay afloat, that in a few short years an… https://t.co/kc6gRFXAm2
Retweeted by Rachel Kleinexclusive footage of the first night in the club post-covid https://t.co/lbHLacNeT9
Retweeted by Rachel Klein“Coming up, our undecided voter panel takes a huge wet dump directly into your eyeballs!”Just had my first talk cancelled because of our current President's Exec. Order which says you can't do critical ra… https://t.co/XXTVFVmM5X
Retweeted by Rachel KleinMy thoughts: #GOTV #Debates2020 https://t.co/AXZ9zVJwJx
Retweeted by Rachel Klein @WenzlerPowers Thank you for your service. @WenzlerPowers um EXCUSE ME???Poor Rick Santorum, forced against his will to go on live tv and defend Donald Trump’s inhumane policies and *taps… https://t.co/eiG7XNxV6z @maggiesmithpoet @OneSignalPub Maggie! Congrats!!! @joshgondelman Whenever he talks about all the people with whom he has a “great relationship,” I am just AMAZED by… https://t.co/m5sDgtmwnEThis is why I reject ANY arguments that Trump is, “whatever else you think of him, pretty funny”. He is ACCIDENTALL… https://t.co/d5Z4hgm47v
10/23
2020

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