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orthodox aesthetic realist; award-winning causal moralist

1,248 Following   32,311 Followers   71,224 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/11/07

Having a quiet chuckle remembering that Mick Mulvaney gets his ass completely handed to him on the regular in the Learned League @nanglish @ChaseMit Hmm @KristerJohnson @nanglish @ChaseMit Comedy Ks, nice @1followernodad It’s very fucked @nanglish @ChaseMit Asics ??? @Junkyarddragon @capodice I didn’t ask for it but I’ve always been bidet curious
@elizaskinner @JosieLong All-time Tim right there @JosieLong @elizaskinner idk who this is! @elizaskinner @JosieLong He may be fairly rated @JosieLong @elizaskinner ? @JosieLong @elizaskinner Another underrated Tim! a surprise package from my good friend @capodice today. My new life starts now 🤝 to stop a white supremacist group from intimidating Muslims in a black community South Dallas. The group cal…
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @isplotchy I think that term came into popular use 15 years after he started naming his penis or else he would @janiehaddad @USATODAY Who wouldn’t trust a guy named DmitryBill Barr looks like the kind of guy who calls his penis his “prick”I need a Bosch in my life @lurie_john Let me check @PFTompkins Yup! 🤠To reiterate: Looking for a new job. Features and columns. TV writing. Content marketing. Open to a variety of thin…
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @JonathanWHendry @xeni Maybe but it’s wider than that. @SeeJaneMarie I really think I’m insane @SeeJaneMarie Jane I also have a spider man obsessed 4yo son who demands to know the meaning of everything and will… @SeeJaneMarie Poorly! Badum bum! @SeeJaneMarie logic means nothing to them, nor does human suffering. however, tonight i snapped at the 2yo "it's no… portion of dog training is also v good advice for raising children @SeeJaneMarie just got back from two nights with three of them @croninwhocares Given a foot rub @lurie_john May I have this one? @Kappa_Kappa 🐶 ➡️ 👩‍🎤 ➡️ 🐶 ♾ @PFTompkins Fuck is he me @PFTompkins Now THATS a shirt @AshFrieds @xeni It’s so mystifying to me that people on the left are still taking victory lapsI've masturbated to some truly humiliating celebrity males. I feel shame about it, yeah, but I soldier on. I grit m…
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @Kappa_Kappa This rocks @TheHeavies2002 @KatrinaPierson @trumps_feed What do you do?Got emEh. That’s not really how it works? Because everyone fucking hates him you absolute melting gourd @DanHopp I did the McLaughlin Group for my elementary school talent show w @capodice @lisa_curry I had one the other day that was “turn right at the Taco Bell”Top Facebook posts featuring the word "Mueller" today: —Fox News —Fox News —NowThis —Fox News —AmericanVoices (a D…
Retweeted by Joe RandazzoKnowing what everyone thinks about whatever bullshit is like seeing someone scratch their ass and then smell their…
For those complaining, maybe try reading a self-published history book sometimeSteny Hoyer is using a classic technique in which he tricks a sitting president into impeaching himself. Also known…’s report is clear in pointing to Congress’ responsibility in investigating obstruction of justice by the Pr…
Retweeted by Joe RandazzoWhile I understand the political reality of the Senate + election considerations, upon reading this DoJ report, whi…
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @TheSquiddyDaddy ... barring such activity and writers are leaving agencies that don’t sign. They’re also taking ca… @TheSquiddyDaddy Basically! Agencies have changed their business model from taking 10% commissions on negotiated sa… @MsKenman2008 @chrislhayes I have two family members w dementia. Does that make me two times the expert you are? @MsKenman2008 @chrislhayes Lmao @MsKenman2008 @chrislhayes That the president is a colicky lard ass in the middle stages of dementia? NoWe took the kids to Palm Springs for their spring break not realizing that Coachella is also happening and EVERYONE… @chrislhayes Also just a huge fucking baby, a loaded diaper fucking whiny bitch @FwustwatedAngwy NoI vowed not to brush my teeth until Trump is impeached. Join me! #ImpeachForOurTeethFuck @daveanthony Oh what the fuck @nanglish It’s like a Memento type deal? @katiejhnsn I mean that’s definitely happened!This is a burn on me you guys @katiejhnsn It wasn’t supposed to be savage; I’m a loser! @bnacker I don’t think that term ever fully left“I’m assuming i didn’t get that job.” Who will I say this to once every two weeks without my agents? @legendofchelda Bring something to whittle
@zandywithaz I feel like she’s universally beloved!Get in the zone opportunity zone. Get in the zone opportunity zone. Get in the zone opportunity zone. Get in the zo… find smog beautiful from a distance @croninwhocares That’s actually a pretty decent price @ryguyperez Out on shelves? @PFTompkins @LadyKateBond Yeah, Neutral! @nanglish @johnlevenstein WME Entertainment is producing the reconstruction @LadyKateBond I really should have said “caring” and “not caring” instead of liking/not liking, but I’m not perfect… @LadyKateBond How dare you try to hold me accountable @BBW_BFF Unbuttoned, so he doesn’t look like a mannequin being fitted for a willy wonka stripper costume @nanglish @lennonparham @BlessThisMessTV TWO TITANS @cfclark I think it should more realistically be “people who don’t like that people like game of thrones” @realDonaldTrump @trumps_feed You’re all over the place with this one, where are we landing here! @cfclark That’s what i meant from the second category; though it’s not clear, you’re still covered!i did the third one @kibblesmith Sir, this is a Melissa and Doug's @nealbrennan you're traveling all the way to santa monica for a show?! @elverkonge offbrandi did it: i did two different "this is a wendy's" replies to two separate tweets about the same subject. gonna try for three.The headline is bad and I’m sorry for spreading that. You can agree with her rationale about solidly D districts bu… @lisa_curry Ma’am this is an Arby’s
I find this gobsmacking! @Phlegmghost Some of it is tedious and some of it is extremely enjoyable, and I like it enough to keep watchingIf you’re ever caught off guard by someone just ask if perhaps flying water tankers could be used @keplyq Spot on @ShutUpAndrosky @peterdaou I’ll ask @AOC @mollycrabapple @avilewis @lavrentia @theintercept You guys drew those? @MKupperman Sir this is an Arby’s boardroom. Isn’t it? Wait. Oop, I’m actually in the wrong place. Sorry @theconradical You’re not annoying at all, I meant it! @theconradical Congrats on your viral tweet!The problem with holding the center I guess is you can’t do it from a place of inspiration or vision, but from this… glass of water @DALIA Is it a real self summary? That is mainly what I need to know @DALIA What am I looking at here