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orthodox aesthetic realist; award-winning causal moralist

1,248 Following   32,311 Followers   71,224 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/11/07


Having a quiet chuckle remembering that Mick Mulvaney gets his ass completely handed to him on the regular in the Learned League @nanglish @ChaseMit Hmm https://t.co/52CDJD1mf4 @KristerJohnson @nanglish @ChaseMit Comedy Ks, nice @1followernodad It’s very fucked @nanglish @ChaseMit Asics ??? @Junkyarddragon @capodice I didn’t ask for it but I’ve always been bidet curious
4/20
2019
@elizaskinner @JosieLong All-time Tim right there @JosieLong @elizaskinner idk who this is! @elizaskinner @JosieLong He may be fairly rated @JosieLong @elizaskinner ? https://t.co/OiDmDLhGmh @JosieLong @elizaskinner Another underrated Tim! https://t.co/CuvfYGR6D7Got a surprise package from my good friend @capodice today. My new life starts now 🤝 https://t.co/ubRkwdG4j4Headed to stop a white supremacist group from intimidating Muslims in a black community South Dallas. The group cal… https://t.co/boHD6Ovacv
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @isplotchy I think that term came into popular use 15 years after he started naming his penis or else he would @janiehaddad @USATODAY Who wouldn’t trust a guy named DmitryBill Barr looks like the kind of guy who calls his penis his “prick”I need a Bosch in my life @lurie_john Let me check @PFTompkins Yup! 🤠To reiterate: Looking for a new job. Features and columns. TV writing. Content marketing. Open to a variety of thin… https://t.co/ZtOhOPwnEg
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @JonathanWHendry @xeni Maybe but it’s wider than that. @SeeJaneMarie I really think I’m insane @SeeJaneMarie Jane I also have a spider man obsessed 4yo son who demands to know the meaning of everything and will… https://t.co/DhnYAtWcu7 @SeeJaneMarie Poorly! Badum bum! @SeeJaneMarie logic means nothing to them, nor does human suffering. however, tonight i snapped at the 2yo "it's no… https://t.co/46VIBMr3Vfuncomfortable portion of dog training is also v good advice for raising children @SeeJaneMarie just got back from two nights with three of them @croninwhocares Given a foot rub @lurie_john May I have this one? @Kappa_Kappa 🐶 ➡️ 👩‍🎤 ➡️ 🐶 ♾ @PFTompkins Fuck is he me @PFTompkins Now THATS a shirt @AshFrieds @xeni It’s so mystifying to me that people on the left are still taking victory lapsI've masturbated to some truly humiliating celebrity males. I feel shame about it, yeah, but I soldier on. I grit m… https://t.co/vAm6OfftQW
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @Kappa_Kappa This rocks @TheHeavies2002 https://t.co/Pa4mBb9ra6 @KatrinaPierson @trumps_feed What do you do?Got emEh. That’s not really how it works? Because everyone fucking hates him you absolute melting gourd https://t.co/9whM5WCkMJ @DanHopp I did the McLaughlin Group for my elementary school talent show w @capodice @lisa_curry I had one the other day that was “turn right at the Taco Bell”Top Facebook posts featuring the word "Mueller" today: —Fox News —Fox News —NowThis —Fox News —AmericanVoices (a D… https://t.co/ObCNow2ets
Retweeted by Joe RandazzoKnowing what everyone thinks about whatever bullshit is like seeing someone scratch their ass and then smell their… https://t.co/nYBT6Zhu9D
4/19
2019
For those complaining, maybe try reading a self-published history book sometimeSteny Hoyer is using a classic technique in which he tricks a sitting president into impeaching himself. Also known… https://t.co/82B6BTmOYCMueller’s report is clear in pointing to Congress’ responsibility in investigating obstruction of justice by the Pr… https://t.co/3tcN6p7JyQ
Retweeted by Joe RandazzoWhile I understand the political reality of the Senate + election considerations, upon reading this DoJ report, whi… https://t.co/w08t48Ag6q
Retweeted by Joe Randazzo @TheSquiddyDaddy ... barring such activity and writers are leaving agencies that don’t sign. They’re also taking ca… https://t.co/cXqsMtLbzH @TheSquiddyDaddy Basically! Agencies have changed their business model from taking 10% commissions on negotiated sa… https://t.co/Akpsq40tfD @MsKenman2008 @chrislhayes I have two family members w dementia. Does that make me two times the expert you are? @MsKenman2008 @chrislhayes Lmao @MsKenman2008 @chrislhayes That the president is a colicky lard ass in the middle stages of dementia? NoWe took the kids to Palm Springs for their spring break not realizing that Coachella is also happening and EVERYONE… https://t.co/Oos2QPPs8U @chrislhayes Also just a huge fucking baby, a loaded diaper fucking whiny bitch @FwustwatedAngwy NoI vowed not to brush my teeth until Trump is impeached. Join me! #ImpeachForOurTeethFuck https://t.co/H2szCJI1ja @daveanthony Oh what the fuck @nanglish It’s like a Memento type deal? @katiejhnsn I mean that’s definitely happened!This is a burn on me you guys @katiejhnsn It wasn’t supposed to be savage; I’m a loser! @bnacker I don’t think that term ever fully left“I’m assuming i didn’t get that job.” Who will I say this to once every two weeks without my agents? @legendofchelda Bring something to whittle
4/18
2019
@zandywithaz I feel like she’s universally beloved!Get in the zone opportunity zone. Get in the zone opportunity zone. Get in the zone opportunity zone. Get in the zo… https://t.co/KIQ9U110g4I find smog beautiful from a distance @croninwhocares That’s actually a pretty decent price @ryguyperez Out on shelves? @PFTompkins @LadyKateBond Yeah, Neutral! @nanglish @johnlevenstein WME Entertainment is producing the reconstruction @LadyKateBond I really should have said “caring” and “not caring” instead of liking/not liking, but I’m not perfect… https://t.co/lGgIZOCleS @LadyKateBond How dare you try to hold me accountable @BBW_BFF Unbuttoned, so he doesn’t look like a mannequin being fitted for a willy wonka stripper costume @nanglish @lennonparham @BlessThisMessTV TWO TITANS @cfclark I think it should more realistically be “people who don’t like that people like game of thrones” @realDonaldTrump @trumps_feed You’re all over the place with this one, where are we landing here! @cfclark That’s what i meant from the second category; though it’s not clear, you’re still covered!i did the third one @kibblesmith Sir, this is a Melissa and Doug's @nealbrennan you're traveling all the way to santa monica for a show?! @elverkonge offbrandi did it: i did two different "this is a wendy's" replies to two separate tweets about the same subject. gonna try for three.The headline is bad and I’m sorry for spreading that. You can agree with her rationale about solidly D districts bu… https://t.co/5ZUcEivkiu @lisa_curry Ma’am this is an Arby’s
4/17
2019
I find this gobsmacking! https://t.co/DtNzc4fJat @Phlegmghost Some of it is tedious and some of it is extremely enjoyable, and I like it enough to keep watchingIf you’re ever caught off guard by someone just ask if perhaps flying water tankers could be used @keplyq Spot on @ShutUpAndrosky @peterdaou I’ll ask @AOC @mollycrabapple @avilewis @lavrentia @theintercept You guys drew those? @MKupperman Sir this is an Arby’s boardroom. Isn’t it? Wait. Oop, I’m actually in the wrong place. Sorry @theconradical You’re not annoying at all, I meant it! @theconradical Congrats on your viral tweet!The problem with holding the center I guess is you can’t do it from a place of inspiration or vision, but from this… https://t.co/gd7yHuZKpPA glass of water https://t.co/lDqOFVAXA8 @DALIA Is it a real self summary? That is mainly what I need to know @DALIA What am I looking at here
4/16
2019

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