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Writes jokes & scary stories. Seen on the CBS Late Late Show, read at Intrinsick Mag, heard on Drabblecast, Doug Loves Movies winner. https://t.co/vOtzmAA63K.

349 Following   2,429 Followers   12,049 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/2/10


Hey Plymouth-area western burbs folks, I'm doing a variety show Thurs & Fri with the Harbor Rep Theater Co., co-pil… https://t.co/xotl6KFq8p @JackBlankHSH That rules
2/20
2020
@CoryHepola It was reaallllly bad, even by King TV movie standards. But I have a theory that most people’s “scaries… https://t.co/IQBdXSKRPQ @CoryHepola Why The Tommyknockers? (The Tim Curry it freaked me out pretty good though.) @AshleyWheels @littlebrown What’s the end? I can only find vague references online. @nadiabulkin Oh thank Christ! (That is also dumb though.) @nadiabulkin There are a lot of similarly pricey standup comedy workshops, and it’s all stuff you can learn for fre… https://t.co/gPg2x52P0F @sandybobandy That’s great!I wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was almost 18 because I grew up Irish Catholic, so when I didn't show emotio… https://t.co/DoHc8JMehL
Retweeted by Bryan Miller @sandybobandy I’m headlining Tuesday & Wednesday (Wednesday will be a big show, announcement forthcoming) and the r… https://t.co/hVrRtWIrAN @sandybobandy Yes! And thanks! My website is https://t.co/6Pu3VjeGOL. I’ve had some trouble with hacking though, s… https://t.co/ieD33ERxZG
2/19
2020
Tonight at Red Menace Comedy, featured comic Randall Reid & many more at Devil’s Advocate on Nicollet Mall. Free as… https://t.co/eYI52mWIMOOh hell yeah, the Minnesota Opera is doing another run of The Shining next year. I saw the debut production and it was fantastic. @BillCorbett Terrific movie, would make a fun double bill with Knives Out. Samara Weaving is great.There’s no courtroom sketch artist so I’m making caricature doodles of the lawyers & turns out the judge doesn’t ap… https://t.co/YA5nwwwNLNJury duty is The Breakfast Club for adults. @PietRiot That’s Pesci.
2/18
2020
@JackBlankHSH “Tha Weez finds the defendant ra-di-cal bro!” @rickloganhaha Ah...and Justice for All. A movie remembered really for one line of dialogue (but it is a good one). @NosTheTwit Devil’s Advocate?In preparation for jury duty tomorrow I’m looking up all of Bob Kroll’s corruption & brutality charges and memorizi… https://t.co/TCVTTFrzge @BritArneson This almost made me start it again.
2/17
2020
@BBlaw Thanks! Was fun to tell all week. Some of the most fun jokes have very short lifespans. It’s like a Lord Byron poem or something.
2/16
2020
@BBlaw Not the caucus part. But the Coronavirus stuff remains terrifyingly relevant! @saylehan I genuinely thought that was dog food until I saw the bit about post-worked and the spoon included. (I mean, it’s called mush!)Packed house last night at the Cellar in Fargo, and just a few tickets left for tonight at 7 pm. @useful_noise It’s perfect that everyone involved with this is acting like characters in a pretty funny South Park… https://t.co/lgVISnQlxe
2/15
2020
If you have to serve on jury duty you should get at least a couple vouchers to get out of parking tickets.
2/14
2020
Getting a like from @joshgondelman on Facebook is like catching a baseball from Tom Brady. @NateAbshire @ItsTheBrandi You can fight the man by paying extra for them on StubHub. (Related story: I was at a D… https://t.co/mLw5nb35Bt @NateAbshire Splurge Against the Machine @Scopi Sunday Sunday Sunday!Last night I went to Bong Joon-ho’s first public appearance since winning four Oscars for Parasite, and I wrote abo… https://t.co/NXw5bkq1wt @Jason_M_Gill Parasite, no offense to Shoplifters. Bong is maybe the most important filmmaker alive right now.At the Walker to see Bong Joon Ho interviewed live. People keep offering me big $ for my ticket, which I got for free. I AM THE PARASITE!
2/13
2020
@Coreyadamcomedy Says the guy who loves Rick & Morty, Deadpool, Connor McGregor, and Ron Paul. @KlendorFang @BillCorbett @ItsTheBrandi That is terrifically nice of you to say. Sorry to hear last year was tough,… https://t.co/dcAqetJcl5 @sandybobandy @SirynLove @peteleetweets @AcmeComedyCo That is incredibly nice of you to say & I’m glad we could giv… https://t.co/LqajbeYFhi
2/12
2020
@RandBall But Los Ocampos is right there!A Visitor From Berlin sounds like a chapter title in a 19th century novel— anyways come watch me bomb tonight https://t.co/uzBjKOwj7E
Retweeted by Bryan MillerTonight’s Red Menace Comedy features our pal & I Love You Mana co-host @zakagan, plus a visitor from Berlin & the u… https://t.co/ZcBGQEm4Sg @funnyonceaday @briankoppelman @SaraJBenincasa DFW backlash is so trite. “Supposedly Fun Thing” is one of the funni… https://t.co/cvimdNBbBq
2/11
2020
@JesseTowler @MarthaKelly3 In the spirit of the Best Cameo award, we would do it quickly. @JackBlankHSH Charles Fleischer in Zodiac. @JackBlankHSH These are all A+ answers. Isn’t Damon also in Interstellar very briefly?The way Joker fans feel watching this speech is how I felt watching Joker. @ChillyReport @qskinner Ed O’Neil in Wayne’s World One. (Also: Bob Barker in Happy Gilmore.) @CoryHepola @qskinner All great answers. Walken was my first thought. @CACollingwood @qskinner We’d have to time it out, but yeah, great example! Hell, maybe Brando too...The Oscars keep scolding us for the Oscars not nominating enough women & POC for Oscars.What are some of the other all-time best cameo performances? @qskinner & I just came up with two from Fargo alone,… https://t.co/yqgBkNE3xHMy thoughts on the Oscars this year. https://t.co/RCbVZvpamcThere should be an Oscar for Best Cameo (performance under 5 min). Pacino or Dakota Fanning in Once Upon A Time,… https://t.co/qCPrnPTsqeAl Pacino looks like he just needs to crash on your couch for like a couple weeks, dude.Chalamet looks like a mechanic in a Wes Anderson movie. https://t.co/pY8Zlz3vUp
2/10
2020
Will @ParasiteMovie win best picture? @CoryHepola and @realbryanmiller hope so! Hear them rank this year's best p… https://t.co/6KCWunRvpm
Retweeted by Bryan Miller @sandybobandy Thank you so much! Glad you had fun.
2/9
2020
First Love was criminally underrated, one of the most thrilling movies of 2019 and one of Miike’s best—and maybe hi… https://t.co/A2bdhFeJmELast night an audience member cornered me at the bar to complain that she was unfairly thrown out of the showroom f… https://t.co/TBx9zG9JWN @HardlyLisa @AcmeComedyCo @peteleetweets Thanks! @PietRiot @joe_hill Horns! Love it. @BBlaw @AcmeComedyCo @peteleetweets @JollySomali Thanks! @BBlaw @AcmeComedyCo @peteleetweets @JollySomali See ya there, I’m getting gussied up right now. @TimLammersFilms @joe_hill I haven’t quite been able to make myself watch it with the sassy Italian version going s… https://t.co/Ge3k4yTCMm
2/8
2020
30 pages into this behemoth and I’m already all in. @ChuckWendig you’re gonna singlehandedly get me through jury du… https://t.co/Or2b2UOoiE @peteleetweets @AcmeComedyCo Thanks buddy! Let’s do four more.I’m at @AcmeComedyCo for four more shows this weekend with @peteleetweets if you wanna see the expanded version of… https://t.co/yaBQivUlaVJoker may win best picture at #Oscars on Sunday but @realbryanmiller says it's the WORST of the group and would hav… https://t.co/dXBiNMekN5
Retweeted by Bryan Miller @MarthaKelly3 I have gone back and looked at this pic like 5 times now. She’s so adorable!Going on WCCO radio at 10:30 to talk Best Picture Oscar nominees with my dude @CoryHepola. @timmytimeturner Yes. It’s not my favorite of his work but I like pretty much everything he’s done. He’s different… https://t.co/ynMk80WzF4 @nflukhank @AroundTheNFL It’s my favorite of all the pods. Like hanging out with your buddies. @FunnyCostaki It’s unfair to other kids how cute your kids are. @uhlhazard @landonB_ Sadly, I would probably rappel down a rope from a helicopter onto the quarantine ship...if the… https://t.co/BhlRWZtiwE @joe_hill Secondary recommendation: NOS4A2 goddamn slaps, on the page and the screen, but few books have freaked me… https://t.co/5BB9iH19okTwo Great Things: 1) Way more people should be watching The New Pope, Sorrentino’s style is hypnotic. 2)… https://t.co/Zy6pwxR9PZIf one of those is the @truTVjokers cruise, it's probably just a prank fucking with @SalVulcano. https://t.co/WoRWHEQoun
Retweeted by Bryan Miller @madproducer1 “What’s the deal with all those body bags on the Lido Deck?”
2/7
2020
There are two cruise ships stuck out at sea in quarantine with Coronavirus and all I can think about is the two com… https://t.co/aqBscca5kN @joezimmerman But what about the scientist who had to stay on the same place for seven years to check it? @neuronmn @AcmeComedyCo @peteleetweets @JollySomali It’s a great lineup, me excluded. Pete and Ahmed are fantastic. @neuronmn @AcmeComedyCo @peteleetweets @JollySomali I might be! Lotta new stuff too. Pete’s new hour is very funny. @carlsewall Also, I read the Great Gatsby in high school too. @useful_noise Just that and the HBO shows are my only exposure, but I love it. @paulxt @useful_noise The trailer physically pushed me back in my chair. @useful_noise Easy sell. Are you a Paolo Sorrentino fan? I’m kind of obsessed. @useful_noise I got some watching to do. @useful_noise Can’t wait. I felt the same about Parasite when it was playing fests for 6 months.
2/6
2020
I’m at @AcmeComedyCo tonight and tomorrow with my guys @peteleetweets and @JollySomali working on a big chunk of my… https://t.co/WARtaZo0JfEspecially fun show today with the Wednesday crew. https://t.co/r9UmOs8MrR @Coreyadamcomedy @ScoutWithBryan @bmiIIz I’m uncomfortable with all this Bryan/Bmillz chatter transpiring without me.I will not rest until every hour of every day is spent listening to podcasts from NPR and the New York Times (so I… https://t.co/pWhzKhBoSx
Retweeted by Bryan Miller @useful_noise This worked out very well.Was onstage during the State of the Union. Based on my Twitter it was either a trash truck trainwreck, or based on… https://t.co/n70FcH16RuIs this @GregFitzShow’s senior picture? https://t.co/ObHqbMTmPj
2/5
2020
On the other hand, our caucus went smoothly and the unified electorate chose unanimously to elect @IdiotRyanKahl as… https://t.co/y1d36XGNRs
2/4
2020
@theloopnow Nice headline. @BBlaw @AaronIsaacs69 @AndyKindler No, it was an ad with the Fox guys.Whoa, @AndyKindler! Great surprise.
2/3
2020

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