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Rhiannon Shaw @rhiannoneshaw London, England

comedian, writer, freelancer. comedy creds with @thedailymash @newsjackbbc @succubus_mag @turtlecanyoncom

1,080 Following   3,252 Followers   9,018 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/26/08

exercise is so weird. Being unable to walk the next day if you don't stretch is surely a massive failing and I refu… @jjwfenton @GeorgeFouracres Haha oh no! Gloriously flat is right, like Cambridge or Holland
every so often growing up you’d come across a family that didn’t ‘do’ chocolate advent calendars. There’d be a big… sale: baby shoes, give you baby corns @rachelhappyface aha I was a 2nd Violin for a very long time this is mainly self-deprecating. Oboe vibes however...yikes! @RosieBlackadder big overlap I'd saypeople who were in an orchestra growing up... do you ever meet someone in adult life and think ya... he gives off such 2nd Violin vibes :/ @Crypto_Horse28 Timothée Chalamet is from New Jersey?? ;)the two genders
would you still like me if you were kissing me and suddenly you felt something strange and you pulled back to disco… rewards of the mortifying being loved ordeal of…
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shawmy ancestors at 25: i am illiterate, i have given birth to 9 children without recourse to anaesthetic me at 25: t… ME SPIDERS OF PICTURE-MANwhen will I be on Have I Got News for You :/um um when Tier 1 is a cool new nightclub in town but you and your friends got hammered at pre-drinks and half of y…'s my impression of a 14-year-old boy in 2006: "man if Borat and Austin Powers ever teamed up that would be so sick 😏"every year on Thanksgiving the president forgives one turkey’s student loans
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shawyes agreed if I was going to market a famously unpopular cuisine I too would want to make everything about it as su…"What should we call our matches?" "I dunno, something normal"
Retweeted by Rhiannon ShawAllison Pearson's knocked it out of the park again
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shaw😏😒 will fuck the tentacle terrorise tall privately educated men on a daily basis
every year on Thanksgiving the president forgives one turkey’s student loans
Retweeted by Rhiannon ShawSean Connery: Irish by The Goo Goo DollshI'd love to get through 24 hours without having to whisper "a succulent chinese meal" under my breath to satisfy a…
Retweeted by Rhiannon ShawI am soooo sick of fake people smh 🙄like when you think you know a guy and then you discover that he was a ghost al… you get older you realise that every TV has two remotes - one that literally just turns the TV on and off and *m… to announce that Joe Biden has asked me to join his administration. Say hello to your new Secretary of Cringe :)I told this guy I work in comedy and he asked me if I've ever heard of something called Peep Show?
I really fancy this guy (?) @benedictclarke Yesssss!!! @benedictclarke @WJDalrymple had the audacity to make me a cake! (what does he think it is? My birthday?) 😂🤪🤪
Retweeted by Rhiannon ShawShared on Facebook but I'm raising money for Thrombosis UK again in memory of my dear old Dad. The best present you… @hansmollman Thank you Mollie! <3 <3 <3 @AniaMags Thank you love <3 x @GeorgeFouracres Aw thank ye kindly George! x @SaimaFerdows Thank YOU!!!! <3Thank you for the birthday wishes, and particular shout out to Superdrug TM who are giving me quadruple points unti… @hs148 Hahahaha thank you mama! <3 @Cassiesmyth Thank yooooouu! :D x @colinrothwell'm 25 years old! And what a year! I moved...twice! I left my job...twice! I've been miserable and deliriously happ…
@Lynn_McGoo She is gorgeous! Luna or Mittenso I was a little nervous about getting two kittens (never had more than one) and also two girls (always had boys)…
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shawas one myself, I can say in all fairness that short women are evil, pointing to a candid of Marilyn Monroe: bet you know who that is him, pointing to a literal publicity shot fr… remembered a date with a self-proclaimed cinephile who asked me in hushed tones if I had ever heard of... Audrey Hepburn @IvoGraham Ahahaha this is absolutely adorablehmmm think I might tweet something like ‘no man is ever worth shaving your pussy for’ then stay up until 2am hoping he texts back
2020 to discover that two white male comedians I’ve been conflating and confusing for years are actually the same persongoing to start saying ‘so-called comedian’ about people who aren’t called comedians. ‘So-called comedian Freddy Krueger’ for squirrels in the park. A nice couple came up to me and said ‘if your daughter wants to see rats instead…
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shawall my D&D characters have thrush :/Oooo I get it! It’s XBox circus :) contempt in his voice! Talking like he’s in a bar with his snobby chums. What an utter utter wanker. Props to L…
ahahahaha Kieran is just incredible isn't he making fun of rudy giuliani
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shaw @hmscampbeltown @poetryforsnails You’re doing romance wrong @hmscampbeltown @poetryforsnails Christ Rory!the climax of my new steamy romance film set in the American South will be when the rain-soaked heroine shouts to h… fucked it AGAIN! It closed at 3.30 today! I cannot emphasise enough how much of my day I’ve spent walking to Pret… 3 - 1.00pm A tropical green tea. I'm very busy at work but I will do this today if it kills me. I'm going o… @Elle_R0se Any hot drink I believe! :)COFFEE 2 - 11.15 am Normal cappuccino. I need to pick up the pace if I’m really going to do this today.trying this again. COFFEE 1 - 9.45 am Normal cappuccino Patel ‘accidentally’ giving a civil servant an atomic wedgiewhen I abruptly stop replying to a couple on Bumble who were looking for a third only man wearing a mask on the tube carriage this morning was reading Jordan Peterson which I think sums up you…*Papa Roach voice* TOOK MY WIFE AND TWO NIECES TO DISNEYLAND RESORT
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shaw
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shaw
Please stop replying saying it’s based on Sherlock Holmes I have in fact seen the show/read the Wilson/House fanficsnever mind 'fleets' being 'fleeting' and 'tweets', did anyone notice that Dr House from the show 'House' is a play… to write a tweet :/ is about taking risks, and that’s why I deleted the first fleet I posted within half an hourenough of the Fairytale of New York and Baby It’s Cold Outside discourse. Let’s talk about the REAL elephant in the… news! thanks to those who have watched and followed my stream, I am now a Twitch Affiliate! not sure if this me…
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shaw @alexbuchanan @TNeenan Interesting! I'm much happier writing sketches generally so maybe I need to think sketch and work backwards ha. @DomCarterAgain (no, DM me :( )(This is entirely serious if anyone does have any advice, the Radio 4 style doesn't come naturally to me and before… @colinrothwell @guardian stop sucking up to them @guardian @colinrothwell for god's sakeI want a Rocky training montage where someone teaches me how to write good and solid topical one-liners. Are there…
UK government: ooooh what shall we spend all our money on UK: starving children UK government: ...nukes? :) UK:…
Retweeted by Rhiannon Shawit’s 2039. Most of humanity has been replaced with Amazon delivery drones. We’re still being drip-fed essays from C… @jackbern23 SAME!BBC Sherlock’s greatest legacy is surely the paranoia I feel when I struggle to plug in my phoneI’m at jungle city It’s late And this song is For you???what age were you when you stopped believing in Secret Santa? You know, the suave guy in a tux who comes to office…
@jackbern23 Oh my god this is crazy, I’m one step closer to my Twitter EGOTwhat if a detective was like: 'the proof is in the pudding.' and then the suspect was like: 'well I ordered a chees…