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Joined Twitter 2/20/19

My band mates made a sound moral choice and if you can’t trust me I hope you can trust them. Twitter is a terrible… addition to sobriety and seeking specialized counseling I will not be participating in social spaces for the for… have been out of control for a long time and it is time for me to face the consequences of my actions. I have hur…
a stern governess
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My Gamer Romance
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going freeclimbing in my jeans. @vqnerdballs no i am still stupid. maybe more
personally im thrilled of bidens dog being sent to a shadowy offshore facility to have the Evil surgically removed from its pea sized brain
Retweeted by Mike @Slammy_P @megclark_txt @DylanRoth yeah that would have been sick. it's basically him already. i'm going to be doin… is now working on a special liquid
Retweeted by Mike @jmrivera02 Lol @DylanRoth you need to make this post on facebook so that you don't inevitably receive this shirt for your birthdayhaving david lee roth draw the next album cover, apologies in advance for the incomprehensible political statement it will makehonored to appear on the studio recording of "Mr Blue Sky," the 4-beat clanging noise was the sound of Jeff Lynn dr…
Did Nic Cage ever get to do anything with dinosaurs? Has he yet fulfilled the dream of his life? If not, how can we…
Retweeted by MikeMira Sorvino as Romy in Romy and Michele has a medically perfect voiceI’m one of the pilots who has to fight Godzilla. Every day I get my shit fucked clean to dick. My wife hates my gut…
Retweeted by MikeFirst train in Trainspotting is 32 minutes in
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@COOL_GHOUL_ the countdown is ongoingCannot believe how this came out
This shit is wild once again. Please watch's - Pittsburgh, PA
Retweeted by Mike @littlehag6 LmaoIt’s tonight! Music and videos’ “big night out,” the baby awards on! Benefitting…
Retweeted by MikeHobbs and Shaw is bald boy magic @andrewstando @DieRobinsonDie hau hau hau hau
“Settle down!” @outofcontextYKS
Retweeted by MikeTik Tok user “white trash barbie” @outofcontextYKS
Retweeted by Mike @depechejoe chicken dinner @GayRodney @Sir__Duque i have a really good copypasta to share so we need to get to 1000 PRONTO @GayRodney This was killing me because nobody said we had to start over if we fucked upOrson Welles voice call your father. right now he is looking up info and reading stickied reddit threads about how to become a Smoker
Retweeted by Mikeasking the healthcare clinic receptionist if she can call my vaccine appointment "a guest list spot" just to feel normal again
Retweeted by MikeGood boy is seeing Darth Vader for the first time...
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Retweeted by MikeDog managed to find and eat some of a lunchable that was in the street. Awarding her honorary 90s kid statusof all my myriad open tabs, the most haunting and cursed is the guitar tab for Mr. Brightside that i can't master @Ohhhaeee there is Nothing Wrong with being played by Jamie Lee Curtis @anguirus42 @MikeFiorilla Especially when my piss is the exactly same color as Mountain Dew Pitch Black
@AutoAmes Yeah most of them aren’t even guys named mr softee. Their wife is just some lady @AutoAmes I keep telling you there’s more than one ice cream man. It’s not like Santa Claus, there’s multiple ice c… like “guess who’s safe to kiss 🥺”Posting a photo of my vaccination card that somehow includes my nasty toes and a computer keyboard that seems to be doubling as an ashtrayI’ve always loved this photo of my great great grandmother from c. 1890. It’s crazy to think some part of her might…
Retweeted by Mikeif you push Fortunato into the the corner where the amontillado cask meets the arch at this precise x coordinate, h…
Retweeted by Mike @rachelmillman New “cats in the cradle” just dropped @ShanusMcAnus Hell yeah @Slammy_P @megclark_txt People need to leave Sam alone when he’s rightAnd this guy darkseid... let’s just say he’s basically the nephew from Hell
Retweeted by Mike @ApertureHeart He better be singing about snacks in a Tōn Lōc voiceAnd this guy darkseid... let’s just say he’s basically the nephew from Hell “I’m the leprechaun!” (Wayne’s world) [SPECULATION- this article contains information not… em*drake singing voice* my dick really ain't that fucked up looking *drake rapping voice* nah but really it is
Retweeted by Miketherapist: and what do we do when we feel a guilt spiral starting? me: this joke structure therapist: damn, rack ‘em me: rack ‘em
Retweeted by MikeAncient lamentation music vs Icelandic dirge music.... Sophie’s ChoiceIf Thjs Edible Doesn’t Work I swear to God I Will Smoke weedThe closest I’ve come to a “don draper moment” in life was showing up unprepared to a PowerPoint party and hitting… @nokeynoplan I got a nine year old MacBook Air running good, maybe you gotta do some cleanup or upgrade the memoryThis was the perfect outfit with the corner of social media that’s all raw diets for dogs, because pics always look like what goblins…
Retweeted by MikeHow To Tell If Someone Has Been Corrupted By The Powers Of Darkness: 1) Their eyes are glowing red 2) They attack you
Retweeted by MikeImagine a man chained in a cave from birth, positioned such that he can only view the shadows of objects in firelig…
Retweeted by Mike @JennaKassArt I used illustrator as a CAD tool with a to-scale floor plan and measurements of our furniture, highly suggest it[lemmy kilmister voice] @GayRodney this post is causing too much drama and i'm reporting itengineer adding circus sound effects to Sgt Pepper (1967)
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@depechejoe a wooper pleasemaking my name on here "very online king" and my pfp is my face and tweeting "Women are afraid the vaccine I just g…
Retweeted by Mikefor those of you sharing that diagram claiming Jerry's hallway doesn't exist
Retweeted by Mike @Fauxedo Two of hearts...Here’s an @AutoAmes birthday fact: Julian and mike originally trademarked “the hell Yeah babies” as a real estate a…
Retweeted by Mike#IWantMyHYB returns FRIDAY 4/9 @ 8pm ET! As always, we'll be bringing you music videos from the best independent ar…
Retweeted by MikeMore bug in a rug l @Sir__Duque This makes it look like King Kong diedJust because you've been vaccinated does not mean it's ok for you to wash your ass. Do not wash your ass
Retweeted by MikeI have finished the lion’s share of a thousand piece puzzle and can feel my brain swelling with answer’s @kendrawcandraw This is killing me bro @kendrawcandraw feral gf
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Retweeted by Mike"Data be thinkin', ya'll! Data be thinkin'..."
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@ChrisCrash00 the hits keep coming @DieRobinsonDie @sloth_inebriate uh huhas of today i definitively know what verzuz is. this is huge for me @depechejoe “The pipeline” scene from Devil Wears Prada but it's me explaining to people who complain about "the dirtbag left" that every…
Retweeted by MikeIt’s sick that there has been no nostalgia kick reboot of 3 ninjas because that movie truly sucks except the surfer dude kidnappersPeople keep asking me what the source of the yoinsman vs boohooman joke is and it’s that I keep getting advertised… @DieRobinsonDie Yes bro....Feeling incredibly secure and fulfilled in my career path rn 🤞✌️ just waiting on society to change just a little so… it’s chilly first lady come come first lady.. ur my jilly b... doctor.. maybe
Retweeted by Mikeim sucking my own dick and dying
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[turning to my gf] Conan HATES magic