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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stats.

2,213 Following   1,986 Followers   90,259 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/26/12


So, today in the Republic of Rees Mogg, Latin feeding instructions on kitten food 🤯 https://t.co/XCx6v75dO9
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @das_munch You can pull off this look: https://t.co/P7kzUYgLrj @connorjbyrne Bit of an improvement on the 'Abomination unto the LORD!' stuff that the Presentation Brothers tried to drum into me. @Beakmoo @Mmelulu She's fine, I'm told, just ducking below the parapet for a bit. Turns out Twitter is a screaming shitstorm. Who knew? @KarlOnSea That's not completely fair. You also need to demonstrate that your thumbs are sufficiently opposed to grasp the licence. @estherbeadle As one raised Catholic, I can't help feeling he's mostly an improvement upon the Popes I'm used to. @Acripedes @Steve16711988 @speedyneg @LukeB_MTB I thought so. @benBecalel Yeah, I was being facetious, and that's a fair take. But when it does turn out to be just a dickhead, n… https://t.co/J8z2vooFFO @Steve16711988 @speedyneg @LukeB_MTB Even for Twitter, that's dark.https://t.co/fNNiC4vCJa
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @LukeB_MTB @RobOnABike Cue BBC local radio phone-in: 'Tree and car collide - who's to blame?'
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @speedyneg @LukeB_MTB "Very fine life-forms on both sides." @IncognitoPengy @OllieRoo @popsie73 Only for us premium users. @LukeB_MTB Is the tree OK?"Thames Valley Police are now investigating the cause of the crash." Taking a wild guess that some dickhead drove a… https://t.co/75hmvuEu00 @riverthistle It doesn't fix everything, but yeah, it cuts a lot of the tripwires.All those who said this was no basis for a system of government are probably feeling like right berks now. https://t.co/cIEGRwtCTq
Retweeted by Rob H&ynesI do not wish to read another story anout "geniuses" & how they spent their time w/out the corresponding info about… https://t.co/LAZMpVijh9
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes"Siri, show me denial as a coping strategy." https://t.co/SQqaqM3IPQ @barneyfarmer Although neither the can-dress-themselves or no-serious-convictions things are hard and fast rules @Beakmoo With a side-order of spleen.Haynes 2020 - Bad cat, this is not your sandwich. https://t.co/V2JyWWnBXj @Loudbasket @Jfarrers 10/10, would eat. Happy birthday, @Jfarrers . @Loudbasket Yes, yes they can. Don't give them ideas. @Mish_in_London Well, quite. https://t.co/Czhfw6JSox @Mish_in_London They send me pictures of what it's like outside this cellar and everything. Trees, sky, buildings, people. It's fantastic.Junction of Maidcroft Road and Clive Road, a residential area in Cowley. https://t.co/gcKo6TfPU7
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @MeLadyFreshness Bear traps. You can probably buy them on Amazon. @Biggreenbooks We laud writers so much for the beautiful and interesting things they write, that we make them sit i… https://t.co/vhOriLLE8K @ancientnmodern @Beakmoo Oh, I'd missed this. Happy birthday, Ma'am. @Beakmoo @Mmelulu I have made enquiries.Due to popular demand, we have added 2 more events for children with #autism. Tickets are limited, so be sure to bo… https://t.co/pfzODBd0mx
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @LoneyJane If you don't write anything, it just retweets as normal. But yeah, that confused me too. @ibikehorsham @allpartycycling @OxfordshireCC Yeah, the exception I'm thinking of has been sorely tested, and has a… https://t.co/F4x66FVjJY @MamaMoose_Be @PedalandPost It's *always* a political problem. Bike infra, done properly, saves money. @ibikehorsham @allpartycycling @OxfordshireCC With the odd outlying exception, I can't argue with a word of this. @ibikehorsham @allpartycycling @OxfordshireCC I've been careful for years not to get on the wrong side of him, beca… https://t.co/TjXqgWrKN7 @DannyYee @richardf @sabreroads Poe's Law, Danny, Poe's Law.I was gonna tweet something cute, like, I wish we had an election so we could start afresh with a PM who cares abou… https://t.co/Iq62SB32aS
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @allpartycycling @OxfordshireCC 'I am sorry if anyone was offended...' "Apologised"This should be re-made, shot-for-shot. Just replace the Jag for an SUV. Could be filmed in any city suburb with Vic… https://t.co/PcTC9gXPzi
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @AllegedlyMiri I console myself that on average, the world is getting better. But there are some *real* blips in the curve. @AllegedlyMiri It was a worthwhile read, thank you.Victims of Trump: a thread But make yourself a cup of tea first...
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @jenbren1976 Go, Ireland. After generations of the English making jokes about the Irish, from now on, the entire wo… https://t.co/G41ixTjul2Wow. Oxford’s gruesome 1968 plans for inner relief roads, presented on the @sabreroads map viewer:… https://t.co/m60Y5mfDBD
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @misteredgeley @bigdamo @bengoldacre @_Liam_Walker_ So tempted to put "Constantly wanking off the Dutch" in my bio.Christ on a bike, Laura - would you ever fuck off with your 'government source'. Either grow or borrow a pair and d… https://t.co/TRhODwYB9a
Retweeted by Rob H&ynesIt's 1965 and executives at Capitol Records are desperate to release a Paul McCartney solo album. (True story.) Her… https://t.co/gj4vumE19T
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @MrRayNewman I'd venture so far as to say that's better than any actual Beatles album.
10/21
2020
Where this pandemic is concerned, we're all in the same storm but we are not all in the same boat. Some are in huge… https://t.co/YmORBD3IVF
Retweeted by Rob H&ynesDance like nobody’s watching, Sing like you forgot the car windows were open, Masturbate like you thought the zoom meeting was over.
Retweeted by Rob H&ynesJust did an image search in case the pic had been lifted from elsewhere: https://t.co/o89nCfgMvX https://t.co/HPiL3FBTF8
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @skillsmcgill Done. @PedalandPost “To be frank it is quite depressing when you go on social media and you read all sorts of expletives… https://t.co/PactL6ZEOKJob hunting! I live in the Kettering area, can work remotely. Can start immediately! If you're a creative busines… https://t.co/tziBB6ocCu
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @MsJamandPickle @A_BoxOfRain Hard agree. @benBecalel This one's an old fave and I love it. There are newer, more accurate versions kicking around now, with… https://t.co/lcJLAR6b2j @Mmelulu I think I could rustle up some brioche. @A_BoxOfRain I used to use it as a shortcut to school 40 years ago, so I just about know it well enough to agree. @Mmelulu Same. I promise not to send you on any wild Google chases for days, at least. @A_BoxOfRain When I saw that earlier, I genuinely thought it was the 'before' picture that needed fixing, not the '… https://t.co/kc3ZrfaNlASo, this is getting the responses it deserves. https://t.co/9R7M2BApmv
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @Badger5000 @das_munch I remember sending a work email to a German, and when an out-of-office notification came bac… https://t.co/NcIlV5coLp @mrsbarkel * nods firmly * Individually, and collectively.Just did an image search in case the pic had been lifted from elsewhere: https://t.co/o89nCfgMvX https://t.co/HPiL3FBTF8 @re_Claire @parsnip45 The thing with fizzy water is that it's gone very quickly, and doesn't stick around in your m… https://t.co/OTFLVGwoeB @parsnip45 @re_Claire I've heard this, and I went looking for evidence either way. The only study I could find sug… https://t.co/zbsBUkTPzTIt's like the end of Akira. No matter how gigantic the stupidity becomes, it somehow just keeps on growing.
Retweeted by Rob H&ynesOkay, if you had 'armed conflict between Phil Collins and his ex-wife' on your 2020 bingo card, you win. https://t.co/yAOX8RP4hq
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @GothOnABrompton The best from both of us. @GothOnABrompton No idea, but send D my best.Anyone local to Hammersmith, can you advise what the traffic is like around 09:00 - 10:00 inbound on the A4, weekda… https://t.co/K3IStz7ZHk
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @soapachu Seu Jorge's acoustic Bowie covers from The Life Aquatic. @judetx If this were a UK offer, I'll admit I'd be tempted. @re_Claire @danyoolripley Why stop at water? Fizzy milk is only a matter of time now. @re_Claire @MattFoxhill But if you do, take seriously the gap they tell you to leave at the top of the bottle. @re_Claire I get through litres of it a day. I have seriously looked into the hardware I'd need to connect a proper… https://t.co/QSuzU0ICsh @CumberdickB Autocorrect, I love you. @USNatArchives Mary Jackson was NASA's first black female engineer. She developed expertise working with wind tunne… https://t.co/Ho1DzrsAz2
Retweeted by Rob H&ynes @mynameisgill Yay, congratulations! @DrAlisonHill @emilysmithLD @LabourRuth @mark4faringdon @david4wantage @OxonTravel @OxonCyclingNet @ianhudspethhttps://t.co/MlHumIEF6G @WilliamNB @tomstaniford @Pinarello_Pete @_Liam_Walker_ Give it twenty minutes. @tomstaniford @WilliamNB @Pinarello_Pete @_Liam_Walker_ "The man who wasn't blocked by Councillor Liam Walker." https://t.co/zEhOVD1Uig @WilliamNB @Pinarello_Pete @_Liam_Walker_ Same here, just today, I think. I wish I could get access to his block li… https://t.co/cxHkZvPSf1 @lottaboheme On the list, thank you. @lottaboheme Oh, this looks *right* up my street. And, as you say, Norway. @CumberdickB "Everybody just pretend to be normal!" @lucullus @LBRUT Perfect typo. Just leave that as is. @Acripedes @_Liam_Walker_ @Cycling_Jedi There's a gap in the market for a Twitter bot just to echo Liam Walker's tw… https://t.co/WwUevBgPJ2 @Mmelulu And you give *me* a hard time. @rowenaaitken I offer no guarantees, and accept no liability, but... https://t.co/ZElvmTOTia @MmedeBeauvoir @MeLadyFreshness I didn't know this before, but it seems that very wide, but not necessarily deep co… https://t.co/H6uy82vja1 @MmedeBeauvoir @MeLadyFreshness Excellent. Be sure to keep us posted. @MeLadyFreshness IIRC, they're not deep-rooted; if you can find some wide, shallow pots, they'll be just as happy, and more stable. @MeLadyFreshness, you're doing it right. https://t.co/iRRApXeYIW @CAirlie @AndieDelicacy It's becoming bracingly apparent that Twitter's not just about cakes and pussy cats. @re_Claire @AndieDelicacy I defer to m'colleagues detailed and definitive knowledge.
10/20
2020

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