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I write novels. Here's one: also been in Guardian and on Radio 4

2,127 Following   2,894 Followers   66,357 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/6/10

🗓 28th October 2020 🏷 Instagram/oddmaninn 💕 #animaloftheday
Retweeted by Rob Palk @HowFashionating @pdkmitchell @stefmowords During the civil war, Jens ancestors had to eat mingesludge to survivewhen you’ve got a senate hearing at 9 but you’re curing the Tsar’s haemophiliac son at 10
Retweeted by Rob PalkDeep christ @NHaliloglu HahaWatching a Louise Brooks film @HowFashionating @stefmowords @pdkmitchell @HowFashionating @stefmowords @pdkmitchell A jeroboam of mucus @stefmowords @HowFashionating @pdkmitchell It sounds like Jen already is tbf @KatyaTaylor @ToTheHappyNone It may be some time... @rickburin Let me know if you find any Brooks worth watching, currently waiting for her to show up in the sailor film @lubulhoes No, I'm baffledGently reeling from this thread. This is the sort of harmless passage I might have, at a push, raised an eyebrow at…
Retweeted by Rob Palk @roisincaird I feel a podcast coming on @il_cagnaccio @anicegreenleaf @HowFashionating @_Traviata No, because if you read carefully, he offers her a taste of her own mucusBeen reading Matt Forde's book, it's not like I expected
Retweeted by Rob Palk @anicegreenleaf @HowFashionating @il_cagnaccio @_Traviata @anicegreenleaf @HowFashionating @il_cagnaccio @_Traviata We should go round sticking this in copies of it @CasparSalmon Other Americans are agreeing with her, think I've Discovered Something @CasparSalmon She chimed into the thread identifying herself so I figured it was OK @CasparSalmon On here and they are American @anicegreenleaf @HowFashionating @il_cagnaccio @_Traviata She wrote a letter to the LRB arguing that WAP was a perf… @anicegreenleaf @HowFashionating @il_cagnaccio @_Traviata I really want you to @HowFashionating @il_cagnaccio @anicegreenleaf @_Traviata I mean, that's implied @LeonardEctric1 This is exactly my point! It's just... not outrageous at all @robpalkwriter Not even eyebrow-raise-worthy. Maybe you HAVE discovered a big American difference.
Retweeted by Rob Palk @ToTheHappyNone There's a line in my work in progress about someone touching a penis as though they were reaching o… @pdkmitchell Let👏people👏enjoy👏mucus @katobell It's.. not shocking is it @pdkmitchell No. That's all Jen @HowFashionating @il_cagnaccio @anicegreenleaf @_Traviata @lubulhoes it @HowFashionating @anicegreenleaf @robpalkwriter @il_cagnaccio One minute I thought I was enjoying a relatively inno…
Retweeted by Rob Palk @FoalytheCentaur @JudeCosgrove You'd think so @HowFashionating @il_cagnaccio @anicegreenleaf @_Traviata All of us slipping about @ToTheHappyNone @anicegreenleaf Injoke, sorry @anicegreenleaf I bet you do @ToTheHappyNone @anicegreenleaf Bzzz TOWNSHEND WILL TAKE THIS ONE @il_cagnaccio @anicegreenleaf @_Traviata I'd quite possibly have missed it if @HowFashionating hadn't warned me @il_cagnaccio @anicegreenleaf @_Traviata It's one brief and (I thought) unshocking scene @anicegreenleaf I wonder if it's possible to deduce whether I've seen NOTGF for a bit by the filth level of my tweets @anicegreenleaf Their intimate circle @anicegreenleaf They'd probably think nothing of injecting it in their faces @anicegreenleaf @_Traviata I've given the book back now, but when they get sexy in the woods, near the end @anicegreenleaf Another American raised their eyebrows at it, I feel like I've discovered something Important @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell You need to get over this mucus hatred if you're going to enjoy Great Britain @anicegreenleaf Because you aren't horrified by perfectly ordinary sexing @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell His wife was annoying @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell Is it the adultery or the mucus that really bothers you @mina_um_so @HowFashionating @pdkmitchell She foresaw this very conversation @mina_um_so @HowFashionating @pdkmitchell She's saying fanny mucus shouldn't be allowed basically @pdkmitchell @HowFashionating @mina_um_so Pronounced Myook obvs @pdkmitchell @HowFashionating @mina_um_so Muce Pence @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell It's a shame Perry left twitter @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell I don't remember that but even so it's not grim @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell Why would they hit perfectly good mucus? And how would she be pregnant from his finger? @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell I've given it back to the person who lent it me, but I don't remember tha… @NHaliloglu You and your Turkey @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell He just put his finger in her mouth after it had been in her bits @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell It was a lot less weird and sciency than you make it soundIn my minds eye, the Express twitter account is run by a howling cartoon wolf with a five-foot unfurling tongue and…
Retweeted by Rob Palk @HowFashionating @pdkmitchell @mina_um_so Singing a rousing music hall song like "Mr Hitler won't get his chops (on Auntie Ethel's mucus)" @HowFashionating This is possibly my wrongest tweet @HowFashionating @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell I was waiting for that scene after you warned me how grim it was and it c… am I gaining followers today @thenewbrunette Ask Jen!You, an American, horrified by the very existence of cervical mucus Me, a European, using it as a cheap butter subs… @HowFashionating Eat the cervical mucus Anna MaeIt's a thing @colourmehazel How are there so many of them @mina_um_so @pdkmitchell Divided by a common language and cervical mucus @pdkmitchell It's a direct quote from the book, surprised no critics noticed @ScoutSleepe Agreed @HowFashionating You didn't have to identify yourself @HowFashionating Good @_Traviata Are we just sunk in sinThey'd even warned me "watch out for the sex scene" and lo & behold it... isn't grim or shocking at all?I am discussing a recent (and fairly chaste) novel* with an American and they are deeply, puritanically, shocked by… @leoniecumiskey Waugh reaction pics
Retweeted by Rob PalkThriller. A disabled athlete finds himself at the centre of a murder investigation after committing a murder.
Retweeted by Rob Palk @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance Neither of them look like they give ironing a single thought tbf @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance Shaking with dismay at literature's Mr Geniality turning out to be a bit haughty & imperious @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance A rival Derren @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance What the buggery fuck are you on about Townshend @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance I think we're telling off Nabokov today for getting his wife to type stuff or something @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance OK this I understand @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance Who is this Pamela Sykes of which you speak @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance I don't understand a word of this @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance You don't want to know what other things I'm making you do @rickburin YouTube seem to rate it @anicegreenleaf @RSmythFreelance I have seeded the word "relentless" into your day @rickburin Woohoo, ta @anicegreenleaf @rickburin Me rn @anicegreenleaf @rickburin With my adorable relentless and specific horn @rickburin *Brooks liking face* What's this on?YES. THIS. Oh but also you might just be bad.
Retweeted by Rob PalkTfw you're really enjoying freedom