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I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

379 Following   141 Followers   7,640 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/20/10


@BitterOldPunk Yeah, it sucks. Just when I thought we had made it to the point where we could enjoy life, she was d… https://t.co/uUGPVvN5PH @BitterOldPunk I'll let you deal with my wife's Multiple Sclerosis then. @tomsegura Speak English, for Christ's sake. Can't you see you're alienating the racist portion of your fan base? @BitterOldPunk Or they're too good at their jobs. Allow me to introduce Exhibit A, a note pinned to our garage one… https://t.co/HbXjuZqw0I @BitterOldPunk Right? One's a sheepdog and one's a cattle dog and they both suck at their jobs. @BitterOldPunk I'd be quite happy to shoot the cat, but I'm not a monster. @BitterOldPunk Unfortunately, my dogs wake up at approximately 6 AM every day, and because we have a neighbor whose… https://t.co/YXV4jN9VEh @BitterOldPunk You must not have dogs. @LynzforCongress https://t.co/pErOoCVhlH @bader_diedrich @Vintaughtme @DylanConner309 You've inspired me to wear a tuxedo to have my passport photo taken when it expires next month. @mikesuszek Woody Allen: Barbie Riding Club
2/22
2020
@ChrisbWells @michaelianblack I suppose if the kids in cages at the border had access to Twitter they might have answer for you, dipshit. @NHRA #NHRA Oh, look, Mello Yello series is up and https://t.co/zeFO69AcdB is in the shitter. Again. How you can co… https://t.co/lBMGvZFjEk @NHRA @BrittanyForce @FlavRPac @JFR_Racing Are y'all fixing the techinical difficulties on NHRA TV. Been awhile now.
Retweeted by Roger The Shrubber @HelenKennedy I don't know why they're heating hot water in the first place. @FineWal_Office_ Do you have anything that could help with this? https://t.co/gK7Tws9CVc @peakauto From the bedroom to the living room to watch https://t.co/zeFO69AcdB
2/21
2020
@gjcharlet @kelliebob @Jen_Lee Now you have to buy another bottle and pour it out to honor the first one. @PaterAletheias Chain-link fence between Grandma's house and the neighbor's was bent under at the bottom, and hooke… https://t.co/LXG3eRQpYp @Specklet @gjcharlet @lukedones @jaybeans "Reject" @This_Actress @HoosierMamaTags @CogitoErgoWtf Westhroid Story @peteholmes My eyes are old and tired so I read that as 'a day without boobs' and that's a sad, sad day.
2/20
2020
@ChuckGoudieABC7 @ABC7Chicago Ain't enough sanitizer in the world to clean that seat. @GeorgeMgoblue07 https://t.co/TdcTcWPBZK @LitAndLoud @WFOJoe @NHRA You have to admit, even if you're not a boxing fan, that "Tyson Fury" may be the best heavyweight name ever. @peakauto https://t.co/W8JaqzZRbi @MattOswaltVA "Cage Without A Key", 1975 TV movie with Susan Dey. She gets stabbed in the throat at the end and the… https://t.co/QWNQHTV15U @davidmweissman Django Unchained
2/19
2020
@threepeaksexp 🤣 Facebook gave me a 24-hour ban for posting this. @Zookeepers4Pete I hate Turnip too but this is a bad take and you should feel bad for posting it. @AmandaBusick @NHRA @mikejoy500 Lest they forget, the XFL also has live mics on everyone. I think even the folks se… https://t.co/cTMo3E6Gso
2/18
2020
Last chance! #Sweepstakes #Pit4Busch#Pit4Busch #Sweepstakes#Pit4Busch #sweepstakes#PIT4BUSCH #Sweepstakes @StephenKing Agreed. https://t.co/D6LB8VWhMR
2/17
2020
Everything Turnip touches turns to shit. #TrumpDaytonaRainout @ElemPeng @gjcharlet It's Florida, just less angry @jodiwilldare I've been dying to talk to you about this.The three-point shooting contest is still a thing in the NBA so us white guys can have a reason to watch. @lewisbloomNHRA Can't believe it's not in quadrophonic. @MerielMyers John Lennon and Harry Nilsson
2/16
2020
@ufez Does that train pass through Shelbyville? @BitterOldPunk "I seen 'em do it man. They fuckin' drown 'em in this shit." @StephenKing @gryking Perfect attendance as a student, then? @gjcharlet Over-laid @MrRaulJenkins Mike Lee. Orrin Hatch. My mother always said that if you don't have anything nice to say that you shouldn't say anything. @CogitoErgoWtf Rose is a Red Some might say "Commie" If you don't know the word Go ask your mommyhttps://t.co/j9sft2jTk3
2/15
2020
@StephenKing I renamed mine Thoughts and Prayers because they're worthless. @LitAndLoud @NAPARacing @NAPAKnowHow @RonCapps28 @CarlyleTools And if you're lucky enough to have it fall all the w… https://t.co/niesCJzTdC @gjcharlet @theadvocatebr They're the craw-daddies. @peakauto '68 Shelby GT500KR convertible https://t.co/s2ifzsKrvi @SenBillCassidy Resign, motherfucker. @gjcharlet Good word. @madamjujujive @ufez I don't like warm climates. I'd be happy with some of that "Day After Tomorrow" ice age action. @kathygriffin Those aren't dogs, they're mini-dogs. Try dealing with four Newfies. @ufez @madamjujujive Out here we wear shorts in sub-freezing temps. Some people even ski in them. @Specklet Did you pluck him out of an alien spaceship that crashed in a cornfield? @MJMcKean Did someone kill his dog? @gjcharlet Granted, nobody (hopefully) has to die for this to happen. @gjcharlet We're the same way with people who camp out with us and share drinks around the campfire. Camp out with… https://t.co/3FClobMA8M @waxtablet That day comes for all of us.
2/14
2020
@Ederlore https://t.co/T1kLfnNRfN @NHRA I'd sure rather have the 1970 version. https://t.co/zXtUesek2D @youneedaspoon @jamieleecurtis I think she's spoken about not being comfortable with improv before, but I may be mistaken. @allicowles @paulapoundstone Maybe if someone started listening...Not sure who was more excited. Glad she remembers me after a year! https://t.co/sScVXHMHJn
Retweeted by Roger The Shrubber @artwells "My Hero Zero", from Schoolhouse Rock @MattOswaltVA I was just reading about the Four Aces today. What a pleasant coincidence. Also, chalk my vote up for color. @LesHostetler That's obscene. @johnpaulwhite I'm going old-school. Stockton and West at guard, Dr. J and Bird at forward, and platoon Russell and… https://t.co/0GU3AbObNk
2/13
2020
@droo46 @StabbyLaLa @nycjamgal @DancesWithTamis @AndyRichter 18 years and nine months. Some much longer. @gjcharlet @BestFoodBlogEVR https://t.co/h0ALB8b8Lv @tizzie As it is now, it has always been, and always will be. @Ruthann74021099 @NHRAReinhart Mary Ann could read a compass, and Ginger could sing. @Acyn Who gives a flying fuck what she says? Why is anyone repeating it, let alone listening to it in the first place? @misspinkkate @miclugo @mostlymartha Tony Soprano would win every time!Like the children at Sandy Hook and Parkland who were breathing, crying, outside the womb, in the shooter's aim? Ge… https://t.co/ypjjI6Th7X
Retweeted by Roger The Shrubber @braddoty18 @gary_scelzi My dad took these photos back in either 1970 or '71 when two of the four-engined cars race… https://t.co/b3ixnlR2so @realTuckFrumper If there were a god he would make sure this guy gets the worst case of coronavirus ever @JillMartin0 Syphilis. @AmandiOnAir @ewarren NH and Iowa aren't representative of the rest of the country. @MattOswaltVA https://t.co/ZmlNnJRRZn @dogwelder As well you should.
2/12
2020
@MakeAWish @CMNHospitals Thank you, Make-A-Wish. @TheJewbyrd7777 She didn't want to go on the cart. "I'm feeling much better!" she said.Had to burn a half-day of PTO to dash home because our cameras seemed to show that our Sheltie was injured. Turns… https://t.co/vl8KE1nTA9 @misspinkkate @kimberrussell Geez, I'm over fifty and I get bored at weddings. @jodiwilldare @Anneflo Even Moon Pies? @DavidCornDC "Why don't you get the fuck out of here?" @LittleMissAngr1 "Not all the ups and downs were in bed" @peakauto I do this on occasion, especially if I have to bring a load of groceries home. It's easier to load them i… https://t.co/lCaA69E1lf @Cheeks1128 I was at a bar named "The Last Chance", eating pizza, drinking beer, and being shocked like everyone else was. @joshmillard LOOK AT HIS TOOFS, JUDGE @KatyTurNBC Where's the coronavirus when you need it? @AdamLanceGarcia "I'd like to thank my wife for supporting me." @MonsterGooder @AmysandersonAmy @870South @CyndiW100 Why? Will it help you get off? @CogitoErgoWtf I love to drive. I'm rarely happier than I am when I'm behind the wheel.
2/11
2020
@NHRAonReddit @NHRA If he didn't, he's welcome to continue staying home.
2/10
2020

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