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I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

379 Following   141 Followers   7,640 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/20/10

@BitterOldPunk Yeah, it sucks. Just when I thought we had made it to the point where we could enjoy life, she was d… @BitterOldPunk I'll let you deal with my wife's Multiple Sclerosis then. @tomsegura Speak English, for Christ's sake. Can't you see you're alienating the racist portion of your fan base? @BitterOldPunk Or they're too good at their jobs. Allow me to introduce Exhibit A, a note pinned to our garage one… @BitterOldPunk Right? One's a sheepdog and one's a cattle dog and they both suck at their jobs. @BitterOldPunk I'd be quite happy to shoot the cat, but I'm not a monster. @BitterOldPunk Unfortunately, my dogs wake up at approximately 6 AM every day, and because we have a neighbor whose… @BitterOldPunk You must not have dogs. @LynzforCongress @bader_diedrich @Vintaughtme @DylanConner309 You've inspired me to wear a tuxedo to have my passport photo taken when it expires next month. @mikesuszek Woody Allen: Barbie Riding Club
@ChrisbWells @michaelianblack I suppose if the kids in cages at the border had access to Twitter they might have answer for you, dipshit. @NHRA #NHRA Oh, look, Mello Yello series is up and is in the shitter. Again. How you can co… @NHRA @BrittanyForce @FlavRPac @JFR_Racing Are y'all fixing the techinical difficulties on NHRA TV. Been awhile now.
Retweeted by Roger The Shrubber @HelenKennedy I don't know why they're heating hot water in the first place. @FineWal_Office_ Do you have anything that could help with this? @peakauto From the bedroom to the living room to watch
@gjcharlet @kelliebob @Jen_Lee Now you have to buy another bottle and pour it out to honor the first one. @PaterAletheias Chain-link fence between Grandma's house and the neighbor's was bent under at the bottom, and hooke… @Specklet @gjcharlet @lukedones @jaybeans "Reject" @This_Actress @HoosierMamaTags @CogitoErgoWtf Westhroid Story @peteholmes My eyes are old and tired so I read that as 'a day without boobs' and that's a sad, sad day.
@ChuckGoudieABC7 @ABC7Chicago Ain't enough sanitizer in the world to clean that seat. @GeorgeMgoblue07 @LitAndLoud @WFOJoe @NHRA You have to admit, even if you're not a boxing fan, that "Tyson Fury" may be the best heavyweight name ever. @peakauto @MattOswaltVA "Cage Without A Key", 1975 TV movie with Susan Dey. She gets stabbed in the throat at the end and the… @davidmweissman Django Unchained
@threepeaksexp 🤣 Facebook gave me a 24-hour ban for posting this. @Zookeepers4Pete I hate Turnip too but this is a bad take and you should feel bad for posting it. @AmandaBusick @NHRA @mikejoy500 Lest they forget, the XFL also has live mics on everyone. I think even the folks se…
Last chance! #Sweepstakes #Pit4Busch#Pit4Busch #Sweepstakes#Pit4Busch #sweepstakes#PIT4BUSCH #Sweepstakes @StephenKing Agreed.
Everything Turnip touches turns to shit. #TrumpDaytonaRainout @ElemPeng @gjcharlet It's Florida, just less angry @jodiwilldare I've been dying to talk to you about this.The three-point shooting contest is still a thing in the NBA so us white guys can have a reason to watch. @lewisbloomNHRA Can't believe it's not in quadrophonic. @MerielMyers John Lennon and Harry Nilsson
@ufez Does that train pass through Shelbyville? @BitterOldPunk "I seen 'em do it man. They fuckin' drown 'em in this shit." @StephenKing @gryking Perfect attendance as a student, then? @gjcharlet Over-laid @MrRaulJenkins Mike Lee. Orrin Hatch. My mother always said that if you don't have anything nice to say that you shouldn't say anything. @CogitoErgoWtf Rose is a Red Some might say "Commie" If you don't know the word Go ask your mommy
@StephenKing I renamed mine Thoughts and Prayers because they're worthless. @LitAndLoud @NAPARacing @NAPAKnowHow @RonCapps28 @CarlyleTools And if you're lucky enough to have it fall all the w… @gjcharlet @theadvocatebr They're the craw-daddies. @peakauto '68 Shelby GT500KR convertible @SenBillCassidy Resign, motherfucker. @gjcharlet Good word. @madamjujujive @ufez I don't like warm climates. I'd be happy with some of that "Day After Tomorrow" ice age action. @kathygriffin Those aren't dogs, they're mini-dogs. Try dealing with four Newfies. @ufez @madamjujujive Out here we wear shorts in sub-freezing temps. Some people even ski in them. @Specklet Did you pluck him out of an alien spaceship that crashed in a cornfield? @MJMcKean Did someone kill his dog? @gjcharlet Granted, nobody (hopefully) has to die for this to happen. @gjcharlet We're the same way with people who camp out with us and share drinks around the campfire. Camp out with… @waxtablet That day comes for all of us.
@Ederlore @NHRA I'd sure rather have the 1970 version. @youneedaspoon @jamieleecurtis I think she's spoken about not being comfortable with improv before, but I may be mistaken. @allicowles @paulapoundstone Maybe if someone started listening...Not sure who was more excited. Glad she remembers me after a year!
Retweeted by Roger The Shrubber @artwells "My Hero Zero", from Schoolhouse Rock @MattOswaltVA I was just reading about the Four Aces today. What a pleasant coincidence. Also, chalk my vote up for color. @LesHostetler That's obscene. @johnpaulwhite I'm going old-school. Stockton and West at guard, Dr. J and Bird at forward, and platoon Russell and…
@droo46 @StabbyLaLa @nycjamgal @DancesWithTamis @AndyRichter 18 years and nine months. Some much longer. @gjcharlet @BestFoodBlogEVR @tizzie As it is now, it has always been, and always will be. @Ruthann74021099 @NHRAReinhart Mary Ann could read a compass, and Ginger could sing. @Acyn Who gives a flying fuck what she says? Why is anyone repeating it, let alone listening to it in the first place? @misspinkkate @miclugo @mostlymartha Tony Soprano would win every time!Like the children at Sandy Hook and Parkland who were breathing, crying, outside the womb, in the shooter's aim? Ge…
Retweeted by Roger The Shrubber @braddoty18 @gary_scelzi My dad took these photos back in either 1970 or '71 when two of the four-engined cars race… @realTuckFrumper If there were a god he would make sure this guy gets the worst case of coronavirus ever @JillMartin0 Syphilis. @AmandiOnAir @ewarren NH and Iowa aren't representative of the rest of the country. @MattOswaltVA @dogwelder As well you should.
@MakeAWish @CMNHospitals Thank you, Make-A-Wish. @TheJewbyrd7777 She didn't want to go on the cart. "I'm feeling much better!" she said.Had to burn a half-day of PTO to dash home because our cameras seemed to show that our Sheltie was injured. Turns… @misspinkkate @kimberrussell Geez, I'm over fifty and I get bored at weddings. @jodiwilldare @Anneflo Even Moon Pies? @DavidCornDC "Why don't you get the fuck out of here?" @LittleMissAngr1 "Not all the ups and downs were in bed" @peakauto I do this on occasion, especially if I have to bring a load of groceries home. It's easier to load them i… @Cheeks1128 I was at a bar named "The Last Chance", eating pizza, drinking beer, and being shocked like everyone else was. @joshmillard LOOK AT HIS TOOFS, JUDGE @KatyTurNBC Where's the coronavirus when you need it? @AdamLanceGarcia "I'd like to thank my wife for supporting me." @MonsterGooder @AmysandersonAmy @870South @CyndiW100 Why? Will it help you get off? @CogitoErgoWtf I love to drive. I'm rarely happier than I am when I'm behind the wheel.
@NHRAonReddit @NHRA If he didn't, he's welcome to continue staying home.