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Roy🌾 @Roy_oh_Roy Location location location

we have fun here | recent tweets here | top tweets linked below

989 Following   6,074 Followers   32,295 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/20/19

2000: I don’t want no scrubs 2020: I’m actually gonna need all those scrubs.
Retweeted by Roy🌾Me: *memorizes number from website* brain you got this right? Brain: I know the number Me: *closes browser and op…
Retweeted by Roy🌾ˢʰᵒᵗˢ ˢʰᵒᵗˢ ˢʰᵒᵗˢ ˢʰᵒᵗˢ ˢʰᵒᵗˢ ˢʰᵒᵗˢ 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦 𝐀 𝐍 𝐓 𝐈 𝐁 𝐎 𝐃 𝐈 𝐄 𝐒
Retweeted by Roy🌾when you’re following literally any road
Retweeted by Roy🌾the couple in carolers who baby it’s cold want figgy outside p…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Meet the Aardwolf, the littlest murder machine that looks like a weaponized chihuahua
Retweeted by Roy🌾So is holding grudges an Olympic sport yet or...? I feel like I’m just sitting on all this talent and letting it go to waste.
Retweeted by Roy🌾What's a woman got to do to get two pet ravens to help her fight the supernatural
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @Elidrums @ADHDeanASL 😞 @momtribevibe Oh you know, puttin my ass on the line to pick up groceries 😷's a common stereotype that all Canadians speak fluent French, mais la vérité est que j'ai dû utiliser une app…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Emperor Nero had a distant cousin named Emperor Faro
Retweeted by Roy🌾Anyone else just wanna eat a bunch of stuff right now?
Retweeted by Roy🌾Failed the vibe check at this dads group for not having a full team of grass type Pokémon.I haven't been to France, but I saw Ratatouille, so I get it
Retweeted by Roy🌾me: [holding knife] ok i’m not gonna cry this time onion: hey remember the end of that movie about the dog
Retweeted by Roy🌾“Oh the weather outside is frightful” listen buddy everything outside is frightful
Retweeted by Roy🌾Who called it a kiss and not an open face sandwich?
Retweeted by Roy🌾My neighbor inflates a giant Santa. I program multicolored LEDs to music. He arranges vintage blow molds. I hir…
Retweeted by Roy🌾If I call you a “half-wit”, I’m not being mean; I’m being honest.
Retweeted by Roy🌾Me: but the therapist told me I should face my fears Wife: *seething* not your fear of dropping a baby you idiot…
Retweeted by Roy🌾I guess this guy and I have settled our differences because ever since we started this deep sea fishing trip, he’s been calling me chum
Retweeted by Roy🌾I apologized to the Grilled Cheese sandwich I just burned. Expecting my Canadian passport in the next 1-2 weeks.
Retweeted by Roy🌾a remote that automatically locks your car three times but you only have to press the button once
Retweeted by Roy🌾found the original pitch for Parler
Retweeted by Roy🌾Oh sure, Santa stuffs stockings one night a year and he’s a hero, but I’ve been doing it almost daily since I was 1…
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @JustMeTurtle @StoneAgeRadio13 @adamgreattweet @marthasa1 @Home_Halfway @CrockettForReal @difficultpatty @StoneAgeRadio13 @adamgreattweet @marthasa1 @JustMeTurtle @Home_Halfway @CrockettForReal @difficultpatty
@dave_cactus ‘Bout half way doneThe world: 💐 🐝 ☀️ The world after new glasses: 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐔𝐙𝐙𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖…
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @Tobi_Is_Fab Weekend Twitter let’s gooooo[someone posts a video of a child misbehaving] the replies: my mom would’ve beat my ass 😂😂 with a belt 😂😂 i was a…
Retweeted by Roy🌾All these poor newlyweds in quarantine just aging their marriages in dog years.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @dave_cactus @CyrusOMerican @ProsephStalin @JeffisTallguy @fatpusschow @Mydaily_Q Katamari is the greatest game fra… mechanic: you need a new carburetor me:[getting excited] yes, a car burrito sounds lovely
Retweeted by Roy🌾Let the power of Christ flow through you
Retweeted by Roy🌾[50 years in the future] Kid: oh no grandpa is having another 2020 flashback Me: *screaming* everything was cake
Retweeted by Roy🌾odysseus: we now set out on our odyssey. sailor: [raising hand] what's an odyssey? odysseus: a long journey named…
Retweeted by Roy🌾ME: being single again is great FRIEND: really? what did you have for dinner ME: alfredo sauce FRIEND: on? ME: ... a plate
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @PickleRudd You’re a real one with a track record of stealing exactly zero tweets, anyone who says otherwise can get fuckedThis image is a tweet that I wrote today. It is now deleted. Apparently it is a joke that has existed in many forms…
Retweeted by Roy🌾He chew
@AubriePesky 💚excited to see my spotify wrap up this year but i’m more excited to see apple music users get nothing because that’…
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @ImABitInsecure Oh hell yeahdoctor: you need to get more sleep me: what happens if i don’t? doctor: here’s a list of conditions you may devel…
Retweeted by Roy🌾[during sex] Him: ugh, doggy style again? Me: *lifting McGruff mask* that’s not your line
Retweeted by Roy🌾[Being murdered] Me: Thanks for getting me out of online teaching.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @Tobi_Is_Fab Jus a lil frenly siz with the boysHugging is out. Platonic scissoring is in.
Retweeted by Roy🌾if ur looking for a bad girl I'm making tacos on a wednesday
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @PickleRudd @CrockettForReal @SvnSxty @StoneAgeRadio13 @sweetmomissa @mommajessiec @50FirstTates @prufrockluvsong My motivation 🤝 Appears mysteriously and disappears suddenly
Retweeted by Roy🌾*attaches a Luftballon to each bottle of beer to keep it from falling off the wall*
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @7high7tea7 put my hand upon your hip Now I’m sick you sick we sick
Retweeted by Roy🌾1992: All I wanna do is zoom zoom zoom zoom 2020: *sigh* I swear to god if I have to zoom one more time-
Retweeted by Roy🌾[Inventing Canadians] Angels: *giggling* omg they’re SO nice! God: Oh yeah? Check this out. *drops hockey puck*
Retweeted by Roy🌾Octopuses are just spider mermaids
Retweeted by Roy🌾If women can call their shorts Daisy Dukes then ima start calling my grey sweats Dick Tracies.
Retweeted by Roy🌾I am a: ⚪️Man ⚪️Woman 🔘chronically dehydrated person Looking for a: ⚪️ glass of water ⚪️ please, any electrolyte…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Me: we have cooked this recipe many times My brain: we do not need to consult the packaging Me: agreed *throws ou…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Paul Revere looks like Jack Black playing Paul Revere.
Retweeted by Roy🌾her: what are you, like, six feet? me: *muffled foot noises*
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @MNateShyamalan This degradation of the arts will not stand 😤imagine spending a year of your life writing something. pouring your heart and soul into a story. late nights, edit…
Retweeted by Roy🌾HEART: say these words MOUTH: [says them] MIND: those were not the right words ANXIETY: [spitting out coffee] d…
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @advicefromphil *nods* I made damn sure(First rap group meeting) Me: Let's go over the subject matter of the verses we wrote? MC X: Sex Benny Mac: Doin…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Guys 4 monoliths have just been spotted in the 2014 movie interstellar.
Retweeted by Roy🌾interviewer: you seem to have switched careers a number of times. can you explain that? Barbie: 😬
Retweeted by Roy🌾The most important thing I ever learned was from an alien. Starman taught me: Red means stop Green means go Yellow…
Retweeted by Roy🌾pfff Spotify? i only listen vinyls. played on a gramophone. powered by renewable energy from a waterwheel.
Retweeted by Roy🌾inventors of qtips were really like “hey we made an ear dildo, feels incredible, don’t stick it in your ears” ?? make it make sense
Retweeted by Roy🌾Publisher: Is this supposed to be a horse? Dr. Seuss: *eyes turning black* He’ll eat you in your sleep, he’ll eat…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Doctor suggests image of pallbearers in space and just like that forever snapped hypnosis. No reality to play hide…
Retweeted by Roy🌾I forgot to move our elf on the shelf. When the kids asked about it I suggested it was because they woke up too ear…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Carole Baskin: ice cold killer* Baskin-Robbins: killer ice cream *allegedly
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @TryMetafy Good luck, Cluckers!Do I do 200 crunches every morning, yes. Do I also do them right when I get up so I'm too tired to accurately count to 200, also yes.
Retweeted by Roy🌾Hey, I just noticed there isn’t much yeeting going on lately. Are the kids okay?
Retweeted by Roy🌾“We should get a drink sometime” bro, I’m already meeting anxiety at 7 then depression at 8:15, I simply do not have the time
Retweeted by Roy🌾You’re the “staff meeting that could have been an email” of people.
Retweeted by Roy🌾Guy Pearce implies the existence of Man Tattoo.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @busty_mcchesty Nnooooooocancel culture hasn't gone far enough. why stop with people. cancel christmas. cancel capitalism. cancel all my res…
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @SvnSxty That mother f- @CafeinatedBacon I do love her ever so muchthe monoliths are just god playing elf on a shelf
Retweeted by Roy🌾my mom: don't worry, nobody will notice men on Twitter: is that an eyelash I see on your shirt?
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @pantless_papple Are you kink shaming me?Guys stop liking this tweet, the sue format cannot be encouraged any further @lincnotfound Bio shock will live forever 🥰A twitter haiku: I am going to Create an environment That is so toxic[40 years from now] Grandma what's the story behind this ornament? *the room darkens* Sit down child...
Retweeted by Roy🌾[date] brain: don't be awkward ok date: hi me: ok
Retweeted by Roy🌾As the Mystery Machine crosses into Saskatchewan, Scoob chuckles to himself. The others will never know he's not saying "Regina."
Retweeted by Roy🌾Chuck E. Cheese is short for nunchuck electric cheese whiz
Retweeted by Roy🌾me: *kicking stirrups* go on now git gynecologist: stop that
Retweeted by Roy🌾
please be a surprise party please be a surprise party please be a surprise party please be a surprise party please…
Retweeted by Roy🌾