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semi hermetic. | https://t.co/zCRwLMlmS7

991 Following   12,322 Followers   40,610 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/20/19


me: i’m sad come cuddle my cat: no can do homie, busy starin’ at ghosts until it’s time to yell at bugs i can’t reach
Retweeted by Roy🌾don’t ask me to explain this but iowa, ohio, and idaho are all the same place, and that place is indiana.
Retweeted by Roy🌾mf’s are all “give me the same medical treatment as horses” until they break a leg.
Retweeted by Roy🌾youth pastor: [throwing xbox controller in frustration] YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD TO CARRY YOU?
Retweeted by Roy🌾GOD: *creates dolphin* DOLPHIN: https://t.co/Iu1ojcvhRk
Retweeted by Roy🌾i’m fine guys just sad in my soul every few Decembers or whateveroh hell yeah stood up totally dry and didn’t need to dirty a towel https://t.co/dQhvrPXDN4i’m stuck in the bathtub. i didnt fall or anything i just let all the water out ten minutes ago and I’m too sad to stand up.
12/7
2021
What are you doing stepladder ?? https://t.co/oLbFc1dmN3
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @GradSchoolBlows embrace the cringe. let it flow through youi’m sorry i liked your old insta post it’s just i was watching your dog age backwards like a furry benjamin button. @PickleRudd congrats! @jojipaints oh hell yeah WThe FedEx guy asked me if I’m an artist and I said yes and didn’t feel like an imposter, can I get a W
Retweeted by Roy🌾i love how movie dads are always like “i was hard on you so you’d be great” when in reality it’s just like some wri… https://t.co/5PPABETr97In France they call him good jovi
Retweeted by Roy🌾If abortion isn’t healthcare then erectile dysfunction pills definitely aren’t healthcare. Your limp dick is God’s will. Embrace it.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @StoneAgeRadio13 Wtf who’s been scabbin on my turf“i woke up and chose violence” no you didn’t you were just an asshole to someone in retail.italian awareness month https://t.co/ydrOvdFVkF
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @jojipaints Leaving it @jojipaints [opebd drawer] tweets [opens closet] tweets [looks in back seat of car] T W E E T S @roastmalone_ https://t.co/FFDaJm8IFR
12/6
2021
my grandpa died a couple years ago and my grandma (83) started dating again. she goes to the same bar in south flor… https://t.co/2JrQy1S1SZ
Retweeted by Roy🌾
12/5
2021
@Browtweaten @DrakeGatsby @KimmyMonte @abbycohenwl @ianpauldukes @blade_funner Thank you sir, moms secret is safe with meme: I saw you kissing santa claus last night mom: that was actually your father me: *tearing up* omg does dad know
Retweeted by Roy🌾a lot of negative shit can be said about dog breeding and what we’ve done to the majestic wolf over the centuries b… https://t.co/i6qfIdVSrt
Retweeted by Roy🌾Normalize disliking one little shit from the neighborhood https://t.co/O620mcaYK2
Retweeted by Roy🌾I love the idea of a +1 on a wedding invitation. We'd be honored to share the most important day of our lives with you and whoever the fuck.
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12/4
2021
I look okay naked, but with dieting and a lot of hard work, I know I could look okay-er.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @ErinLuhks i just felt a chill go up my back snakeMothman’s Mom: Take a sweater Mothman: Mooommm I don’t WANT a sweater Mothman’s Mom: You might get hungry!
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @DrakeGatsby unhinged tweets aren’t allowed to be this good. it’s right in the constitution. @scootergonscoot manme: [puts a flaming paper bag of bananas on gwen stefani’s porch] gwen stefani: [stomping out the fire] hang on… this shit is bananas.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @Invisichad Normally I wouldn’t do it. But normally ended two years ago. In the before times.Me: *stirring macaroni and cheese* That’s what good pussy sounds like Friend: I think you’re supposed to cook it
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @smeagol_in NERVOUS TREE @mopeshroom [nodding] bones snake @WordCloudsBot @Talal916 #friendsthis tweet was straight up senseless violence, i am sorry 😔 @DrakeGatsby we stan humble kings @kirsten_pride12 this was the most hostile thing i’ve ever tweeted. i am sorry. @trynottorolla1 gangi may be kinda shitty sometimes but i still have value. i’m a trash can. not a trash can’t. @CaneofDH that is their whole shtick @scootergonscoot if they want people to like em they gotta work a little harder @hippiebathday look. me neither.the secret snake likes to hurt. it enjoys your suffering. @have_a_lock Love to see it @trancedevo LETS GOOOO @Lucyteaone snake is a source of absolute grief @FeralFerrell in this house we celebrate our calfs @Jest_Iris ayyooo @have_a_lock s e c r e t s n a k e f u s i o n @ChickNovice idk, i could be a pretty confident ooze“skinny jeans are over” oh buddy no. i just now realized i have the legs for skinny jeans. skinny jeans have just begun. @nodata4u that seems to be secret snake’s main objective @falsedoobies ☺️ @spxxkybxbyy gotta keep em in lineThe conspiracy theorists have discovered that DELTA OMICRON is an anagram for MEDIA CONTROL. Just wait what they… https://t.co/v6bhpuzER1
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @stadnek I’ll take a skeleton I can see any day, even if it’s what leads to my ultimate demise @latewren @huntzki also fair @huntzki I mean fairhow has there not been a freedom fry revolution or whatever yet @trynottorolla1 I mean @plunktom Oh, no thank you pleasebanks: loans are significantly more expensive if you’re poor because ew us: ok @Dmon35 got em @snargleplax snake like activityspines are weird. like theres a secret snake living in my back. i don’t like it.
12/3
2021
Him: I’m sorry, socks in bed are kind of a deal breaker Me: wow My sock puppet: WOW
Retweeted by Roy🌾for the love of god someone give him the forehead kiss he is so clearly yearning for https://t.co/UHv3aJHcBr
Retweeted by Roy🌾I AM BEING A MISERABLE SHITBAG FOR FUN, STOP TELLING ME TO CHEER UP
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @sultanparalysis no it’s our lordt and saviour uwu jesus @jojipaints https://t.co/itpsdsU2cKmommm, late stage capitalism is gentrifying my mental instability https://t.co/TcsbVRG0omhttps://t.co/cnm9UI7LVO
Retweeted by Roy🌾people are like “shoot ur shot what’s the worst that happens” and it’s like um??? i could be rejected.????? r u insane
Retweeted by Roy🌾Cats send packages through uspspsps
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @damnfinetweet @AnOrangeSNES lmao thanks friendthere’s an excel shortcut for everything. probably even one that summons a demon. the cheerful lady two cubicles over for sure knows it.https://t.co/fCOdDNY234
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @SarahSpelt 💚 @kezt88 absolute bastard @om_eye_goodness I cannot with this head piece istg 💚you really never know what someone is going through. except for me because i keep tweeting about it but yeah most people you don’t know
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @____________NJ Oh hell yeah, big spread theory represent @pantless_papple @damnfinetweet it’s called bravery 🥲 @____________NJ The what now? @ldragoon i am glad 😊dft me now you cowardssometimes i get sad but then i remember energy can’t be destroyed, only converted into other energy, and the proces… https://t.co/bQ8Nd3dMtV @pantless_papple there’s a reason she’s so chipperimagine giving a baby gold then watching a guy whose present is a drum solo and realizing how badly you overshot it
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12/2
2021
I hate that everything is like this now https://t.co/RmwdixKpkk
Retweeted by Roy🌾That feeling of unmitigated rage when you think about the person who influenced the worst parts of your Spotify Wrapped playlist
Retweeted by Roy🌾Please I just want to cast one https://t.co/YcYmuw9yJv
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @TryMetafy [whiffling 2 cards in my hand that are both also just blue mana] I’ll allow it. @videojame_ I like the part where he totally forgot he was supposed to write lyrics and threw little baby in there before trailing off again
12/1
2021

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