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semi hermetic. |

991 Following   12,322 Followers   40,610 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/20/19

me: i’m sad come cuddle my cat: no can do homie, busy starin’ at ghosts until it’s time to yell at bugs i can’t reach
Retweeted by Roy🌾don’t ask me to explain this but iowa, ohio, and idaho are all the same place, and that place is indiana.
Retweeted by Roy🌾mf’s are all “give me the same medical treatment as horses” until they break a leg.
Retweeted by Roy🌾youth pastor: [throwing xbox controller in frustration] YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD TO CARRY YOU?
Retweeted by Roy🌾GOD: *creates dolphin* DOLPHIN:
Retweeted by Roy🌾i’m fine guys just sad in my soul every few Decembers or whateveroh hell yeah stood up totally dry and didn’t need to dirty a towel’m stuck in the bathtub. i didnt fall or anything i just let all the water out ten minutes ago and I’m too sad to stand up.
What are you doing stepladder ??
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @GradSchoolBlows embrace the cringe. let it flow through youi’m sorry i liked your old insta post it’s just i was watching your dog age backwards like a furry benjamin button. @PickleRudd congrats! @jojipaints oh hell yeah WThe FedEx guy asked me if I’m an artist and I said yes and didn’t feel like an imposter, can I get a W
Retweeted by Roy🌾i love how movie dads are always like “i was hard on you so you’d be great” when in reality it’s just like some wri… France they call him good jovi
Retweeted by Roy🌾If abortion isn’t healthcare then erectile dysfunction pills definitely aren’t healthcare. Your limp dick is God’s will. Embrace it.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @StoneAgeRadio13 Wtf who’s been scabbin on my turf“i woke up and chose violence” no you didn’t you were just an asshole to someone in retail.italian awareness month
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @jojipaints Leaving it @jojipaints [opebd drawer] tweets [opens closet] tweets [looks in back seat of car] T W E E T S @roastmalone_
my grandpa died a couple years ago and my grandma (83) started dating again. she goes to the same bar in south flor…
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@Browtweaten @DrakeGatsby @KimmyMonte @abbycohenwl @ianpauldukes @blade_funner Thank you sir, moms secret is safe with meme: I saw you kissing santa claus last night mom: that was actually your father me: *tearing up* omg does dad know
Retweeted by Roy🌾a lot of negative shit can be said about dog breeding and what we’ve done to the majestic wolf over the centuries b…
Retweeted by Roy🌾Normalize disliking one little shit from the neighborhood
Retweeted by Roy🌾I love the idea of a +1 on a wedding invitation. We'd be honored to share the most important day of our lives with you and whoever the fuck.
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I look okay naked, but with dieting and a lot of hard work, I know I could look okay-er.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @ErinLuhks i just felt a chill go up my back snakeMothman’s Mom: Take a sweater Mothman: Mooommm I don’t WANT a sweater Mothman’s Mom: You might get hungry!
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @DrakeGatsby unhinged tweets aren’t allowed to be this good. it’s right in the constitution. @scootergonscoot manme: [puts a flaming paper bag of bananas on gwen stefani’s porch] gwen stefani: [stomping out the fire] hang on… this shit is bananas.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @Invisichad Normally I wouldn’t do it. But normally ended two years ago. In the before times.Me: *stirring macaroni and cheese* That’s what good pussy sounds like Friend: I think you’re supposed to cook it
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @smeagol_in NERVOUS TREE @mopeshroom [nodding] bones snake @WordCloudsBot @Talal916 #friendsthis tweet was straight up senseless violence, i am sorry 😔 @DrakeGatsby we stan humble kings @kirsten_pride12 this was the most hostile thing i’ve ever tweeted. i am sorry. @trynottorolla1 gangi may be kinda shitty sometimes but i still have value. i’m a trash can. not a trash can’t. @CaneofDH that is their whole shtick @scootergonscoot if they want people to like em they gotta work a little harder @hippiebathday look. me neither.the secret snake likes to hurt. it enjoys your suffering. @have_a_lock Love to see it @trancedevo LETS GOOOO @Lucyteaone snake is a source of absolute grief @FeralFerrell in this house we celebrate our calfs @Jest_Iris ayyooo @have_a_lock s e c r e t s n a k e f u s i o n @ChickNovice idk, i could be a pretty confident ooze“skinny jeans are over” oh buddy no. i just now realized i have the legs for skinny jeans. skinny jeans have just begun. @nodata4u that seems to be secret snake’s main objective @falsedoobies ☺️ @spxxkybxbyy gotta keep em in lineThe conspiracy theorists have discovered that DELTA OMICRON is an anagram for MEDIA CONTROL. Just wait what they…
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @stadnek I’ll take a skeleton I can see any day, even if it’s what leads to my ultimate demise @latewren @huntzki also fair @huntzki I mean fairhow has there not been a freedom fry revolution or whatever yet @trynottorolla1 I mean @plunktom Oh, no thank you pleasebanks: loans are significantly more expensive if you’re poor because ew us: ok @Dmon35 got em @snargleplax snake like activityspines are weird. like theres a secret snake living in my back. i don’t like it.
Him: I’m sorry, socks in bed are kind of a deal breaker Me: wow My sock puppet: WOW
Retweeted by Roy🌾for the love of god someone give him the forehead kiss he is so clearly yearning for
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @sultanparalysis no it’s our lordt and saviour uwu jesus @jojipaints, late stage capitalism is gentrifying my mental instability
Retweeted by Roy🌾people are like “shoot ur shot what’s the worst that happens” and it’s like um??? i could be rejected.????? r u insane
Retweeted by Roy🌾Cats send packages through uspspsps
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @damnfinetweet @AnOrangeSNES lmao thanks friendthere’s an excel shortcut for everything. probably even one that summons a demon. the cheerful lady two cubicles over for sure knows it.
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @SarahSpelt 💚 @kezt88 absolute bastard @om_eye_goodness I cannot with this head piece istg 💚you really never know what someone is going through. except for me because i keep tweeting about it but yeah most people you don’t know
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @____________NJ Oh hell yeah, big spread theory represent @pantless_papple @damnfinetweet it’s called bravery 🥲 @____________NJ The what now? @ldragoon i am glad 😊dft me now you cowardssometimes i get sad but then i remember energy can’t be destroyed, only converted into other energy, and the proces… @pantless_papple there’s a reason she’s so chipperimagine giving a baby gold then watching a guy whose present is a drum solo and realizing how badly you overshot it
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I hate that everything is like this now
Retweeted by Roy🌾That feeling of unmitigated rage when you think about the person who influenced the worst parts of your Spotify Wrapped playlist
Retweeted by Roy🌾Please I just want to cast one
Retweeted by Roy🌾 @TryMetafy [whiffling 2 cards in my hand that are both also just blue mana] I’ll allow it. @videojame_ I like the part where he totally forgot he was supposed to write lyrics and threw little baby in there before trailing off again