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I like the White Sox, hockey, scallops, and Oxford commas.

1,336 Following   380 Followers   15,467 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/1/11


I'd rather give Arenado's 7 years and $234 million left on his contract to Trevor Bauer. https://t.co/Nshpn19xB4Leonard Floyd has more sacks tonight than his entire Bears tenureThey're both voting by mail. You can't make this fucking shit up. https://t.co/vLDjTUmt0M
10/27
2020
@AKBrews And they recently let go of over 100 employees in scouting and developmentThis has been an insane day of sports. @DanteTheDon https://t.co/JsaAhSnOXk
10/26
2020
@Buster_ESPN You forgot 2005 Game 2.Bump. https://t.co/szvr7NBnPFThis is one of the best baseball games I've ever seen in my life. #WorldSeries @KennyHerzog I think I'll just watch Borat back to back. Again. @puptheband @youtubemusic This EP rocks Saddam Hussein's ass. Thank you for it.In the legal community, we call these "Fuck You Letters" and I have never written, nor seen a better one in my ten… https://t.co/lWHBh547Nf @BNightengale Syphilis?
10/25
2020
This is the best sentence I've ever read in my life. https://t.co/KgyaRVGDDG @Rodlongwood @ProjectLincoln They didn't even end the letter with "Govern Yourself Accordingly" @JeffPassan #GarbageCanCurse
10/24
2020
How is this real life? https://t.co/HJjoC6WM52 @colintj @Mikey_WagzThere have been: - 20 grand slams and - 16 walkoff home runs in #WorldSeries History Only once has a team had one… https://t.co/QPYhAyDHZ0
Retweeted by Sam Davis Jr. 5000 @Larry_Boa NO SNOW NO SHOW! @AKBrews I'm more worried about the GOP cheating during and after Election Day. @thekapman @ESPN1000 Is it true the best trade offer we received for Seabrook was a bucket of stale fried chicken from Jewel? @Mikey_Wagz You can't pass legislation in this country unless you control the House, Senate, and Presidency. In t… https://t.co/wZPl0fNyMs @Mikey_Wagz He literally said "it was a mistake" during the debate and during th Obama administration they literally freed 40,000 people. @Mikey_Wagz Trumo has never apologized for anything. Ever. @Mikey_Wagz Then admitted it was a mistake. Then let 40,000 people out of prison for non-violent drug offenses. @megynkelly You should talk about it on your show tomorrow. Wait, nevermind.I always "adjust my microphone" laying down on a bed with a woman who who invited me to have a drink. https://t.co/ijP6Zvx6O5 @benshapiro Um, yes?“The depths of his dishonesty is just astounding to me. The dishonesty, the transactional nature of every relations… https://t.co/h6UO12rJHB"There are 500 kids who don't know they're parents are." "Good." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!Coyotes. @Mikey_Wagz https://t.co/vAx7wbZC22 @Mikey_Wagz Until Biden calls white supremacists good people, I'm going with Trump.My new favorite thing in the world is @PeteButtigieg going on @FoxNews and kicking the ever living shit out of them. https://t.co/7dZU6gqLZX @Mikey_Wagz It's not a conspiracy if there's 40 years of evidence of it.
10/23
2020
@Mikey_Wagz Yep. Just Ike big conspiracy. With tens of thousands of people in on it! Shhhhh, don't tell anyone! @Mikey_Wagz Dude. https://t.co/WxPu9rWbon @KyleAGlaser @BaseballAmerica @GabeBurnsAJC Yep, my thoughts exactly, Jose. https://t.co/FEaI4XHeJSLook at this big fat stupid cry baby https://t.co/oEihYOm5gh https://t.co/4gi6unhNrA @johncardillo Yes. Also, fuck you.
10/22
2020
Of course he doesn't want Covid in his body. He prefers poop on his chest. https://t.co/9jCNbfwi5khttps://t.co/vZ14IHUVMR https://t.co/81xossBxO7 @RudyGiuliani Go fuck yourself.He's just a good dude. That's all I want. That's all I care about. https://t.co/swRwgoQbyrRudy should have stuck to fucking his cousins. #ByeRudyI want Marshawn Lynch to follow me everywhere and narrate my life. https://t.co/SxjKEMW3qC @280_Rem @AKBrews There's a reason (checks notes) zero countries on this planet have a libertarian form of government.Davis Jr. 2020: Babe, Can You Get Me Some Baby Wipes For All This Dog Saliva On My Face? https://t.co/K1bPllgLPeThe Mookie Game. #worldseriesWhy does Cody Bellinger always look like he's about 45 minutes into an edible? #WorldSeries @aliwhitesox He's in the category of "uncomfortably handsome" to me
10/21
2020
@BenChiTownKid98 Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle DumberYes, please. https://t.co/wzy5RlkZgK @Mikey_Wagz The way he throws the chair lolololol @SavesTuesday Always reminds me of "I'm the Champion of Europe!" @Mikey_Wagz SATANIC BLACK MAGIC @jasonbenetti Is that a Rocky Mountain Vibes plush?!
10/20
2020
@DarkSideOfRing Lars Sullivan's "film" career @cowhitchurch I lol'ed @joeyslugs @kanyewest It's California. You can poop on your ballot and they'd still count it. @kanyewest Go fuck yourself.
10/19
2020
@DanteTheDon First top 15 defense Packers have faced. 15 lol @barstoolWSD Bump.
10/18
2020
@SoxMach_pnoles The Barry episode was the best one in years. @RamonSports @HopButcher Part of a stuffed animal lol @AmCusack @Larry_Boa Fuck yeah that wide. @PreetBharara Probably to a non-extradition country.
10/17
2020
@SumerOfGeorge Me too! https://t.co/Q3sdzxfP1FIt's a Class 1 Felony that Devin Hester is not in the Hall of Fame. https://t.co/q3yeMdODGA @kayleighmcenany Someone tell Podium Barbie that her Caps Lock is stuckBest. Birthday. Ever. #whitesox #108ing @LGio27 https://t.co/aZszfb5Use @justinamash @DevinCow The only horrible decision was by the NY Post to publish Russian propaganda. Your politica… https://t.co/Ez6tU93cpZ @ChiSquatch @MrDelicious13 Me: https://t.co/loip9JZRkS @BabyAntBorse @Mikey_Wagz https://t.co/ZVVEEqJbLmOh my. That's hazy AF. @HopButcher https://t.co/66VTVNtKMHIf you watched Trump on @nbc tonight and thought, "Yep! That's my guy!" you need to be immediately sterilized. @NWI_Steve I almost choked at: "What was the first thing I said to you?" "Nice to meet you?" @j_gurgone You're telling me they won't hire legally blind people at The Genius Bar?!Wait a minute. You're telling me that a story about Hunter Biden dropping off a computer to a LEGALLY BLIND COMPUTE… https://t.co/piPKyit1g1 @BabyAntBorse @Mikey_Wagz OK, I'll bite: what crimes did they all commit?Imagine being such an awful human being that you think this is a bad thing. https://t.co/ojRRZO3SPLActually . . . https://t.co/tdmNIjBP4j
Retweeted by Sam Davis Jr. 5000
10/16
2020
If loving Randy Arozarena is wrong, I don't want to be right. #ALCS @BearsFanatico94 Do you have allergies? I do, and with the weather changing constantly I've had same symptoms you d… https://t.co/AH9x8lznhn
10/15
2020
@JamesNeveau https://t.co/ghxc29sCkn @Keelin_Billue https://t.co/odfZLKOt9k @realDonaldTrump https://t.co/EPj1fxKDhl2020 has been quite a ride, but we may have found the worst part of it: https://t.co/auX7vdLZqNNice to see the Rays giving a shout out to Ricky after he got canned. https://t.co/ESIuGQFJLCI love baseball.Worst 0-2 pitch ever
10/14
2020
@Tilacore Because it's Kentucky.This man is evil personified. https://t.co/NchKVWCiJz
10/13
2020
Signed Sealed Delivered @UproarChi https://t.co/Lq9IWJY2Bp
Retweeted by Sam Davis Jr. 5000 @AthleticsRants Can I interest you in another disrespected team from a large metropolis? https://t.co/6nLstjd1HI @DanteTheDon https://t.co/mFYuLpqmFH @stevestone @GrandPaGames @AaronLemingNFL Stoney from the top rope! @BNightengale I hope you're wrong. Just like always.It's Randy Arozarena's world. We're just living in it.
10/12
2020

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