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NYC Stand Up Comedian / Web Producer @ProblemAreasHBO / Host of @FunhouseNYC /

657 Following   3,643 Followers   30,463 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/25/08


For a while I pondered sleep medication for restlessness but then I decided to just put on Season 1 episodes 1-3 of… https://t.co/72QmTp6Gt0What is the dankest Radiohead album to splash a heavy dab cloud to?
4/18
2019
Tonight At @petescandystore @KatBelinfante @danielgoodman @BretRaybould @EddieDellaSiepe w/ Meghan Hanley. hosted b… https://t.co/rWc85WQ2qH
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
4/17
2019
No one: Me: My business plan is basically H&R Block but for divorces #TaxDay2019Bernie on Fox tonight was better than GoT last night.
Retweeted by Bollywood HoganMe: (Joyously reading a book 📖 grinning ear to ear, I’m silent for once) My wife: Did you take weed? @Texasmike She was using him to try to legitimize her incest child brah! There isn't DNA testing in Westeros I don't think.
4/16
2019
Love it https://t.co/mX3nNln7hJ @YoMikeBrown Thank you for having me. It was awesome!I only eat small platesMyanmar's punk band is fighting fascism with their music 🥁 https://t.co/Eutk15vEbr
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
4/15
2019
SUNDAYS BE LIKE https://t.co/betwgfUCip
4/14
2019
I’m stoked about this show tonight. If you’re in nyc you should be here cause it’s going to be amazing! https://t.co/jTHVrRwG4M
4/13
2019
@nassercist I disagree bhaiya. This is brilliant to me!Just saw the hockey team of my alma mater win, while also acknowledging how at least once a day I feel like the goa… https://t.co/3mfCh8ByyG
4/12
2019
@danstuckey IT PHOTOSHOPPED THO @SpotifyCares Spotify is mangled on my iPhone. I reset, uninstalled, re-installed but still mashed up. HELP! I can… https://t.co/pHx0nCydI5Step 1: Start a GoFundMe to buy The National Inquirer. Step 2: Now that we bought it, put out a GoFundMe for the re… https://t.co/jFTcD7IdSX
4/11
2019
@elcome2ell Love you too! @elcome2ell OMG, HAPPY BDAY
4/6
2019
Watch tonight! I worked on this show with some brilliant people and you oughta watch it tonight or stream it on HBO… https://t.co/pct8Via9q0Happy Friday. Just remember. Getting older and being an adult and all that is TRASH.
4/5
2019
Tonight! We have an amazing line up and special guest! Come through! 10pm @petescandystore https://t.co/OIP68gY76t
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
4/3
2019
It smell like a swimming pool locker room in the Uber rn. The driver looks like a fob’ed up Popeye the Sailor man.… https://t.co/6DaxTgb5t1
4/2
2019
@shomipatwary You retired my g?! I need to retire ASAP @Pranahaha You know that show is my crack tho right @wayslower Any Toy Story!
3/31
2019
.@SuperVidBros is BACK!! Live in Brooklyn on Saturday, April 13th w/@heyassante & @brokeymcpoverty &… https://t.co/S5NKo2xFcg
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan @wayslower So many idiots think it's "quaint" The whole zone is racist AFOpening a wedding chapel at the Cheesecake Factory boosted my personal net worth by $9.99 + tax x numerous people who used the couponWatching #90DayFiancé with my 13 year old son. #TGIF @BigBoi This is mental! Reminds me of showbiz!
3/30
2019
Happy Friday! (Also, don't forget that our democracy has been hijacked by a hybrid of the kid in eighth grade who a… https://t.co/dFHw231STwJust a heads up,I am in Q Anon.
3/29
2019
I’m not sure which one, but we’re either living in the 2nd 1980s or the 3rd 1950s
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
3/28
2019
Hey @JUULvapor my 13 year old son keeps complaining that he can’t find Mango pods and that his device keeps breakin… https://t.co/qMqGamqFx7 @ChrisLaker 100% can’t wait. I’ll send you dates soon. And I’ll catch up on RHCP record in the meantime @ChrisLaker *I’m coming to visit next month just want to prepare myself for the LA speedfunk fanatic version of you @ChrisLaker Is it growing on you?Tim Cook: Apple has always been about making the world a better place Me: How? Tim Cook: By turning your devices… https://t.co/fVrEYDgnGm @pictureplane Funnel that dark energy into music. I’d love to hear it @MarylandMudflap Sketchy books like the Anarchists Cookbook and Helter Skelter should count for more points. You kn… https://t.co/TZQULVCMr8Super Video Bros @UnionHallNY on Sat April 13th at 10pm. Special guests: @rojoperezzz @CaliseHawkinshttps://t.co/l4YLtgIHin
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan @burgooon This is amazing! 😂😂😂
3/25
2019
NYC I have some good shows coming up, come through! https://t.co/S5RKLpVstQ
3/24
2019
Just a typical Saturday afternoon. Got home from the farmers market, now I’m taking random bong hits and watching h… https://t.co/18MbaHw5Jw“I’m all about Brooklyn historic properties. I want to buy an old building and restore it to its original crack house.” @Sameermon
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
3/23
2019
@MikeDrucker I’m bummed that I misspelled shoe 👟 though.You think skinny people gentrified Nike foamposites or are they still a strictly fat man show?Back in my day (Spanish civil war era) “queer eye” was what we called guys who had undiagnosed epilepsyI want true love. Old school love. Like I'm painting a fence and she rides by on a unicycle and I'm so distracted I… https://t.co/HSmJ3VKw9o
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan @DrJennyDanger @market32 Some disgruntled employee could have gone soo-so in there
3/22
2019
@itsthereal Very much so!Establishment democrats out here convincing and brainwashing people into believing they don’t deserve health care a… https://t.co/SdZ9qzElAE @itsthereal This is 🍌🍌🍌
3/21
2019
10pm tonight, you know the drill! Free comedy, tasty drinks, and Williamsburg's sweethearts, @gabe_pacheco &… https://t.co/CErLIkOJBL
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan @wayslower A frosty with you is my new white whale tho!Been up against a lot lately. Feel like I reeled in a big one but the waves are battering me and the sharks are clo… https://t.co/Gs8H3PNUoO
3/20
2019
Only a tiny number of black students were offered admission to the New York City's most selective public high schoo… https://t.co/HOJz9yo8dV
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
3/19
2019
I’m trying to Venmo this kid for doing a public service https://t.co/QtsesrwOAGBeen offline all night but here's my hot take: Chelsea Clinton only appeared at that event to further her concern t… https://t.co/kbSriIgbKC
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
3/17
2019
I'm gutted about this. It's hard to get it out of my head. I am worried for my family and people from my mosque and… https://t.co/qHTPRI9WdBShould I turn my Twitter into slice of life stories about the mental conversations and experiences I endure in NYC
3/15
2019
@bill_is_bullsht I might just do it! @FFeeks Never! I post shit like this for my people so we could have a private goof. And I’m glad you seen itCause either they think I only have one outfit OR they think I have several of the same outfits OR even more dement… https://t.co/2bidqibZD6I was dressed in the exact same outfit as my avatar tonight and an agent came to check out my show. And when they l… https://t.co/T6qplQqB2WTLDR; I started a Reddit account in the alter ego of a fan fiction Downtown Abbey character and my first Reddit post was a success!(?)Man. @Twitter scored so hard with #InstagramBlackout2019 right now. I bet you people are using @Snapchat not even t… https://t.co/nYv0PHYHv9
3/14
2019
Mercury's in.. https://t.co/kuptXP7gEkCan Mercury not be in retrograde 95% of the time or is that too much to ask? @bill_is_bullsht Thank you sir!I bribed a website form several thousand dollars to get accepted to University of Phoenix Online #CollegeCheatingScandal @Pranahaha That explains a lot man. But seriously when ISN'T mercury in retrograde? Mercury can fuck off. The only… https://t.co/LS2zHMjpMOOh snap! #instagramdown too? Now where will people post thirst traps of themselves wearing something revealing whil… https://t.co/yPyuIPUAEBDamn #facebookdown What are people over the age of 50 going to do with the 5 extra hours they now have today? @tedleo I’m sorry to hear it. I’m praying for your family Ted🤩TONIGHT: DON'T MISS THIS LINEUP!! Seriously, we're stacked with talent, don't be a fool! 🤩 * FREE * 10pm *… https://t.co/C4XxVsUzZD
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
3/13
2019
Indian kid: I do bad at school now you must bribe people $6M for me to get into Ivy League Indian parents: We'll ju… https://t.co/qPQG6tW7Fwfor 6 million dollars you could just adopt a new kid who’s smart enough to get into yale for free https://t.co/JLXeUHXiF4
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan @eliyudin is this about how Mitt Romney blew out his candles 1 by 1 tho?It's been known that people buy their idiot kids college admission (I.E. GW Bush, Trump, "legacy" students at IVY L… https://t.co/3wEI7gkRo8up popped a specifically weird Youporn link with the descriptor next to it into the address bar that he recently wa… https://t.co/Pxd0DRUAfLWhen I worked in advertising this dude came in from another agency to run us through a presentation. His computer w… https://t.co/wMRm8263NM @HBO @jackblack real talk it's one of my favorite scenes in a movieFor many children, school lunch is the only meal they eat all day. Trump’s budget would cut $1.7 billion from child… https://t.co/U5s4n94rdK
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan @pictureplane ayo, this is either 1) a scam 2) someone jacked your SSN. Whoever is in charge of that company can ve… https://t.co/Dpk4hqEGkP @totallypatrick 🙏🏽 damn. That’s 100% trueWatching Black Sheep. This movie was so good @wayslower They gotta add this to the profilingIf you enjoy using scented trash bags you are probably a serial killer
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
3/12
2019
"My cup runneth over" - guy who peed his pants at baseball practiceWho told you to let me hurt your feelings?
3/8
2019
Which series tho? I have a handful for ya.. Satanic ASMR Gimp Roulette - You have to marry a gimp if the gun doesn'… https://t.co/lEl2DktsTL @TheWolfman It’s gonna be a good one!This is the show I have been working on since September. Tune in for the premiere episode of Season 2 on April 5th! https://t.co/JcY5bWDF0KStatistically speaking, at least 1,032 of you people reading this like when someone goes pee pee on you and I'm not… https://t.co/GtVWqa69j5
3/7
2019
@A24 @AriAster @MidsommarMovie This shirt is fucking lit, great work @A24 your marketing strategies never cease to amaze 👏🏿If you're bummed out about how things are going with your artistic endeavors, just remember.. this world rewards me… https://t.co/Ahnk88HZ21Come celebrate @gabe_pacheco album release tonight @FunhouseNYC We've got a hell of a line up! @petescandystore 10p… https://t.co/xm8isZ46Ne
3/6
2019

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