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NYC Stand Up Comedian // Host of @FunhouseNYC // I travel the world for #VacationLordz

657 Following   3,683 Followers   30,522 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/25/08


Shout out to all you savages posting pics of TVs or video game systems with “Happy Father’s Day” captions on IGHere’s a tip for when you’re ordering at a fancy seafood restaurant: whale cum soup is basically the consistency of… https://t.co/kPfJifdPM8
6/17
2019
@ZachPugh Thank you
6/12
2019
Just got off the phone with @ryan_mazer We’re putting together a tv show that is going to melt your face. Had to pu… https://t.co/LTUHWmeFdZSeriously, WHAT is UP with people lately. Feel like ever since VR headset experiences launched people are on some “… https://t.co/VKV27USDph
6/11
2019
@CharleyFeher I will try 2:1 ratio weedsI’m on Night Church at @SidneysSaloon at 830pm tonight. If you’re in NOLA and you aren’t a cop or a demon that some… https://t.co/iAGpBB8xUD @blamethelabel The return of Ramadan in 363 days!Let’s be honest here. Tom’s Deodorant does not work at all. In fact, you might as well just roll thru with your ori… https://t.co/NPs62EskAPGuys just wanted to let you know that me and @derektmead are starting a @Delta related podcast called Cum Fort+ and… https://t.co/S99waYoCIU @derektmead Reporting from Cum Fort +FINALLY. SOME ENGAGEMENT! https://t.co/ko1nTPnik6It’s a crime how low my engagement is on here because I write better stuff than 92% of you jagoffs. @ATT it’s your choice. I’m ready to play hardball. I don’t like people playing on my phone. @ATT I want all of my money returned to me or I’ll send you 4 d-pics or one panorama d-picNEWSFLASH! CBD is junk science but white people love and believe in it, similar to the concept of Santa Claus and “friendly cops”Anyone know why @ATT service is non-existent in 97% of New York City or anywhere else you need to use a phone? I think it’s time to quit.
6/6
2019
@blamethelabel Eid Mubarak brother!
6/4
2019
@Pranahaha DIMAK-KHARAB-cracy @Pranahaha lol YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SHOW THO!Gmail is down right now. Not sure what I'm going to do without the 35 marketing emails I get every hour
6/2
2019
This man speaks the truth https://t.co/F3pMfBwJpk @natebargatze Congrats dude!
5/31
2019
NAILED IT https://t.co/5UDf3nrJwM @BigHern It gets way worse. You have to wash your hands with me finger at a time at one point. It’s a massive troll… https://t.co/8VRZQSkHzX @OnLunchBreak It’s me
5/30
2019
Tonight at Pete’s Candy Store BK, @LukeTouma @UsamaBinLaughin @ChrissieMayr @Sameermon @DoogieHorner & more 10pm https://t.co/9Pp7Hejaww
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
5/29
2019
@kumailn Here’s one from Dec 2017 that’s bananas too! https://t.co/82jxxAZgvWFor over a year now there have been bursts of UFO related stories coming from The NY Times and they have been overs… https://t.co/ApGXsUxXRk @MarylandMudflap @SYFY This WILL win awards
5/28
2019
I feel a whole lot safer now that you guys stole that bike with the baby seat on it from the street. Definitely wor… https://t.co/RhtCeXlOd4
5/22
2019
TONIGHT 8pm @ourwickedlady in Brooklyn. This is for a great cause. Come show love! Let’s fundraise hard tonight bab… https://t.co/LamHNtgIUnI want my credit to be “Household names like Roy Donk” briefly at some point
5/16
2019
*Doctors office waiting room* Nobody: Me: Unfortunately, I won’t be able to take my shirt off today in the examinat… https://t.co/OvGJsibpYc @gabe_pacheco @tedalexandro @JudahWorldChamp @katewillett @StartsWithanX @JeffGreenspan Can’t wait!America is OFFICIALLY intellectually challenged on a mass scale. https://t.co/r60UmJwxzATHREAD #OnThisDay 71 years ago, the Nakba took place in Palestine in which 750,000 Palestinians were forcefully di… https://t.co/p7o8EifK0P
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
5/15
2019
@AoDespair You have made some of the most phenomenal tv shows I have ever watched. It blows my mind that you even r… https://t.co/grLty72di4I'm beginning to think Game of Thrones isn't historically accurate
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
5/13
2019
Hey @Delta as a Gold status member I have recommended you to friends and sung your praises even though I hate the a… https://t.co/NtAxXDODtz @CharleyFeher @shomipatwary Lolol I love how this turnt into a campaign to fix Shomi phone 😂
5/11
2019
@shomipatwary My phone on the last breath. Love you brother. Ramadan Mubarak. I can’t wait to see you soonClass with a splash of hip to eatin’ ass before that booty grocery song . https://t.co/OZdVl8psy3
5/10
2019
Finish off your #humpday laughing your ass off with @funhousenyc and this #FREE stand up comedy show. Doors at 10🍬🍭🍬 https://t.co/Tz1RBI1xY3
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
5/8
2019
Got a real problem here with my internet. It’s been down for about 10hrs now @Sameermon Preach it son. LA is amok with people in their 30s who dress like it’s the first day of second grade
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
5/6
2019
How are those thick Seinfeld ass white dad shoes popular with kids these days?! @OnLunchBreak Shut em down open up shop!Looking to trade my pit bull for a dirt bike. Hit me up or best offer.
5/5
2019
Just seeing this. Wish I consulted this before making my picks 🐎🤷🏽‍♂️ https://t.co/xjsYEflQNT @RebeccaRush639 Fuck that. Thicc is where it’s at!The #KentuckyDerby2019 is in 10min from now and no one would take my action. Here’s my picks anyway; Improbable, Ga… https://t.co/yzaMhWVKsx
5/4
2019
Come out tonight! We have a great lineup featuring @fareeeezy @bryanyang @KarmenNaidoo @dustyyorkcomedy Sarah Jane… https://t.co/Qsnuw0iTLL
Retweeted by Bollywood HoganThis is SAVAGE https://t.co/Gc4rp7t0dc
5/1
2019
Imagine if Hozeir wrote that church song after a night of ripping platinum chang and conceiving six different busin… https://t.co/hiYVE1njNtNo one ever: YouTube: Here's Hozeir new song in a Target ad telling you they understand that you are a millenial th… https://t.co/E0YWHF96RD @scottmonaghan APROPOS AF! 😂💯👌🏾 @wayslower Literally would lose my FUCKING mind. Ask @Yeatons where this snake lore came from. He had one in his fr… https://t.co/zBP5EcGNgB @wayslower https://t.co/hIbLNVrJOZ @Sameermon I recently asked a park ranger in Palm Springs “how many snakes are on that hillside” and he goes “oh, thousands. Easily.”
Retweeted by Bollywood HoganSerious question: can snakes climb stairs?
4/26
2019
@SlimiHendrix @derektmead Hahaha I can neither confirm nor deny! Agreed tho, this summer bout to make or break people for real
4/25
2019
Tonight @petescandystore we have an amazing line up! 10pm. Come through! https://t.co/nALL6IX1jC
Retweeted by Bollywood HoganNobody: Me: The goalie on the losing team in this video https://t.co/0LrKUPJdUe @tommyisarealboy 🙏🏽 I knew it was realLately whenever I onboard to the edible I have a strange urge to listen to Stone Temple Pilots. Is this a feedback… https://t.co/jbdnoCkEru
4/24
2019
@totallypatrick We both need to flood the streets with knowledge and tips tbh @totallypatrick Lol just seeing this. I haven’t been on here in way too long!!!
4/23
2019
For a while I pondered sleep medication for restlessness but then I decided to just put on Season 1 episodes 1-3 of… https://t.co/72QmTp6Gt0What is the dankest Radiohead album to splash a heavy dab cloud to?
4/18
2019
Tonight At @petescandystore @KatBelinfante @danielgoodman @BretRaybould @EddieDellaSiepe w/ Meghan Hanley. hosted b… https://t.co/rWc85WQ2qH
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
4/17
2019
No one: Me: My business plan is basically H&R Block but for divorces #TaxDay2019Me: (Joyously reading a book 📖 grinning ear to ear, I’m silent for once) My wife: Did you take weed? @Texasmike She was using him to try to legitimize her incest child brah! There isn't DNA testing in Westeros I don't think.
4/16
2019
Love it https://t.co/mX3nNln7hJ @YoMikeBrown Thank you for having me. It was awesome!I only eat small platesMyanmar's punk band is fighting fascism with their music 🥁 https://t.co/Eutk15vEbr
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
4/15
2019
I’m stoked about this show tonight. If you’re in nyc you should be here cause it’s going to be amazing! https://t.co/jTHVrRwG4M
4/13
2019
@nassercist I disagree bhaiya. This is brilliant to me!Just saw the hockey team of my alma mater win, while also acknowledging how at least once a day I feel like the goa… https://t.co/3mfCh8ByyG
4/12
2019
@danstuckey IT PHOTOSHOPPED THO @SpotifyCares Spotify is mangled on my iPhone. I reset, uninstalled, re-installed but still mashed up. HELP! I can… https://t.co/pHx0nCydI5Step 1: Start a GoFundMe to buy The National Inquirer. Step 2: Now that we bought it, put out a GoFundMe for the re… https://t.co/jFTcD7IdSX
4/11
2019
@elcome2ell Love you too! @elcome2ell OMG, HAPPY BDAY
4/6
2019
Watch tonight! I worked on this show with some brilliant people and you oughta watch it tonight or stream it on HBO… https://t.co/pct8Via9q0Happy Friday. Just remember. Getting older and being an adult and all that is TRASH.
4/5
2019
Tonight! We have an amazing line up and special guest! Come through! 10pm @petescandystore https://t.co/OIP68gY76t
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan
4/3
2019
It smell like a swimming pool locker room in the Uber rn. The driver looks like a fob’ed up Popeye the Sailor man.… https://t.co/6DaxTgb5t1
4/2
2019
@shomipatwary You retired my g?! I need to retire ASAP @Pranahaha You know that show is my crack tho right @wayslower Any Toy Story!
3/31
2019
.@SuperVidBros is BACK!! Live in Brooklyn on Saturday, April 13th w/@heyassante & @brokeymcpoverty &… https://t.co/S5NKo2xFcg
Retweeted by Bollywood Hogan @wayslower So many idiots think it's "quaint" The whole zone is racist AFOpening a wedding chapel at the Cheesecake Factory boosted my personal net worth by $9.99 + tax x numerous people who used the couponWatching #90DayFiancé with my 13 year old son. #TGIF @BigBoi This is mental! Reminds me of showbiz!
3/30
2019
Happy Friday! (Also, don't forget that our democracy has been hijacked by a hybrid of the kid in eighth grade who a… https://t.co/dFHw231STwJust a heads up,I am in Q Anon.
3/29
2019

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