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Sarah Thyre @SarahThyre I block creeps 'n' bores 'n' anyone who says "TMI"

Black Lives Matter; she/her/y'all; @abortionfront

995 Following   102,410 Followers   52,668 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/18/09

@ashleyn1cole @akilahgreen I immediately sent him more $$ 😟“Star 80” came out in 1983. Eric Trump was born in 1984. I rest my case. @AlexMohajer @benleemusic @realDonaldTrump And they snort it up like cocaine @ecareyo Ari jet packs down @OlexJanes I’m sure trump finds it aspirational @JenniKonner “Ozark” makes me wanna go to the Ozarks, everything makes me wanna go everywhereHe *wishes* he were Eric Roberts in this movieI’m watching “Star 80” and just realized the reason that dipshit plays “YMCA” at his rallies is bc in this movie it… @thesaltedtable Or longer 😕 @MelissaStetten Maybe with a Brown Bunny water park adjacent @JamesUrbaniak @ecareyo It’s a capital word! @ecareyo Out of a helicopter
@paigeworthy @msdanifernandez @andizeisler “I’m not like HIM, now may I cum on your pretty face?” @Travon I was thinking jizzing cocks in both hands @Carina_Chocano @Guinz They're not very good at it. @LouisPeitzman omgggggg @William_A_Owen Yes, he is their rough beast. @surlybassey Would buy a season passPretty sure this dude gave me my first Pap smear at the student health center in college @duarteamanda We already blacked it out at work. @ghweldon The first girl at my elementary school to get boobs was called “Mounds” by the boys and they’d scream the… @rakeshsatyal This IS NOT meant as advice and it may just be the mostly positive phonebanking talking, but I decide… @iconoplasty @brennal Me neither @BrotiGupta I blame all those TV “comedies” that were mostly sad
@mollylambert @petersagal I just saw an Atlantic writer pleading for compassion @mollylambert I mean... he was masturbating in the workplace. @NellSco Too method for sketch @BoobsRadley With jean shorts @espiers But I bet it almost always is @susanorlean Proud that I am *from* New Orleans and I’ve never done this to you. Don’t get me started on my last name... @pistolsnpoetry Jupiter, Uranus, Pluto in Virgo @pistolsnpoetry Sun, Venus, Mars in Cancer @michelledean Highbrow/despicable @mollylambert @randlechris Levi’s, mariners jerseys, Keds, chunky goth silver jewelry, and the occasional floor-len… @mollylambert @randlechris He very famously, self-admittedly did not not fuck, alas. @timmaughan @laurenthehough I would very much like to see Masha Gessen play TrumpI guess now’s as good a time as any to confess I type all my emails with my labia. @ashleyn1cole I should add that these were some of the same kids she told about me crapping my pants when she was in first grade @MattRogersTho “Bring back the magic”lol @ashleyn1cole Look these are teenagers who basically wear pasties to Starbucks, they need to lighten up on us olds @ashleyn1cole I inadvertently walked through my kid’s zoom in a sports bra and she was mortified, M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D I tell you @AngryBlackLady @blurbette LolTubin’Are You There, God? It’s Me, Menopause
Retweeted by Sarah ThyreIncredible context: NY, once the world’s epicenter of COVID, has the 3rd lowest rate of positivity 8 months into t…
Retweeted by Sarah Thyre @alexscordelis Fuck that I’m ordering TWO platters and never going to see Mike Love and The Beach BoysWords without deeds... @chrisgeidner @IsaacFitzgerald I used to go too the Arclight twice a week, just drop by if I had time between thing… @chrisgeidner @IsaacFitzgerald Excruciating for this gabby extrovertAs one woman put it, “He has always said to me, ‘You can do whatever you want to do.’ But he’s not there to pick up… @IsaacFitzgerald I said “that’s how we are” instead of “thank you” the other day. @IsaacFitzgerald Yep it’s gonna be real awkward for a while @JessicaValenti remember the box of used ass condoms? i wish i could forget about that @OhNoSheTwitnt All I hear is “shut up, woman” @susanorlean Pierre @atrupar Worst audition ever for the new Kermit @cmclymer 10/10 my mom irons people’s clothes for cash. She sends me pressed pillowcases and tea towels twice a yea… @lyzl The OG* (original gaslighting)
@chrisfluming I smell a duet @JinksDan “Mock me with praise”Health insurance shouldn’t be tied to employment. Period.
Retweeted by Sarah Thyre @bhalomanush I think most people think if they get the vaccine they will be immediately immune forever :( @thesaltedtable Art. Never fails. @blurbette His pointy little shoes remind me of hooves @everywhereist Not remotely glamorous or eloquent enough @OhNoSheTwitnt I often think “these people have never had a truly loving, smart, kind, or remotely amusing person in their lives.” @morgan_murphy @susanorlean Lemme text Jason and ask
@greenwitchsaint @rjlobo422 My kids were shocked. “They mean... THAT Kyle?” @rjlobo422 Yes but there are maga parades in LA too. It’s disgusting and terrifying.On my drive from LA to San Diego today, there was a group of young white men on an overpass with a banner that said… @JessieLosch As usual: a teacher going above and beyond for her students. Thank you ♥️ @legroff Has my first masked backyard haircut this week and realized she probably cut off the last of the hair I ha… @alyssavingan Dat Embassy Suites LyfKeep going, everybody!! @ZackBornstein Turn left straight into the Atlantic 🤞🏼listened to a neonazi podcast this morning dedicated to my "nasty peeling sausage fingers" and how my book is "full…
Retweeted by Sarah Thyre @jsampancake @ecareyo I think Sean spicerMonoclonal antibodies for me, but not for thee @imaliwaller The @SavageXFenty show @cmclymer Fifty Shades of Go Away @ecareyo Show em #pitpride @ecareyo Love an armpit shot @Kristen_Arnett I miss Publix 😢 @alliefuntimes @MaraWilson That second half fades with time haha @surlybassey @IBJIYONGI Again I am sure it’s because she doesn’t follow the manual. I will say I have met her and s… @IBJIYONGI @surlybassey She gets thin-shamed too. It’s so nuts. I suspect it’s because she doesn’t play by the usua… @the_ironsheik Well that takes some of the sting out of it @surlybassey It kept me from seeing it tbh @MaraWilson Yes! And it beats worrying whether they like YOU.
@chunkwater Enjoy it. We need to laugh whenever we can.I am laughing at Michael Cohen saying Rudy Guiliani is “drunk all the time.” My comedy standards have fallen, but I don’t care. @imaliwaller But it’s brave to post pix of yourself falling down in heels! @TheRebeccaMetz @bathori @Bakerkellianne @ashleyn1cole Boooooo @Kathy_Valentine (\🎩/) ( •_• ) / >🍗 @bathori @Bakerkellianne @TheRebeccaMetz @ashleyn1cole Lunya!! I’m boycotting them until they have the decency to put stuff on sale @AnnaPolack Oof that’s horrible! @AnnaPolack Certain therapists seem to exist solely for you to set a boundary (by never seeing them again). @MsJoelyFisher @cmclymer Isn’t it weird how vividly I can imagine the awful taste after 40 years? @kate_manne How kale entitlement hurts womenHe wrote a novel about the passion between a therapist and his voluptuous, headstrong patient. Pretty sure it’s not…