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Comedian & Writer. https://t.co/P7qH1tUUjY

2,248 Following   87,994 Followers   18,996 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/3/07


Also please check out the amazing @DivaDelux on @latewithlilly tonight! https://t.co/Bw98O5tDSMYES @valerie_tosi!!!!! She's hilarious. https://t.co/HqKMtAJkce
12/12
2019
Great question. It's a specific campaign led by me, I want capability of embedding a video & offering a reward opti… https://t.co/RDmo0KtGdCWhat are the best crowdfunding platforms for non-profits? @daveanthony the best I've ever seenwe're over here analyzing every penny that our candidates have ever made like "oh this penny isn't quiiiiite wholes… https://t.co/rxNyQAgGt1 @Will3K85 hahaha I LOVE that idea
12/9
2019
@TomOwens149 Thank you 🎈https://t.co/H1FEB5FAi5 https://t.co/zMPWrz0X1TI’m taking orders through Dec 13 in my Etsy shop. Give the gift of handmade items by a comedian who Andy Dick once… https://t.co/7YNVoNRvuxhttps://t.co/Sv7YkarESD reopens in literally one week.
Retweeted by Sara Schaefer
12/8
2019
Hey Minneapolis: New jokes. New merch. My Target Christmas sweater. (Repeat this afternoon for Comedy on State the… https://t.co/hG2EAwtV20
Retweeted by Sara Schaefer
12/7
2019
folded arms are to celebrity chefs as raised eyebrows are to celebrity comics
Retweeted by Sara Schaefer @morticum omg wow. I'm glad you gave it a name. Helps distance it from YOU. You are not your thoughts! @brosandprose "my brain is not safe" - damn, that's good and accurate. @cynicalnina1 tooooo real @jfloxo I call it "The Doom" @bodyinabysshear wow, this is so accurate for me! @Krasdale i feel this!#AnxietyFeelsLike This hashtag is so good and I needed it today. Tomorrow, I'm turning in (hopefully) the last majo… https://t.co/hZZokc3nmo#AnxietyFeelsLike writing and deleting this six times before finally posting it, because a little voice tells me it… https://t.co/MVQUGpZmxx
12/6
2019
@AIsakovic1 both!“Psychopath... Drunk cow... Lazy drunk fat cow... lousy writer... shit employee... Lizzie Borden” These are just a… https://t.co/bqkgaKRapy
Retweeted by Sara SchaeferThe man sitting right next to me at this coffee shop is eating so aggressively. Stabbing the plate like he's a memb… https://t.co/RmMlD58SYE(I just want this nightmare to end. I don't care who makes it happen and I don't presume to know the best way to get it done)I feel torn. On one hand, I hate the tweets that are like "YASSSSS MADAME BABY YODA PELOSI DRANK THAT SOUP" but I… https://t.co/3h2ZakBRzX @jenmakesthings That’s depressing! I wonder if the only way to improve the situation would be through regulations. UggghSurely, there are smart people right now trying to make this happen. The idea that Twitter & Facebook are forever,… https://t.co/zQqLNPVtqHIf someone built a social media platform that, from the ground up, actually cared about the mental and physical saf… https://t.co/jGhQIFqrKP @elizaskinner that's amazing hahahaha @Mackenzies_Mind wow bringin back an old classic!
12/5
2019
I understand why Melania is upset. Barron was watching the impeachment hearings and found out who his Dad isHow's the algorithm treating everybody today? @SweetGeekling Exactly!!! 😂 @SweetGeekling 17. We had something called The Christmas Toy thoughWho here would spend a lot of time as a child managing the feelings and expectations of their stuffed animals? Peac… https://t.co/nXeBP3QM8NOkay last new necklace options for a while but these are INSANE I mean look at the first sheep's fucking face. My g… https://t.co/C0wapp49YnSAN FRANCISCO! Jan 12! I'm on stage with the hilarious @ericarhodes & @katewillett hosted by @GreyDeLisle!… https://t.co/4RnIJDdh2N
12/4
2019
@laurenreeves The justice system often fails women who have been victimized, but these verdicts give me hope. It wo… https://t.co/STVgzAyvsj @laurenreeves Throughout these trials Alki showed nothing but disrespect - repeated outbursts, insults, threats. He… https://t.co/SEMWO0ajiJ @laurenreeves The jury understood that punitive damages are meant to send a message, both to Alki and anyone who th… https://t.co/nF4FFzrhs7 @laurenreeves This was his FOURTH trial this year. Nathan Goldberg, Lauren's lawyer and the lawyer for today's brav… https://t.co/7fpRHKQaU4I was in court today in solidarity with @laurenreeves to hear the verdict against Alki David - the same man she fou… https://t.co/pgnb6skkGc
12/3
2019
Last day for 20% off two items! Enter coupon code ILOVEYOU https://t.co/oin3oEo4Zk
12/2
2019
My lord I love @chrisfluming. This is hilarious https://t.co/hf7V0YbZLAWriting deadline: Hi Sara, it's time to get this work done people are waiting for it Me: I think I'll start a lifestyle brand @JenKirkman Years ago a millennial blocked me because a said that I was “eating popcorn” watching the generations f… https://t.co/xBqibbmU1mYou can buy this or have me put something custom on a necklace for you. You want a necklace that says “fart” on it?… https://t.co/xLV3kkHImaimagine getting hammered and not liking Oprah MORE
Retweeted by Sara Schaefer
12/1
2019
I’m having a sale now through Monday! Enter code ILOVEYOU for 20% off when you buy two items. Custom made embroider… https://t.co/oxyviOrCwF
Retweeted by Sara SchaeferMy therapist when I say literally anything to her https://t.co/NmgGchk8ACBABY YODA COFFEE CUP MEMES 4 LIFEI’m having a sale now through Monday! Enter code ILOVEYOU for 20% off when you buy two items. Custom made embroider… https://t.co/oxyviOrCwFFor anyone who saw my half hour you can buy a handmade (by me) Inspirational Quote on a Rustic Piece of Driftwood i… https://t.co/iLFVStRfkR
11/30
2019
@TheOtherLC 😂
11/29
2019
sending well wishes to anyone who has a conspiracy theorist at the dinner table tonight... watch below (starting a… https://t.co/3z21BtR039
11/28
2019
can any photoshop experts tell me if this photo was altered in any way? touched up at all? I can't tell. Thanks in… https://t.co/onGdzcDSRqhello sluts! The @JackieandLaurie show Comic of the Week list is updated! Have at it, club owners! https://t.co/TObKIG9esm
Retweeted by Sara Schaefer @aqstephenson thank you for not qualifying this as "women comics"p.s. most of these arguments NEVER worked, but they were accepted and built the rigid status quo we are still deali… https://t.co/ezp7XVlmcyp.s. let me preemptively say that if you think you're going to get me to argue any of these points with you and tha… https://t.co/0vgl88VsHJHi. These arguments don't work anymore. - there are "less" women comics (no) - women don't want to be comedians (no… https://t.co/RSWo44sGj7None of the old arguments about women in comedy work anymore, so these statistics about club bookings (16% women, 6… https://t.co/NfMDVwELOu @SarahAdinaSmith thank you Sarah!
11/27
2019
Whoever this woman is talking to, I know a LOT about your HSA and how much you need to put in itRemember that guy who did the prank video where he sat next to people talking way too loud on their cellphones in p… https://t.co/KYrWPWE1AX @jackiekashian MURDER collage! but I am also interested in myrtle collages @zinoman Thank you Jason! @JesseThorn @MaxFunHQ Done. I'm so sorry for your loss Jesse
11/26
2019
Get Madison’s album! It’s $5 for a short collection of hilarious jokes. She did this independently and I love her!!… https://t.co/zQKA9odxrvGood morning! You can now watch my entire @comedycentral special here: https://t.co/XC3646Ws7j
11/25
2019
@ReadEatWriteRun full episode is here! https://t.co/XC3646Ws7jYou're in too deep, McDaniels! https://t.co/27LN6idHps
11/24
2019
Another romaine lettuce recall means it’s time to listen to track 7 “Romaine Lettuce” from my latest album… https://t.co/gX6M7i9nZgI highly recommend Lindy West's new book The Witches Are Coming. I wish every Hollywood exec and male comedian woul… https://t.co/lwXZMN0uaTThank you to everyone who has watched my half hour on @ComedyCentral so far and all the nice comments! @joshgondelman Thank you for helping spread my important message!What a thrill! https://t.co/zHhawwD3Md @lisa_curry Thank you for all of these stipulations about following meOkay I am about to be on a flight and will be in the air when the special comes on the east coast / central time z… https://t.co/qR01WtW97R @murrayv @kiracomedy @standup @ComedyCentral Yes I stopped caringIt’s almost time!!! But first I highly recommend checking out the hilarious @middleKidGould who is up before me, at… https://t.co/0tfnzk1SA8
11/23
2019
@old_new_dad I don’t mind cinnamon rolls or when it’s a minor ingredient in baked stuff. I’m talking about hot cinn… https://t.co/KFa2WNQhymTonight my half hour @standup special premieres on 11:30/10:30pm on @comedycentral! I want to make it clear that th… https://t.co/txp3DKMaKp
Retweeted by Sara Schaefer @charliefrick @ComedyCentral Charlie! Thank you! @ouisequitur How dare youJust realized my last two tweets are both about cinnamon-flavored drinks. Didn’t do it on purpose!! But to understa… https://t.co/4Do20EqaUOIf you drink this around me I will become violent https://t.co/65M7rcRyZ3 @curmudge_john @standup @ComedyCentral Oh GOD @DavefromCalif @standup @ComedyCentral So beautiful. And #blessedLast night my eyes happened upon a girl near me texting these words to someone: “Do whatever you want but...” He… https://t.co/Wx1nOb8hf6 @SometimesReese Oh man this made me a little choked up!!! 😭😭😭😭Here is my late night debut on Conan! It was such an incredible experience. I got asked to do it at 8pm the night b… https://t.co/c1vWfM7mRc
Retweeted by Sara Schaefer @chickenpickelle @standup @ComedyCentral Follow me back so I can dm you @chickenpickelle @standup @ComedyCentral OMG I have so many questions. The first of which is, do you want me to sen… https://t.co/2MZC8tgMon @JenKirkman 🎈 @GregPoehler Thank you Greg!! 💗 @cvo Thank you Colin. GSGIS 4eva @Krasdale Thank you John! I felt the same way about you! @cubfansince76 thank you!! I have so appreciated your support over the years!
11/22
2019

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