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Want to trophy in our weekly game? DM @damnfinetweet to get trophying ability, trophy your favorite from our contest, then dm us trophy notif

1,641 Following   3,550 Followers   63,445 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/29/15


• A Dolly Parton Appreciation Call • Send us 1-2 tweets about Dolly Parton. Don’t have any? Write us one! Likes… https://t.co/mN7UlrTiDB
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2/24
2021
The theme is TIME TRAVEL Link 1-3 jokes by you, new or old. Let's break some causality. Ends Midnight CST Winners… https://t.co/1VoUFIPKve
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2/23
2021
🎈Contest time🎈 Theme: Cereal Killers🥣🔪🥓🩸🥞 It’s theme mashup time! Breakfast or murder, cornflakes or killers, waf… https://t.co/kyghv0hwRv
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт @toomanycommas3 @Gupton68 @prufrockluvsong @0000seapea808 @groovuroy @WineMummy @YourDailyGroan @Average_Dad1https://t.co/GylufRPLPR @TheAlexNevil @KattsDogma @kitkova @KonaSlater @lildandeli0n @OMGSoOverIt @perlhack @SlappNuttz @Social_Mimehttps://t.co/xmkWvpJatk @ClassADude @AlanFelyk @bylinetd @chincha33 @ddsmidt @DearAuntAbby @DogGoing @English_Channel @fearandhellhttps://t.co/aeaWpewHkv @KattsDogma @kitkova @KonaSlater @lildandeli0n @OMGSoOverIt @perlhack @SlappNuttz @Social_Mime @suecorvettehttps://t.co/WRCAz9jReb @suecorvette @KattsDogma @kitkova @KonaSlater @lildandeli0n @OMGSoOverIt @perlhack @SlappNuttz @Social_Mimehttps://t.co/VsJfpvpQMg @suecorvette @KattsDogma @kitkova @KonaSlater @lildandeli0n @OMGSoOverIt @perlhack @SlappNuttz @Social_Mimehttps://t.co/Mjp2seICTU @urmumsausername @JustJoeBlue @13murphy66 We remember everything @urmumsausername @KattsDogma @kitkova @KonaSlater @lildandeli0n @OMGSoOverIt @perlhack @SlappNuttz @Social_Mimehttps://t.co/UtG799csEcWINNERS 🏆🏆🏆 @prufrockluvsong 🏆🏆 @0000seapea808 @groovuroy @WineMummy @YourDailyGroan 🏆 @Average_Dad1https://t.co/kbAku9w5v1🏆 DONORS @AlanFelyk @bylinetd @chincha33 @ClassADude @ddsmidt @DearAuntAbby @DogGoing @English_Channelhttps://t.co/1n84h2aR5LWINNERS 🏆 @KattsDogma @kitkova @KonaSlater @lildandeli0n @OMGSoOverIt @perlhack @SlappNuttz @Social_Mimehttps://t.co/Tho6gEOlLu🏆Donors @mooseandriosmom @NerdJokeTuesday @notnotscotty @OMGSoOverIt @perlhack @SlappNuttz @slytherinstefhttps://t.co/0THsxwjzOg
2/21
2021
It's so fetch! Such good words. @suecorvette was trophied by @notnotscotty. So freaking cool. https://t.co/NBR6lyZjk9
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтFive stars, would read again. Whoa Nelly, would you look at that! @average_dad1's tweet was selected by… https://t.co/1IEN2BAZfI
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтWow! Daaaaang! @suecorvette selected @urmumsausername's tweet. It's a good one folks. https://t.co/nAaC4k2eNL
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтWow! One tweet to rule them all. @HaliPhacks's pick for tweet of the day is by @girl_a_whirl. I'm super excited! https://t.co/YfPLxZWBEt
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтHot damn! Unbelievable! @wildethingy picked you, @groovuroy. Oooo it's one of my favorites. https://t.co/Bk0ybPag5F
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтYou betcha! Stop the presses! @Gupton68 was trophied by @toomanycommas3. Noice! https://t.co/zYIFWFoo6V
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтHip hip hurray! Praise be! @English_Channel selected @konaslater's tweet. Good tweet or best ever? https://t.co/5xqzxA1IdI
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтThat tweet tho. Better than Shakespeare. @lildandeli0n's tweet was selected by @mooseandriosmom as the tweet of the… https://t.co/1OVJySUT6I
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтNice! Whoa! @fearandhell's pick for tweet of the day is by @elliotcomedy. Inconceivable! https://t.co/HUaqVygEgM
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтStop the presses! It was a long time coming! @slytherinstef picked you, @idontspeakwhine. Hot damn! https://t.co/toiJ72oeAp
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтUnbelievable! Cheers! @ClassADude picked you, @FunnyBison. Let's celebrate! https://t.co/oVGMvWZUk8
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтTweetariffic! When it's good it's good. @TheAlexNevil named @Social_Mime's tweet the best of the day. What a tweet! https://t.co/ZBi0ZnvHb4
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтGreat selection! It's a work of art. @thealexnevil's tweet was selected by @GrillinChillin9 as the tweet of the day… https://t.co/1pOLmWNsZs
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтWow! It's a good one folks. @WineMummy's tweet was selected by @SlappNuttz as the tweet of the day. Whoa nelly! https://t.co/gzta9BwwAy
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтIt is known. They like you. They really like you. @Social_Mime's pick for tweet of the day is by @prufrockluvsong.… https://t.co/dF0sypWnKH
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтHo. Lee. Shit. They like you. They really like you. @geekysteven named @kitkova's tweet the best of the day. I'm su… https://t.co/Y8vNqqmJhz
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI mean, it's so true. I couldn't be happier. @prufrockluvsong's tweet was selected by @NerdJokeTuesday as the tweet… https://t.co/QfZMQ7mhqA
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтOofda dat's a good one! That tweet tho. @Gupton68's pick for tweet of the day is by @The4thArcana. Hey now! https://t.co/LQb90udXUo
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтAin't it a peach? That's the stuff! @Mardigroan selected @0000seapea808's tweet. Huzzah! https://t.co/gjXkoJV1Gt
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтGlorious! A masterpiece. @LazyFunday picked you, @KattsDogma. WHOAH!!! https://t.co/HP01bDETgV
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтThey like you. They really like you. Stop the presses! @AlanFelyk selected @groovuroy's tweet. I laughed, I cried. https://t.co/GPIYfgvLSw
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтValar dohaeris! What's not to like? @JodingersCat picked you, @wildethingy. Ho. Lee. Shit. https://t.co/tZgbqLpwnF
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтIt's so fetch! Open the champagne! @0000seapea808's tweet was selected by @iinkedZombie as the tweet of the day. Co… https://t.co/JQwHr0BTUd
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтExcelsior! Unbelievable! @DogGoing's pick for tweet of the day is by @iinkedZombie. Ain't it a peach? https://t.co/5gsBYM3Oag
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтOpen the champagne! Egad! @bylinetd's pick for tweet of the day is by @dearauntabby. Oooo it's one of my favorites. https://t.co/sKKNzScRA3
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтDamn fine indeed! I cannot disagree. @girl_a_whirl selected @haliphacks's tweet. Booyah! https://t.co/EBm79wo5ci
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтCheers! A work of genius. @ddsmidt selected @WineMummy's tweet. Great stuff! https://t.co/gzta9BwwAy
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтAlmost as good as Murder She Wrote. So freaking cool. @OMGSoOverIt's tweet was selected by @geowizzacist as the twe… https://t.co/4CeVtcXmwF
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтWHOAH!!! Ohhhhh yeah! @urmumsausername named @SlappNuttz's tweet the best of the day. Unbelievable! https://t.co/Jo5RFZ5apN
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтIt's a work of art. It's a good one folks. @chincha33 picked you, @YourDailyGroan. Well what do you know. https://t.co/6faZSktaxd
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI couldn't be happier. Stop the presses! @perlhack's tweet was selected by @DearAuntAbby as the tweet of the day. W… https://t.co/FXKBzMxi40
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтThe quality we deserve. This one was overdue. @prufrockluvsong was trophied by @perlhack. It was a long time coming! https://t.co/EzgXOTRhgx
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтWhoa nelly! Good tweet or best ever? @YourDailyGroan was trophied by @Kryzazy. Wow! https://t.co/Cgm8jAn721
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI'm super excited! The Duke's mayonnaise of tweets. @erinpaigerod was trophied by @MomSisMom1. Praise be! https://t.co/4WF5YQPg7W
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтThis week’s contest has ended. Thank you for playing! We hope to see your contest entries in next week’s Saturday… https://t.co/53xjmZmhZ5It takes me a while to get deep into the part of therapy where I start crying and then poof, that’s our time for today.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтMe: So some brands of shrink wrap don’t go in the soft-plastics bin? Shrink rap: Yo brother don’t you bin me.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтHypnotherapist: Go into trance. Me: H: Imagine you’re floating. Me: H: Do a flip.… https://t.co/8cJ2AEi5g3
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтMaybe I didn’t fart maybe the psychiatrist pointed his shrink ray at me to turn me into one of their kind but he go… https://t.co/VDbKYsXGp2
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтHere’s something that Dr. Anthony Fauci won’t tell us: The COVID-19 virus shrinks all clothes that aren’t worn during the pandemic.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтWe replaced Angry Bird's trajectory source with transvaginal mesh. Let's watch. *all birds fall short of target & join class action suit.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI bought a "therapy lounge" but I only use it for reading. It's the best decision that I've ever made.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт[gets larger during the pandemic] [after pandemic puts self in dryer on high heat]
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI don't like to start new relationships during the winter months because, you know, major shrinkage.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтNobody told us when we were kids that baking a batch of Shrinky Dinks was just preparing us for what would happen t… https://t.co/XSK1RtrQDQ
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтSay what you want, but you can’t tell me that Sigmund Freud’s penchant for polar bear dipping didn’t play a part in… https://t.co/WtEKvIT0NU
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI'll only be your therapist if you love rock n roll. I said what I said...
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI’ve got my first virtual therapy session this week. Am I supposed to tell the therapist I’m minimizing them when I… https://t.co/eqQzFXYFM7
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтNobody warned me that all my clothes would gradually get smaller during the pandemic. Where’s the relief check to buy a new wardrobe?
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт @PopeAwesomeXIII https://t.co/DCXHOSMHUJ(2002) Martin Scorsese: I'd like you to come out of retirement. I've got this script about Bill the Butcher and an… https://t.co/Ru50AjPTDY
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтAs our 10 year anniversary I'd like to give you a tip, Twitter is free. * me as a therapist
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI use to repo cars for a living, and my favorite thing to do was to replace their car in the parking lot with dupli… https://t.co/KHiNs1f144
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI need a therapist to help me decide how to choose a therapist. Hahahaha. No really though.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтTwitter isn’t the shrink you’re looking for.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI wrote a hip hop song about my therapist. I call it shrink rap.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтtherapist: how do you feel about losing out to romaine in the "salad of the year" contest arugula: i'm still bitter about it
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтtherapist: "restless egg syndrome" is not a thing me: then why do i want to get out of the carton so much
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтtherapist: why do you want to quit your job as a police sketch artist me: i can't stop doodling criminals
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтKids, I shrunk the honey https://t.co/SQIaHIz0am
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтSherlock Holmes and the Case of the Pants that Don't Fit Anymore
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт @wildethingy But are you sure tho? https://t.co/f5jXykyqJYSteroids haven't affected my memory or shrunk my whatchamacallit.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI take the wooden doll in my hands and twist it apart. Inside is an identical wooden doll, but slightly smaller. In… https://t.co/GGC89PRomB
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт @0000seapea808 Worth the wait!!!!😘Losing some dead weight, like my soul, should surely count for a few pounds in the end
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI learned poop comes from food when Mrs Frizzle and class shrunk down and floated though somebody from mouth to butthole like everybody else
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтRon: Did you see that? I was bloody amazing! Hermione: *rolls eyes and swishes wand in the air* Reducio Ron: Wha… https://t.co/QoK9RfOXMX
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI used to work in a industrial laundry, but I got fired for trying to go down a dress size by climbing into the dry… https://t.co/YPRKIhCYMN
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI'd go on a diet but my tired is too tired, so I'll just eat the Keebler Elves instead.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтHaving anxiety? Buy some cheese. Depressed? Buy a large cheese pizza. ~Me as a therapist
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтTherapist: so you pop pills all-day, eat random fruit you find on the ground, and see ghosts? Pac-Man: *deep breath*
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтtherapist: tell me more about the loss of your twin sock: *deep breath*
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтThe best weight loss plan is to wilt a little each day
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтIt’s imperative to know the difference between being stabby figuratively and literally... or so my therapist told… https://t.co/rHxqBYOqD0
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтshrink-wrapping my penis for lent
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтMe: *Hands you a tiny whale* Don't say the word 'lasagne' or else it will become normal size again *Whale starts expanding*
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтI'm telling you, stress doesn't give you grey hair. Even after this awful year I don't have a single grey I only h… https://t.co/DznIFKqVHq
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтYes I tried looking in the last place you'd ever expect and no my tiny Apple remote wasn't at Point Nemo, that life… https://t.co/SyhQe2Dwly
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтOver the past year, COVID has taught me that, deep down, we all wear masks. Therapist: Oh, LOOK at the time!
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт*Disney branding* A large sun nestles between the two smaller suns over Tatooine, reducing them to ears.
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтhim: I'm a ghostwriter therapist: very interesting her: you heard that?
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕтShrinky Dinks were named in honour of Lord Shrinken Dinkum who died in an unfortunate accident where he fell into a… https://t.co/9IQu1VcDDf
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт"Let's clean out our closet!" 😊🌻🌈 *2 hours later, drowning in a sea of jeans that want to see thinner people* "I… https://t.co/0NJSEzadoC
Retweeted by тнe ѕaтυrday conтeѕт @dancingchimera I just took 20 sweaters to goodwill this week. I've been holding on to them for over 5 years with no wear.
2/20
2021

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