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My father once had intercourse with a polar bear in Canada.

698 Following   147 Followers   2,042 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/23/12


And a frame @OFalafel! https://t.co/VteODL3FMcWe're gonna need a bigger #olafart board @OFalafel https://t.co/9fFpH9BeCC
6/19
2020
@thejollybarber That emoji is frighteningly accurate @thejollybarber I'll get my sleeping bag down from the loft and will camp outside from 2 July. Current look: Middle… https://t.co/xFwclUKsCu
6/15
2020
Hey @UK_CAA Shouldn't a crane near the helicopter flight path (Kingston upon Thames) have some lights on at night? https://t.co/tP64WXTWXE
6/14
2020
Okay the updated rules on lockdown are: 2 families can form a bubble. If completed the 2m rule no longer applies an… https://t.co/uvnyPvyLs3
Retweeted by HalckHi @OFalafel, Another Monday, another glorious morning spent by Otto and Hannah making #olafart (and other parps).… https://t.co/IGiylsoXba
6/10
2020
@OFalafel You got a mention in the oldest's school's despatches last week, which will hopefully bring a couple more… https://t.co/JX3baJvGqkCan I ask a huge favour & please give this a share 🙏 This week’s Art Club is Episode 10 & the featured artist is K… https://t.co/PODbkMZ9hT
Retweeted by Halck
6/7
2020
Hello again @OFalafel. Have to say, the #olafart is getting better every week; you're definitely in the 'wider curr… https://t.co/r8AdfK3QEL
6/2
2020
Hey @BBCSpringwatch. Today's best moment for me was definitely watching this cormorant on the Thames in Kingston, t… https://t.co/RzkEDVc23w
5/31
2020
His main weapons are beats, funk, a sense of music as history and the ability to shoehorn in a track from the oblig… https://t.co/VIuTFgqbOVHis 3 chief weapons are beats, funk, a sense of music as history and...His 2 chief weapons are beats, funk & a...Love @OfficialHuey on @BBC6Music. His chief weapon is beats & f...
5/30
2020
Good morning @OFalafel . Thanks for yesterday's Art Club; attached is Otto's otter #olafart. The second sketch is o… https://t.co/ejLXH5OrkG
5/26
2020
I think you'll find it's a moat point @laurenlaverne #synthsplaining
5/19
2020
Hey @OFalafel Here's Otto Halck's (9) #olafart drawing of O.P. Pepperoni. The meaning of 'O.P.' has sadly been lost… https://t.co/5izA86d3Se
5/18
2020
My most recent purchases from the excellent folks at @BanquetRecords: @sleafordmods, @MattielBrown & Caleb Landry J… https://t.co/ABQTwbbepD
5/13
2020
Hey @sainsburys, When you said 'closest alternative' I didn't realise you meant geographically 😂 (all good though;… https://t.co/5zR7m1wuVp
5/8
2020
Just listening to those opening sounds, and I suspect a 16 year old The Edge would have heard them and thought 'Tha… https://t.co/raSXFKUI7W
5/7
2020
The latest #olafart from the younger Schmalcks: Otto and Hannah. O has discovered the joy of puns; H's love of inse… https://t.co/z9owrraQK1
4/30
2020
Hey @neilhimself , Hope you and the family are well. Just wanted to warn you that the oldest is hellbent on making… https://t.co/GDYhvxX7Hc
4/3
2020
@Crap_Portraits You might faint? No, you're right, best not. @Crap_Portraits I suspect this won't work for anyone else, but as it works for me I may as well share: I lie on my… https://t.co/PMocYM0Qds
3/29
2020
Yes, it's the Acme of optimism to buy gig tickets during this #COVID19 shitstorm, but once this ends I shall dance,… https://t.co/b4Hbwh6Te4
3/28
2020
@MKeenanEditor Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and teach. Stay well and safe. Best regards, Henning
3/23
2020
Hi @MKeenanEditor, can you help me answer a question for my daughter? She asked why the mouse in the Gruffalo goes… https://t.co/CnYYRntfaL
3/19
2020
Good god @BBC6Music , it's like St Vincent has re-produced the back catalogue of 80s heavy pop legends Heart! #roundtable
3/12
2020
@TP158 I know, I know. Also, I'm a supporter of the GK Union. But he was awful @TP158 https://t.co/2Jfon0JKn6 @TP158 He played a blinder in the 'not catching it' department @TP158 😂😂🤣 @TP158 Not gonna catch it flailing on the ground tho...Correct me if I'm wrong @TP158 , but is not the first rule of goalkeeping 'Move Your Feet!'
3/11
2020
@JamieSenitt Welcome to the neighborhood! Feel free to bring the girls round for tea.
2/23
2020
@Gatwick_Airport The interval is currently 5sec departure info, 20secs virus warning... This is an airport. I know… https://t.co/YKZwrsS9ehHi @Gatwick_Airport. Do you think you could show the departure info for a bit longer than 3 seconds in between Coro… https://t.co/8TkEeGPvJA
2/14
2020
The Ear Song! Ach, the moment's gone....No, hang on. Not The Elephant's Fable. Ah, blast! Mind. Blank.Hi @cerysmatthews. That saxophone in Little Liza Jane sounded identical to The Elephant's Fable from Bagpuss! Which came first?
2/9
2020
Hey good folk of @BBC6Music. I'm sure some of you were at the Algiers gig yesterday, but did you catch the first su… https://t.co/25h0mNFFgB
2/6
2020
@anapostille @SW_Railway Thanks for waiting! Thunderous set! @sarapascoe Olaf Falafel for some sublime sillinessGod damn it @SW_Railway! Thanks to your practice of cancelling stations (two in a row from Kingston!) to allow for… https://t.co/aalsMMFOpeWhere is this 'neapolitan ice cream' sunrise you & Alfie speak of? Mine is decidedly more 'overcooked porridge'… https://t.co/Wy7cBvQnhT
2/5
2020
Knock knock Who's there Ann Widdecombe Jesus Christ please no
Retweeted by Halck
1/31
2020
It’s always difficult to get the kids off on Brexit Eve – we’ve hung up our Brexit stockings and left out a four pa… https://t.co/iRHdf7GBLb
Retweeted by HalckFascinating evening with @aiww @guardianlive. Warm, welcoming and talkative. On Brexit: "Sometimes it's good to sep… https://t.co/4WB20mabKs
1/30
2019
Thanks for the sharp cut of the boy and I today @thejollybarber. Hope your arse is firmly on the sofa and your hand… https://t.co/U4hVfg8z9v
11/23
2019
@mapledeath @ROMBrighton @audioglobe1 @HangarBooking Deserves more stars. And some klaxons, halleluja choirs and ge… https://t.co/wTTj7SBbPc
11/6
2019
@shaunwkeaveny Man, Ringo's looking ill
10/4
2019
As with many battles, neither side has much to recommend them when it comes to manners
9/29
2019
Dear @joswinson, If you are serious about stopping no deal brexit you must get behind the no confidence motion. The… https://t.co/CCtGSr2Loq
9/28
2019
@pjsweeney3 You're an absolute gent, thank you! DM me for where and when you want to meet. @pjsweeney3 Hi PJ, Could I please buy one of those? @nurmo16 Out of curiosity, does the Emirates have an away stand ticket booth for late returns, or are those days lo… https://t.co/hxppOZbfgf @Jl90Michael @kxnetooley @Forza_Garibaldi @NFFCTrust @NFFC_live I hate going cuckoo, but it seems to be the only way at this stage
9/24
2019
@nurmo16 Think I'll have to go cuckoo, although hoping for some late returns in the away end. Chin up and rest (if… https://t.co/JEFYBkQAq9Ignore that question @nurmo16, the Emirates ticket site answered that for me...Hey @nurmo16. Hope you're OK. Do you know if tomorrow's game is sold out in the main stand? Looks like I'll have to go incognito... @tombryant9572 I'll take one of them with much gratefulness if still availableIf any #nffc fans have a spare ticket for the trouncing of the gooners, please get in touch. Can pay up to £20. @Nathh_4 Cheers pal, good on ya for selling at face value 👍Hi @Nathh_4. I suspect it's gone but if the ticket for tomorrow is still available, please let me know and I'll buy… https://t.co/1HYculkdOW
9/23
2019
Flat Angst 🤣 Cheers @laurenlaverne Actually managed to gather my thoughts a little. Music, eh? Great, innit?Awwww, you GUYS! Looking forward to suitable soothage, cheers! @BBC6Music @laurenlaverneMorning @BBC6Music and @laurenlaverne. Was #FirstIn and up in the flat this morning due to some extreme stress anxi… https://t.co/wsMgMT9r7kHoly hell @ChrisHawkinsUK, I'm not sure my middle aged hormones can tackle the proustian rush of Alphaville at 7:25!
9/18
2019
@thedanwhite @karlsen_kjetil @NFFC @nottmtails Ok, thanks for letting me know. 👍 @thedanwhite @karlsen_kjetil @NFFC @nottmtails Mate, do you still have that spare?
9/14
2019
God's in detention. Again. @TheTweetOfGod #Finland https://t.co/HbiTQzOMbk
9/9
2019
@shaunwkeaveny I guess it's also the Prime birthday of the second most handsome man born on that day in September. Happy birthday @idriselba"It's not your ball, it's everybody's ball." https://t.co/bayWecDs3D
Retweeted by Halck @DanielDylanWray Wow - Come la Notte Collard - Unholy Both deserve to be 'mainstream', and very soothing in different ways.Awwww, cheers Shaun! @BBC6Music
9/6
2019
@FragileCreature We all know what mutual consent leads to. Intercourse! #filth #WhereIsCromwellFairly disgusted to read a house in the #UKParliament have acted like grown ups and agreed to something across the… https://t.co/MLFWdWYdf9
9/5
2019
Uk government also catered for in new #google #Android10 #emoji https://t.co/t4z1PtvW4Z#Google reveal new #Android10 #emoji expected to be the new standard response to the tweets of potus. https://t.co/cSXhx0XXbDSpot on and hysterically funny. https://t.co/8jIiCvOZAGThe food you 'need'. Dirty little cunt. https://t.co/P4vxE9sUsd
Retweeted by Halck
9/4
2019
Incidentally, George Canning was Prime Minister for 119 days, the shortest time someone was a PM with a government.… https://t.co/zUuRl1pLGKOf course JRM quotes AV Dicey, a Victorian jurist. He also advocated that  that no concessions be made to Irish nat… https://t.co/Rcxu5bct33Excellent early burn from Letwin in the Parliamentary PM roast. #BrexitShambles #BrexitChaos #StopBorishttps://t.co/6syMezN3LO
9/3
2019
I'm calling this now: this is one of the albums of 2019. And I say that speaking not a word of Italian. https://t.co/7vRjUsyYh8
8/31
2019
@A2DominionHelp You also cut the locks and stole 7 bikes belonging to my family, tried to first deny it, then advis… https://t.co/6uJbrmWAVnHi @BanquetRecords. Can't see it on your website, but do you have, or could you order in, the Sault album on LP. It's called '5'.There aren't that many bands I'll go and see again and again and again, but I'm now ready for my 3rd @AlgiersMusichttps://t.co/iMxnxcAkKSHi @sainsburys. This is from today's delivery. There was of course also stuff in recyclable packaging, but 14 items… https://t.co/J2gNAcIbNz
8/30
2019
@profanityswan Surprised neither of these guys had 'Abolition of Monarchy' as an option. We wouldn't be here if it… https://t.co/2PQk6j746QI see you've deleted this @sajidjavid. Don't worry I saved a screenshot so the British public will always remember… https://t.co/JATqFh0lmG
Retweeted by Halck
8/29
2019
@nurmo16 I'm guessing you'll be better than Derby, but yes, I think we may be.
8/28
2019
Could I suggest Tous les Garçons et les Filles for the @BBC6Music 'handy' #PeoplesPlaylist for the line 'et la mai… https://t.co/LKK7pPSa0s
8/14
2019
@nurmo16 Cheers! Now stop amending your fantasy team and get back to work! 😁
8/9
2019
@nurmo16 What's the lowdown on Carl Jenkinson?
8/7
2019
@AyoCaesar Who's on with you? Will i need popcorn?
7/25
2019
@pookleblinky I'll not disagree with anyone claiming Swordfishtrombones, but having spent a few years with Alice an… https://t.co/HtIetHzFzJ @JahDuran Searched actual birthday. The murder of 9 Israeli athletes remembered thus: https://t.co/gHNSVByGdj
7/22
2019
But he saved the penalty @TP158! https://t.co/juw5z22C7t
7/19
2019

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