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My father once had intercourse with a polar bear in Canada.

708 Following   149 Followers   1,998 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/23/12


Thanks for the sharp cut of the boy and I today @thejollybarber. Hope your arse is firmly on the sofa and your hand… https://t.co/U4hVfg8z9v
11/23
2019
@mapledeath @ROMBrighton @audioglobe1 @HangarBooking Deserves more stars. And some klaxons, halleluja choirs and ge… https://t.co/wTTj7SBbPc
11/6
2019
@shaunwkeaveny Man, Ringo's looking ill
10/4
2019
As with many battles, neither side has much to recommend them when it comes to manners
9/29
2019
Dear @joswinson, If you are serious about stopping no deal brexit you must get behind the no confidence motion. The… https://t.co/CCtGSr2Loq
9/28
2019
@pjsweeney3 You're an absolute gent, thank you! DM me for where and when you want to meet. @pjsweeney3 Hi PJ, Could I please buy one of those? @nurmo16 Out of curiosity, does the Emirates have an away stand ticket booth for late returns, or are those days lo… https://t.co/hxppOZbfgf @Jl90Michael @kxnetooley @Forza_Garibaldi @NFFCTrust @NFFC_live I hate going cuckoo, but it seems to be the only way at this stage
9/24
2019
@nurmo16 Think I'll have to go cuckoo, although hoping for some late returns in the away end. Chin up and rest (if… https://t.co/JEFYBkQAq9Ignore that question @nurmo16, the Emirates ticket site answered that for me...Hey @nurmo16. Hope you're OK. Do you know if tomorrow's game is sold out in the main stand? Looks like I'll have to go incognito... @tombryant9572 I'll take one of them with much gratefulness if still availableIf any #nffc fans have a spare ticket for the trouncing of the gooners, please get in touch. Can pay up to £20. @Nathh_4 Cheers pal, good on ya for selling at face value 👍Hi @Nathh_4. I suspect it's gone but if the ticket for tomorrow is still available, please let me know and I'll buy… https://t.co/1HYculkdOW
9/23
2019
Flat Angst 🤣 Cheers @laurenlaverne Actually managed to gather my thoughts a little. Music, eh? Great, innit?Awwww, you GUYS! Looking forward to suitable soothage, cheers! @BBC6Music @laurenlaverneMorning @BBC6Music and @laurenlaverne. Was #FirstIn and up in the flat this morning due to some extreme stress anxi… https://t.co/wsMgMT9r7kHoly hell @ChrisHawkinsUK, I'm not sure my middle aged hormones can tackle the proustian rush of Alphaville at 7:25!
9/18
2019
@thedanwhite @karlsen_kjetil @NFFC @nottmtails Ok, thanks for letting me know. 👍 @thedanwhite @karlsen_kjetil @NFFC @nottmtails Mate, do you still have that spare?
9/14
2019
God's in detention. Again. @TheTweetOfGod #Finland https://t.co/HbiTQzOMbk
9/9
2019
@shaunwkeaveny I guess it's also the Prime birthday of the second most handsome man born on that day in September. Happy birthday @idriselba"It's not your ball, it's everybody's ball." https://t.co/bayWecDs3D
Retweeted by Halck @DanielDylanWray Wow - Come la Notte Collard - Unholy Both deserve to be 'mainstream', and very soothing in different ways.Awwww, cheers Shaun! @BBC6Music
9/6
2019
@FragileCreature We all know what mutual consent leads to. Intercourse! #filth #WhereIsCromwellFairly disgusted to read a house in the #UKParliament have acted like grown ups and agreed to something across the… https://t.co/MLFWdWYdf9
9/5
2019
Uk government also catered for in new #google #Android10 #emoji https://t.co/t4z1PtvW4Z#Google reveal new #Android10 #emoji expected to be the new standard response to the tweets of potus. https://t.co/cSXhx0XXbDSpot on and hysterically funny. https://t.co/8jIiCvOZAGThe food you 'need'. Dirty little cunt. https://t.co/P4vxE9sUsd
Retweeted by Halck
9/4
2019
Incidentally, George Canning was Prime Minister for 119 days, the shortest time someone was a PM with a government.… https://t.co/zUuRl1pLGKOf course JRM quotes AV Dicey, a Victorian jurist. He also advocated that  that no concessions be made to Irish nat… https://t.co/Rcxu5bct33Excellent early burn from Letwin in the Parliamentary PM roast. #BrexitShambles #BrexitChaos #StopBorishttps://t.co/6syMezN3LO
9/3
2019
I'm calling this now: this is one of the albums of 2019. And I say that speaking not a word of Italian. https://t.co/7vRjUsyYh8
8/31
2019
@A2DominionHelp You also cut the locks and stole 7 bikes belonging to my family, tried to first deny it, then advis… https://t.co/6uJbrmWAVnHi @BanquetRecords. Can't see it on your website, but do you have, or could you order in, the Sault album on LP. It's called '5'.There aren't that many bands I'll go and see again and again and again, but I'm now ready for my 3rd @AlgiersMusichttps://t.co/iMxnxcAkKSHi @sainsburys. This is from today's delivery. There was of course also stuff in recyclable packaging, but 14 items… https://t.co/J2gNAcIbNz
8/30
2019
@profanityswan Surprised neither of these guys had 'Abolition of Monarchy' as an option. We wouldn't be here if it… https://t.co/2PQk6j746QI see you've deleted this @sajidjavid. Don't worry I saved a screenshot so the British public will always remember… https://t.co/JATqFh0lmG
Retweeted by Halck
8/29
2019
@nurmo16 I'm guessing you'll be better than Derby, but yes, I think we may be.
8/28
2019
Could I suggest Tous les Garçons et les Filles for the @BBC6Music 'handy' #PeoplesPlaylist for the line 'et la mai… https://t.co/LKK7pPSa0s
8/14
2019
@nurmo16 Cheers! Now stop amending your fantasy team and get back to work! 😁
8/9
2019
@nurmo16 What's the lowdown on Carl Jenkinson?
8/7
2019
@AyoCaesar Who's on with you? Will i need popcorn?
7/25
2019
@pookleblinky I'll not disagree with anyone claiming Swordfishtrombones, but having spent a few years with Alice an… https://t.co/HtIetHzFzJ @JahDuran Searched actual birthday. The murder of 9 Israeli athletes remembered thus: https://t.co/gHNSVByGdj
7/22
2019
But he saved the penalty @TP158! https://t.co/juw5z22C7t
7/19
2019
@chorusgrrrl Hahaaa! Tell you what: you do a Modern Talking cover at your gig at The Finsbury and it's yours!When @chorusgrrrl said they'd play a cover of an old German pop song, I secretly hoped it'd be this... https://t.co/ZnyEzMLzlX
7/18
2019
@Nick_Pettigrew Roger Thor 'Tis Pity He's a Thor Thwoaaaar!
7/16
2019
#OnThisDay 1972. The Washington Post reports on a government (Nixon!) sanctioned investigation confirming Trump rej… https://t.co/pq5VCh3avq
7/5
2019
Champions of Europe! @NFFC40 https://t.co/5z0fc7GtJO
6/22
2019
So much love and thanks to @Hot_Chip for bringing joy on what must have been one cunt of a day. May the gods grin f… https://t.co/txwnttEdrc
6/20
2019
I’ve often thought Brits should be given a pre-paid invoice after receiving NHS treatment to see what their procedu… https://t.co/kXTSUhswe4
Retweeted by Halck
6/7
2019
“The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to s… https://t.co/YcjOYIRkdB
Retweeted by HalckOn a @BBCSpringwatch inspired trip to @WWTLondon as our flat doesn't allow for #Gardenwatch. Easy to forget it's no… https://t.co/epAgQ9PLdD
6/3
2019
Hipsterism has evolved I'm in a room with at least 3 people who are perfectly channeling Delta Force Chuck Norris
5/30
2019
@NatWest_Help Hey. They were both in the lending dept.Had to call @NatWest_Help twice today. On both occasions, the calls were answered in seconds, and on both occasions… https://t.co/2zM5tMtFpn
5/29
2019
I literally had no idea how much I liked Welsh bossanova @BBC6Music
5/28
2019
@henrikholm Ja der er jo ting avslappet og velbalansert også! @henrikholm Yup. Der er de fleste enige 😁. Hvilket kontinent befinner så du deg på?
5/20
2019
Show me a receipt proving you donated to pro-abortion causes and ill draw you whatever you’d like. Spread the word! https://t.co/Sb7cR0LpVO
Retweeted by Halck
5/15
2019
@henrikholm Å herregud! @henrikholm *would @henrikholm That works be one of life's greatest disappointments, but I don't think we have to worry. *frantically Googles Hans RotmoAnyone fancy an evening with Billy Bragg? Have a spare ticket. https://t.co/jFLI8lhT8M #GuardianLive
5/14
2019
@BanquetRecords Oh, and the Scott Walker & Sunn O))) one as well please.Hi @BanquetRecords. The Bonnacons of Doom album is one of the 'I think it's here somewhere' records on the website.… https://t.co/7kCOdRqU3i
5/11
2019
@Femi_Sorry Dear Deirde, My penis looks nothing like the sperm depositor in the picture. Am I the weird one? (I th… https://t.co/HT52rCKODJ
5/6
2019
@BBC6Music Surely the pink will be shrimp. Lovely potted. #FoodSnooker.
5/5
2019
@TP158 @Real_Dan_Horton @SW_Help @SW_Railway The kindness of strangers is alive and well! @Real_Dan_Horton @SW_Help @SW_Railway If you could that'd be great! She's in bed now, so will have to confirm tomor… https://t.co/FfS5ndLhpE @princesssb72 Thank you!Hi @SW_Railway. Gem the Penguin was left behind on the 16:42 from London Waterloo to Kingston. Pic below. Any news… https://t.co/nfmqBUi0IQ
5/3
2019
@maryannehobbs ending show on @showmethebody and Motorhead... Good luck @shaunwkeaveny
5/2
2019
Hi Shaun @BBC6Music. Comparing the logos of 6music and Beats by Dre, how come there's not a current BBC/Apple lawsu… https://t.co/2Yeia2iWZA
4/30
2019
Hi @prodnose 40 years ago today, the manager of Cologne, Hennes Weisweiler, said this in a pre-match interview v Fo… https://t.co/mJKcMCX4w5
4/25
2019
@pompokotheband @thelexington @Lizmusic You were awesome! So. Much. Fun.
4/10
2019
To everyone who donated to my @swimathon fundraising for @CR_UK and @mariecurieuk at @Brockwell_Lido: THANK YOU! Yo… https://t.co/AmxoBxJYqD
4/6
2019
@Brockwell_Lido @swimathon Thank you for the best support! Christ, it was cold!
4/1
2019
@BBC6Music Morning Rad & Mac. Hoping you could offer your opinion about something: The underscore has long not been… https://t.co/3u3cX2WJuh
3/23
2019
@BBC6Music @steve_lamacq To fully understand the impact of losing the dog in a break up, may I recommend Slobberbon… https://t.co/1OjHt978xM
3/14
2019
@ben_roddy @IpswichTown Hmmmm... That came out creeper than intended. @ben_roddy @IpswichTown Come, young, Roddy. Come to the Forest!
2/20
2019
Now that #brexit seems to be actually happening, could I suggest we stop eating pancakes the wrong French way (w/su… https://t.co/CVd88bhSGAYour cut out and keep reminder: "Citizens of nowhere" "Queue jumpers" "Enemies of the people" "Crush the saboteurs"… https://t.co/RpS6HwrcS2
Retweeted by Halck
2/7
2019
Ok, so this Edelman chap doesn't look like a pencilneck #bbcnfl, but he also looks reluctant to be tackled. Can any… https://t.co/SbB4cUi6RU
2/4
2019
@JahDuran I seem to remember they once released 'the only ever double CD single', just for shits & giggles. It's as… https://t.co/7rUjESe2IiWant to learn more about 'classical' composers but don't know where to start? Fear not: Dr @LeahBroad has done the… https://t.co/CkGyuDEwoP
1/25
2019
why the fuck doesn't it just close the door itself if it's so smart https://t.co/1HHqJhCtFH
Retweeted by Halck @_markstewart What the...? I *just listened to them for the first time one hour ago (due to @moormother post). Dang!
1/13
2019
BEAN HAS BEEN OFFERED A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF PEANUT BUTTER IF HE GETS 72,000 RTS TO HIS TWEET. He’s autistic, that’s… https://t.co/p3t9SSwvPi
Retweeted by HalckDear @LidlUS My name is Bean. I eat peanut butter and jelly English muffins for three meals a day. Back in Febr… https://t.co/vhUBCc6Rck
Retweeted by Halck
1/12
2018
When nobody believes how Finns are born https://t.co/VsdzOKKl5o
Retweeted by Halck
12/31
2018
Great to see proud Britons have already started displaying their #Brexit Trees! https://t.co/dOTp0Trz6e
12/30
2018

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