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I can't help it if I'm lucky

768 Following   6,010 Followers   87,493 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/10/09


@58mbr @bouledenerfs_ The fuck is the matter with you? @twlldun Because he's a cow and he didn't want to be next? Or because they'd run out of cows and his family sent h… https://t.co/s3LfjZZDLl @scrapegroat Nationalise sharks
Retweeted by Nicola @twlldun <cuts to Builth where the locals are ripping a cow to shreds with their teeth>Defund cows https://t.co/71hPbgDvYN @twlldun And you, sir, have never met a zombie. @CarriePurdom (thanks) @CarriePurdom Rude of it.OF COURSE if you only mention it in order to say "on the one hand ... on the other hand... don't we have more impor… https://t.co/V8vIKlk20q
Retweeted by Nicola @twlldun @GeoffShadbold Had no idea you could balance on one leg @scrapegroat It starts well but it goes down towards the end.
Retweeted by Nicola @robnitm Yeah I am quite confused by it. @CarriePurdom So, uhm, what does this mean? https://t.co/iG4FuS4E73 @thhamilton Tom. @CarriePurdom Haha ok maybe I will look. What if it calls me a liar? @mocent0 Didn't know yer da was on twitterI'm waiting for people to start saying that Titanic testimony clip that's going round is overrated so I can feel go… https://t.co/kWdcIBQb97 @CarriePurdom Only 105 calories amount of virtuous though. Which is the nature of the problem outlined in my tweet.As a case in point, this morning I will attend a judicial review. It concerns male-born rapists being housed in wom… https://t.co/opkWc96XEe
Retweeted by Nicola @twlldun When darkness finally consumes the earth I hope it takes this joke first. @robnitm I don't love it for the commute but for exercise purposes I don't mind, until Strava tries to rip me off that is @robnitm But it's windy :( (this is a bike ride...) @emmavj Just cheered myself up because that actually is my running speed I just checked back to my last run @philiprobinsonn No I just want my calorie counting app to tell me it's ok to have an avocado with my breakfastShould have just had the big dinner. @peatpixie Haha - when I first started riding about 10 years ago I had to get off and walk if I went home on the seafront road. @philiprobinsonn Don't see how it can from my phone though and I cba with a wrist thing @emmavj 😢 @peatpixie Yes I am sure I can cycle faster than that except it's always windy by the sea. @philiprobinsonn NoStrava is a copI mean seriously, it awarded me 21 calories for a casual 4 minute walk around the building I work in. But cycling n… https://t.co/yWaCCj3Kae @JohnCHoran Keep lookingOk Strava is a fucking liar. It's WINDY here you know. 105? <Spits> https://t.co/qwTkbCLXaaCould ride my bike to a fry up I suppose. It's howling wind so a relaxing breakfast in an outdoor marquee on the b… https://t.co/kdWoDOVXZP @kfingleton I'll save it for when you've annoyed me. Or you can delete it just in case...What's next for me?I could go a big dinner rn tbhJust compassionately wishing death on people I don't like in the hope of compassionately making the world a more compassionate place
10/28
2020
@mocent0 <goes back to Facebook where a recent selfie got more than one like>Hello targeted advertising you seem to be lost. https://t.co/T1v8bmvtgB @twlldun No-one needs that many vowels for one syllable @danwaterfield @twlldun It has two in the Valleys. Now sit down.She came from Greece with a thirst for knowledge She studied class at Caius College https://t.co/ICdwJCDx7T
Retweeted by Nicola @MrMutantes This is of great comfort in these trying timesFINE I was wrong https://t.co/yJmEcAgJEfI stand corrected https://t.co/QSsNPLHkNETL;dr: everything is still terrible. @kfingleton @sigourneybeaver I like it now but I remember it seeming odd. @kfingleton Yeah - they're just...out there, living a life that's separate from you @kfingleton I know exactly what you mean"Christmas means Christmas" https://t.co/tbt0aoHo93 @HBrubanter https://t.co/DY7eObQt6GI could stop tweeting farm photos. If I wanted.Look who's feeling a bit salty this morning https://t.co/bU9hB09WMD @pro_elbows No chickens at present - they're busy I guessAeeghh https://t.co/CqGQQaajELPoints to whoever decided the chickens should have a slide and a swing https://t.co/ZgKt9FFmlU @LeithMotive Saw a link this morning saying they're banning paedophilia which is quite a breakthrough! @LeithMotive Yeah I deleted every time I'd ever tweeted it and I never swear *at* people because I am sure there ar… https://t.co/0mgA39kQzV @LeithMotive I think that's quite unlikely. It's possible they rank us by our associates but more likely they are j… https://t.co/7VgOlG6wDD @LeithMotive I'm not sure, obvs I've only got my own circle of people who haven't blocked me to go by. I've never… https://t.co/kASrKDNQhz @LeithMotive Oh no! Did you remember to grease your nipples during your absence? Enquiring minds want to know. Als… https://t.co/DYEZTVPmNsThe good thing about booking every activity in advance these days is that you still have to go even when it's tipping down. @Flying_Inside I dedicate this angry and ultimately fruitless tirade about Dominic Raab to my beloved children. @boodleoops They use xoxo (maybe only in some places? And I don't know how long for) but no, I've been queried on it more than once @Cadmarch Just write over the expiry dates, job done. @kfingleton Maybe? I though they were for tea breaks. @Biltawulf If I don't have it with me next time I see you it will be by mistake. @Biltawulf I could @Cadmarch Your reluctance to produce a new vaccine makes this very clear. @kfingleton Maybe they were just shit? Maybe the union negotiated proper breaks. @Biltawulf I do need one. @Biltawulf I might start. @kfingleton @den_jw I've seen my drawings from 6/7 and they're better than what I can draw now but also still...not very good. @kfingleton I got nostalgic for these the other day. No one ever mentions them https://t.co/ZtJ7Red1U4 @Biltawulf I actually know where it is. @Cadmarch It might be a new thing though? Xx @mostly_sleepy lol 🙌 @Biltawulf I have a Basic Food Hygiene certificate from 1996 @den_jw @kfingleton Ah yes gallery, that was the word I was looking for. I pretended to be put off by the fact the… https://t.co/GSycxOeqA9 @Cadmarch Having watched Gossip Girl I can tell you they have xoxo instead which I hate but only because of Gossip Girl. @Biltawulf I can claim some medical or professional accreditation if it would help? @Biltawulf No I've met you you're fine. @kfingleton @den_jw Yes that too. Just give me the stuff. And don't touch me. @kfingleton I like having more day time at the moment, we've been waking up at 7 since the mornings for darker and… https://t.co/4im3ThSeSJ @WeNeedEU Eldest has been shuffling about since 6, he's obviously decided 6.30 is the permitted time for screens an… https://t.co/kwUq626Dss @Biltawulf 5? I'd die. I'm down to a half'n'half (half decaf half proper) every 2 days @den_jw @kfingleton Jim'll was like the Heartbeat wall of art, I loved the idea but absolutely couldn't he bothered to actually try. @kfingleton No, too lazyYeah they're watching videos at half past 6 in the morning. It's half term, what do you want @mostly_sleepy Awww! @kfingleton Oh yeah there may have been more I was 15. I wrote letters with different colour biros. The works!Youngest just refused to get out of bed to watch a video eldest wanted to show him. "I'm not gonna look, you always… https://t.co/AENLisEETSHave I just coined the word Quotebait? I'm claiming it."I have some quotebait tips" https://t.co/gHUugPaHesWhen I was new to the internet some excessive number of years ago an American woman was extremely confused by the x… https://t.co/NsVFRwoKQR @RSmythFreelance Hope they don't namesearch, bro @RSmythFreelance Don't make me @ the BBC regarding this copyright violation. @RSmythFreelance You lost me at please.
10/27
2020

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