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I can't help it if I'm lucky

768 Following   6,010 Followers   87,493 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/10/09

@58mbr @bouledenerfs_ The fuck is the matter with you? @twlldun Because he's a cow and he didn't want to be next? Or because they'd run out of cows and his family sent h… @scrapegroat Nationalise sharks
Retweeted by Nicola @twlldun <cuts to Builth where the locals are ripping a cow to shreds with their teeth>Defund cows @twlldun And you, sir, have never met a zombie. @CarriePurdom (thanks) @CarriePurdom Rude of it.OF COURSE if you only mention it in order to say "on the one hand ... on the other hand... don't we have more impor…
Retweeted by Nicola @twlldun @GeoffShadbold Had no idea you could balance on one leg @scrapegroat It starts well but it goes down towards the end.
Retweeted by Nicola @robnitm Yeah I am quite confused by it. @CarriePurdom So, uhm, what does this mean? @thhamilton Tom. @CarriePurdom Haha ok maybe I will look. What if it calls me a liar? @mocent0 Didn't know yer da was on twitterI'm waiting for people to start saying that Titanic testimony clip that's going round is overrated so I can feel go… @CarriePurdom Only 105 calories amount of virtuous though. Which is the nature of the problem outlined in my tweet.As a case in point, this morning I will attend a judicial review. It concerns male-born rapists being housed in wom…
Retweeted by Nicola @twlldun When darkness finally consumes the earth I hope it takes this joke first. @robnitm I don't love it for the commute but for exercise purposes I don't mind, until Strava tries to rip me off that is @robnitm But it's windy :( (this is a bike ride...) @emmavj Just cheered myself up because that actually is my running speed I just checked back to my last run @philiprobinsonn No I just want my calorie counting app to tell me it's ok to have an avocado with my breakfastShould have just had the big dinner. @peatpixie Haha - when I first started riding about 10 years ago I had to get off and walk if I went home on the seafront road. @philiprobinsonn Don't see how it can from my phone though and I cba with a wrist thing @emmavj 😢 @peatpixie Yes I am sure I can cycle faster than that except it's always windy by the sea. @philiprobinsonn NoStrava is a copI mean seriously, it awarded me 21 calories for a casual 4 minute walk around the building I work in. But cycling n… @JohnCHoran Keep lookingOk Strava is a fucking liar. It's WINDY here you know. 105? <Spits> ride my bike to a fry up I suppose. It's howling wind so a relaxing breakfast in an outdoor marquee on the b… @kfingleton I'll save it for when you've annoyed me. Or you can delete it just in case...What's next for me?I could go a big dinner rn tbhJust compassionately wishing death on people I don't like in the hope of compassionately making the world a more compassionate place
@mocent0 <goes back to Facebook where a recent selfie got more than one like>Hello targeted advertising you seem to be lost. @twlldun No-one needs that many vowels for one syllable @danwaterfield @twlldun It has two in the Valleys. Now sit down.She came from Greece with a thirst for knowledge She studied class at Caius College
Retweeted by Nicola @MrMutantes This is of great comfort in these trying timesFINE I was wrong stand corrected;dr: everything is still terrible. @kfingleton @sigourneybeaver I like it now but I remember it seeming odd. @kfingleton Yeah - they're just...out there, living a life that's separate from you @kfingleton I know exactly what you mean"Christmas means Christmas" @HBrubanter could stop tweeting farm photos. If I wanted.Look who's feeling a bit salty this morning @pro_elbows No chickens at present - they're busy I guessAeeghh to whoever decided the chickens should have a slide and a swing @LeithMotive Saw a link this morning saying they're banning paedophilia which is quite a breakthrough! @LeithMotive Yeah I deleted every time I'd ever tweeted it and I never swear *at* people because I am sure there ar… @LeithMotive I think that's quite unlikely. It's possible they rank us by our associates but more likely they are j… @LeithMotive I'm not sure, obvs I've only got my own circle of people who haven't blocked me to go by. I've never… @LeithMotive Oh no! Did you remember to grease your nipples during your absence? Enquiring minds want to know. Als… good thing about booking every activity in advance these days is that you still have to go even when it's tipping down. @Flying_Inside I dedicate this angry and ultimately fruitless tirade about Dominic Raab to my beloved children. @boodleoops They use xoxo (maybe only in some places? And I don't know how long for) but no, I've been queried on it more than once @Cadmarch Just write over the expiry dates, job done. @kfingleton Maybe? I though they were for tea breaks. @Biltawulf If I don't have it with me next time I see you it will be by mistake. @Biltawulf I could @Cadmarch Your reluctance to produce a new vaccine makes this very clear. @kfingleton Maybe they were just shit? Maybe the union negotiated proper breaks. @Biltawulf I do need one. @Biltawulf I might start. @kfingleton @den_jw I've seen my drawings from 6/7 and they're better than what I can draw now but also still...not very good. @kfingleton I got nostalgic for these the other day. No one ever mentions them @Biltawulf I actually know where it is. @Cadmarch It might be a new thing though? Xx @mostly_sleepy lol 🙌 @Biltawulf I have a Basic Food Hygiene certificate from 1996 @den_jw @kfingleton Ah yes gallery, that was the word I was looking for. I pretended to be put off by the fact the… @Cadmarch Having watched Gossip Girl I can tell you they have xoxo instead which I hate but only because of Gossip Girl. @Biltawulf I can claim some medical or professional accreditation if it would help? @Biltawulf No I've met you you're fine. @kfingleton @den_jw Yes that too. Just give me the stuff. And don't touch me. @kfingleton I like having more day time at the moment, we've been waking up at 7 since the mornings for darker and… @WeNeedEU Eldest has been shuffling about since 6, he's obviously decided 6.30 is the permitted time for screens an… @Biltawulf 5? I'd die. I'm down to a half'n'half (half decaf half proper) every 2 days @den_jw @kfingleton Jim'll was like the Heartbeat wall of art, I loved the idea but absolutely couldn't he bothered to actually try. @kfingleton No, too lazyYeah they're watching videos at half past 6 in the morning. It's half term, what do you want @mostly_sleepy Awww! @kfingleton Oh yeah there may have been more I was 15. I wrote letters with different colour biros. The works!Youngest just refused to get out of bed to watch a video eldest wanted to show him. "I'm not gonna look, you always… I just coined the word Quotebait? I'm claiming it."I have some quotebait tips" I was new to the internet some excessive number of years ago an American woman was extremely confused by the x… @RSmythFreelance Hope they don't namesearch, bro @RSmythFreelance Don't make me @ the BBC regarding this copyright violation. @RSmythFreelance You lost me at please.