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standup comedian, storyteller, lover of a double bird, feminist, Dem, seen on @RedOaksTV, author (@HarperCollins), creator of @NYTvows, host of @twowickminimum

3,782 Following   9,183 Followers   73,011 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/2/10


@benduchek SO BAD!! This is a damn clip show! Also she seems to have 2 settings: bubbly and SOMBER AF. She’s surprisingly down, it seems.Did Hannah seriously just refer to herself as “damaged”?? At age, what, 24???? Good Lord. #TheBacheloretteProps to Hannah for addressing a wildly frustrating part of dating: when a guy DOES NOT ASK YOU ABOUT YOURSELF AT ALL. Yep. #TheBacheloretteCan people grow and learn? Absolutely. Did Kyle? Not at all. This kid used his platform to practically bully everyo… https://t.co/32Kw7wyreb
Retweeted by Selena CoppockPpl are so up in arms about Harvard rescinding 1 kid’s acceptance after discovering he made racist comments online.… https://t.co/TnVaJkHmfo
Retweeted by Selena CoppockI’m still heartsick for the lives we lost that day. In a Warren administration, we will use the Justice Department… https://t.co/7pZDZvdN8a
Retweeted by Selena CoppockOMG, we are desensitized to the sound of it, in his voice. But when you READ it, the unfathomable illiteracy, the… https://t.co/jaLWFYp9JV
Retweeted by Selena Coppocki am shocked and disappointed to find out that Harvard rejected me based on my SATs, which i took when i was just 17 years old
Retweeted by Selena CoppockYikes, Harvard revoked that Parkland student’s acceptance because of deeply racist language he used and he’s saying… https://t.co/dN6pkx4R74
Retweeted by Selena CoppockI’m in a career in media where I don’t really know or interact with any real celebrities myself, but many of my fri… https://t.co/rb1rgh8iqY
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @NorlexSaid hahhahhah that kills me. But yeah. Man. This town. This industry.
6/18
2019
@RockingJamboree @TSal58 The Fringe Left are not Progressive. They heed progress. The sooner Democrats figure out… https://t.co/8bvjBPwV22
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @Sharronica @MattRogersTho that one is a bopChoose your fighter https://t.co/Kywdikx2Le
Retweeted by Selena Coppock"Your reputation is amazing. I will not let you down," Trump told Alex Jones Jones: https://t.co/AIf8nTWwyc
Retweeted by Selena CoppockThis is so exciting! https://t.co/6Txo8QyfQH
Retweeted by Selena CoppockTaylor Swift Inspires Teen To Come Out As Straight Woman Needing To Be At Center Of Gay Rights Narrative… https://t.co/25n50p8ouG
Retweeted by Selena CoppockReminder, Kevin Sorbo was a bitch ass Hercules with no delts, traps or core. Dad bod ass Greek myth, GTFOH https://t.co/q1NED08CQp
Retweeted by Selena CoppockInspiring! This Woman Stays Skinny By Completely Blowing Up Her Life Once A Year: https://t.co/3r3DHtCFEi https://t.co/M7gFRhntvs
Retweeted by Selena CoppockFormer internment camp survivor (1 of 120,000+) raises hand to disagree. https://t.co/5ZKe132X1Y
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @longwall26 and a shared Google doc for your AP U.S. History class is NOT private. @JesseRaven my FAVORITE Kacey song ❤️A guy who attended my HS had his acceptance to an Ivy deferred b/c he wrote a coded message in the HS newspaper. Ac… https://t.co/NLzjGhZDIu @JessicaValenti AMEN! Even when I was 16, I would NEVER write racial slurs REPEATEDLY throughout a shared Google do… https://t.co/zqQGptAfdsThis wanna-be Harvard chode Kyle Kashuv did not privately text these slurs, as he'd have you believe. He wrote slur… https://t.co/28wWbAhysPBoth my mom + a friend's GF (who has become a friend) went into unexpected surgeries this morning. Strange timing. Love + prayers to all.I’m confused by white people who say it’s normal - even for teens - to use the N-word. That’s not just stupid or of… https://t.co/UcBsdhCFNh
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @JillWrites Yeah my BAD headache hit about 11pm last night and stayed on through this morning. Woof. Good luck this week! @sarahsolfails Yeah literally I hope people realize that they will DIE.Wish I had just sent this to an ex who used to text me for months and months after he dumped me. https://t.co/RYv3FFq9YU @evaandheriud I met a guy once and he wouldn't SHUT UP abt how he "liked to live life 2 the fullest"--talked abt sk… https://t.co/Lj474Z5gXUHow to go rags-to-riches like Elon Musk 1 part hard work 1 part good ideas 2 parts assemble a good team 50 parts h… https://t.co/yVOYrpr6CP
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @radhikanayak It is INSANE! I have gotten a real ticket only 2x but both times I felt really penned in. I would SO… https://t.co/Vqnkg3HcHVToday is a reminder to hug your loved ones, especially your white sons. What has this country come to? I remember a… https://t.co/F5n7vutmly
Retweeted by Selena Coppock.@LauraDern you are EVERYTHING in this episode #BLL2 https://t.co/js975ayDRk
Retweeted by Selena CoppockSome people out here who think police murdering a black 12 year old with a toy gun is justified suddenly get really… https://t.co/KapCSm6TLg
Retweeted by Selena CoppockThe fed minimum wage today is worth almost a third less than it was a half-century ago, adjusted for inflation. It’… https://t.co/MPtnQLOl88
Retweeted by Selena CoppockIs NYC filled with broken people or is that just me + my crew?On the one hand, the president makes nonstop outlandish claims in his recent @ABC interview about my campaign and R… https://t.co/4tfreqN5l3
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @TesstifyBarker I needed to hear that. (HONK) :)He raped her every day for years...sometimes multiple times per day. I hope he never breathes another breath of fre… https://t.co/9vs9UMcV9o
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @christichiello TRULY!! People like this jag LOVE false equivalencies.I want to start an Ennui Club but I fear that no members would be motivated enough to attend.I'll never understand why people buy tickets for concerts at the Prospect Park Bandshell when they can sit directly… https://t.co/LfZgUNDvw1Bernie Sanders loved deriding Hillary Clinton for giving paid speeches but he always failed to mention that it was… https://t.co/t9afpRtnXXIf you guys are into crippling headaches caused by certain weather patterns, then this is going to be a BIG WEEK for you!!! @GideonIsmail @laurawritesit When I lived in London I saw a show like that where it was just people doing sort of s… https://t.co/XHIZJFnzgT @dmosk253 YES! She's very silly and I love it. @emma_seif yes!!!!!‘Personal responsibility for everyone else but white boys’™ https://t.co/xsVHmFX1xx
Retweeted by Selena CoppockTaylor Swift has a weirdly frequent theme of framing herself as an underdog or victim in her music while surroundin… https://t.co/nJQYHpwgEr
Retweeted by Selena Coppocki just heard a guy say "dating someone who does not love life is my worst fear because i love life" and it’s in the… https://t.co/TRl1QXvba0
Retweeted by Selena CoppockBREAKING: Trump admits he was making a Russian business deal during the campaign, in this video. So, yeah. Let’s ma… https://t.co/9N1rQJa467
Retweeted by Selena CoppockSomeone has no idea what consent looks like. https://t.co/IzGpnKcxe4 @BestJakeYoung @reppocs great summation--thank u. I'm always tickled by the way that people think that an academic… https://t.co/FtZ45063m8A private college doesn't owe anyone shit and can rescind acceptance at any point they like. Can you tell I'm the d… https://t.co/0nfnxLrsFRRemember when Meryl Streep invented necklace acting? #BigLittleLies https://t.co/wSRBWgPAdQ
Retweeted by Selena Coppockyoooo you’re supposed to be on time to work EVERY DAY???? every SINGLE day??? unrealistic
Retweeted by Selena CoppockJust over 20 seconds into this clip Trump gruffly asks Mick Mulvaney to leave the room because he coughed. No, seri… https://t.co/6VHxIUKixB
Retweeted by Selena CoppockIn the early morning hours 47 years ago today, the Watergate burglars were arrested 5 months later Nixon was overwh… https://t.co/NFGhca8720
Retweeted by Selena Coppockhappy fathers day to the guy who cheated on the mother of his first three children with the mother of his fourth c… https://t.co/CzDy8hHpCj
Retweeted by Selena Coppockit should be illegal to like harry potter after the age of 18. smoke a fucking cigarette
Retweeted by Selena CoppockTom Cotton solemnly vows to be bold & fearless when it comes to sending your kids into wars Tom Cotton really really wants.
Retweeted by Selena CoppockIt is impossible to say “there’s someone in here” in a non-psychotic way when someone knocks on the bathroom door
Retweeted by Selena CoppockThe thing I can’t ever get over is how little Donald Trump wants to do with his presidency. Imagine getting all thi… https://t.co/8cSqODZgmw
Retweeted by Selena CoppockI was estranged from my dad for years and continue to having a loving but complicated relationship with him. I know… https://t.co/PfsnfPdXS9
Retweeted by Selena CoppockHmmmmm. Notice anything interesting? 🧐 https://t.co/650SBTZW9c
Retweeted by Selena CoppockHappy Fathers Day to this dog and this dog only https://t.co/NaQurxSkpx
Retweeted by Selena CoppockNew pickup line: Are you Elizabeth Warren? Because it seems like you want to make plans.
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @mcterzakis He is so awful FOREVERIf I'd had to spend even five minutes with the rapist who almost killed me, I would have lost my mind. Stop inventi… https://t.co/lroT855jsQ
Retweeted by Selena CoppockI WILL NOT NOT BE RICH!!!!!!!!
Retweeted by Selena CoppockI don't know who needs to hear this but tell! your! coworkers! how! much! you! make! https://t.co/vfqVBLB8Hp
Retweeted by Selena CoppockMy Netflix prank show idea: Women agreeing to meet up with the guys that send them unsolicited dick pics, but when… https://t.co/NCR1y5RZXa
Retweeted by Selena CoppockYou sound like a Russian operative/chaos agent who is controlled by Russia + the NRA. And your voting record matche… https://t.co/ltiDeZNy63Perhaps you didn't get this hint last time.... You don't talk crap about the party you are trying to lead. Democ… https://t.co/QlDck9oxVm
Retweeted by Selena CoppockMr. President, you’re from Queens. You may fool the rest of the country, but I’ll call your bluff any day of the… https://t.co/J3EzWF7A82
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @DonCoyote Oh John. I am so sorry. I love u so much, sweet friend. How can I help u?
6/17
2019
I always find it refreshing when a person is willing to admit that, first and foremost, they were hot for their now… https://t.co/Hwvuz83pfi
Retweeted by Selena CoppockI get it! Your dads are/were hot! UNCLE! Ugh wait—your uncles are hot, too. Am I just thirsty for dad bods??? UNCLE!!!Some of you are really overdoing it with how hot you think your dads used to be with all your: "Look at this smokes… https://t.co/zRNrS5dPPu
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @davidpom2000 I JUST walked thru it in a tiny tank top, no umbrellaI have an uncanny ability to leave a party or a bar and walk home at THE MOMENT it starts raining. #blessedSays the guy who's begged me to be on his show multiple times, and I've turned him down every time. https://t.co/0yE52anFEH
Retweeted by Selena CoppockThis tweet is for fellow Hamilton alum Taylor who came to Bitchcraft last night. Message me with that gorgeous photo of us, girl!!happy father’s day to all the men who aren’t fathers and have benefitted from their girlfriends’ abortions, yet hav… https://t.co/nRh69hrb5J
Retweeted by Selena CoppockAs the Trump-Bolton administration bangs the drum for war, it's worth remembering - We don't have a Secretary of D… https://t.co/Q85KLQXRNV
Retweeted by Selena CoppockGritty is the only thing that brings me joy. https://t.co/WepVPet2UYit should cost at least $20 to ask a woman what her tattoo means
Retweeted by Selena Coppock“She was amazing,” 63-year-old retiree Donna Olufsen said. “She touched on every subject I am interested in. My hea… https://t.co/681SmvivoM
Retweeted by Selena CoppockSilverlake is wild a vintage sign on the front of a store will say “Sunset Tire Rotation” and then you get inside a… https://t.co/8xDbuew5MY
Retweeted by Selena Coppock[Thread] My boss made a comment today along the line of "I don't get how women can complain about how they get tre… https://t.co/hCRG2JxfJw
Retweeted by Selena CoppockThe @Dodgers ball girl just made a SNAG. 101 mph exit velocity and made it look effortless 😳 #SportsCenterTop10 https://t.co/bU17Ph6zhE
Retweeted by Selena CoppockAs Sanders polls plummet, Bernie's national co-chair takes direct aim at Warren. That's the top of the campaign, fo… https://t.co/JF6Ol8NPJp
Retweeted by Selena CoppockOh hello there https://t.co/rFaafTF9yQ
Retweeted by Selena Coppock @rmless HAAAAwe live in a nightmare https://t.co/deTcEXpaJvFour-year-olds don’t shoplift. And why would an officer get “desk duty” after saying this to Black parents - on vid… https://t.co/phFDjbQ06e
Retweeted by Selena CoppockAnyone who is anyone is getting pumped full of botox (face, hairline, armpits) before the big day. Only poor people… https://t.co/CXQ8vZAf09
Retweeted by Selena CoppockHow about a strategic program to make Crocs less tragically ugly? ZING! {From today’s real Vows section.} https://t.co/IJbWHGdPz8
Retweeted by Selena Coppock
6/16
2019

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