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Swears too much. he/him header by @twoodle_05

1,411 Following   27,591 Followers   112,312 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/27/11


Never ask questions about Animal Crossing lore. Ever. #animalcrossing #newhorizons #acnhhttps://t.co/t9g2adIvix
Retweeted by Ray Classic @SketchpadTheGr8 @tourettzgoth @kymcga Oh, I don't need a lousy digital app. My babe spidey sense was tingling. @tourettzgoth @kymcga @SketchpadTheGr8 Had his babe push notifications active @pocket_pancakes Haha the tree farts in the picture, nice#7 "The Ol' Ball n' Chain" https://t.co/TQfx3jqZuW
Retweeted by Ray Classic[announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
Retweeted by Ray ClassicThe execution of George Floyd brings to mind the question James Baldwin sardonically ask decades ago in this short… https://t.co/gdimGSAc2v
Retweeted by Ray ClassicTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles https://t.co/PsyxK5nqOL https://t.co/FvUcwYZkHU
Retweeted by Ray Classic @tokyo_sexwhale HahaDATE: I like orange sesame chicken. ME: Okay, wow. A) He's yellow. B) I think he's an emu, and C) his name is Big Bird.
Retweeted by Ray ClassicYou sigh and hand the parrot another cracker, just to hear it thank you in your dead wife's voice. He's starting to get fat.
Retweeted by Ray Classic*spends The Purge time-skipping Animal Crossing*Fuck is this shit https://t.co/Y1uBdUBosY
Retweeted by Ray ClassicThe people who say All Lives Matter don't believe that, either.(the same sentence everyone is using) <an old picture we've all seen before> @sheseemslegit Are you sure there's no extenuating circumstances that might prevent someone from doing that right now?Abuses of power are all the more despicable when they think they can get away with it because everyone is distracte… https://t.co/WGdv3I39zqThat's nothing. You should see how a rabbi can perform a bris with a throwing Star of David. https://t.co/xizMlJF1Rv
Retweeted by Ray ClassicI can only remember 3 things at a time. After 9/11, I had to let go of The Alamo to make room. If 2 more things hap… https://t.co/sOusVhiw2X @caniBEmoretired Smart.Back in the 90s, we all believed if your cellular phone rang while you were pumping gas, the static charge would bl… https://t.co/QSRKZrtJW2 @snarky_ginger1 I don't get it.Predictive text kicked in while I was searching for adult swim shows, and, well, I regret to inform you some people… https://t.co/4vDRneOose @upsidedowntrash https://t.co/22WHeoMKwg
5/27
2020
I'm not sure when I'll be able to start my nudist skydiving company. I've got a lot of balls in the air right now.
Retweeted by Ray ClassicThat's nothing. You should see how a rabbi can perform a bris with a throwing Star of David. https://t.co/xizMlJF1Rv @InternetHippo I hate to say it, but this is his reboot.The #1 funniest thing about old Hollywood is that we're supposed to believe Vincent Price was scary. He ALWAYS seem… https://t.co/lZuSun9F0E
Retweeted by Ray ClassicYOU STAY OUT OF THIS, DIPPY FRESH! https://t.co/pauIEgmNVVEli, what did I tell you about tweeting about your holes? https://t.co/xaFxeNIdE7
5/26
2020
I'm doing the best I can! https://t.co/1EshYl0GSD
Retweeted by Ray Classicme: not today Satan Satan: but- me: Jesus what did I just say Jesus: [flicks cigarette] he fuckin heard
Retweeted by Ray ClassicWhat I lack in specificity, I make up for in other stuff.
Retweeted by Ray ClassicIt was hard enough to explain to my autistic kid why she can't swim at the apartment complex pool even without her… https://t.co/NEXv52OUqA @House_Feminist She's fine, you be nice, dammit.Whenever I see someone with the last name Smith, I imagine they are a craftperson who forges in fire whatever their first name is.
Retweeted by Ray ClassicIt's still flat, I guess. https://t.co/AZxcKmYEq5First attempt at a 3D-ish design #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch https://t.co/Ac9xM2X1wVme and @SirEviscerate about to drop Animal Crossing's noisiest 80s synth pop album #AnimalCrossing #ACNHhttps://t.co/a0MUr8qCp0
Retweeted by Ray Classic @markydoodoo It makes getting squirted in the eye with juice 40% grosserHey girl, what those turnip prices do? @JustAboutGlad @hellohappy_time Throwing stars of David are involvedtwitter: actually, women enjoy sex as much as men conservative guy: [louder than the engine on a Boeing 747] NOT T… https://t.co/RT3B3tIshc
Retweeted by Ray Classicmy 14 year old drew this for me😭💕 https://t.co/dLAj8vL6sB https://t.co/s90Dn8QjJm
Retweeted by Ray Classicbatman: take the pic alfred: you are throwing serious ass, sir batman: i’m an insta-batty lol alfred: yes, sir
Retweeted by Ray ClassicThe year is 2043. Environmental calamity has left the once ubiquitous orchid nearly extinct, and now only the kinki… https://t.co/r5BIRWEkKJ
5/25
2020
HAMBURGLAR: *slaps a Big Mac out of my hand* Tell your mom I said "robble."
Retweeted by Ray Classic @YuckyTom Happy birthday, budgonna save these babys for peak hours https://t.co/WJl63VFgKn @Buffalojilll After serious thought, I can confidently say I'm a girl, see results.Probably because I’m over 16 https://t.co/Y1GcuHEEni
Retweeted by Ray Classichttps://t.co/WeqwCz6hyg
Retweeted by Ray ClassicThe enemy of my enemy is also my enemy, can't have too many enemies.
Retweeted by Ray Classicbarber: here comes the guy who always has gum in his hair me: [pulling the push door so hard the glass shatters] h… https://t.co/2Zq9jiiAtX
Retweeted by Ray Classic @CapriCornyCait *tunes radio to K.K. Heaven is a Place on Earth* @Buffalojilll Right? @KarenReneK Thanks!Animal Crossing is basically San Junipero.#AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch https://t.co/Aod7aT8T7aWhoever is draining away my life force silently, invisibly, from a distance, but with ruthless efficiency... c’mon… https://t.co/QyqfAAbbLf
Retweeted by Ray ClassicMe: *opens up a cooler full of ice cold lime-a-ritas* Whoops I think I grabbed the wrong cooler when I stopped by t… https://t.co/w8YdRQkuMn @bornmiserable @alovablenerd This game has all the things @Ygrene @YuckyTom Good taste @Ygrene @YuckyTom I spy a Roxi shirt @YuckyTom https://t.co/Hm1HETtcJX @bornmiserable @alovablenerd Good news! https://t.co/fum7eWOn5sSweet tiny idiot Moose wandering aimlessly with alittle sack lunch during the credits is here to bless your timelin… https://t.co/vkgVyruJ9kHave you guys heard of this "Super Metroid" game? Pretty good, imo.
5/24
2020
@GreenAppleBooks cc: @somecleverthing?what I summon in the privacy of my own room is my business, but it's loose now and its become all of our problem
Retweeted by Ray ClassicMost people's internal feedback loops are like: Eat - > Are you full? - (yes) - > STOP but mine's more like: Eat… https://t.co/lccydPRj9zI need someone to come over when I'm eating and tell me when I'm full, because apparently I don't have that voice in my own head.*zombie hamster stuffing his lil cheeks full of brains for later*
Retweeted by Ray ClassicI hope he likes it. https://t.co/jJqWcTq3xf @Browtweaten Everyone has to go sooner or laterGetting Tucker's new home ready for move in. #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch https://t.co/dRUJNNZhc2 @AbbieEvansXO They probably do, yes @TheRealKlang Signs can't tell me what to doWhat a magical night #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch https://t.co/ojIMXLT4zI
5/23
2020
DAVE GROHL: When. WAITER: *keeps grinding pepper* DAVE GROHL: *nods approvingly*
Retweeted by Ray ClassicJohnny Cyber https://t.co/XBCYToVZfu
Retweeted by Ray ClassicHow to light a torch #BreathoftheWild https://t.co/c6JMzmmUiK
Retweeted by Ray Classic @lisadraws Cc: @jonnysun!!HAPPY FRIDAY :)))))))))))))))))))))))) TUCA & BERTIE IS COMING BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! https://t.co/PoOlzGMd4n
Retweeted by Ray Classic @lisadraws AHHHHHHHHI'm so fucking happy, I'm almost tearing up. Thank you @adultswim!! https://t.co/FfK1hbS0oQI will begin insulting yo' mommas again tomorrow. All mommas must be 6' apart, and insults are to-go only.
Retweeted by Ray ClassicAre you there God? It’s-a me Mario
Retweeted by Ray Classicwhy did the crab go to prison crimes
Retweeted by Ray ClassicNice job out there, Robocop! *slaps an I GO NUTS FOR COWBOY BUTTS fridge magnet on his back*
Retweeted by Ray Classicits been a year since Mr Ratburn’s gay rat wedding and despite the homophobic backlash I’m happy to report, they’re… https://t.co/0a1sTBUAqg
Retweeted by Ray ClassicBiden/Klobuchar is actually a very balanced ticket, in that they are both extremely mediocre and unlikely to tip a… https://t.co/bsZUuvJ44z @mostlysharks Show (hairy) feetThere's no supernatural reason vampires can't come inside your house unless you invite them, they're all just extremely polite.Teacher: Can someone give me an example of white privilege? Student: Oh come on! I don’t want to talk about white… https://t.co/2w8qtlkM5m
Retweeted by Ray Classic @FrogAvalanche <3why was D.A.R.E an elementary school program. i didn't have access to weed in the 5th grade. i didn't know where it… https://t.co/74ygY3z474
Retweeted by Ray Classic @kiralc Pictured: Scandinavia https://t.co/BOmUqeDmqKCan’t stop laughing imagining the cenobites showing up and one of them just has a binder clip on his lips
Retweeted by Ray Classic“Tell me the truth, am I out of touch with the common man?” I ask. “Maybe a little,” says my butler. I scoff, bu… https://t.co/zQp5w4s3Cy
Retweeted by Ray Classic
5/22
2020

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