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Swears too much. he/him/that fuckin guy IG: https://t.co/hmB0fkvoix SC: sireviscerate

1,473 Following   27,463 Followers   107,244 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/27/11


@Mr_A_McSquiffy @RoseDysfunction Keep digging that hole, pal. @BuckyIsotope @Mike_Bianchi @Amusitr0n Speak of the devil. @Mr_A_McSquiffy @RoseDysfunction Probably the part where the naughty nanny fucks the kid before he's out of the nursery. @Mr_A_McSquiffy @RoseDysfunction Yeah, this answer is just as gross as I expected. Good job. @Mr_A_McSquiffy @RoseDysfunction Explain. @Mr_A_McSquiffy @RoseDysfunction It's not?I just dropped a perfect piece of crispy bacon and it fell between my car seats so fuck you and your god.
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @Mike_Bianchi "if you tweet long enough, someday it might even be you!"GOD: I’ve given humans the ability to think about anything, even things that don’t exist. ANGEL: Wow. Won’t they t… https://t.co/GyAUvszYij
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @dorsalstream Also, they'll tweet. @jasonhindle @ThatBrenna smdhWhat's your favorite song about fat bottomed girls that also includes a troubling account of statutory rape by a trusted authority figure?Boss: I've noticed you haven't been very productive lately. Me: I'm only one person! There's only so much I can do… https://t.co/IchPJ63HFY @yerpalmildsauce *hands you a fig sapling leaf* @yerpalmildsauce *tactfully slides you a fig leaf* @lastunicori That's how you get ass rabies. @punished_picnic Veinier than a porn star's dong.me: are you gonna use those chicken bones on your plate? date: no? me: great. *scoops bones into a sack labeled "voodoo shit"*
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10/18
2019
Women can do it all • write a famous novel • run away with a gentleman poet • after he drowns at sea, wrap his calc… https://t.co/4auzOr7QUQ
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @ghostly____ I love mushrooms and nutritional yeast. Own that shit.Them: how's your depression? Me: well, I cried in the shower today- Them: omg I'm so sorry you're still strugglin… https://t.co/D3VRBcvVOY
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venIt's okay to enjoy the taste of vegan food. Admirable, even. But it takes a huge leap of cognitive dissonance to bi… https://t.co/nwbCJvFB9p @professorxavi I'm sure it tastes fine. Maybe even delicious. But don't tell me I can't tell the difference."You'd never guess it's not real cheese!" -a vegan who hasn't had dairy in 7 yearsI'd probably still eat it, sure. But I'll be goddamned if I can't taste the difference between cream/cheese and fuckin pumpkin/cauliflower.Fun Cowboy Comics For Kids https://t.co/3WOEVLNLIn
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venI would. I would guess that. https://t.co/KSXvEW7Nt3 @realDonaldTrump You mean your dumbass letter that got shitcanned, you numbnut?Mummy: You guys want to play a game? Frankenstein's Monster: Like what? Wolfman: High-stakes poker? Dracula: NOOOOO!
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venMe (thirsty for vengeance): I hear you trade in curses. Old witch: Aye, you heard right. $50, boy. Me: *hands ove… https://t.co/4eIPMkFahB @Bexdora I'm very glad you do, though. 💚I regret to announce that I have written something extremely stupid https://t.co/MeAMva888r
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @alovablenerd I'll be okay, as long as you keep bringing the funny stuff 👍Another debate happened last night so I watched it just for you https://t.co/meMz18yPdY
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venThis will come as a surprise to no one but myself, but I'm actually dumb as hell.busy moms, do you crave peace and quiet but don’t have any duct tape handy? find out if peanut butter sandwich ™ is right for you
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @alovablenerd A bittersweet moment. @NotUrplePingo Your funeral, bicth @jessokfine @House_Feminist This happened to me the other day. She sounded extremely confident.Me (about to be sacrificed on a satanic altar): WAAIIIIT! I'M NOT A VIRGIN! Dark priest: Really? Me: I HAVE KIDS… https://t.co/MJRSDAy2vL
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venNecromancer: Fallen creature, by the power of the dark god Thanatos, I command you to LIIIIIIIVE! (thunder cracks)… https://t.co/FrHHvnevgb
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10/17
2019
@brendohare The doctors won't allow it.WIFE: Are you dipping your fries in mashed potatoes? ME: The Amazon is on fire, Helen. The old rules are dead.
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venHallowed be thy ween
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @PeteButtigieg @pplsummit How's this working out for you, Pete?I’m gonna start a rumour that white men are not allowed to say “binky-borp” and watch every single white comic star… https://t.co/dOXypsNpx0
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venMe (about to be sacrificed on a satanic altar): WAAIIIIT! I'M NOT A VIRGIN! Dark priest: Really? Me: I HAVE KIDS… https://t.co/MJRSDAy2vLme: this isn’t the same the exorcist on cable: your mother chucks rocks and smells
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venBlood cells trying to get through Bernie's coronary arteries https://t.co/FXKSor2CU0Math with Turning Point USA https://t.co/EQLpabhcsZ
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venSatan: Let me in. Club bouncer: Those guys with you? *points at a bunch of goth teens in satanic robes in line beh… https://t.co/GiH3QvKvBdhttps://t.co/xplCnbbABj
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venNecromancer: Fallen creature, by the power of the dark god Thanatos, I command you to LIIIIIIIVE! (thunder cracks)… https://t.co/FrHHvnevgbMe and my doctor have differing opinions on which organs count as "vital".
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venHate it when I yawn and the soul of the ageless demon nestled within my heart screams shrilly, audible to the town… https://t.co/FUMXnMaWfK
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @DALIA Ass plumper.As Head Priestess of the North Glendale coven…in addition to requesting YET AGAIN everyone sign up for unholy commi… https://t.co/h3N153SO36
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @sug_knight I don't understand how it comes to the store to pick up the kidsOh man, they came so close, too. https://t.co/Y3b0NUAFmI
10/16
2019
@whatmaddness @online_shawn Mmm ketoThe Hedgehog Who Testified Against Communist Sympathizers Operating Within Green Hill Zone (1954) https://t.co/g99z9XTOjX
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venIf I were stuck in an endless time loop, I would absolutely not become a better person. I would simply sit in bed a… https://t.co/OlYuilMxKm
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-vennew witch: i guess i kind of expected the cauldron to be more...sinister old witch: what do you mean? *drops a liz… https://t.co/G9MEA7VpKVme: are you gonna use those chicken bones on your plate? date: no? me: great. *scoops bones into a sack labeled "voodoo shit"*Why does Woodstock's string spell out "women"? Was Charles Schulz a misogynist? Is Woodstock an incel? Is that kite… https://t.co/2FZTt8w0h4
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @PookieManYea10 @dave_cactus 👏👏👏 @phillerong They're the bestI love this game so damn much. https://t.co/nazAsJsuw4Get some. #BreathoftheWild #NintendoSwitch https://t.co/sj8IilDiY8 @lafix I'll draw up our patent paperworkMe: Before we begin, let's all take a moment to say a prayer to God to bless us. (awkward silence) Priest: This i… https://t.co/V8PkWE8rlsIf we expect the recently dead to communicate with us, we're gonna have to add a few emoji to the Ouija board.I got my Necronomicon 20% off at the occult bookstore because the human skin cover had a few buttholes. @DIRT_WORSHIP https://t.co/DQnczBqyQD @punchupthejam @joshgondelman Such a great show, love the new format, and the punch-up was a fuckin winner! Keep it up! @PFTompkins I don't think you'd make a year on 30 days of food.
10/15
2019
@aubviouslynot @KylePlantEmoji Honestly, hard seltzer availability is a pretty low bar to clear, place-wise[Flintstones theme] 🎶 First stone Cast the first stone If you are he that is without sin
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @TruthPointDWR This will make the MSM shit. @aubviouslynot My condolences. @aubviouslynot Bon & Viv know what's up.Fact if it's mother is trapped under a car, baby adrenaline gives a baby the super strength of eight babies. But that's not enough babies!
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venhttps://t.co/wRiCwRoQew
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @CapriCornyCait Keep at it. You're doing great!WRITING PROMPTS: 1. Imagine if sex were real and not made up to confuse and beguile me. 2. You are secretly a nerd… https://t.co/t353b6Elub
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @batkaren That train has left the station @murrman5 Did he bring his dash hound?[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend w… https://t.co/Yi49ZacE7u
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venSure, if you gaze up at the full moon too long, you’ll dissolve into a silvery cloud of moths, but that’s not why I do it
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venSpelunking partner (in total darkness): Why didn't you bring flashlight batteries?? Me: I didn't have the foresigh… https://t.co/ZBUc7xrGuFYou: Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Me, wearing a shirt that says “I am… https://t.co/uLV1FMqRN3
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-venLife, if nothing else, fucking happens. @TalkQwertyTaMe I'm very competitive.Gotta say the internet was better before we traded all the cool websites for a shitty calendar/messaging app that t… https://t.co/SyLpevqhaT
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10/14
2019
@muddaub Bro code.Let’s see who you REALLY are... https://t.co/SaAesKWpmp
Retweeted by Quoth the Ray-ven @tastefactory dun dun DUUUUN! @egg_dog You're the one who told me to insult him. @egg_dog Bad dog. Idiot. @Ms_Mambo I hate that you're right.
10/13
2019

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