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writer, editor, renowned pet sitter. my replies are better than my tweets. I lost on Jeopardy! (she/her)

718 Following   1,108 Followers   14,253 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/8/07


Nobody told me @JetBlue switched to Pepsi products. I feel I should have been informed. #NoPepsiIsNotOK
2/27
2020
@GuildingLilly Oh man whyyyy did I go in search of this author's twitter profile whyyyy? I thought I had worked thr… https://t.co/be3l7qTWa6 @ashleyn1cole I have never subscribed so fast in my life, so much for getting work done on the plane @ashleyn1cole OK literally same question because this is also new information to me @shuggilippo PRINCE STORE PRINCE STORE PRINCE STORE @Caissie ohhhh sad struggle soup @Caissie I'm really concerned about the soups you're consuming.
2/26
2020
@ambermruffin Somebody is waving back at you https://t.co/GOS7pWwAba @anne_theriault I’ve been there. https://t.co/c2G7RbaELK @anne_theriault Lighting a candle for you this minute. @Caissie At least you have the voice memos app instead of a giant reel-to-reel to record your late night button-pushing sessions
2/25
2020
@amandadeibert PG Tips is better if you like it strong (less acrid) and their pyramid bag design is superior to Taylors. @clairewillett Ew.by the way, female genital mutilation is also this same class of crime apparently, so... nice to know where women's… https://t.co/rHBZozI4kmTo put things into perspective, "rape in the third degree" is the same class or crime as stealing a credit card.There is no such thing as a nonviolent rape.The Weinstein news is for the most part good, but I sure wish we could look at the way we grade and penalize rape i… https://t.co/NMfsCEsovn @jsmooth995 Also, if he thinks the average Warren voter is a Biden/Buttigieg voter, he's deluded. Warren voters are… https://t.co/rcjgAsWuJI
2/24
2020
@Caissie yay!!!! @chick_in_kiev I always give up 20 minutes in and throw in some balsamic. @HeatherBarmore Also, this is a sign my glasses aren't working so well, I forgot she wears them (she does wear a re… https://t.co/QobZSQIOti @HeatherBarmore https://t.co/O96aGpPZda @HeatherBarmore ... i'm so curious who they mean?!?! @slackmistress I'm so sorry. @plitter Ugh, I can't think of a faster way to harsh my mellow than getting high with a not-high Mike Bloomberg, but... what's the pay? @steviekayjay @ashleyn1cole @slackmistress But it was the year Scully's suits got better. @ashleyn1cole I'm sorry for being too lazy to scroll, but did you watch Making It?Gotta love that Gone with the Wind dog whistle for some bonus racism! https://t.co/QERavoA9GD
2/21
2020
@anne_theriault haha, no I mean actual meditation. I know it works for people but never seems to work for me. @anne_theriault I'm sorry and I've been there. But my CBD is "meditation." I hope it, or something else, works for you. @wagatwe I truly thought trauma lived exclusively in the head, but it lives in the body in powerful ways. @wagatwe The biggest thing I've had to overcome would be disembodiment. I spent 20+ years trying not to live in my… https://t.co/3MfV4gKwez"Virginia Woolf was like 'Senator Warren said she would decimate the billionaire herself.'" 😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/AJJSfjyuX8My favorite might be the Connor/Hunter collab, Two Banditos https://t.co/QnYct0UsoN Anyway, thank you for coming t… https://t.co/vJuTdPmaRDEven the Style Boyz songs are hits. https://t.co/6mZC55RCRBAnd then there's Connor's rival, Hunter the Hungry with "Hunter The Hungry Is Gon' Eat." https://t.co/ockQKCHpGC 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥And then there's Turn Up the Beef, featuring Emma Stone as Claudia Cantrell. https://t.co/KxL1AKHK36 A perfect club hit.Also, don't sleep on this lyrical genius: "I'm feeling more humble than Dikembe Mutombo after a stumble left him co… https://t.co/9tun2oP2hGFurthering my case: It starts with the very first moments of the movie. 'Humble' is honestly a masterpiece in pop c… https://t.co/PGDhNpML9q @amandadeibert Mine is Cory Booker but Kamala's a close secondI just scrolled through a whole damn thread of people's favorite fake songs in movies and TV and I'm devastated I d… https://t.co/zRTxjF4JZe @yashar My co-queens are @maddow and @JoyAnnReid tyvm @JRubinBlogger It’s a sight better than pearl clutching internalized misogyny
2/20
2020
@RobinZlotnick It's a legit sad place, I have no question about why one would cry there haha @RobinZlotnick I have so many questions about why you were at the oakwood @ElSangito Veganism @dynamofire @nytimes SIGNAL BOOST OMG PLEASE DO THIS @RobinZlotnick https://t.co/gLC5KUyi2D @JessicaWakeman I absolutely blame Elle.I'm Robin's editor and you should follow her because it's her birthday and she's funny (and also makes cute pottery… https://t.co/WSnURukPDR
2/19
2020
@Blacktress Usually I'm still awake cataloging every dumb thing I did or said that very day and imagining what ever… https://t.co/QcFwCKMUzb @rachsyme @RememberThisPod I have been low-key wondering if you would be doing an episode since this series began.Response to 90% of posts in the relationship advice subreddit https://t.co/cyKj63QB5m @AITA_reddit TATWM THROW AWAY THE WHOLE MANa reminder: philanthropy is a considered strategy for rich people who want to get out of paying actual income taxes… https://t.co/gs0ihXZbBM
Retweeted by Amber Garrett
2/18
2020
A beautiful and kind soul left us on Friday and the baby she was pregnant with is in the NICU and needs your help.… https://t.co/hg1SGe0vgeEssential thread. https://t.co/1Zd5U7kEQaThis is the world's most perfect GIF, I will not be accepting comments on this matter. https://t.co/j1mGziUpTH @harikondabolu What kind of off-brand NYC doctor's office has stacks of ancient copies of New York in lieu of ancie… https://t.co/C4leXCvAR8 @hellolanemoore https://t.co/yxKSyRky3n @AprilSalazarNYC 😂 @colincampbell @lilitmarcus honestly really disappointed in you for missing this. @AprilSalazarNYC I'm just trying to help you meet your goals, nice lady! @AprilSalazarNYC Look, have you tried growing a hump? @dynamofire ooo, will check it out. Nothing else I've tried has been transfer-free or as thin as KVD @dynamofire for real though, I need to find a less problematic alternative for that eyeliner. @MelissaRyan @NoodleHeiress Honestly super relieved they eliminated each other from the dating pool. @maggieserota lol but also I earnestly wish I could do warrior pose that well. @Caissie EVERY. TIME. It may as well say, "here's your sack, fatty." @LouisPeitzman I can’t tell what made me angrier: the emotional terrorism or the bad writing
2/17
2020
@ashleyn1cole RSVPing to her next workshop.Me rn https://t.co/z9PYP7M6srJust ate an embarrassing quantity of cinnamon rolls and drank three cups of coffee and am now vibrating in my seat… https://t.co/U9bm9l4uB9Bloomberg is a racist and a thug. https://t.co/N0iFdfclOUIt's not just the Women's March photos: the government is destroying national records on everything from the sexual… https://t.co/YN9WICbLUz
Retweeted by Amber Garrett
2/16
2020
@laroux74 @amandadeibert 8 done or 8 not done? @amandadeibert I can’t believe I’ve never been in a limo. What a weird gap to have! @amandadeibert If broken toes count, I’ve done all but 6. @dynamofire Or maybe economy @normandiewilson Oh my god. And I just found out who. I’m gutted. @normandiewilson I’m so sorry. @wagatwe @redditships He is literally trying to control her feelings about a DEAD PERSON. He lashes out violently i… https://t.co/Yf4EGuhZKx @wagatwe @redditships This is an abuser
2/15
2020
@Caissie @go2carolyn @AirCanada No, airlines should stop reducing seat pitch on their planes. But something that co… https://t.co/rIcfmiO0VnI'm taking this Whistleblower and Code of Conduct video course for my employer, and it reminds me that I'm held to… https://t.co/aS0xACdqsW
Retweeted by Amber Garrett
2/14
2020
A lot of people on this website thinks Jeff Bezos is personally packaging and delivering their packages by himself… https://t.co/gkHNdoVP1k @MaraWilson Endurance test result: I made it 1:36 in. I'm out. @MaraWilson reading now... I don't remember Steam and now I feel like i need to watch it. But I'm afraid it's gonna… https://t.co/D93TIQYFoc @MaraWilson I thank him for giving us In Your Eyes and Solsbury Hill. I can't forgive Sledgehammer. @MaraWilson @SubstackInc ok but this isn't stupid? @plitter The inclusion of Jawbox on this list is a real stretch but whatever. Savory slaps in any genreClearly I've been reading too much reddit, but apparently there are way too many parents of adults who have forgott… https://t.co/6PmfbuKbgZ
2/13
2020
@ashleyn1cole phillistines. @SaraJBenincasa What about Screamers (vegan slice shop) - Los Feliz? @ashleyn1cole still waiting for the Ultimate Thirst Trap vision board @RobynElyse @MaraWilson I think our production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat was kind of like thi… https://t.co/no94SSyynE @BigHairBigCare @MaraWilson i saw it shortly before the off-broadway run ended last year and they had indeed changed that. @Caissie Are they worried we'll grind them up and snort them? @BadideaSophia I’m baking cupcakes and I also forgot! @BadideaSophia Honestly I have been obsessing over weather underground’s LA forecasts for days because I WIL NOT NO… https://t.co/gG4BfufZtS
2/12
2020

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