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Cheese enthusiast. https://t.co/vwIBN8Io3x

1,298 Following   2,368 Followers   12,897 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/23/13


The kids complained about washing the dishes by hand until I reminded them that some kids don't even have hands to wash dishes.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @VoIP_Tech_34 Happy birthday! Hope it was a good one!! β™₯️β™₯️ https://t.co/G8MH11PGmzBeen Ouija Boarding da Vinci to get dope tips on squirrel-proofing the bird feeders
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•These checks and balances do not be checking or balancing
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•2020 is like taking a hit of acid but forgetting you had to work and nobody can cover your shift so now you’re fucked
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @fourleafcloven @verb1991 Just meSome of y’all https://t.co/8R2lGoUYna
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Have you ever said β€œexcuse me” after bumping into a mannequin? It’ll make you rethink your whole life, man.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•don’t stop until the Supreme Court is the size of a Super Smash Bros character selection screen
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I saw a horse when I was 12 and my mom was like β€œhe’s a boy” and I was like β€œyeah I noticed” and she was like 😳 and I was like 😳
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @dadmann_walking @ln0217 πŸ˜‚ I shouldn’t be allowed to reply to tweets @dadmann_walking @ln0217 Ronald McDonald @treydayway Idk why I posted that shit πŸ˜‚ @treydayway https://t.co/QhxEQvg6Z8Kinda feels like the universe doesn’t want me to win the lottery and build a house out of taco shells
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•If you make it to the end of Candy Crush, the prize is Wilford Brimley talking to you about diabetes.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @Colbywinters Where ya going? What a cutie πŸ₯°Eat all the ice cream in the house then lay on the kitchen floor next to the garbage cause you wanna be near your friends.And on today’s episode of living during a pandemic I just struggled for five minutes opening a produce bag at a gro… https://t.co/LymfeZfyj0
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•
10/27
2020
Everybody: how u been? Me: I’m good, u know taking care of myself... really me: https://t.co/7kvFokjxfW
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•It’s called docking, Harry. https://t.co/cky3bOvFvP
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•lmao wtf is a budget
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Leaning on the furniture when I'm drunk is how I dust.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Me, David Koch, Rupert Murdoch, and Sinclair Broadcast Group, Inc. just hanging out in my parents’ basement on a ra… https://t.co/YKakAMpG9h
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Stop taking your ovens for granted!!We're all broken... Get over it
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Loads 5 frozen pizzas into the freezer. Meal prep βœ”οΈ
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I think it's finally time to let you all know I back into parking spaces
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Here's my pain, I hope it makes you laugh
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I’ll probably die from consumption.[walks in meeting late] "Sorry I was busy with important-" SIRI (from pocket): OK here's what I found on the web for are hot dogs sandwiches
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Choose your ghost https://t.co/qV8iNjwBxc
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @babyy_bluessss 1!!!I hope we all live to recover from all of this
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Convey strength even if it's fake. Haters hate it
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @LuvPug I’m so sorry for your loss. πŸ’”πŸ™Seeing the smile reach your eyes is everything.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Fuck it...it's taco Monday
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @adamgreattweet https://t.co/4sSojeqJOLNASA: She’s wetter than we anticipated
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @thatdutchperson Hahaha πŸ˜‚. That’s some good stuff πŸ‘»I’m hanging a dildo over my door at Christmas instead of mistletoe.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•This week i have decided that I will enter psychological warfare with myself
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @thatdutchperson I love her for making you watch those movies. πŸ˜‚No one seems to want to leave me the fuck alone today.I've been sucking on this Jolly Rancher for over an hour. He was just a rancher when I started.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I was 31 years old when I found out that pickles came from cucumbers. Don’t ever stop learning, kids.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Are we getting a moon base or not?
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•The problem with politics today isn't that they're so divisive, it's that so many people are dumb.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•You’re as disappointing as a futon.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•There are some who couldn't handle being a minority. Y'all skin not thick enough
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I have to admit y'all were right about boxed wine
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•
10/26
2020
@treydayway Idiots 😐 @cloudypianos Please excuse me. I have to sob uncontrollably.I wonder what cows think about people constantly squeezing their tittiesMake peace with your past or forever be it's slave.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•It’s true #bulldogs #dogs #dogsoftwitter #SaturdayMood #SaturdayVibes #Ridley https://t.co/ddJVFBkneA
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Somedays crying just doesn’t cut it
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Dead πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ https://t.co/HKCUYKHTit @McClaneJohn2 β€œin da boddel” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚If twitter was a grocery list. https://t.co/ruaL1iECdH
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Me: should I make a list Brain: nah I remember everything we need Me [walking into the store]: ok what am I getti… https://t.co/3ZixbyvgSX
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I don't need a costume for Halloween because I scare people just by being myself.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•It’s ok to criticize politicians.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Peach cobbler needs its own religion
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•if you see me talking to myself. I’m having a staff meeting 😭
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Instead of butterfly kisses, I give you moth kisses. They're crazy, frantic, all over the place- and quite honestly, you're terrified.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @SeaGlassSiren Same πŸ™Œmy mind is not kind to me
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Gonna get out and do a little rebuking tomorrow
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•1980: I sure hope nobody puts drugs in my kid's halloween candy 2020: god I hope someone puts drugs in my kid's halloween candy
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•A building dedicated to the history of magicians: Now Museum, Now You Don't.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•When someone talks to me on the elevator I think, what the fuck did I do to deserve this?
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Watching live tv and I’ve seen commercials for political ads, elderly people who’ve slipped in the shower and abuse… https://t.co/UkLgcE7BHmhttps://t.co/QAABpdqqeN
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•
10/25
2020
People with energy flaunt their energy like wealthy people flaunt their wealth
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•me: so the real treasure was inside of us the whole time? kidnappers: [sharpening knives] yeah it looks that way,… https://t.co/Wzh6DGLH6Q
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I can tell you’re an asshole way before you realize it.If all men are trash then I'm a dumpster fire.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Before you have kids make sure you can act excited about sub-par artwork.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•If Chewbacca is socially aware does that mean he's staying Wook?
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•
10/24
2020
@dumbbeezie Damn I loved that show. Fuck that sucks! @SeaGlassSiren πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚RIP boiled water... you will be mist I’M SORRY
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @Zardawg https://t.co/vvigtkQolgI wish there were a universal signal for when you meet another woman & need to say, "I'm not being quiet because I… https://t.co/UpnAMVY7l9
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•BARISTA: what can I get you ME: medium roast please B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the… https://t.co/iRiuYXE3Ef
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @AdequateAsHell @HauntedJennifer True @AdequateAsHell @HauntedJennifer Not much. The recipe would have to be scaled down quite a bit. @xLiserx Yep πŸ™ŒChristmas is coming and it would be nice to support creators instead of huge companies. If you’ve got an Etsy, drop… https://t.co/ZKnXS0ahEp
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Not to get political but the ducks at the park are free. You can take one home.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•If you wear a big enough jumper you can hide inside it when people try to talk to you.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•https://t.co/quTFyHM6TN
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @thatdutchperson No wonder they’re so addictive 🀀normalize an entire pizza being one serving
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I like to make my lack of sleep everybody’s problem.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•I can tell you all with 100% certainty that I end up dying on the toilet
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦•Stop taking everything so seriously.
Retweeted by Megasauras πŸ¦•πŸ¦–πŸ¦• @adamgreattweet πŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ
10/23
2020

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