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Fake scientist. Fake comedian. And now, fake actor. Struggles.

651 Following   227 Followers   8,568 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/24/10


@realDonaldTrump STUPID CUNT @chrismccausland Christ that’s ridiculous. I’d be more up for banning jazz hands tbh. And jazz @realDonaldTrump Read? Or was it read to you? Maybe someone could read it to him so he knows what he’s supposedly authored. @daisy_haggard Both brilliant. Yours has way more believable characters and is grounded in normality. Fbag is super… https://t.co/q4hTvY9vy0
11/9
2019
The Chemical Brothers programme on 6music at the moment is awesome. It’s reminding me how old I am whist simultaneo… https://t.co/1ZgodzqGbFThe boy is captain of the team for tomorrow’s tournament. So much awesome https://t.co/4KpcINmS4u
11/8
2019
@realDonaldTrump Show us your tax returns!Oh my absolute gobsmacked Christ. Number 10 is the sewer and here’s a clip of the effluent slipping through it. Eve… https://t.co/lYNevTKNU0
11/7
2019
I like the creepy things https://t.co/TDf8he18Mc
11/6
2019
@barneyfarmer Too many misters not enough sisters @realDonaldTrump @DonaldJTrumpJr He maybe coming out of a book shop with one but I doubt he can even read the words… https://t.co/3owH40bIjZ
11/4
2019
@starstrickenSF So very very very cool
11/3
2019
https://t.co/cVauzuIBOx This made laughing come from my face https://t.co/hoB7WGUh51
11/2
2019
https://t.co/5qSQKshhub This just turned up on shuffle. Turns out it is one of the best tunes ever ever made https://t.co/5qSQKshhub
10/31
2019
@spiggie What place and what comedian??
10/30
2019
I’ve noticed that on the @FoodNetwork_UK programme #dinersdriveinsanddives that they never go in any drive ins. Or… https://t.co/rszRYVmqwNThey’ll have had some arsehole at @Walmart HQ create a reason from this made from lies. https://t.co/yqIEXdnwxT
10/28
2019
Oh good. A two and a half hour drive to Cambridge. Woo. Hoo.
10/27
2019
Since last Saturday and today, I’ve done 32 science shows for around 850 kids. I’m knackered. Wine and pizza later, please. Thank you
10/25
2019
@DMReporter What times we are in that 39deaths are gloated over... appalling what is wrong with these scumbags?
10/23
2019
Yes. Yes please. Now please. NOW NOW NOW https://t.co/djQdHIUN00 @AnnPog21 @terrychristian Oh dear
10/22
2019
@thedailybeast Half brother @starstrickenSF Here’s one that makes no sense, although it works ok in my stand up. “I talk about space for a livi… https://t.co/Aptb5HBtDv @richard_littler I bought your book because I saw your free posts. I made a yearly, disturbing thing about a fake t… https://t.co/IXIyeRR1eE @terrychristian And Brits living abroad should be barred from voting as they’re literally voting away what they’re… https://t.co/iEJGG0yTSx @maryannehobbs @AnnaHMeredith @BBC6Music Please please please tell me I can get it in the app later. Can’t listen t… https://t.co/Y9OmUs2zG3Superb. Again. As usual https://t.co/B6iziLyl1p
10/21
2019
@shaunwkeaveny Or get someone else to do it and give you co-writing credits. A la Andrew Ridgeley and Careless Whisper / Last Christmas
10/20
2019
I don’t usually do this checking in stuff. But I’m working on a Saturday so here it is. Behold the Spacecave in the… https://t.co/1NDNNn3SL1
10/19
2019
@robinince I listened but I wasn’t looking at you this time I’m afraid. You’re making me miss Iceland more than ever.New Brexit deal agreed, says Boris Johnson https://t.co/QOVTHGnIs8 “Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, l… https://t.co/1ZBxDxWcNd
10/17
2019
@BBC6Music You’re going to have to play RATM to top this @shaunwkeaveny. Also, I’m having stew for tea. Nice.All gone in 2 weeks time. Thanks Leavers. (That was sarcasm, in case you didn’t spot it.). You ABSOLUTE, EXCUSELESS… https://t.co/6OMDU1iLRN
10/16
2019
@johnredwood You utter weapon @Nick_Pettigrew Similar but with Mark Hamill
10/15
2019
Tonight I’ll be going on a train and then walking to the Ship pub of Borough Road in London. When I’m in it, I’ll b… https://t.co/psKqPNIusW
10/14
2019
Alexei Leonov: First person to walk in space dies aged 85 https://t.co/zzOzacLeMw Legend. That is all https://t.co/zzOzacLeMwYeah, this about describes the brain activity level of the average Leaver. Cattle. Cattle being led by farmers who… https://t.co/R3XvJA3WFn
10/11
2019
@RichardWiseman Because it’s 7 more bottles 🥃
10/10
2019
@GreenStar_UK Understood. However, I made a choice to buy from a small, renewable supplier. If my local grocer was… https://t.co/as2JfUKSAY @GreenStar_UK Am I expected to believe that @Shell are going to supply 100% of my energy from renewable sources? Ha… https://t.co/7LbMcKt3af
10/9
2019
@starstrickenSF Thanks for getting back. Hope the observations go well @starstrickenSF A kid in one of my classes asked me if the sun will expand and swallow the earth when it dies. I sa… https://t.co/lMI22Cuu03
10/7
2019
@BBC6Music Killing Joke. Hands down @cbbc ThreadsHaha, YES https://t.co/cGh1XEUV3b
10/6
2019
Just been to see Joker. People have used words like ‘Masterpiece’ to describe it. They are correct. He’s no Caesar… https://t.co/ljdTxruZZWIt's International Observe the Moon Night 2019!!! Step outside tonight after the sunset to see the First Quarter Mo… https://t.co/Rr4ghZxWNH
Retweeted by Steve Evans
10/5
2019
Yep, that’s my name in there. https://t.co/bebtFAwt5Q
10/3
2019
@bechillcomedian Do it. You choose but just do it. Also, I’ll be Carol Cleveland if you get stuckHoly shitting fuck. A new Chris Morris thing. https://t.co/KTBtrAXqVz
10/1
2019
Spot on from a very funny guy https://t.co/vEVflh1cKx
9/29
2019
@JohnRossBowie Even if it it was someone who could spell fucking would be a start @sainsburys Hi, yes I did manage to eventually check out. It’s just taking so long. I’m on a good WiFi connection a… https://t.co/Nq3LrNlttJ @sainsburys Hi, is something up with the app? I can’t check out after doing shopping. Cheers
9/27
2019
@MrBrendanCox Your bravery and humility is a staggering feat.Oh, this is just superb https://t.co/2sw1cOymJPAnyway, it doesn’t really matter what happens because looking at this, we’re all completely screwed https://t.co/fZymPMn1jP @pocket_rocket96 From left to right; recyclable carton, 2 reusable bottles, paper bag, 1, thats 1 plastic bag, bana… https://t.co/BEoYvthuOEAlways liked Munchetty. Whoever made this complaint should be utterly ashamed of themselves. https://t.co/eHgEfD6RBS
9/26
2019
@DMReporter Oooh, sassy @shaunwkeaveny I feel like I should be copying this out into my spelling book with a finger space between each wordIs this real or has @Cassetteboy been tinkering again? https://t.co/gG3OTfC8xW
9/25
2019
@Film4 One of the best films ever made. Actual factSo in the last week he’s run away from a press conference, it’s emerged he spent nearly £200k of public funds on a… https://t.co/8ImnAZWkWG @realDonaldTrump Have someone read out the long words to you. Then explain them. And then explain what they actuall… https://t.co/nmPAmcvTbf
9/24
2019
@therattlesnakes Holy shit. Get well, then get back on stage when you’re ready 🤟Kiss? KISS? Why Kiss? Why?Jesus. Fucking. Christ. https://t.co/kDvgoVCtuj @TheLKittens Oh no. Much sadness. You’ve made me love live music so many times. You’re all awesome. I bloody hope I… https://t.co/fNAMRehTtUOne simple way they could’ve persuaded the government to bail them out; they should’ve changed their name to Thomas… https://t.co/ZNSDUpTINC
9/23
2019
@DanielPCarter @aawilliamsmusic A soul splitting song anyway. But this version is utterly devastatingHomeless people who want to get their life back on track but think they cant claim money bc they have no fixed addr… https://t.co/nmoTWgd0lT
Retweeted by Steve Evans @DineshDSouza Hahaha, the “big” man is scared of the little lady. You coward. She’s a better human than your entire family put together @laurenlaverne @BBC6Music Why not @PolySpree It’s the Sun. a more glorious start to a week you’ll struggle to find. @BBC6Music Was that the big silver egg thing? Thank goodness, I thought I’d imagined it @DMReporter Whenever I see someone on that paper who either is or once was great, I cry a little inside
9/22
2019
@alexandermilas @spacerockslive @esa What a stunning image @Lazbotron @ReeceShearsmith @Usborne Where would one source one of these? I still remember reading it as a lad. Multiple timesWent on this today. Mainly because I don’t want to see the U.K. descend into a quagmire of stupidity. @ThePoke Snowflake. Melted one, admittedly
9/21
2019
I’ve just heard one of those “blah blah buy now and it’ll be with you by Christmas blah blah” type ads. It was furn… https://t.co/oDCWRYM22y
9/20
2019
@Glinner I don’t understand what you’re trying to say hereChrist, if the 1975 win this, I’m done with music. But it’ll be Slowthai. Or Idles. Possibly Dave. Maybe Black Midi… https://t.co/EdNdXxpMe2https://t.co/yZ4Qz18CxX
9/19
2019
Can’t believe this is only 25 seconds. Is there a longer version? https://t.co/0cgDL0HM5U
9/18
2019
These are always brilliant. This is especially brilliant https://t.co/ElgrgL55Yh
9/17
2019
@DanielPCarter That’s terrifying. What are you painting?? @ThePoke “I think he’s died. Soulless eyes, clammy grip. Paramedic? No, it’s fine.” #Johnson #Juncker #pokechallenge @BBC6Music Even if we don’t know who the thieves are, I’m sure they’ll be flushed outI laughed at this. Then realised there’s more than likely* people who would agree with it *are https://t.co/J4eqHqVA1RBlimey, Cox was good last night. Visuals by DNEG, who did Interstellar and music by Orbital. Even with our rather o… https://t.co/7GwRvaJsfY
9/16
2019
Off to see Cox @RandyRainbow You rock. But please, you can keep Corden and do what you want with himThis is beautiful and disturbing. Why does it make me think slightly of @TheBabadook ? https://t.co/YlFUi01JQf @PrimordialRadio @DownloadFest It’ll be @RSprachrohr as they’re in Ireland around the same time. Love to see… https://t.co/WtG1rI9rpK
9/15
2019
@DMReporter Everywhere in space is elsewhere. Fuck nuggets @realDonaldTrump Oh, you stopped tweeting before telling us who. I’m mean, only people with the mental capacity of… https://t.co/LA0DSNC7yI
9/14
2019
@erocdrahs @ThePoke What the actual hell is an “influencer intelligence platform”?
9/10
2019

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