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Hyperlogical Cynic with idiotic romantic tendencies/sardonic Care Bear with a dull machete. he/him

895 Following   943 Followers   7,615 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/9/11

@HoganBCMJ You certainly are not. I blame the hormones they put in food somehow. @HoganBCMJ About every fourth time I check a new follower's feed on here I find a string of retweets of elderly men… @Bums01L I only have one cup. @Bums01L I'm good. You get better! @Bums01L Healing thoughts and gentle hugs handsome. @AStaticNomad @MrDBerger Oh, that is too long a list for 140 characters. @Firewalkerz @BaddestDaddest Yikes @FRafieyan He most definitely is over my bullshit. @charles_jensen @BaddestDaddest This also does not bode well. @3nx741 Yes, but only on my back. It will be very awkward. @charles_jensen Should I call someone?My dog rolls his eyes at me more than I'm comfortable with. @jbzksu 100% of this American already did!
@TeachToAmerica The sock game is on point. @DisneyDragon Literally me all week. @AStaticNomad @charles_jensen As with most problems, the answer is lube. @Dzghozt I haven't been called that in over a year. ☹️ @TotchosInABox So right.Corporate America is going to have to reckon with the fact that giving employees three or four weeks of vacation ea… @HoganBCMJ Imagine if human beings loved each other as much as dogs love us. @steveesbees @HoganBCMJ Speak for yourself @Str8WithChaser @DonthatetheK Shouldn't there be a comma in that tweet? @HoganBCMJ I finished Wedding Cake Championship on Discovery+ last night it autoplayed a show where they make life sized… @joshvam @bajarvis Hush you. 😘 @ottercandle Seconded! I hate it so much. @bajarvis I'm WAY more awkward in person.
@PrEPDaddy11 I support this position. @migratingartco @AStaticNomad I just don't like any attention paid to the day. @AStaticNomad E, H, K here @DatPPhan There is a lot of chocolate raspberry being bandied about on that show, so I'm kinda craving that combo.Post a picture where the sun is your filter. @lazzy_otter I worry Joan Rivers would have been REALLY disappointing in the age of Trump given the Celebrity Apprentice connection. @AStaticNomad @HoganBCMJ @DisneyDragon That rabbit is eating you. @JustJoshinYa16 Every Single Time @joshvam Snoring away on my lap. @joshvam You, sir, are the best! 😘 @Firewalkerz You're on. @PrEPDaddy11 I love finding soaps I haven't tried! @MrDBerger F*cking Star Trek with their f*cking teleportation technology getting our f*cking hopes up.Watching Wedding Cake Championship on Discovery+ ❌ I miss being married ❌ I need a husband ❌ I would like a wedding ✅ I want cake @charles_jensen I'm actually naked, just very pale. @charles_jensen
@DMacdha In fairness, there is another closet with a rack for boots and dress shoes. @KpTnd I almost bought those! If I'm not careful half my shoes will be pride themed. @sfleetucker Chucks have the best selection, but I actually think Vans are more comfortable. @charles_jensen Wear extra socks. I have spares. @charles_jensen 13 @AStaticNomad The toenail on my right index toe is four times as thick as my other toenails because I ripped it off… having one pair of shoes for six days was less than ideal. @GayNyc28 By we, I mean people. @GayNyc28 We are all terrible. @IKEAtkinson @sfmta_muni That mask though... @GayNyc28 It looks exhausting. @AStaticNomad I think it's all vanity. It's entirely possible they will discover something while investigating his… @AStaticNomad Anyone waiting for the tax returns to bring him down doesn't understand how the US tax code works. Ev… else are all the Lil Baby Can-o-biscuits gonna learn to hate themselves? Gotta start them young and make sure… @AlexWHarrison_ Was COVID blamed for his disappearance? @pup_champTDT Of course! @joshvam @cordialcunt It would be soooo confusing. @cordialcunt Me neither. @Official2Topher @MikeyMechaKoopa Nah, she knows she's a twat. @Official2Topher @MikeyMechaKoopa We come by it honest. @HoganBCMJ This staging of "Zorro, The Gay Blade" looks lit. @MikeyMechaKoopa My sister told me I look like a make a wish kid in a baseball cap and I haven't worn a hat since. @MattBukaty I don't either, but that's why I love it. If everyone where doing and thinking stuff I relate to I'd be so bored with it. @charles_jensen @DougDodsonENews Can this be accomplished through reconciliation? I guarantee I can tie it to the budget.
@joeydontbounce @TeachToAmerica Yes, but I responded first, so you get the first round. @TeachToAmerica Installing an upgrade. @LarryLifter If only my brain were that interesting. @joshvam No. He was completely unphased. I was the only one who panicked. @Official2Topher @tmazorlig He is. And he will eat ANYTHING. @tmazorlig Oh, that was actually better than usual. @KpTnd When he relieved himself it looked like he'd been infested. @tmazorlig He's fine. Serves him right for stealing food off the table.I was convinced Kevin was dying for about thirty seconds this morning until I remembered that he ate half an unatte… @pkrumpz Fire... I think fire will kill it. @Homeoffree61 I've had my feelings hurt on Amazon. Twitter is a horror show. @KJFreek I keep all the nonsense in the padding on the walls.If your mind was a room, what would it look like? @charles_jensen If only my powers could be used for good instead of evil. @charles_jensen Americans taking something that someone else invented, bastardizing it, and being outraged that any… Jamie || Big Jamie @HardmanCasey Well you're just ridiculously cute, aren't ya?
@AJamiePierce @CRShort81 @PrEPDaddy11 Same @HoganBCMJ @Muffin_Chips Yup @TeachToAmerica Might as well pray for world peace. @DWBrightman If one only walks in one direction. @OldFartRant We're in a long term committed relationship. @GayNyc28 Story of my life.After a week of YouTube workouts, free weight routines and uphill hiking that made new and interesting parts sore,… @treeix Same