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Writer for rent, talker for hire. I reserve the right to offend but I'll try to do it politely.

766 Following   15,198 Followers   48,723 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/3/08


What's cruel is thinking it's a dilemma. The fetish of ownership -- described as "custodianship" to make it sound b… https://t.co/Yf88baga2d"We reached out to God for a comment but hadn't heard back at the time of broadcast." https://t.co/bsFCdslQ85Good piece. And the Rushdie comparison is to the point I think. The fury is religious at essence. An auto-da-fé is… https://t.co/rhrzP8WjXj
9/20
2020
I simply can't understand why anyone would not take medical advice from these nice people protesting in Trafalgar S… https://t.co/k3hpSYH9yq
Retweeted by Tom SutcliffeYeah. Not finding this one much of a conundrum to be honest. https://t.co/ytnXj8BDxy @KnoxTony Guilty to the final charge. But innocent when it comes to the "cultural guru" thing.Let he who would not click on the video-link cast the first stone... https://t.co/bYzWUPzbAGReplace emojis with Marie Dressler now. https://t.co/EUMULVEKNs
Retweeted by Tom Sutcliffe“I want you to use my words against me. If there’s a Republican president in 2016 and a vacancy occurs in the last… https://t.co/Am9LgxqWLE
Retweeted by Tom Sutcliffe @DrMatthewSweet Bottom left corner is excellent. @HughSykes I do find myself wondering about the corporate names on the hi-vis jackets.Guys, we talked about this. Don't let the Honey Monster into the lab... https://t.co/qBPm7QSBk8 @IanDunt Didn't know whether you'd seen this. It seems germane to your reading project. https://t.co/c1fgFgkJKJ
9/19
2020
@CharlotteMende1 https://t.co/r7Qjt6bdjSMoonshot. https://t.co/eDIFjpSoNm @StuartMaconie Grit. @StuartMaconie Walking up Wetherlam and Great Carrs from Tilberthwaite. I was on my own on the hill for the first h… https://t.co/7JeXiXMj84“We have to, as a country, come together”, says Matt Hancock, explaining why new rules preventing people coming together may be necessary.
9/18
2020
@badgerlyminge One of those stunning autumn days. Started well and steadily got better. @RevRichardColes She’s not wearing it for YOU.Looking for someone to fill in as a Butlin’s Redcoat for a couple of weeks. Anyone know if Jacob Rees-Mogg is available for outside gigs? @olverine I haven’t. Name from my youth because they were always on the fixture list. I went to LRGS. @PipJGreen Tilberthwaite. Little valley just off the road to Coniston.It’s a sad story. Crew (7 Canadians,1 Scot) on a night navigation training exercise got hopelessly lost. Eventually… https://t.co/cp8dU4kUMkAlso came across this, on the saddle between Great Carrs and Grey Friar. I think the metal fragments are an underca… https://t.co/9p5SFfx81KI also found a brilliant venue for an outdoor, Covid-compliant production of The Tempest. (Some health and safety a… https://t.co/dgOVFoGMTdTruly the Switzerland of England. There’s even a Matterhorn. https://t.co/Mm4lKS0cf4It was a day and then some in the Lake District today. https://t.co/mfiTK1y6iG
9/17
2020
The rest of the world must really envy our Test and Trace system. I wonder why we don't export this world-beating k… https://t.co/fP4ABfEewR @Sue_Limb Quite right too.
9/15
2020
@wolvis031 Nice place to be in a heatwave though....Just designing 30 party invites for my 6yo’s birthday grouse shoot
Retweeted by Tom SutcliffeToussaint Louverture discovers that an Englishman's word is not necessarily his bond. https://t.co/wptV2OUZ5q @PipJGreen You never know...Signs of aging: Thinking "Actually that looks like quite a handy-sized box."
9/14
2020
@LevParikian Also. Careful. I understand that the price of 100,000 "likes" for a specific tweet is surprisingly reasonable. @LevParikian I can't be tamed.Yes. 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC https://t.co/H7axs6W081
9/13
2020
@wolvis031 Ha. Available for demolitions. I only require wood-fired pizzas in recompense. Are you in London? @badgerlyminge @cabformrsmutton She's fine with creative disruption... @robinlustig @Susan_Rae1 In the olden days, journalists were sent letters written in green ink and laughed about th… https://t.co/QqhW0UoUNr @badgerlyminge It became clear that rather than the shed holding up the ivy the ivy was holding up the shed.I may have exceeded my brief. But in order to save the shed it was necessary to destroy the shed. https://t.co/6v8IauK4SO @OldSussexStud @cabformrsmutton The shed is scheduled for demolition...I committed to cleaning out the garden shed before @cabformrsmutton went out. I wonder if a government lawyer could… https://t.co/1r99RqsGWz
9/12
2020
@Nowheria Thanks. I’ll listen. @Wildraar He was in Jordan Peele's Get Out. And he was fantastic in Steve McQueen's Widows. Steve McQueen to direct Toussaint I think... @Wildraar I think I'd go for Daniel Kaluuya actually. @Wildraar Yes. Coming out soon. It would make a wild movie. @badgerlyminge I think there is. I think I would have gone for A Louverture Overture.This is fascinating. Like all the best heroes he’s complicated. https://t.co/8qb4QlkFHCI can recommend these T-shirts. I bought one some time ago and it has not fallen apart yet. Experiments to determin… https://t.co/YVJwBTkTgW @lindasgrant @eggsbened Terry Rattigan. Tel to his really close friends. @robertcottrell I think he implicitly cedes ownership of what it is to be British with that phrase. Though it could… https://t.co/cKuelNdV6FI'm not embarrassed by my country. I'm embarrassed for my country.
9/11
2020
@LevParikian Hush. Be patient my army of Likers. I've told you before....you mustn't strike until he can see the end in sight.A book about what to say sarcastically over your shoulder as you leave a room after finding out that someone has bo… https://t.co/rVcQWpJEbb
Retweeted by Tom Sutcliffe @matthewcobb @don_hale Oh well done. Congratulations. @JohnReynlds You're welcome.I think Diana Rigg was our Joan Crawford or Bette Davis. All that power and hauteur, but mischief, too – and someho… https://t.co/RNboe20BII
Retweeted by Tom Sutcliffe @lindasgrant @john_self Ah. I missed that. I think it may have been during one of my brief periods of Twitter self-control. @covid_long I agree with you. It's something you should do for others. But this suggests something interesting abou… https://t.co/0EaAalrRwmWell this is very interesting. A suggestion that masks may increase the rate of asymptomatic infection. That is (if… https://t.co/xlBS4iWVkUI receive a warranty form for our new central heating filter which expires on August 27th 2030 and think "Well at l… https://t.co/AstKRIPGt2It was lovely to talk to Maggie O'Farrell just after she'd won the Women's Prize for Fiction last night. A really g… https://t.co/SFjAarQkbD @drinckx You just need to formalise this proposal, add some flow charts and graphics and there could be £20 million… https://t.co/RYV2QZMeGVHello! It's a really tough time to get into journalism, so I'm offering 6 x 1hr Zoom mentoring sessions for anyone… https://t.co/zPy5Y3zShA
Retweeted by Tom SutcliffeI see a lot of people are sceptical about the Prime Minister's £100 billion project to extract sunshine from cucumb… https://t.co/wcFirD0tRQ
9/10
2020
Somehow I think he’s going to weather the shock, don’t you? https://t.co/wGoCu1txpt @DrMatthewSweet Can it sing a bawdy sea-shanty though?On @BBCFrontRow tonight. As Sky Arts becomes a Freeview channel what does that mean for the BBC, and arts televisio… https://t.co/BCHkS0ZKJT @LoreleiKing Brava👏 @GillJThompson My wife would laugh like a cat at that description of me. But I do know that you need needlenose pliers for that job. @LoreleiKing Pliers I’m afraid. Needlenose if you have them.
9/9
2020
@carolyneaves @cabformrsmutton Our Research and Development department works VERY hard. @tug @cabformrsmutton Domestic Science. There is a Nobel for Domestic Science isn’t there? (Incidentally it works if you freeze them too)..@cabformrsmutton has discovered that leftover fish and chip shop chips make excellent oven chips and I’m wondering… https://t.co/2EqEyJhWSZ @frankcottrell_b @jonronson A modest act of human decency would definitely make some of them waver.I have fallen into Twitter sin (getting angry at things I see on Twitter). So here is a silly joke that made me whe… https://t.co/E54ck3RoVa @questingvole @jonathancoe It's readable. And great. I particularly like "invisible asperities". I once, as present… https://t.co/x9lQGElntc @jonronson I find it baffling* that his approval ratings ever get above 10% *Profoundly, world-view-changingly depressing.And if you @ me with "greater truth" arguments I will...tut loudly.If you hate liars you shouldn't lie about them. (The boat thing seems to me to be a political cartoon by photoshop,… https://t.co/QzDFVtdSLR @naomialderman I am in your debt. Which reminds me of this. Which I really enjoyed. You probably know most of this… https://t.co/VczlnJJ1cM @ibundle No. And I've deleted my tweet because I think I was overreacting. But I am very suspicious of calculations… https://t.co/Lx5vdqg01Z @naomialderman Yes. I can see that. As usual you are wiser than I am. Twitter. It taketh away. And, just very occasionally, it giveth. @naomialderman But why does the OECD do the calculation in the first place? What's the utility of that information… https://t.co/hhKoXJ4vHT @mermat @MarkUrban01 Oh. I see no smoke. @mermat @MarkUrban01 That's interesting. I guess plane and pilot might end up a surprisingly long way away from each other... @MarkUrban01 Does it seem odd that there's no smoke plume from whatever he came out of, even though he does a full 360 with the camera?WE ARE BAACK!!! https://t.co/n0lCwlvl2b
Retweeted by Tom Sutcliffe
9/8
2020
@HughSykes I think anything oily. Apparently it’s a squaddie trick. You don’t eat the wick. Obviously. @clenpen Can I suggest Wet Wipes: An Ontology of Cleansing, from University of Wichita Press. @covid_long I think he will have a plentiful supply of liquid on hand.Maquereau en boite flambé, a dish my son insists is absolutely delicious. Recipe: lay paper towel on mackerel until… https://t.co/8U3QiZry7m @NigelPClarkson It isn’t. But the discovery that work doesn’t have to be done that way might be potent. And some pe… https://t.co/tjyRGCVF9oI was going to suggest that somebody make this. But of course somebody already had. I *love* The Sopranos’ “Oh!”s.… https://t.co/edqFjNl79kSUCKERS "Dark, sharp, chic & very funny" (Christopher Fowler - Time Out) "A superb satirist" (Salman Rushdie) "En… https://t.co/b65EKoDNmw
Retweeted by Tom SutcliffeI’m just not sure that Perfidious Albion PLC really makes sense as an international trading brand.
9/7
2020
@NickVWright @eggsbened I suppose it’s conservative to want to restore the status quo. But I thought it was suppose… https://t.co/hv3lcEHT6o
9/6
2020

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