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Boston Comic and major stick in the mud.

768 Following   893 Followers   1,019 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/1/14


@crileyariver94 Haha I deactivated mine, not realizing that cancels the account too.
9/23
2020
Wish my dad was on Twitter for me to @ him. https://t.co/74yWSZIOUu
9/18
2020
Realized I always preferred Acid > mushrooms simply because I hate eating vegetables.Theis has the most spiritual ink for a dude with a crew cut .
9/16
2020
The intro music to my podcast is just gonna be me shaking my zoloft prescription like its a maraca.
9/14
2020
Pleased to see the empty crowds haven’t impacted my degenerate gambler friends one iota.
9/13
2020
@willnoonan @RichDembowski Just the ones with clinical depression.There are many bands you can blast driving with the windows rolled down. I just learned Tool is not one of them.Marcus Smart block reminding me of the PJ Brown jumper in 08.Jeff Van Gundy’s voice matches Nick Nurse’s shirt.
9/12
2020
Substituting insomnia for “winning the no-sleep challenge” so I seem more type-A to my coworkers. @LPizzle Crazy Joe is Pennywise levels of batshit
9/11
2020
I know, like I dropped acid in school , I totally get it. https://t.co/4YvU7Trt7bWonder what GG Allin's sanitary habits woulda been like throughout the pandemic. @JonathanTillson I've always been partial to "being carefree."
9/10
2020
@billyberue Shoulda been There Will be Bowling.
9/9
2020
@Rob_Greene Ever get high and watch the bonus feature of “Memento” where it’s played in chronological order?Yesterday during my set, a biker threatened to shoot me in the foot. So it’s good to know I’ve still got my charm up there.
9/6
2020
@Rob_Greene This Heat affection you’ve developed is troubling.
9/5
2020
So is there like an official Boylston St death pool yet?“You know what you’re gonna need after this pandemic? A live comedy show, it’ll be great for business.” “Sir, we… https://t.co/4jx94FOFCw
9/4
2020
Feeling bored, gonna see if there’s “Jake from State Farm” spin-off porn. @Rob_Greene @JonathanTillson Feels like this is the showdown for smartest RI comic.Haha sure I’ll join your 2020 fantasy football league. This is just a thinly veiled support group right?
9/2
2020
Marcus Smart’s 4th Quarter might be the highlight of this putrid fucking year. @Rob_Greene https://t.co/rUpvFEcPTCIf a BU student refuses to wear his mask on Comm Ave, then I’m ethically obligated to confiscate his skateboard.
9/1
2020
The closest I’m gonna get to the “beach experience” this summer is watching “Point Break” hammered for the 1,000th time.BRB, trying to locate their previous profile picture https://t.co/AwfySbhMD2
8/5
2020
I’ll be drinking Jameson at my brother’s zoom wedding at 10AM tomorrow. Show my family something about class.
8/3
2020
These frisbee players are really fucking with my drinking in the park vibe. @ItsJayWhittaker @AustinIsntFunny @coreyrodrigues @DanCrohn Ugh, it’s gonna be a long shortened season.Switched nicotine gum flavors from Cinnamon Swirl to Spearmint Burst and let me tell you, hating everyone/ everything never tasted so good.
8/1
2020
I miss seeing other comics bomb sometimes but watching Jim Jordan rn fills the void nicely.
7/31
2020
@Rob_Greene Tastes just like eating in the car when you’re running late to a show after work.Also just remembered many comics don’t read.A book club for comics but we just bash each other for our literary preferences.
7/30
2020
@HelloLetsDate HelloLetsDecayJust realized how many dead FB friends I still have so I’m gonna stay over here for a while.
7/28
2020
I can’t even watch this Mafia documentary without them corrupting the whole thing with a Giuliani interview.
7/27
2020
Just found an old drink ticket in my pocket and “Pictures Of You” by The Cure started playing.
7/21
2020
I’ve yelled at my phone many times, but calling my meditation app a “dipshit chode” was the most gratifying.It was for the children all along https://t.co/8skC4TkiYi
7/15
2020
Happy birthday Harrison Ford, most notably known for his 2 minutes in “Apocalypse Now.” https://t.co/uEQWO2qY3y
7/14
2020
@mayercomedy Clemens, and within a few years was my least favorite. @Rob_Greene And no blue check mark? Can’t this guy win anything?
7/11
2020
Without live shows I’ve been standing in the back of a liquor store with my arms folded, judging customers like “THATS what they’re buying?”
7/10
2020
bro how freaking insane would it be if henry rollins posted a picture of himself crossing his arms and wearing a ma… https://t.co/qZcKQS7ZM9
Retweeted by Chris Post @georgeciveris @ComedyCentral Sick set, very happy for ya George!
7/8
2020
@LPizzle Uncle Leo or Puddy
7/5
2020
@mrwillmartin Part 3 is fun on shrooms.please remember, “Independence Day” is a shitty movie EVERYDAYAmused that in this current climate comics can still hate each other for strong reasons like “I don’t like the cut of their jib.”
7/4
2020
Reminder: Phase 3 is Monday, the dawning of the “Masked Gym Selfie” era.
7/3
2020
@ChloeCunha Chloe that’s my mom.
7/2
2020
@mikerecine The Deer HunterOn the bright side, not wearing a mask is a way cheaper statement than getting a barbed wire tattoo.
7/1
2020
We’re moving today and the moving truck we rented has “A Moving Experience” written on it so I’m gonna return it because they use puns.
6/30
2020
I quit smoking, so I guess getting unfollowed by "All Lives Matter" people is my new Nicotine.
6/26
2020
@logieobie Wow I didn’t know he could sound dumber than David Lee Roth
6/23
2020
My vote for a Columbus statue replacement: https://t.co/QFSnjXqjED
6/16
2020
Need to get my first tattoo covered: A Celtic Knot. It was my way of saying "I'm too deep for a shamrock."to any white comics afraid to speak up about race, never fear: your dad will think you’re a pussy no matter what you decide to talk about
Retweeted by Chris Post
6/15
2020
Arrest the cops who killed Breonna Taylor https://t.co/KepM2TtIuF
6/7
2020
Wanna feel like I’m back in bars so I just ordered a dartboard I’ll never use.
5/25
2020
“You proposed during quarantine? I can’t believe you. Nothing is more important than the proposal.” -My twice div… https://t.co/qgGXivBzhi
5/24
2020
Just wrote a joke about gas being cheap, so I don’t deserve to drink tonight.
5/23
2020
For guys still sporting goatees, the masks are definitely an improvement.Buying some red solo cups to make drinking in my living room this weekend seem festive.
5/21
2020
Whoever coined that “We’re In This Together” bullshit was influenced by Olive Garden’s “When You’re Here You’re Family.”
5/20
2020
@andrew_durso Definitely the first clip I went to when I heard.
5/16
2020
Short on mixers so I combined green tea with bourbon and I’m feeling zen af while I yell at the tv @MrSeanSullivan Nolan v Ventura is always a good time.I'll be starting an insomnia web series and will be looking for guests! I thought of this on ambien, nothing could go wrong!
5/15
2020
@Rob_Greene And put a doc on the 94-95 Rockets that week instead
5/13
2020
People posting Jerry Stiller “King Of Queens” clips over “Seinfeld” clips are the same people who prefer the Metallica Black Album.
5/11
2020
Got a random friend request from like a 70 y/o white guy with 1 mutual friend. Figured it was a townie comic but i… https://t.co/OqwPXRle7m
5/6
2020
Gonna start making chess pieces from empty edibles containers. They’re all gonna be castles. https://t.co/0i0cJlRIZt
5/5
2020
If comedy won’t be back this summer I may as well invest in some shorts.Drizly using a Grizzly Bear as their logo has me in a moral conundrum between my love of drinking and my disdain for wordplay.Was gonna say this is great weather for acid but I spent my first spring trip watching “Labyrinth” in a dark room s… https://t.co/Noky5Rl2lj
5/3
2020
Thank you all for not posting your Zoom /IG show calendars.Gonna blame my sluggishness not on depression, but on my allergies that I just invented.Working on new Zoom Excuses cuz I’m running out of dead relatives. Here’s what I’ve got: 1. I’m sick of you. 2. I don’t feel like it.Saw some dude meditating in the park w/ out a facemask and I wish I had the confidence to be delusional on that many levels.
5/2
2020
Psyched that I have family that find ways to "storm out" of Zoom.Happy that my mail-delivered Zoloft isn’t sent through Amazon.
5/1
2020
Great, now I’m at a point where I like former Duke athletes. https://t.co/P9o2nxZrCG
4/25
2020
@Rob_Greene Haha he smokes Marlboro Lights what a loser.
4/24
2020
Thank you @iamrohancoolguy for making me tank a half day of work pondering my 4 no-skip albums. Nominating… https://t.co/EKlDafSIi9
4/22
2020
@andrew_durso @katierose @tveite @Zackazumpazoo @RachelMComedy “Diary” is flawless and knocks “Blizzard” into another galaxy
4/21
2020
@Buck Sports are cancelled and he finally says something awesome.
4/18
2020
Mostly looking forward to judging everyone's new shitty tats commemorating how they "grew as a person" throughout this.Really hoping the steroid users are hangin in there right now.
4/17
2020
@willnoonan Wow, purples a spring color?Got a text from my Dad that just said “Happy Passover.”, so I’m glad to see some family traditions can still carry on.
4/8
2020
It’ll be ok. I can still chew nicorette while wearing a mask.Tonight I'm gonna pound some IPAs while I alphabetize my vinyl, and then I'll rank everything unlikable about this sentence.
4/6
2020
Really enjoying car commercials right now. I’ve already forgotten how to drive.Missing all human contact, even the elbowing at mics when the list goes out.
4/5
2020

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