Sign in with Twitter


"You write “stuff” about aliens and zombies. What the hell would you know about literature?" -Malcolm Knight, ex-merchant banker. Buy my anthology here:

774 Following   1,298 Followers   49,036 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/18/11

@daniel_barker Just finished watching State of Play where there's a Labour government and the conspiracy is that an… thread is art. @_ElizabethMay Honestly unsure if my faux pas here was putting IN SPACE on something that's already in space, or no… @_ElizabethMay 2001: A Space Odyssey.... IN yeah this checks out. @Beardynoise Not sure heterosexuality is an excuse for what is essentially the ultimate in posh wanks.You know refusing to the sign the pledge isn't "not getting involved" right? @mangmangmang Too soon.Britain. Where even the liberal centre can't manage a better defence of migrants than, "who else is gonna wipe my a…
Retweeted by Chris FarnellI am reminded of this comic today. “You’re not Punk, you’re a nice craft beer from Waitrose.”
Retweeted by Chris FarnellThe more I think about this thread that seems to be very popular in White TTRPG Twitter, the more upsetting it is.…
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @twl_corinthian @NickPopovich @gshowitt Yeah, not going to lie. I've wondered about that guy a lot.ME: I'd like to access the greatest repository of information in the known universe plz MY PHONE: actually the inte…
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @AnarchoShanties @BootsMcGoot The second boomer wave is still contingent on us surviving the first one. @TheJPBradley I mean obviously you pass Fleetwood Mac - The Chain, but you're on your way to Imagine Dragons.If Youtube is your work playlist and it runs out it starts putting its own ideas in until somehow you end up listen… @AnarchoShanties @BootsMcGoot I vote we start recycling. The kids in school now are the Interbellum generation (Bet… when asked to name the generation after gen Z (which we need to do bc come on guys we zoomers are already…
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @sevenhelz @Brainmage Honestly, Greggs wasn't really a thing I was aware of until my early twenties. And for the la… @sevenhelz @Brainmage In a similar sort of way to McDonalds, it's less about the quality of the food itself than th…'s so many youtube videos on game lore that ask "where did these giant skeleton bones come from???" and the se…
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @JamesHunt @Beardynoise (or maybe you were raised in the simulation. Either way) @JamesHunt @Beardynoise Okay, your identical twin who was raised from birth in a virtual reality simulation that in… @menysnoweballes @EwaSR The phrase is "Economically Active". Because when you're caring for your children, buying t… @EwaSR I was feeling all smug after realising this year my income crossed the "skilled worker" threshold. But I'm s… @Brainmage It's cheap, warm and filling, and well distributed enough that if you're living anywhere in a city there… is incredible.
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @uncriticalsimon Then I'd have to read it on a laptop or phone, and what's the point in that?Got paid today and bought two new ebooks. Now I just need to find my kindle... @AlexWattsEsq You're so easy Alex.Meanwhile, David Tennant convinces a priest-in-crisis not to abandon his faith. "How can I ever thank you?" he crie… Folds and Jeremy Irons should get together and start a dry cleaning business. They could call it Ben and Jerry's.
Retweeted by Chris FarnellJust think, if we'd voted for Corbyn than everyone would have a Greggs black card. it an open call? I need a job.
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @CJBrake That's the game! @CJBrake The past year's seen a bit of a leap (fortunately, with Sprog 2 arriving) but most of that's extremely dul… @stavvers They managed in death what they could not do in life- getting to the top of their own Google results.The computer scientist responsible for cut, copy, and paste, has passed away @robpalkwriter @BattleSphaira Is this like when they embed one of your tweets in a story and now you have to change… @robpalkwriter "Give up. We know you aren't Merve Sminsky, mild mannered government clerk at the Kremlin, but actua… @robpalkwriter "Daddy, can we go to Disney Land? My childhood is flying by so fast and these are the most precious… @ragbonehair Nobody who sets up a Madagasgar 3 stan account has any peers, Lizard Queen. @JoshBLevesque @Brainmage @alyankovic Brb, got to go give my partner a nude serenade. @ragbonehair That's not what your @WeStanAfroCircusMarty alt account says.There's Madagascar 3 nostalgia now so I'm migrating my Twitter account over to an I Love the 90s group on Facebook and staying there.
@ghost_girl13 @Cavalorn In fairness, I'm currently actually playing a ton of Rage 2. @Cavalorn Why don't you want to live in this desert wasteland scattered with settlements built from scrap metal and… partner, meanwhile, works with children in early years education with additional needs. This requires many hours… again, on one year I might be a skilled worker, but also have some large business-related expenses, which woul… course, these things fluctuate and it's entirely possible next year I'll be unskilled again.Weirdly enough, despite not changing my job at all, but just by taking on a couple of extra clients and one of my e… wrote a thing about the long history of #DoctorWho fans not liking Doctor Who very much.
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @Garcian_Smith They are beautiful. All of them.I know, I know, it's more *Batman*, but a stop-motion animated adaptation of As Arkham Asylum A Serious House on Se…
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @Garcian_Smith Firstly, this is a brilliant idea. Secondly it's reminded me of this so it's even better. I talk about my "White identity" people automatically think I'm racist just because only racists ever do that.Is it worth just flooding this? "Do you feel you can't talk about it? Why?" Well because I live in a mostly white a… @AvoidedDrowning Welcome to the clubhouse- sorry it's so dark and we don't have anything to drink. Power companies… don't know who needs to hear this, but whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? I'm…
Retweeted by Chris FarnellThe only low-skilled work is being a landlord, frankly
Retweeted by Chris Farnell"Holy crap, you've got a ton of deadlines. You'd better get to work right away." @MHarrison90 I don't think there was anyway Walken wasn't going to be in this, so yes.This will launch the new DC cinematic universe, closely followed by an all-star cast, Pulp Fiction-esque, feature-l… is the perfect opportunity for me to say again: An adaptation of What's So Funny About Truth, Justice and the… THEY WERE ROOMMATES (oh my god)
Retweeted by Chris Farnell"Economically inactive" is such a stupid and dangerous phrase. The idea that if you don't have an income or you are… @AlexWattsEsq The Man of March hasn't crossed me. Yet. Also, y'know, my birthday's then so he's probably fine. *St… @AlexWattsEsq He deserves everything he is getting. Believe me. @AlexWattsEsq I'm going to taze his face. @AlexWattsEsq I'm going to kick February man in the balls and hit him over the head with a toaster. Not because I w… invoice that should have come in today that should have been paid last Friday that should have been paid the Fr…'t buy the mail, sure. But also don't click on these stories. Clicking is a far more private act so it doesn't h…
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @scattermoon @Kosmogrrrl @MediocreDave Also that not "having an income" or "producing economic value"=Not being par… @scattermoon @Kosmogrrrl @MediocreDave Whoah. This is the first time I've heard this phrase and it spine has just t… WHO WATCHED STRANGER THINGS: What did you guys call the upside down?
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @lowbeyonder I mean, obviously they're items of some cultural significance, that Britain stole and should give back… worst thing is I think I might have discovered this before. Which means that this brief moment of lucidity may…'ve just googled the Elgin marbles. I thought they were literal marbles. Just, really, posh, expensive marbles, ma… @AlexWattsEsq Yes.Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend Friend: wow thanks. I'm rich! Robin [narrows eyes]: you’re what
Retweeted by Chris FarnellLRTs- little offering up to the payroll gods in my time of need there.PAY YOUR FREELANCERS THEY ARE PEOPLE NOT BUSINESSES THEY HAVE TO EAT
Retweeted by Chris FarnellI’m just a freelancer, standing refreshing my mobile banking app, asking for my invoices to get paid
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @jolantru @Annaleen Wait til you see the Klingon's in this. They're all really short.
@MikeBrooks668 @WaterstonesUxbr @DaveJProbert @Yayeahyeah @LeeAHarris Nah, too obvious. Bring her in to play a Whit… @WaterstonesUxbr @DaveJProbert @Yayeahyeah @LeeAHarris @MikeBrooks668 Okay, Steve Carrel would also do a good job. @WaterstonesUxbr @DaveJProbert @Yayeahyeah @LeeAHarris @MikeBrooks668 Not necessarily saying you're wrong, but my point stands. @WaterstonesUxbr @DaveJProbert @Yayeahyeah @LeeAHarris @MikeBrooks668 See, this why you don't let your social media bod post drunk.sometimes people are like "this tweet is a cry for help" listen bro every tweet is a cry for help, just having an a…
Retweeted by Chris FarnellA spokesman from the British Museum said, “This is the one thing we didn’t want to happen”
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @Yayeahyeah @LeeAHarris @DaveJProbert @MikeBrooks668 I like that @WaterstonesUxbr is showing they have an opinion on this. @RoxanneJaneway @GR_Morgan @S_Mittermeier @SpychalaM @MeineckeLisa To a lesser extent, Dougal Dixon's After Man and… @RoxanneJaneway @GR_Morgan @S_Mittermeier @SpychalaM @MeineckeLisa Was talking about this last week and Expedition…, about that Word document you're about to send someone for work purposes? I just wanted to let you know, you do… @HSouthwellFE @motomatters As someone with a 9yo who's away tonight and an invoice that won't clear until tomorrow…’t click the ‘inside #CarolineFlack ‘s flat’ story. Not even to bring it on here to batter it. Do. Not. Click. I…
Retweeted by Chris FarnellFor his birthday I bought Voltaire to the future, let him read the Internet and asked him to tweet. He wrote "I disagree with what you say."
Retweeted by Chris Farnell @GfonzGreg @DaveJProbert The Two Doctors Redux @GfonzGreg @DaveJProbert I've been shouting Nina Sosanya for years, but that's not left-field as much as what they should actually do. @DaveJProbert I mean, moving her from Russian Doll to Doctor Who, all you'd really need to change is the smoking, d… @LeeAHarris @DaveJProbert @MikeBrooks668 That is a fair distinction. In fact, Dwayne in the role would also be good.